Progess (contains rant)

mr.anonymous

"No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step."
- Author Unknown

I have noticed a worrying trend in the threads in this forum. I posted my own tale of depression and loneliness in August last year, and since then there have been 65 similar threads in 8 months to today.

The threads are written by lonely people, mainly gay or bi, mostly young.

Despite the tone of this post, I do not mean it to sound depressing, but rather have it invite some tales of progress from people.

Every day for the last months I've been thinking about the horrifying idea of telling my parents I'm gay - their only son, only child, the only one who can carry the family name on.

On the other hand, I came out to a friend 3 weeks after writing a thread on this forum. I could not have done it without the advice from people on this forum, so I know ye are capable of reassuring and inspiring.

Where were you last year? What has changed since then?

Do you think the above quote is true? Is there always more to do? Is this struggle ever really over?

It's always helpful to hear other people's stories.

(Any excuse to use a cat meme aswell.)

Ash885

I haven't told anyone yet but I still think I've made a huge leap in coming to terms with this whole thing in my own head. I'm beginning to accept myself! Compared to last year, I was too busy with everything and anything so that I didn't have to deal about confronting these issues. Friends and family were all hooking up, marriages etc. and I couldn't deal with this very well, got me down. Oh how a lot has changed now!

Now I feel I'm far more confident in my own skin! A large part of it was joining on here and chatting to a few people in similar situations. And also realising that life and love isn't a ticking time bomb and there's no immediate rush to sort through this stuff.

I've realised a lot of my own worries and anxiety were untrue. You don't have to be a gay man, you can just be a man who happens to be gay. Took me a long time to learn that it's only a very small part of an overal picture and that it adds to my character, not detracts from it.

God, I've still got a marathon to go but to think on how I was a short time ago to now, it's uplifting. I think I've finally found acceptance within myself and that's progress enough for me at the moment Suppose you could say I'm building the foundations for the overall telling of people!

TheGilch13

One year ago I wasn't out to anybody. One year on I have told a few close friends (allbeit I was drunk at the time but they didn't tell anybody so it was all cool :pac:). I even told my sister and one of my brothers about it!

I still haven't told my parents or the rest of my family or classmates but having got the first few people out of the way really gave me more confidence. Taking the first step was difficult but once it is done you will feel better and not so down all the time. Because I didn't mean to tell my friends I got really worried about it but after a while I realised that their opinion of me didn't change and it wasn't such a big deal after all :rolleyes:.

Taking the first step is undoubtedly the hardest thing one will ever have to do but from my experience it was worth it and I'm glad that I can look back at myself from last year and say "I've come a long way".

Norderburse

This is a little bit like our own "It Gets Better", isn't it?

And it does get better. I'm not sure I can agree with the quote in the OP, and that's because of what Ash885 said about self-acceptance. I accept myself, just as I am, and I'm the only person that really needs to. That step caused a lot of the rest of the difficulty to fall away for me; I really don't care if my sexuality is a problem for someone, it's just one component of what makes me 'me'.

Granted, I'm in my mid-thirties and "out" many years now, but I couldn't not read this thread and row in with a bit of support. I'm not sure the 14 or 15 year old me could ever have imagined being this OK, but it really does get better with time.

Clandestine

I've only told one person whom I no longer hang around with that I'm bi, and I don't see myself telling my folks anytime soon. They are both pretty damn religious, and I know it would hurt them if I told them even if they say otherwise. I don't care about that aspect, moreso about how I may be treated differently by them as a result. When I go to college at the end of the year I'll probably be more open about myself, e.g telling more people I know, joining a college lgbt society etc.

I've never had any issues with who I am, I think being bi is a blessing in a way haha.

bikeman1

Even though I have been out fully for nearly two years and to some people for 6 years (when I was 18, 24 now), the last year has seen me come out to my work colleagues which was before Christmas.

Also at a family function, my mother told my gran aunt who is in her 80s and extremely religious. I was of the opinion that she never needed to know because it may be too much for her. Without knowing my mam had told her, she came over to me and said, let me see your boyfriend! ! I couldn't believe it! All went well and she was thrilled that I was comfortable with who I am. Not what I was expecting in the slightest.

So even if you think someone is from an older generation, from the country and very religious like my gran aunt. They deserve some credit that they may be able to accept you for being gay.

Happy Friday everyone!

Aurongroove

I more or less chartered my "outing" online,
I'm at a stage now where I might be just about to meet my first serious guy.

which I hereby call the "fingers crossed" stage.

BanzaiBk

Ten years ago I thought it was a huge deal that I was gay and I didn't know what I was going to do. If I had known that ten years later everyone in my family would know, my friends would know, even my work colleagues would know...I would have worried a lot less and I would have done a lot of things differently. It's not easy and some of us have easier obstacles to overcome than others but most of us will get there in the end.

gwjones42

It's coming up on a year since told my family...and nearly two since I came around to accepting it myself (thanks in no small part to having this forum to spill the beans on!).

Life has changed for the better in loads of ways......the most important of which is that I'm no longer alone. I have a great boyfriend. I actually talk to my friends and look forward to doing things with them and my family know me so much better. The loneliness and hopelessness have gone:).

I do kind of feel that all those years I spent hiding from the truth have left me more than a little pre-disposed towards worrying now and I still sometimes find myself wanting to be on my own, but all things considered, the balance is much healthier now.

It was the scariest and best thing I've ever done.

mr.anonymous

Great to read all the replies.

I can definitely relate to having a tendancy to worrying, and still feel the loneliness sometimes.

Although, I only came out to one friend only 8 months ago, it feels like it was years back because it was such a big leap forward. I think back to the very shy lad I was in school, couldn't even speak up around the people in my class, and I can't believe the change in myself in the last 2 years.

Coming out to one friend was the first step. Now I look forward to the future more. I wonder where will I be this time next year. I'm finished my second year in college this week and have a 6 month internship in a great company to look forward to. Feeling optimistic like never before.

Things getting better now have made me realise how fúcked up everything was for me back then!

I always say that I think the internet is a great resource for people in my situation and similar. I was reading posts on this forum for about 2 years before I posted myself. Never thought I'd be able to write about coming out or my first kiss with a lad!

I think all those years did some damage to me, but I'm slowly gaining confidence and making good friends in college. God, we should be locked up with some of the conversations we have! :P But it's so important to have people like that in your life - stupid jokes and things that no one else would find funny to remember and laugh at!


Thanks for the replies, everyone

Cosmic Maybe

A year ago I was completely in the closet, one year on I'm still there but I'd like to think that I've put my foot outside the door. I have made progress though. Firstly, I've finally accepted in my own head that I'm gay and I think I'm on the verge of telling my family and friends. I even got myself all psyched up to tell them at the weekend but lost my nerve at the last minute. I've realised that there's always going to be something going on that I could use as an excuse not to tell them but the simple fact is that I'm just going to have to grow a pair and come out with it.

I definitely feel that I have the confidence to do it, well almost:rolleyes:. To a large degree its down to these forumns. Before I joined this in January I wouldn't have thought much about being gay and religion, people using words like fag, marriage equality etc, etc but as I've interacted with people on here all this stuff has been going round and round in my head and is literally bursting to come out.

Another big thing for me was the meetup. It was great to meet up with lads in a similar position and I even went to my first gay night club (technically, it was my second but the first was in Belfast and everybody was too drunk to realise until the bus home the next day that we'd gone to a gay bar ). With all that, hopefully, this time 6 months, let alone next year, the inside of the closet will be a distant memory.

bitburger

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056923302

well this is my thread, guess theres no need to hide who i am anymore, not that anyone here knows me :pac:

well this week for the first time when sober I said the words "im gay" out loud and to a cousin who i am close with, the plan was another drunken mess of a coming out but she quit drink recently so i just said **** it ill do it the next time i see her on her own, i knew i would probabaly back out aswell so i told her in advance i had some good news and just as i was going to forget about it i was asked my news.

well i just out and said it then, so much easier than i thought but i was terrified, shaking for a good 5 minutes after, it was great though and we had a big chat about it

definitely somthing quiet signifigant to me.