Do I need to just get a grip

Simplecity30

I feel like I'm going crazy, we lost a baby before Christmas and were close To the end of the second trimester, it tooke me months to get over I went through some very bad depression, the worst I've experienced,

I'm also in my final year of college, I've pulled through the year but my work is to a low standard I used to deal with stress well but now I just can't do it, I'm nearly there with my last project but it's not good,

I sleep lots and can't concentrate, I'm 30 and have the odd random cry I can't control,

I feel as though people think I should have got over it by now, I'm also the dad,

I used to pride myself in learning things fast and keeping things going,

I know my lecturers aren't aren't impressed with me, I feel exhausted like I need a break, I could have done really well this but my degree looks like it'll drop 2levels,

Can anyone advise how to get my concentration back and to limit stress,

Should I have got a grip on things by now and am I being soft

Thanks for listening

cats.life

awh op its only 5 months since ye lost your little one , no you dont need to get a grip cos your greaving for your baby and the loss of the life that ye were suposed to have as a family, your trying to get back to normal to soon ,collage in its self is nerve racking but with the way your head is right now you may need to chat to breavment counciller..dont let anyone tell you to snap out of it . me at the moment is going through some crap as in a very close friend passed away last november 23 and its bloody hard to get it in my head that he is not around to chat to anymore, i see his wife in the shops and i never know what to say to her cos im scared that i would make a fool of myself by crying in her face..wish you all the best op.

December2012

Simplecity you have my sympathies.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.

I don't think it is something you just "get over".

My brother died when he was 9. I asked my Dad did he ever get over it. He said "not really, I'm forever changed, but the intensity of feelings ebbs away". Having more children did not replace my brother, same as another child won't replace yours if you decide to and can have another.

I wonder if people are treating you less kindly than the mother, there is a presumption that she needs more care, and medically that could be true. You may have been focusing on taking care of her at the time than yourself.

I don't know about boards, but there is a pregnancy loss forum on rollercoaster.ie

Maybe have a read there and join in anything you think will help.

Dude111

cats.life wrote:

awh op its only 5 months since ye lost your little one , no you dont need to get a grip cos your greaving for your baby and the loss of the life that ye were suposed to have as a family, your trying to get back to normal to soon ,collage in its self is nerve racking but with the way your head is right now you may need to chat to breavment counciller..dont let anyone tell you to snap out of it.

Very good..... I couldnt have said this better myself!!!

It may take you A VERY LONG TIME to feel happy again and its understandable...... I am sorry your baby was lost..

amber2

Hi OP

Would you think that bereavement counselling would be of any benefit to you.

I am currently going & finding it really helpful I've lost both my brothers & am the only surviving sibling left.

Sorry for your loss & I hope I'm of some help to you.

Just realised someone suggested this already but as someone currently taking part just want to point out it is helpful, went to an ordinary councillor when my youngest brother died in a car accident & felt it didn't help but feel the bereavement councillor is really helping after my other passed away a few weeks ago.

Mam of 4

Simplecity30 wrote: »

I feel like I'm going crazy, we lost a baby before Christmas and were close To the end of the second trimester, it tooke me months to get over I went through some very bad depression, the worst I've experienced,

I'm also in my final year of college, I've pulled through the year but my work is to a low standard I used to deal with stress well but now I just can't do it, I'm nearly there with my last project but it's not good,

I sleep lots and can't concentrate, I'm 30 and have the odd random cry I can't control,

I feel as though people think I should have got over it by now, I'm also the dad,

I used to pride myself in learning things fast and keeping things going,

I know my lecturers aren't aren't impressed with me, I feel exhausted like I need a break, I could have done really well this but my degree looks like it'll drop 2levels,

Can anyone advise how to get my concentration back and to limit stress,

Should I have got a grip on things by now and am I being soft

Thanks for listening

No right or wrong way to deal with the loss of someone, but the loss of an unborn baby can hit you in so many different ways.
It's something you'll never get over but will come to terms with in time, lost my son 21yr ago when I was 22wks pregnant.

I think many ppl forget to remember that dads suffer also but might not be as open about talking about it as the woman is.

I've no advice to be honest, but just don't be hard on yourself, grieve for your loss, would also recommend counselling, just speaking to someone might help.

Thoughts are with you.

Simplecity30

I just want to thank each of you for your replies, I kept an eye on this thread over the last weeks and the support helped lift me to stay on track and get through my exams, things are getting easier but being told I'm not crazy or over reacting helped me to not be as hard on myself when I was down,

Thanks to you all for being so kind, I'm looking into counselling but I think I'm coping a lot better,

LegacyUser

Don't put yourself under any pressure or give yourself a time limit on when you should be feeling back to yourself. It's completely normal to be feeling some grief or depression after what you experienced. Just be patient with yourself and let yourself grieve. In the meantime try and do things that will help you get over some of the stress like counselling or even yoga or going to the gym. It could help clear your head and help you concentrate with your college work. Whatever works for you.