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Messy relationship

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  • 16-04-2013 10:57am
    #1
    kingofslaves
    Closed Accounts Posts: 393 ✭✭


    Ok bare with me this'll be a long one !
    I met a lovely lady at the end of last year and we got on great. Her husband had been a bit of a lazy fecker and also had been to thai massage parlours, so she ended the relationship. He stayed in the house but in another room while he waited to be made redundant. He said when he got his redundancy he'd find a place and move out. I knew this would happen and he found a place in the new year. I've been staying the odd night and have been supporting her while she went to the hospital for some medical tests.

    Anyway her ex has been told his redundancy payment is going to be a hell of a lot less than they said originally due to him not being taxed correctly, but that's not the problem. She has been told the SWO won't pay her any form of benefit, he has to support her 'until every penny of redundancy has dried up' (CWO's words) Now she is unable to work due to medical reasons, she has 4 children (7 boy,10 girl,18 boy,22 boy) and has to pay rent etc. She is now saying she's going to have to have him move back in just because she can't afford to pay the bills on her own.

    Obviously this creates problems for me as I can't really carry on our relationship. I am also on disabilty and as they are still married - but separated, I don't think I could live with her and claim for us both as a couple. Maybe someone can clarify ? I'm renting a room so there's no way she can live with me (we'd need at least 4 bedrooms as the girl needs her own room)

    The things I'd like to know is was the CWO right telling them she can't get benefit ? (he can get dole even though he has been paid redundancy) the rent officer told her to apply for rent allowance, so why is the CWO saying she won't get it ? she's sent off the medical card forms as well as disability allowance. Is there any way we can claim as a couple even though she's still married ?

    We've done so much crying and soul searching the last couple of days it's starting to take it's toll. I want to carry on our relationship, but she says it can't happen. She said she's going to have to have him move back in which she doesn't want. So anyone give us any advice ?
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    #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    You might get a better and more informed response over on the State Benefits forum?

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=861


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    #3
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    He needs to stay out of the house if they're not a couple. She cannot be assessed properly until he is ruled out of the picture. Surely if she goes to her social welfare officer and explains he doesn't pay her anything, she has no income of her own, that he will put her on a supplementary payment to get her by temporarily. The sw are reluctant to help anyone at the moment, and would much rather see the money come out of his pocket than from them. Is the ex claiming for the family? If this is the case then she needs to tell them to split her payment from him, as he is no longer a resident in their home and they have split up. She is entitled to support, and given that she seems to have medical issues she should apply for her part of the payment to be from disability also.


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    #4
    kingofslaves
    Closed Accounts Posts: 393 ✭✭kingofslaves


    Hi Catphish, well afaik the SWO said to her 'what's his number ? I'll ring him now, he's part of this claim' Then yesturday the same one said to him 'you have to support your ex until the money runs out' she said to her 'I'm not even going to give you the forms until hi money dries up' Surely they can't expect him to support her & kids and pay his own bills if they are separated ? I think he's only claiming for himself.


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    #5
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    kingofslaves wrote: »
    Hi Catphish, well afaik the SWO said to her 'what's his number ? I'll ring him now, he's part of this claim' Then yesturday the same one said to him 'you have to support your ex until the money runs out' she said to her 'I'm not even going to give you the forms until hi money dries up' Surely they can't expect him to support her & kids and pay his own bills if they are separated ? I think he's only claiming for himself.
    Generally speaking, yes they do. Depending on the particular situation, who is working, who is on sw etc., and what assets and property are involved. Even if he hadn't got the redundancy coming to him he might be asked to pay his wife a small portion of his sw, again depending on other elements.

    I don't think she is explaining herself well enough. She cannot be expected to live on nothing with children. I can't understand why they are refusing her payment, but will pay him in spite of the fact that the redundancy is due to go to him. You should get her to verify that he isn't claiming money for her and the family. She should be entitled to split her payment away from his, and for dependants under 18. Something isn't quite right about it, and I fear her lack of understanding of her entitlements isn't helping matters.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Catphish wrote: »
    Generally speaking, yes they do. Depending on the particular situation, who is working, who is on sw etc., and what assets and property are involved. Even if he hadn't got the redundancy coming to him he might be asked to pay his wife a small portion of his sw, again depending on other elements.

    I don't think she is explaining herself well enough. She cannot be expected to live on nothing with children. I can't understand why they are refusing her payment, but will pay him in spite of the fact that the redundancy is due to go to him. You should get her to verify that he isn't claiming money for her and the family. She should be entitled to split her payment away from his, and for dependants under 18. Something isn't quite right about it, and I fear her lack of understanding of her entitlements isn't helping matters.

    tbh I find the whole story that he hasn't been taxed correctly a bit convenient and would definitely bevpursuing it by whatever means I could to validate this. employers are pretty good at applying the correct tax rates these days and in any event he should have official paperwork from revenue backing up his claim.


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    #7
    kingofslaves
    Closed Accounts Posts: 393 ✭✭kingofslaves


    hello pppppp wrote: »
    tbh I find the whole story that he hasn't been taxed correctly a bit convenient and would definitely bevpursuing it by whatever means I could to validate this. employers are pretty good at applying the correct tax rates these days and in any event he should have official paperwork from revenue backing up his claim.

    Well I don't know the exact details, but basically although his ex employer (a well known newspaper
    The Sun
    ) has probably the best accountants and lawyers they still apparently managed to charge him the wrong amount of tax for the last 6 years. Basically his original payment was going to be about E80,000 (E50,000 after tax) but now it's about E50,000 (E30,000 after tax) I would imagine he could try contesting it, but that would cost money and I'm sure they would find a way to wriggle out of it. Even if he did win I'd also guess they'd drag thier heels paying it.


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    #8
    ANXIOUS
    Registered Users Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭ANXIOUS


    What the poster was implying was that the husband is pocketing the cash.


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    #9
    IHeartShoes
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭IHeartShoes


    Your friend should visit her local Citizens Information Service for accurate advice as she has a number of options here.

    If they are living separately and are separated then the CWO should not assess them as a couple and the redundancy will not affect her (otherwise it would affect entitlement). The CWO can insist all they want about the husband supporting them and he should pay some maintenance, but she is entitled to make an application in her own right, if they are living apart. The CWO cannot refuse to accept her application or refuse her an application form. Neither can he/she force them to move back in together to avoid a claim from him/her. She could claim basic payment from CWO until she is separated 3 months after which time she could apply for One Parent Family Payment.

    You could move in with her and claim for her and the children. It doesn't matter that she is legally married. Social Welfare/Community Welfare only care who she is cohabiting with, if anyone. That said, I am not sure I would be making this leap to ease her way through the social welfare system:)

    Good luck. Hope it works out for all concerned.


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