Do you have a family member who is ashamed of you?

rox5

I have a sister who I think is ashamed of me and I even heard from a friend that she says to people that she is not related to me.

Fair enough, I am eccentric so I was not the sister most people would want, but I had my own personal problems (think I might have depression) that might have made me act out in a certain way. But I like to think I am different now, and it's not as if I caused her to be an outcast because of me, she still has friends and now a boyfriend and a lot of people who talk to her and like her, more than I have had. But she still does not like me, at home she is fine with me but in public like on nights out she is very distant and barely talks to me. Same thing applies to my mother sometimes, because I remember she acted very distant towards me when she had friends over, but she never says that she is not related to me.

I suppose in all honesty I don't really blame my sister, but at the same time it still hurts a little.

Does anyone here have a relative who they think is ashamed of them as well, and if so I do you deal with it?


Sorry, I don't use boards.ie too often so I still don't know all the forums and I could find anything related to personal issues, so if a moderator could move this to the appropiate forum, I will be very happy, thank you.

Peetrik

I'm sure everyone in AH will be quick to console you and make you feel better about yourself

AnonoBoy

I don't think any of them are ashamed of me.


Mind you if I knew where they lived and any of them talked to me any more I might be able to confirm or deny it.

looking_around

yeah, this isn't the forum for support, probably better in personal issues.

But yes, my uncle and grandfather is ashamed of my mother and have tied that shame on to me. ~shrugs~ . Their choice and isn't my problem

PlainP

Why would you agree with your sister? What have you done to make them ashamed of you?

Ush1

My oul fella thinks all of his kids are idiots, then again, he thinks everyone except him is an idiot.

michael.dublin

who needs enemies when you have family like that.

who knows you might be better off, not speaking to them then you are out, real friends/family stand by you no matter what

I Heart Internet

Sounds like you should talk to someone (a professional and/or your sister and mother) about this. It may be just your perception. A lot of people act totally different around other people.

Teyla Emmagan

Mine are all mad about me. Shure why wouldn't they be?

juicyduckie

On a serious note I'm adopted and quite outgoing and yes, sometimes my sister gets awkward in public at nights out we're both attending for example. She tells me I'm embarrassing and she hates being known as 'JuicyDuckie's Little Sister'. I just laugh it off, because I know at the ened of the day I'm there for her and she always comes to me when she needs advice or help eventually. You can't help what she feels so I would advise to try to not let it get you down...

Not a standard AH response but there you go.

eviltwin

rox5 wrote: »

I have a sister who I think is ashamed of me and I even heard from a friend that she says to people that she is not related to me.

Fair enough, I am eccentric so I was not the sister most people would want, but I had my own personal problems (think I might have depression) that might have made me act out in a certain way. But I like to think I am different now, and it's not as if I caused her to be an outcast because of me, she still has friends and now a boyfriend and a lot of people who talk to her and like her, more than I have had. But she still does not like me, at home she is fine with me but in public like on nights out she is very distant and barely talks to me. Same thing applies to my mother sometimes, because I remember she acted very distant towards me when she had friends over, but she never says that she is not related to me.

I suppose in all honesty I don't really blame my sister, but at the same time it still hurts a little.

Does anyone here have a relative who they think is ashamed of them as well, and if so I do you deal with it?

Yep, a parent and a sibling. Its so bad I no longer have a relationship with them. I haven't done anything on them, they just don't like my lifestyle which is fair enough but it doesn't justify the way they treat me and they won't change so I took action into my own hands and cut them out of my life. Harsh perhaps but you have to think of your own health and someone constantly putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself is toxic and not worth having around family or not.

sbsquarepants

They certainly would be if the knew half of the shít i got up to in my partying days.
Thankfully they're mostly in the dark so sunday dinners aren't in any way awkward!:D

Freddy Smelly

Ush1 wrote: »

My oul fella thinks all of his kids are idiots, then again, he thinks everyone except him is an idiot.

lol see the common denominator?

it's likely he is the idiot :P

smcgiff

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Thankfully they're mostly in the dark so sunday dinners aren't in any way awkward!:D

Is it not awkward not being ablet to see your food?

quad_red

rox5 wrote: »

Fair enough, I am eccentric so I was not the sister most people would want, but I had my own personal problems (think I might have depression) that might have made me act out in a certain way.

'Act out' is quite ambigious. Does your sibling have a legitimate reason for feeling hurt by your behaviour?

Them being a sibling is not some sort of reason why they should take abusive behavior.

rox5 wrote: »

But I like to think I am different now, and it's not as if I caused her to be an outcast because of me, she still has friends and now a boyfriend and a lot of people who talk to her and like her, more than I have had. But she still does not like me, at home she is fine with me but in public like on nights out she is very distant and barely talks to me.

She has friends and a boyfriend? What relevance does that have as to why she should act towards you or deal with 'acting out' from you? She has presumably had to work at having a relationship, had to work at maintaining friendships.

You give so little detail in your post it's hard to know what to make of it. But I have a family member who says similar things. They've 'acted out' in the past. I know some of it is caused by mental issues. But people got sick of her behaviour. Her selfish self-obsession. Her presumption that she could behave like a spoiled brat and then wipe the slate clean at her whim. Of her 'acting out', terribly hurting people's feelings, then spitefully demanding to know what their 'problem' is.

Richard Dower

OP...not shame, my family just think i'm an asshole.

Richard Dower

rox5 wrote: »

I have a sister who I think is ashamed of me and I even heard from a friend that she says to people that she is not related to me.

Fair enough, I am eccentric so I was not the sister most people would want, but I had my own personal problems (think I might have depression) that might have made me act out in a certain way. But I like to think I am different now, and it's not as if I caused her to be an outcast because of me, she still has friends and now a boyfriend and a lot of people who talk to her and like her, more than I have had. But she still does not like me, at home she is fine with me but in public like on nights out she is very distant and barely talks to me. Same thing applies to my mother sometimes, because I remember she acted very distant towards me when she had friends over, but she never says that she is not related to me.

I suppose in all honesty I don't really blame my sister, but at the same time it still hurts a little.

Does anyone here have a relative who they think is ashamed of them as well, and if so I do you deal with it?

^ Roz....dunno . try arrnage to have a sitdown with her, tell her you're sorry and miss her as a sister. Admit you have issues etc. and that your willing to get help. Saying sorry goes along away to help healing

Richard Dower

Ush1 wrote: »

My oul fella thinks all of his kids are idiots, then again, he thinks everyone except him is an idiot.

Man after my own heart......;)

rox5

Peetrik wrote: »

I'm sure everyone in AH will be quick to console you and make you feel better about yourself

What is AH?

rox5

looking_around wrote: »

yeah, this isn't the forum for support, probably better in personal issues.

But yes, my uncle and grandfather is ashamed of my mother and have tied that shame on to me. ~shrugs~ . Their choice and isn't my problem

Sorry, I don't use boards.ie too often so I still don't know all the forums and I could find anything related to personal issues, so if a moderator could move this to the appropiate forum, I will be very happy, thank you.

Wattle

It's the other way round with me I have a brother who has been acting up for years. He thinks the way to get ahead in life is to be an asshole to everybody. He has burned his way through so many friendships and business associates over the years that it's now coming back to bite him on the ass. A couple of years ago he got into serious financial trouble and my other brother and my mom had to bail him out. You'd think he'd be grateful for this but he has given them nothing but grief and acts as if he is the wronged party all the time. He has a wife that's nearly as bad as him. She freezes people out and seems to think that she is magically entitled to a millionaires lifestyle. Of course in his eyes she can do no wrong and he backs her up to the hilt no matter how wrong she is. It wouldn't be so bad if he could put his hands up and admit that he is wrong but he continues to think in his own head that he is some sort of super achiever. The whole thing bothers my mom the most as she very rarely gets to see her grandchildren. It was his birthday recently and my other brother sent him a text to say happy birthday. Never got a reply. I only see him every now and then and while we don't argue it's a completely superficial relationship. I hope that some day he'll get some humility into his life but I aint holding my breath.

Pherekydes

I think all of mine are, even my dead parents.

Cienciano

No, but that would change if they saw my internet history after a weekend in the gaff on my own.

Skerries

eviltwin wrote: »

they just don't like my lifestyle which is fair enough .

well sex with balloons would be off putting I guess

Galwayguy35

My brother thought I was a bit of a dickhead when we were in our 20s, and looking back I was, drinking too much and being a fool.

Menas

I have a little sister that I would next to ignore if our paths crossed on a night out.
Not that I do not like her but she is very outgoing and unpredictable in what she may say. A bit loopy too.
Suppose I just don't want her embarrassing me in front of whoever I was socializing with as we have very different personalities.
But at home I would be fine with her.

Thankfully we live in different countries now so the issue does not arise.

bacon n eggs

Most families have superficial relationships and skeletons in the closets and if not then very lucky and a rareity these days.

Galwayguy35

rox5 wrote: »

What is AH?

Short for After Hours, this forum.

mel1

rox5 wrote: »

What is AH?

AH is short for After Hours which is the fourm you are posting in.

As far as family go i also had to cut mine from my life. After many years of trying to "keep in" with parents due to a molther with severe depression who kept "not bothering" to take her pills and became a complete fruit cake, a father that was poisened by her, and a brother who is a drug addict and dealer due to perental neglect and mental, emotional and physical abuse.

Are they ashamed of me, yes because i dont pretend that everything is hunky dory for their neighbours. am i ashamed of them yes, i dont love them any less, but i just cant deal with the drama.

There comes a time in everyones life when family need to butt out and f**k off. So quit driving yourself around the bend and beating yourself up for what is ultimatly their problem. They will either except you for who you are or the wont. Their loss!

rox5

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Short for After Hours, this forum.

Oh thank you! Sorry but again not on this much so I wouldn't have noticed that at all!

seenitall

No, unfortunately not.

Just one more indication I haven't managed to live my life to its full potential.

Hey OP

There is a personal issues forum here if you want some serious advice but please have a read of their charter as I don't think they allow general discussion but rather requests for advice etc.

If you want weird/funny/insensitive answers (with some helpful advice thrown into the mix) - AH is the right place, just drop me a PM and I can re-open this for you.