Strange One Night Stand Stories

shopaholic01

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Go to any club in Dublin and you'll get a different impression.

Don't know why you added in the 'ie for women'. Men can be just as full of shit, you don't need to go to a Dublin club to find examples in either gender.

Robot_Carl

fullstop wrote: »

Being ugly. Sheesh

I'm not ugly. Just 38, short (5'8.7 morning height, 5'7.9 night) and bald (though I have a good head shape, which SHOULD make up for it). I'm attracted to attractive younger (16-26) women, who, in Ireland are pushers of HEIGHTISM and AGISM.

Robot_Carl

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Don't know why you added in the 'ie for women'. Men can be just as full of shit, you don't need to go to a Dublin club to find examples in either gender.

You misunderstood the joke. I was suggesting that MANY Irish women act like they don't poop.

shopaholic01

Robot_Carl wrote: »

I'm not ugly, in fact I'm fairly handsome. Just 38, short (5'8.7 morning height, 5'7.9 night) and bald (though I have a good head shape, which SHOULD make up for it). I'm attracted to attractive younger (16-26) women, who, in Ireland are pushers of HEIGHTISM and AGISM.

Obsessed much? BTW, you're not short.

Most 16 year olds won't be interested in a 38 year old. You might be older than their fathers!


You won't see many 38 year old women with 16 year olds either. They're obviously just as ageist.

shopaholic01

Robot_Carl wrote: »

You misunderstood the joke. I was suggesting that Irish women act like they don't poop.

:rolleyes:

Robot_Carl

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Obsessed much? BTW, you're not short.

Most 16 year olds won't be interested in a 38 year old. You might be older than their fathers!


You won't see many 38 year old women with 16 year olds either. They're obviously just as ageist.

When I was 18 I could have any women I wanted, god help males in their 20s nowadays.

Robot_Carl

shopaholic01 wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Sorry I meant MANY Irish women act that way, not all.

shopaholic01

Robot_Carl wrote: »

When I was 18 I could have any women I wanted, god help males in their 20s nowadays.

They obviously don't have a nicely shaped head.

1ZRed

Rimming isn't the same as tongue fuking. To be clear

shopaholic01

1ZRed wrote: »

Rimming isn't the same as tongue fuking. To be clear

I had to edit a previous post because I said that, then I googled it and apparently it can include it.

This is the second night we've had the same thought - fools seldom differ, eh?

Robot_Carl

To contribute properly to the thread:

I once had a one night stand with a girl I met at a club, let's call her Melanie. She took me back to her place and straight to bed. Plastered, I started going at her from behind, but promptly realized I needed a piss. I stumbled into the bathroom and back out again, eager to get me ride on once more. Plopped me Johnson into her and went 90 as a lamb fleeing from a lion but in a sexual motion. To my horror, I realized I'd entered the wrong room! It was her ma, unwittingly taking me Johnson like no Johnson had ever been taken before!

Awkward situation for all involved, I assure you.

LittleFox

Robot_Carl wrote: »

I'm not ugly. Just 38, short (5'8.7 morning height, 5'7.9 night) and bald (though I have a good head shape, which SHOULD make up for it). I'm attracted to attractive younger (16-26) women, who, in Ireland are pushers of HEIGHTISM and AGISM.

Would reccomend changing the age to 17-26 unless you like jailbait.

1ZRed

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I had to edit a previous post because I said that, then I googled it and apparently it can include it.

This is the second night we've had the same thought - fools seldom differ, eh?

Prefer great minds think alike but ok, sounds more accurate

Well I'm aware it can be both but I always seperate them because I like to make to boundaries clear. It's only my lad that gets to pass the threshold!

fullstop

Robot_Carl wrote: »

To contribute properly to the thread:

I once had a one night stand with a girl I met at a club, let's call her Melanie. She took me back to her place and straight to bed. Plastered, I started going at her from behind, but promptly realized I needed a piss. I stumbled into the bathroom and back out again, eager to get me ride on once more. Plopped me Johnson into her and went 90 as a lamb fleeing from a lion but in a sexual motion. To my horror, I realized I'd entered the wrong room! It was her ma, unwittingly taking me Johnson like no Johnson had ever been taken before!

Awkward situation for all involved, I assure you.

So her ma happened to be on all fours in a different room?

Robot_Carl

fullstop wrote: »

So her ma happened to be on all fours in a different room?

No, she was lying on her back. I had assumed she had simply switched to another position.

Ya see, some of us NON-homosexuals can actually do more than one position, unlike you's.

Ihatecuddles-old

Robot_Carl wrote: »

No, she was lying on her back. I had assumed she had simply switched to another position.

Ya see, some of us NON-homosexuals can actually do more than one position, unlike you's.

Go to bed Carl, you've school in the morning.

fullstop

Robot_Carl wrote: »

No, she was lying on her back. I had assumed she had simply switched to another position.

Ya see, some of us NON-homosexuals can actually do more than one position, unlike you's.

Oh you're trying to insinuate I'm a homosexual now. Aren't you the clever little boy It's strange that she happened to be naked also...and presumably wet that you could just slip in. But sure what would I know, eh :rolleyes:

token101

syklops wrote: »

On the reg(redge)

Underage in a Russian accent?

I read this out loud in work (complete with Russian accent) and now I look like a spastic.

gingernut125

fullstop wrote: »

Oh you're trying to insinuate I'm a homosexual now. Aren't you the clever little boy It's strange that she happened to be naked also...and presumably wet that you could just slip in. But sure what would I know, eh :rolleyes:

It also sounds pretty much like he raped the women

Robot_Carl

fullstop wrote: »

Oh you're trying to insinuate I'm a homosexual now. Aren't you the clever little boy It's strange that she happened to be naked also...and presumably wet that you could just slip in. But sure what would I know, eh :rolleyes:

It was a cold night. I had assumed she had put on pyjamas for the brief interval simply to keep warm, and I promptly tore them off and shoved it in.

Those of us who's sex doesn't solely involve male anuses know that a vagina is available to be penetrated at any given moment, that it needs to be wet is a myth.

wonderfulname

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Ya see, some of us NON-homosexuals can actually do more than one position, unlike you's.

News to me... Why would you insinuate someone was gay? Does it discomfort you?

Robot_Carl

gingernut125 wrote: »

It also sounds pretty much like he raped the women

:rolleyes:

Don't tell me you're going and pulling the "all men are rapists" tripe.

fullstop

Robot_Carl wrote: »

It was a cold night. I had assumed she had put on pyjamas for the brief interval simply to keep warm, and I promptly tore them off and shoved it in.

Those of us who's sex doesn't solely involve male anuses know that a vagina is available to be penetrated at any given moment, that it needs to be wet is a myth.

Obvious troll is obvious :rolleyes:

And if you believe your last paragraph, you obviously have a tiny cock...which I suppose is no surprise. Don't worry it'll grow when you hit puberty

wonderfulname

Robot_Carl wrote: »

It was a cold night. I had assumed she had put on pyjamas for the brief interval simply to keep warm, and I promptly tore them off and shoved it in.

Those of us who's sex doesn't solely involve male anuses know that a vagina is available to be penetrated at any given moment, that it needs to be wet is a myth.

You sound very rapey now, you should give up.

1ZRed

Robot_Carl wrote: »

No, she was lying on her back. I had assumed she had simply switched to another position.

Ya see, some of us NON-homosexuals can actually do more than one position, unlike you's.

Oh dude I think you've got a hard life ahead of you

Robot_Carl

wonderfulname wrote: »

News to me... Why would you insinuate someone was gay? Does it discomfort you?

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

Pete M.

Robot_Carl wrote: »

It was a cold night. I had assumed she had put on pyjamas for the brief interval simply to keep warm, and I promptly tore them off and shoved it in.

Those of us who's sex doesn't solely involve male anuses know that a vagina is available to be penetrated at any given moment, that it needs to be wet is a myth.

Myth bust much?

c-ya...

Ihatecuddles-old

Robot_Carl wrote: »

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

Oh wow.

gingernut125

Robot_Carl wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Don't tell me you're going and pulling the "all men are rapists" tripe.

Your either a rapest or a liar, choose

fullstop

gingernut125 wrote: »

Your either a rapest or a liar, choose

What will God say

Robot_Carl

fullstop wrote: »

Obvious troll is obvious :rolleyes:

And if you believe your last paragraph, you obviously have a tiny cock...which I suppose is no surprise. Don't worry it'll grow when you hit puberty

My penis dimensions are as follows: 3.2 flaccid length, 2.0 flaccid girth; 5.4 erect length, 4.6 erect girth. So no, I'm not small, in fact I'm perfectly average. And I'm 38.

Robot_Carl

gingernut125 wrote: »

Your either a rapest or a liar, choose

I'll choose rapest since that's not a real word.

By the way you're a gafrent. Two can play this game.

Ihatecuddles-old

Robot_Carl wrote: »

My penis dimensions are as follows: 3.2 flaccid length, 2.0 flaccid girth; 5.4 erect length, 4.6 erect girth. So no, I'm not small, in fact I'm perfectly average. And I'm 38.

Sounds a bit small to me.

IceFjoem

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Those of us who's sex doesn't solely involve male anuses know that a vagina is available to be penetrated at any given moment, that it needs to be wet is a myth.

I dub thee; Carl Slippydick

SouthTippBass

Less of the troll feeding and more of the dirty bums and bloody fanny stories please! This thread has potential.

1ZRed

Robot_Carl wrote: »

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

Use a condom and don't forget to lube up you two

Robot_Carl

1ZRed wrote: »

Use a condom and don't forget to lube up you two

Not possible. God and Me are the same person.

Fr_Fitzexactly

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Sounds a bit small to me.

There's a 2" internet bonus to go with that

fasttalkerchat

Robot_Carl wrote: »

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

You believe in God. Your argument is invalid.

Ihatecuddles-old

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Not possible. God and Me are the same person.

Go back 2 crazy steps and we can all pretend you're serious again.

fullstop

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Sounds a bit small to me.

Stop, you'll hurt his feelings. Don't destroy his confidence before he's even had sex

Boombastic

Robot_Carl wrote: »

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

Any Links to show the population of the world is a 50:50 male:female split?

1ZRed

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Not possible. God and Me are the same person.

I've seen people fuk themselves. If you were so godly so could you

Micky Dolenz

Robot_Carl wrote: »

God created one woman for every man. Homosexuals fall short of the glory of God and therefore are not worthy to join Him and Me in heaven one day.

Banned.

For all the other nonsense as well.

mickgotsick

Robot_Carl wrote: »

Not possible. God and Me are the same person.

If you're God, why would you give yourself such a small penis?

token101

Went back with a girl one night who had a kid. Wasn't really a one night stand because we ended up going out for a little bit, but after the first night there I'd ended up slipping on those Micro Machine yokes and falling down the stairs the next morning. Thought I'd broken my wrist so she drove me to the hospital.

Mr.Plough

Once I got hammered drunk and pulled this absolute horrible looking yoke and ended up back in her gaff. About 15 mins into it I knew there was no chance of me sustaining a horn for this beast so I kept my hand over my nuts with my middle finger erect and pretended my middle finger was my penis. I was thrusting and moaning, the whole job. She obviously knew though and was just like "wtf are you doing?". Pretty embarrassing so I just left.

Another time I pulled this American girl who was hot, and wanted to take her back but she was travelling with her really weird friend, who was equally as weird looking. After unsuccessfully trying to get the weird one her hole, and then getting caught riding in a toilet cubicle (classy) by a bouncer, I brought the two of them back to my apartment.

I offered the weird one a drink and told her to sit down in the living room (she declined and opted to just stand in the middle of the room with the tv off), and brought my girl into the bedroom. She tells me that she thinks her weird friend is a lesbian and in love with her. I'm like that's cool and in the middle of sex the weirdo bursts into the bedroom going mental. They get into a full on fight while I'm lying there in the nip. Weird one legs it and it takes me an hour to stop the other one crying before putting her in a taxi. When I come back up to my apartment the weird one had taken a knife to all the cushions on the couch and armchair. Sickener

cherryghost

I distinctly remember a ONS from years back. It was halloween night and I was dressed up as character from an anime show, large long cape and blue+yellow top and trousers. Anywho got talking to a girl in the nightclub and one thing led to another, we ended up back at her place. After we did the business she told me she was working early the next morning and going home for the weekend, 'grand' I thought. So I thought.

Next morning came and the head was throbbing, realized I fell asleep with the cape and socks still on. She was gone to work already so I thought I'd leave quickly. Grabbed the phone and went outside to the bathroom across the hall. Back out across to the room and didn't the door lock from the inside! At this point I realized my pants and top was on the other side. Got the phone and made a call to a friend with a car. Battery died before I could tell her where I was. So I went outside with nothing but a cape wrapped around myself in my socks, walking like a penguin trying to keep myself covered.

Luckily I was in Athlone at the time and I only stood out in the freezing cold for about a half hour :P

kjl

I was once in The Palace back in the day and this girl come up to me and says, "you smell like cock". We ended up having sex. I was living with my parents at the time so didn't have a place to bring her. So I went into the grounds of my old school and f&*ked he on the front steps.

I got her number, but I never called her.

ArnoldJRimmer

When I was about 19, a cousin of a friend of mine came to visit for a Saturday night out. She seemed to be a sweet, 'butter wouldn't melt' country girl. Anyway, that illusion was quickly shattered in the nightclub, and before I knew it, we were heading back to my mates place. Once everyone else in the house went to bed, we had the living room to ourselves.

Thats when she produced a pretty nasty looking whip. Fair enough, sure what harm. The fcuked up part was the extent to which she insisted I whip her arse, and before long it became obvious that there was only going to be one person getting any sexual gratification out of the evening. Bit of a mood killer when she started sobbing for instance. Well for me anyway

Anyway, woke up the next morning, and politely declined her offer of going to mass with her before she headed back to the country