Terrible Secret

dmv_b

I’m keeping a terrible secret that I wish I never knew. I work in a very small office with my boss, my boss’s wife, and a few reception staff. My boss recently decided to take on a new girl in her 20’s (let’s call her K),to work for us temporarily. This girl would have previously spent time in our office on college placement, so we all knew her already. I get on well enough with her in theory, but had heard a few things which suggested she was a bit of a man eater/of questionable trustworthiness.

My boss’s wife was away with the kids for a few weeks recently, and he started going out drinking a lot more than normal, as he often does anyway when she’s away. However on more than a few of these nights out, he invited K, and there was a good few times when they stayed out as late as4/4.30am, even on work nights. He never mentioned this to any of us in the office, but she was less discreet and happily told me and the other office staff about all of their nights out, and how hung over she was, blah blah blah. She even openly told us that a couple of nights she and him went back to his house for a couple of drinks at the end of the night, alone. The rest of us were pretty shocked, but took it on face value and assumed that was the extent of it, just innocent drinks.

Then a few days ago, K told me she was stuck for somewhere to stay for a few nights, and asked if she could stay in my spare room for a few nights. I know she is in the middle of looking for accommodation of her own nearby and that it would be temporary, so I told her she could. On her 2ndnight in my house, I was woken up at 3.30am by voices downstairs. To my shock and complete horror, my boss and her were downstairs, in MY house, and it soon became VERY clear that they were more than just friends. They slept together in my living room. I felt at first mortified by what I was overhearing, then sick, then extremely angry. Luckily he soon left, but I was so shaken by the whole thing that I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, K acted completely guilt-free like nothing had happened. I haven’t actually met my boss properly since, but dread doing so. I doubt that either of them know I overheard them. I did however tell Kthat I needed my spare room for the weekend, and could she sort out somewhere else to stay for a while.

Now, to make things worse, I found out that she is now staying IN MY BOSSES HOUSE – with his wife and kids!!! It makes me sick to think that she is there, being friendly to his wife, who has no idea that K is sleeping with her husband behind her back. To make it doubly worse, my boss has announced that he’s taking her on permanently, rather than the temporary position she was originally being given. One of our permanent staff is losing their job over this.

The whole thing leaves me in a terrible position, as I’m theonly person who knows what’s going on, and also because of the fact that I now work in a very cosy office with what is basically my boss, his wife, and his bloody mistress!! I have no idea what to do, and am thinking of handing in my notice. It all makes me very sad as I have enjoyed working here up until now. I feel like I don’t have much other choice…… the whole thing has left me upset, and bloody angry. What should I do? What can I do? Part of me feels like calling my boss tonight and handing in my notice, as the thought of facing into work tomorrow is making me sick.
:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
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Catphish

Do not under any circumstances hand in your notice. That is your job, and it is not your fault that your boss and this woman are having an affair. Why should you leave??

I think they had some bloody cheek having sex in your house. I can't understand why you didn't just barge in and tell them to get the hell out of your house, I would have. If they want to have their sordid little affair they can take it else where. I don't know what to tell you here, I'd hate to be in your position. Have you any reason to believe they might have open marriage or that they might only be sticking together for the children? If this isn't the case I think I'd go speak to him. Tell him you know, you heard them and you don't appreciate the fact that they had sex in your home. It was wrong for them to involve you in their sick little secret at all.

To be honest with you, I wouldn't have let her stay in my home. She was spending a very inappropriate amount of time with someone elses husband.

Meller

I think you have a definite moral obligation to tell his wife. I know that puts you in a difficult position, but imagine being in her one! You have to tell her.

I know that people will tell you 'noone will thank you for it, stay quiet', but you have to at least try. If his wife calls you a troublemaker and chooses to go into denial, that's not your problem- you did everything you could.

The behaviour of your boss is absolutely disgusting! It's good that you mention considering handing in your notice- do you really want to work in that environment, spending time with these people?! I know it pays the bills but really some things are more important, who wants to be surrounded by that kind of dishonesty, especially in a 'cosy' workplace!!! It just sounds too deceitful and disgusting to be facing on a daily basis!

ABajaninCork

Meller wrote: »

I think you have a definite moral obligation to tell his wife. I know that puts you in a difficult position, but imagine being in her one! You have to tell her.

I know that people will tell you 'noone will thank you for it, stay quiet', but you have to at least try. If his wife calls you a troublemaker and chooses to go into denial, that's not your problem- you did everything you could.

The behaviour of your boss is absolutely disgusting! It's good that you mention considering handing in your notice- do you really want to work in that environment, spending time with these people?! I know it pays the bills but really some things are more important, who wants to be surrounded by that kind of dishonesty, especially in a 'cosy' workplace!!! It just sounds too deceitful and disgusting to be facing on a daily basis!

I wouldn't. If you tell his wife, then Meller's right. But not for the reasons s/he gave. NO-ONE will thank you for it. And there's a very good chance you'll lose your job and possibly get a bad/no reference.

If it's such a small office, and your boss and his big-mouthed idiot bit on the side aren't being particularly discreet, chances are news will get back to his wife anyway. An idiot like your boss will foul his nest soon enough. All you have to do is wait.

I would look around for another position ASAP. But DO NOT walk until you get one. Either way, I can't see this ending well, especially if it gets out the pair of them did the nasty in your gaff.

I wouldn't be spending any kind of time with either of them any more. Do what you have to do and leg it.

dmv_b

Catphish wrote: »

Do not under any circumstances hand in your notice. That is your job, and it is not your fault that your boss and this woman are having an affair. Why should you leave??

Thanks for your reply. The reason I feel like leaving isn't that they've pushed me out, but more that I really don't think I'm going to enjoy working there any more...being in such close proximity with them while knowing what's happening, and having to work with his wife too. And also just the fact that I've really lost respect for my boss over all this. Apart from everything else, I'm working miles from where my friends and family all live, and also from my boyfriend. All of this has left me pretty frustrated and alone; if I'm not at the very least enjoying my job here, then I don't see any point in living around here at all.

Catphish wrote: »

To be honest with you, I wouldn't have let her stay in my home. She was spending a very inappropriate amount of time with someone elses husband.

Yeah, from my description above it might look obvious what was going to happen, but without giving too much away about my job, it involves night time work, so a lot of the time they went out it was for '1 or 2' after they both finished a night shift. We would all do it from time to time, it's just that it happened to be happening a bit more often in the last few weeks. It really was a huge shock for me to find out what was something going on....and especially that they would have the cheek to do it in MY house!!! :eek:

Catphish wrote: »

I think I'd go speak to him. Tell him you know, you heard them and you don't appreciate the fact that they had sex in your home. It was wrong for them to involve you in their sick little secret at all. .

I think if and when I do hand in my notice, I'll let him know what I know. Although I'm partially afraid of what his reaction might be. This afair, if it got out, would not only jeapordise his marriage and his access to his children, but also as his wife owns half the business, it would directly threaten that too. So he has a lot to lose, and he could react PRETTY BADLY if he feels threatened/realises that I know. I have NO intention of using it as a weapon/blackmailing him - I dont think it's my place to do anything like that at all - but if he's afraid that I might, he could react pretty badly....
At the same time, I'm pretty disgusted with him and if I do leave, I want it to be clear that this whole sordid affair is directly why I'm leaving.

I'm just confused about what to do or think I suppose... but i appreciate all input!

dmv_b

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I wouldn't. If you tell his wife, then Meller's right. But not for the reasons s/he gave. NO-ONE will thank you for it. And there's a very good chance you'll lose your job and possibly get a bad/no reference.

If it's such a small office, and your boss and his big-mouthed idiot bit on the side aren't being particularly discreet, chances are news will get back to his wife anyway. An idiot like your boss will foul his nest soon enough. All you have to do is wait.

I would look around for another position ASAP. But DO NOT walk until you get one. Either way, I can't see this ending well, especially if it gets out the pair of them did the nasty in your gaff.

I wouldn't be spending any kind of time with either of them any more. Do what you have to do and leg it.

This is EXACTLY what I'm currently feeling about the situation. All of it - about not telling his wife, about it all coming out soon anyway, and about looking for another job.
Although I do feel horribly sorry for his wife, I don't really think it's my place to interfere, I would feel responsible in a stupid way for being the one to effectively end both his marriage and his business - even though obviously it wouldn't really be my fault, but I would feel that way. I think it's pretty likely that the two of them will get caught out themselves pretty soon anyway.
I will be handing out CV's tomorrow!

dmv_b

Meller wrote: »

I think you have a definite moral obligation to tell his wife. I know that puts you in a difficult position, but imagine being in her one! You have to tell her.

I do feel very sorry for her. If I was ever in her position, I would be totally sick with anger. She doesn't deserve this. And if I was close with her personally, I would weigh up telling her. But knowing her the way I do, I would not be very comfortable speaking to her about this. I actually think it could backfire in a major way. I work in a fairly small and specialised field. If I got a reputation as a troublemaker, I would be unemployable.
Whereas if I leave right now, as is, I know I would get a very good reference (which I actually deserve - I've worked very, very hard for the last few years!!). Sad as the whole thing is, I have to have some consideration for not ruining my own career as well.

Not to mention the fact that I think he's idiotic enough that he will get caught out pretty soon without my help, anyway!

Catphish

dmv_b wrote: »

I think if and when I do hand in my notice, I'll let him know what I know. Although I'm partially afraid of what his reaction might be. This afair, if it got out, would not only jeapordise his marriage and his access to his children, but also as his wife owns half the business, it would directly threaten that too. So he has a lot to lose,

And it would be all of his own doing! you shouldn't feel bad for the guy, he has thrown caution to the wind for an absolute bitch of a work colleague. That is all she is, she knows full well he's married and has the gall to trot around the place in front of his wife, telling all and sundry that she was out all night with this womans husband. To hell with what he'll lose, and with any luck she'll lose her job into the bargain.

and he could react PRETTY BADLY if he feels threatened/realises that I know. I have NO intention of using it as a weapon/blackmailing him - I dont think it's my place to do anything like that at all - but if he's afraid that I might, he could react pretty badly....
At the same time, I'm pretty disgusted with him and if I do leave, I want it to be clear that this whole sordid affair is directly why I'm leaving.

I'm just confused about what to do or think I suppose... but i appreciate all input!

Okay, I know I said earlier to hang onto your job, and I still stand by that. But do you think you could look for other work considering the other factors you mentioned? As the saying goes, it's always easier to find work while in a job. I'd keep my eyes open for something, and I'd bite my tongue until then. On my last day I'd ask the wife if she'd meet you for a cuppa somewhere, saying you wouldn't ask unless it was very important. Then I'd tell her. Let her make the decision after that what she wants to do.

CaraMay

What a horrendous position to be in. Tbh is call in sick for a few days to get some space from them and then what would I do? Nothing!!! Would you find another job easily enough because you eill lose your job if you do anything.

They are brung very indiscreet so they will be found out...

Stavro Mueller

I think you should say nothing but start looking for another job straight away. It is easier to get a job when you're already working so I hope something nearer to home will come up soon. You're in a thankless position now and you need to get out of there as soon as you possibly can. You're in a thankless position now. Depending on how things go, you're potentially going to have big problems whether you open your mouth or stay nothing.

ElleEm

OP, I feel so bad for you. I was in a similar situation when the manager of a supermarket I worked in started fooling around with a colleague. I would watch the colleague be so friendly with his wife when she came in to do her shopping- it honestly made me sick, but I could easily avoid them all due to the number of staff who worked there. You unfortunatly don't have that luxury.

How have you been with K since? If I was in your position, I would tell her what you know. I would distance myself from her completely and only speak to her about work matters- tell her this too. So what if the rest of the office notice! The cold shoulder will hopefully guilt her into leaving. She is the one in the wrong here- not you! Obviously, the office will never have the same atmosphere again, so if you want to continue looking for work, do, but it is K who should leave.

You could leave yourself open for serious trouble if you tell the wife. You have already said that your boss was shoving someone out of a permanent position to make room for K, so it doesn't seem like he is that bothered by proper protocols. He could start seeing "problems in your work" and find a reason to sack you.

Even though there are two of them in it, K holds nothing over you. You should be making it clear to her that you are unimpressed with her behaviour, and don't want anything to do with her.

dmv_b

ElleEm wrote: »

How have you been with K since? If I was in your position, I would tell her what you know. I would distance myself from her completely and only speak to her about work matters- tell her this too. So what if the rest of the office notice! The cold shoulder will hopefully guilt her into leaving. She is the one in the wrong here- not you! Obviously, the office will never have the same atmosphere again, so if you want to continue looking for work, do, but it is K who should leave.
...
Even though there are two of them in it, K holds nothing over you. You should be making it clear to her that you are unimpressed with her behaviour, and don't want anything to do with her.

I agree with you actually, and I would love to let her know what I think of her, but there are one or two problems.

Firstly, that I actually think she wouldn't care less if she thought I knew. I've had to interact with her a couple of times since, and she has admitted nothing. She's acted completely guilt free. You can imagine how brazen she is that she is actually staying in our bosses' house right now, with his wife and kids, without so much as a second thought. I think if I confronted her, her attitude would be 'so what?'. I'm starting to realise exactly what type of person she is.

As well as that, I'm actually very wary of letting her know how much I know because I think she would find a way of dropping me in it. Her and our boss are thick as thieves right now and I'm sure whatever I tell her will get straight back to him, so I'll be very slow about telling her anything to be honest. It could end badly for me.

I'm sure at the end of the day that she would also have no trouble in dropping my boss in it, if he ever tries to end things, or if things get messy. I really think he's made a very stupid choice in getting involved with her, I can't understand at all what he's thinking in making her permanent in the midst of all this.

For my part, I think I will act professional with her, talk to her at work
when I have to, but get out of there as soon as I can.

CaraMay

Say nothing to her as the dirty ho will hang you out to dry.

You have to look after yourself and your future here. Keep your head down until you get a new job and then Leave the sorry mess behind you and don't look back.

dmv_b

Can I just say, thanks to everyone for your advice. I was in a terrible mess earlier, bawling on the phone to my friends back at home, too afraid to say anything to anyone up here. It was a lonely position to be in. Talking to you all has helped me to clear my head and gather my thoughts. Any further advice/opinions are of course welcome as well. I've just sent a CV in for another job, just part time but it would get me out of here. Fingers crossed! Thanks guys.

Neyite

I agree that K is a loose cannon, and I think that she would be more than capable of letting boss and wife know that you knew all along. Which is damaging for you. It may be portrayed that you were complicit when you were anything but.

First priority is to secure other employment. Then, when you do, I still don't think that you should let boss know what you know. You may need that reference/ network link long after you change employment.

If you feel that the wife deserves to know (after you have moved on), you could send her an anonymous email or letter down the line, and let her look for the evidence herself. And by not telling the boss or K that you know, they wouldn't suspect that you were the sender.

fungun

do you have a HR rep at all in there? if you have a contractor that your company use for HR issues then id consider talking to her as a permanent employee is losing her job and K is being employed.
You will be able to talk to them in confidence and they can tell your boss that the situation leaves him open to being sued...that way the message gets across that people know and are not happy.

dmv_b

fungun wrote: »

do you have a HR rep at all in there? if you have a contractor that your company use forHR issues then id consider talking to her as a permanent employee is losing her job and K is being employed.
You will be able to talk to them in confidence and they can tell your boss that the situation leaves him open to being sued...that way the message gets across that people know and are not happy.

No, we are a very small business, no sort of HR or anyone in charge other than the boss. The guy that is losing his job is not here that long himself and is a quiet, almost painfully shy type of guy actually, very unlikely to make any sort of fuss. He may be having a lucky escape though, all things considered.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, I simply cannot understand why you are making a meal of this. It is none of your business and you should stay out of it.

You are not the moral police and the only thing you can object to is that this girl brought someone back to stay in your house while being a guest.

ABajaninCork

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Op, I simply cannot understand why you are making a meal of this. It is none of your business and you should stay out of it.

You are not the moral police and the only thing you can object to is that this girl brought someone back to stay in your house while being a guest.

Are you serious? Let me recap for you...

Boss has small business. He brings in a young lady who first of all temped, then was made permanent at the expense of a permanent team member.

Young lady claims she has nowhere to stay. OP lets her stay in her house. YL brings someone over and knocks them off. Not just any person, mark you. THEIR BOSS! Who just happens to be married. His wife is co-owner of the business and is well-known to the OP. At the very least, this is unprofessional behaviour by all. Surely, you must see that and the repercussions of that behaviour? Especially, as K (the young lady involved) isn't exactly discreet...

OP is feeling uncomfortable with the situation. She has been placed in an awkward position and is now having to look for alternative employment to take herself out of the situation. Not to mention fast explanations when the boss wife finds out (which she will). Through no fault of her own.

And you think she's making a meal of it?

dr ro

does your boss know it was your house he was in with her. Do you know for definite he and his wife are still together.
Any way the outgoing employee could be subtly informed of the situation. He's losing his job over this affair. Maybe it should be up to him to expose things.

dmv_b

dr ro wrote: »

does your boss know it was your house he was in with her. Do you know for definite he and his wife are still together.
Any way the outgoing employee could be subtly informed of the situation. He's losing his job over this affair. Maybe it should be up to him to expose things.

Yup, he knows very well that it was my house. And he and his wife are still together, still living together, still working together. I think if she had a sniff of anything going on, she'd be out of there straight away. As for the guy who's leaving, he'd be too quiet to raise a fuss, even if he knew what was going on. Although as I said earlier, he might be better off getting out now... I've been there a few years and I'm only realising what kind of guy my boss really is now, unfortunately.

LegacyUser

Your boss has some nerve.
I would say nothing to K about what she is doing as she will go and tell him.
From what you have told us it is only a matter of time before his wife finds out what is happening.

I would take a 2 days holidays off from work and go to a few recruitment agencies.
I would use a sick day for any interviews that you may have.

Do not leave your job until you have another job to go to.

Good Luck with your new job hunt.

fungun

Just be careful. You do see situations where the wife half-knows but doesnt want to know. Then if you butt in and blow it all wide open, suddenly you are the object of their hate even though it shouldnt be you and you get painted as a 'whistleblower' and 'family wrecker' even though its clearly his behaviour that has caused all this.

Also I am assuming you actually saw them 'in flagrante' - anything less and they could come up with some form of excuse which the wife might cling to and again, you get painted as the bad guy. Does your boss know you know?

One approach could be to send your boss a email (copying yourself in a non-work account so you have the evidence) stating your discomfort with the fact that you know he is sleeping with a girl, who is now getting a job while someone else is being let go. State you are concerned about employment law and the company being sued and having to close down.

ABajaninCork

Bossman is as cheap as chips. He couldn't even be arsed to get a hotel room for his tart. He used the OP's home! Not only that, he's now apparently moved her into HIS home!! I am SO hoping he'll be caught soon...

OP - The advice to take a couple of days leave is a good one. It'll clear your head and give you the opportunity to get your CV together and start hawking it round. I hope you'll get something soon.

The very best of luck to you.

LegacyUser

fungun wrote: »

State you are concerned about employment law and the company being sued and having to close down.

OP has said her colleague, the young guy, has been there for only a short while. If he's there for less than a year he has no rights and can be let go at any time for any reason...which includes being replaced by his boss's mistress. The only exception to this if anti-discrimination laws have been breached.

Often times when people are having affairs the longer it goes on the more cocky and confident they become, they don't believe they will get and will let the guard down. By moving his mistress into his home it sounds like that stage has already been reached and no doubt the affair will continue under his roof. Awful analogy I know but as they say give someone enough rope etc. So you may not need to do anything OP. The truth might emerge sooner than you think.

kat.mac

OP, as you've said yourself, your boss will more than likely get caught with his pants down all by himself. I see no moral obligation on your part to tell his wife. An awful shock to the system for you all the same, I can understand your reaction totally.

Look after your own interests here! In order of priority: get other job, remove yourself from messy situation, look back and laugh.

Dark Phoenix

wow sounds like your boss and K deserve each other. :eek: They had some neck having sex at your house thats unbelieveable.

Anyway, I think you need to protect yourself here. Take a step back and only deal with K on work terms. Same for your boss. if his wife is not an idiot and not having an affair of her own she will figure this out soon as it sounds like K is not exactly subtle. Once the sh*t hits the fan it is best for you if you do not tell either of them that you overheard them at your house. If no one knows you know about it then you are not at risk of the wife getting at you for knowing and not telling or of K trying to drop you in it or the boss trying to bribe your silence.

I can understand you wanting to leave but do not sacrifice yourself for this. Apply for jobs but don't leave until you have something new. You have done no wrong and the easiest thing here is distance yourself from the pair of them and the situation and just go into work, do your work and get home after.

Emme

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Op, I simply cannot understand why you are making a meal of this. It is none of your business and you should stay out of it.

You are not the moral police and the only thing you can object to is that this girl brought someone back to stay in your house while being a guest.

OP, I would say nothing. If you feel very strongly about the situation look for another job, preferably in a big company where people interact with the boss in a more formal manner.

You say she has moved into your boss's house and his wife is still there. Maybe he has separated from his wife and is keeping quiet about it while they stay under the same roof and live separate lives. Maybe they have an open marriage and an arrangement with K and that's why she moved into their house. You don't know what's going on. None of us knows exactly what goes on behind other people's doors.

Stay out of it.

Focus on your work while you're still the employee of this man, and look for another job if his personal life bothers you. I admit it was low of him to sleep with her in your house so you might be as well off working for somebody else.

Lollipops23

The neck of them to have (fairly obvious) sex in your place :eek:

It'd be one thing if they'd at least tried to be discreet about it. Are you 100% sure they really did?

Honestly, hard as it is I'd just brazen it out as much as I could. There's no way K doesn't know you know ffs. It was a horrible, horrible position they're after putting you in.

Remember, you've done nothing wrong here-you're completely innocent. Just try to stay as professional as possible (limit contact to work-related stuff).

dmv_b

Hey all, OP here. With more time to think and to calm down a bit, I think that I am better off keeping my head down in the short term and saying nothing at all, as some of you have suggested. Even though part of me (a bitter part of me!) would love to make my boss squirm by telling him I know!! But ultimately it wouldn't achieve anything, and anyway he'll create his own downfall in the end. I mean one of these days,the happy little affair is going to end, and I can't see that going well for him ... Meanwhile I will keep out of their radar as much as I can, and leave when the opportunity arises. As long as my sanity holds together that long!! :-P

Catphish

dmv_b wrote: »

Hey all, OP here. With more time to think and to calm down a bit, I think that I am better off keeping my head down in the short term and saying nothing at all, as some of you have suggested. Even though part of me (a bitter part of me!) would love to make my boss squirm by telling him I know!! But ultimately it wouldn't achieve anything, and anyway he'll create his own downfall in the end. I mean one of these days,the happy little affair is going to end, and I can't see that going well for him ... Meanwhile I will keep out of their radar as much as I can, and leave when the opportunity arises. As long as my sanity holds together that long!! :-P

I wouldn't just wait for an opportunity to leave for another job, I'd actively seek it. Lets put it this way, even if you do keep your head down and say nothing, well that bubble is going to burst anyway isn't it? That sorry excuse of a man has thrown caution to the wind, and as others have said, it's only a matter of time when he's found out. That could have an effect on the business and the people that work for them. It's not like it's a larger company and this kind of crap behaviour gets dealt with and hushed, this is going to effect everyone because it's a family business. It's a ticking time bomb.