OTB v3 - Revenge of the Banter Thread

dodderangler

Hellrazer wrote: »

I got married when I was 21.Bought our house when I was 20.4 kids,2 dogs,1 cat and multiple exotic pets later Mrs Hellrazer is still putting up with me!!!!!

Any advice
I've a hawk , one dog and 3 ferrets ( soon to be about 10 1 is preggars) and my Missus is on the verge of a breakdown over them
She doesn't like pets

Esoteric_

I have just texted Marty and told him I should stop taking the pill, he can get me pregnant (I have like a 20% chance of a natural conception, not too terrible) and then he can pay me maintenance. I'm a wonderful person. :pac:

January

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Another positive about marriage is the fact that it gives fathers more rights. If the father isn't married to the mother and there's a separation, it can cause a whole world of shít for the father.

This is true, married fathers have a hell of a lot more rights with regards to the kids than unmarried. My partner wasn't on my third daughters birth cert at first because he couldn't make it to the registry office the day we were registering her because he couldn't get off work. We eventually got it sorted though!

January

dodderangler wrote: »

Any advice
I've a hawk , one dog and 3 ferrets ( soon to be about 10 1 is preggars) and my Missus is on the verge of a breakdown over them
She doesn't like pets

My advice is to get rid of those smelly ferrets anyway.

Hellrazer

January wrote: »

I'll be having a civil ceremony in the hotel. No churches here either... although I will admit to having my children baptised because it's easier to get into school when you're baptised.

I reckon with all the death metal I used to listen to Id melt if I entered a church.But now they've changed the rules again.If you have a communion you have to be seen at the church for something like 15 consecutive Sundays before hand.

I only go at funerals..I don't even bother with weddings anymore.Im usually "late"

dodderangler

January wrote: »

My advice is to get rid of those smelly ferrets anyway.

Ah don't be like that
Ferrets are funniest pets out there
Plus they're outside in a hutch

Esoteric_

dodderangler wrote: »

Ah don't be like that
Ferrets are funniest pets out there
Plus they're outside in a hutch

I love animals and have had pets all of my life, but I'd crack up at the thought of having TEN ferrets.

Compromise is seriously needed. You can have pets without going overboard with the numbers, in fairness.

dodderangler

As I said in me post one of them is pregnant so in two weeks or so il have about 7-8 kits and when they're 6 weeks old il sell them off
I wanted her t be neutered but was too late as she was up the duff

January

dodderangler wrote: »

Ah don't be like that
Ferrets are funniest pets out there
Plus they're outside in a hutch

My pet rat was the best pet out there until he passed a few weeks ago

I just don't like that they smell is all... they're good pets besides that and my girls love going to grand dad's to see them too!

Orim

Hellrazer wrote: »

I reckon with all the death metal I used to listen to Id melt if I entered a church.But now they've changed the rules again.If you have a communion you have to be seen at the church for something like 15 consecutive Sundays before hand.

I only go at funerals..I don't even bother with weddings anymore.Im usually "late"

But yet they'll claim you if you've ever been on their records. Wonderful system.

Marty McFly

Hellrazer wrote: »

I think your my sister.I remember the first dirty weekend we went away.My mam hands me a pack of condoms telling me to be safe and not get the girl into "trouble"

My dad nearly dropped dead with even the mention of the word "condom"

Hes still the same now... for some reason you cant talk about sex with him..he just goes red and makes excuses and leaves.

He has a company that does pumps and plant machinery and when our first was born she was 12 weeks premature and my wife had to use a breast pump for milk,,,but anyway we were talking about this pump and where to buy it and my dad thought we were talking about the water pumps that he dealt with and tried to find out about this pump so my wife says to him "Its the booby pump for the booby milk for the baby"--well the poor man almost had a heart attack on the spot at the word booby.

Now despite all this I caught him and my mam watching "Horny Ebony babes" one night after I arrived home early from a night out.

Sounds exactly like my folks I think attitude towards sex is changing a lot in this country but for the some the older generations both my folks are in there sixties, they would never mention sex and if it ever comes up there does be an awkward silence. The father will try the odd little jibe lit when going to Amsterdam years ago "make sure you don't catch anything" but generally there very much in the let not talk about it category.

Nowadays everyone I know at least is very open it all.

PMSL laughing at that last line say that was a kodak moment.

Orim wrote: »

That looks really wrong.



Aye although even with marriage a father is still pretty fecked unfortunately.

Father's are still fecked regardless married or not really I work with a few men in there forty's who have kid's and are seperated and they have fcuk all say although one of them is currently fighting for custody but I don't fancy his chances.

Esoteric_

Oh, okay, I thought you were going to keep them all, since you never mentioned selling them til now.

Did you have the pets before you met your missus, or are they animals you've collected since then?

Hellrazer

dodderangler wrote: »

Any advice
I've a hawk , one dog and 3 ferrets ( soon to be about 10 1 is preggars) and my Missus is on the verge of a breakdown over them
She doesn't like pets

Not really--my wife is as mad about animals as I am..Shes draws the line at the tarantulas though.The Newfie is hers and she lets the big dopey thing sit on her lap at night on the sofa.The dog weighs in at close to 40 kilos.

FoxyVixen

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Another positive about marriage is the fact that it gives fathers more rights. If the father isn't married to the mother and there's a separation, it can cause a whole world of shít for the father.

sad story, don't read or you'll be depressed!

A friend of my mum was dying of cancer. She knew she wouldn't beat it when it came back so aggressively. Her and the fella never married, why fix something that's not broken? They had two kids I think and had been together a fair bit over ten years. Anywho, short story, they got a civil ceremony as she was terrified the kids could be taken away from him due to the aftershock of her death with other members of the family believing they should take the kids Terrible to have that worry and stress quite literally on your death bed

Hellrazer

January wrote: »

My pet rat was the best pet out there until he passed a few weeks ago

I just don't like that they smell is all... they're good pets besides that and my girls love going to grand dad's to see them too!

I would absolutely love a pet rat.Short lifespan has put me off since they are really affectionate and I hate when any of my animals pass on.

dodderangler

January wrote: »

My pet rat was the best pet out there until he passed a few weeks ago

I just don't like that they smell is all... they're good pets besides that and my girls love going to grand dad's to see them too!

I had a pet rat years ago and when he died I was pretty upset about it he was 6 when he died
Was so funny. We'd give him an apple and put it on the floor and he'd wrestle with it

January

Hellrazer wrote: »

Not really--my wife is as mad about animals as I am..Shes draws the line at the tarantulas though.The Newfie is hers and she lets the big dopey thing sit on her lap at night on the sofa.The dog weighs in at close to 40 kilos.

Oh I would love a Newfie... if I ever had a back garden big enough for one I would... I have two Jack Russells, my Buffy and Star and I had my Ben (rat) but I won't be replacing any more now... I'd love a cat but I'm allergic.

My dad has snakes, rats, dogs, tarantula's and tortoises.

Esoteric_

Hellrazer, I imagine your wife and dog to look like this -

Marty McFly

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I have just texted Marty and told him I should stop taking the pill, he can get me pregnant (I have like a 20% chance of a natural conception, not too terrible) and then he can pay me maintenance. I'm a wonderful person. :pac:

And in a completely unrelated thing altogether I have now changed my number, address quit my job and gone into hiding

dodderangler

Hellrazer wrote: »

Not really--my wife is as mad about animals as I am..Shes draws the line at the tarantulas though.The Newfie is hers and she lets the big dopey thing sit on her lap at night on the sofa.The dog weighs in at close to 40 kilos.

My Akita was overweight at 65kg but he's down to about 55now and he knew he wasn't allowed on the couch but he used to sleep in my bed and the sh!t would take up half the bed
He's a monster
My other dog was allowed in house now she's not as she's ruined a good rug and was biting sides off couch so only allowed in when I'm there

Esoteric_

FoxyVixen wrote: »

sad story, don't read or you'll be depressed!

A friend of my mum was dying of cancer. She knew she wouldn't beat it when it came back so aggressively. Her and the fella never married, why fix something that's not broken? They had two kids I think and had been together a fair bit over ten years. Anywho, short story, they got a civil ceremony as she was terrified the kids could be taken away from him due to the aftershock of her death with other members of the family believing they should take the kids Terrible to have that worry and stress quite literally on your death bed

That's horrendous. I genuinely hate that the laws are so stacked against fathers. Obviously, I'm only going to be a mother (not a father), so the laws are in my favour, but they should be bloody equal, it takes two people to make a baby ffs. In cases of the dad choosing not to be around, or being abusive then yeah, take it on a case by case basis, but it's horrific that your mum's friend had to even think about that sort of thing. Really fcuked up in a country where men and women are supposedly equal. :mad:

Esoteric_

Marty McFly wrote: »

And in a completely unrelated thing altogether I have now changed my number, address quit my job and gone into hiding

Pft, like I won't find you? I knew of you on boards before you asked me on a date and you called me a stalker, so I'll just make damn sure I become a good stalker!

Hellrazer

January wrote: »

Oh I would love a Newfie... if I ever had a back garden big enough for one I would... .

They actually require a lot less exercise than people think.You aren't supposed to give them really long walks as it can stress their bones as they grow.15 minutes twice a day is enough for the.

But honestly they really are the gentlest,laziest and most affectionate dogs ever.

dodderangler

Always found the bigger the dog the more effectionate they are
My Akita is really effectionate and my pointer is aswell
She's still a pup but if she's on ya lap she's just looking for a shoulder or my chest and she's asleep

Ankhyu

I'd love to have a couple of pet rats myself but not till I get my own place. My mother would have an episode! I had mice and she hated them. Yet she liked the hamsters! Also when I brought my corn snake home for the first time she thought it was disgusting. But fast forward a few months later, she used to text me when I was out "I think Ailbhe is hungry, she's climbing around her tank", and she used to come into my room to visit her and talk to her XD

I miss Ailbhe

P_1

Was cutting the grass the other day and the Pug decided to follow me around when I was doing it (strangely the lawnmower didn't freak him out), by the end he had green paws. He's a gas little fecker at times

Hellrazer

Ankhyu wrote: »

I'd love to have a couple of pet rats myself but not till I get my own place. My mother would have an episode! I had mice and she hated them. Yet she liked the hamsters! Also when I brought my corn snake home for the first time she thought it was disgusting. But fast forward a few months later, she used to text me when I was out "I think Ailbhe is hungry, she's climbing around her tank", and she used to come into my room to visit her and talk to her XD

I miss Ailbhe

Always remember the time my wife went to cook "cocktail" sausages that she found in the freezer.

They weren't cocktail sausages but pinkie mice I had bought in bulk and stored there.Well me and the snakes were almost thrown out!!

dodderangler

What they taste like
Always used to look at me Bosc monitor eating rat pups and he always seemed to enjoy them

Killer_banana

Hellrazer wrote: »

I would absolutely love a pet rat.Short lifespan has put me off since they are really affectionate and I hate when any of my animals pass on.

Yeah the short lifespan sucks...especially when they die on Christmas day.

I would love a corn snake but they can live so long and I want to travel and have no clue what I want to do with my life yet so I think I will have to wait till I am more settled. Also no way would my parents be okay with keeping dead mice in the freezer.

dodderangler

Killer_banana wrote: »

Yeah the short lifespan sucks...especially when they die on Christmas day.

I would love a corn snake but they can live so long and I want to travel and have no clue what I want to do with my life yet so I think I will have to wait till I am more settled. Also no way would my parents be okay with keeping dead mice in the freezer.

Jesus you'd wanna see what's in my freezer at home
Short list- day old chicks 200 or so
Crows magpies pigeons and rabbits