Newborns and Facebook

ronjo

Hi there,

I was just wondering peoples opinions on this. We have a 5 week old daughter and as my wife doesnt have enough milk she has to top up with a bottle all the time.
She would certainly prefer to be able to breastfeed more but thats life but anyway my issue is about a friend of hers who was around our place yesterday.
She has a 2 year old and took a photo of the two year old feeding our child who was in my wifes arms.
The friend then proceeded to put this pic on facebook and then tagged my wife. My wife was upset for the following reasons.

1. She didnt ask her could she put the pic up.
2. She doesnt really want the world to know she is using a bottle (nothing wrong with it of course but just doesnt want to broadcast)
3. She also doesnt think its a very nice photo of her too.

My wife wrote to her friend about it and untagged herself from the picture and got a reply saying "Oh, I didnt realise you didnt like pictures on facebook"
Thats all she wrote. No apology at all and my wife has put some pics up of our newborn and other daughter so the comment was off the mark anyway.

What do people think of the situation and would you make more of an issue with this friend?

Ilik Urgee

That's the height of ignorance imo. Did the lady take the photos down?

ronjo

Yes she did after sending that message.

eviltwin

I wouldn't make an issue out of it. The pictures have been removed which is what you wanted.

Moonbeam

I would leave it at that.
Was it public for the world to see?
was it private for her friends to see?
was it private for her and you and your wife to see?

Personally it would not bother me at all .

Ilik Urgee

Well then it would seem like she's actually sorry and hadn't realised she's offend anyone. She should've asked though, and maybe is waiting to meet your OH to apologise in person?

That's my own take on it:)

ronjo

Moonbeam wrote: »

I would leave it at that.
Was it public for the world to see?
was it private for her friends to see?
was it private for her and you and your wife to see?

Personally it would not bother me at all .

I think all of her friends and my wifes friends could see it.

Maybe I am being more judgemental as I dont particularly like this friend so I am happy to get other peoples opinions.

Sittingpretty

I can understand your wife's feelings but I doubt her friend meant much harm.

You can adjust your Facebook settings so that you have to approve a pic that you are tagged in before it goes up on your timeline.

Regarding not wanting people to see a bottle, it doesn't matter a bit, what other people think of you is irrelevant, you're doing best for your baby as you see fit so I wouldn't concern myself with the opinions of others on that one.

ronjo

Sittingpretty wrote: »

Regarding not wanting people to see a bottle, it doesn't matter a bit, what other people think of you is irrelevant, you're doing best for your baby as you see fit so I wouldn't concern myself with the opinions of others on that one.

I agree 100% with this but I guess my wife cant help her feelings on the issue.

Sittingpretty

ronjo wrote: »

I agree 100% with this but I guess my wife cant help her feelings on the issue.

Hey, she's just had a baby, it's feelings a gogo! Trying to talk sense to a post partum woman is like trying to open a lock with jelly

I hate when people post horrible pics of me on fb, that's why I change the settings so I have to approve the tagged pic first

Tordelback

I certainly always ask before I out anyone else's kids up on the web, let alone tag them, but I think it's fairly common for people not to even think of it as an issue, particularly if their own kids are in the pic as well. It's a new medium, a new way of expressing our connections, so people are going to be sorting out the protocols for a while yet.

Encouraging breastfeeding is a great thing, but the real or imagined judgement of others and shame that some people feel when they can't manage it is a horrible consequence. My own wife's struggles and stress and feelings of failure and embarrassment were awful in the first month, you have my sympathies. Breastfeeding is an excellent principle, but where you have access to clean water, good nutrition and healthcare, there's nothing wrong with bottle feeding, and everything wrong with the negative effects of guilt and stress surrounding it.

071_Foamer

Posting pictures of minors on the internet is highly inappropriate.
This woman had absolutely no right to take photos of your children let alone put them on the internet. The risks are great.
I would not give that woman permission to take a picture anymore as it is clear that you cannot trust her.

I would strongly advise that your wife removes the other baby pictures from FB too. It is not appropriate, particularly nowadays what with what goes on and all.

On a separate note, I've seen videos of babies and children actually naked or semi naked on the likes of facebook and Youtube posted by parents who think it is "cute".
It is the most irresponsible thing you can do online. I wonder how cute it they would think it was when some weirdo gets turned on by the photo and trys to track down where the child lives or goes to school.
When will people learn.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

I would be furious if someone did that to me. I would never put pictures of my kids on facebook, never mind someone elses.
However I would just leave it be now, I am sure she got the message.

lazygal

We have a no online pictures rule for our family. We've resisted pressure from family/friends to post pictures but will not do so. We're in control of our children's privacy right now and we'll keep things that way as long as possible. I don't think its fair for babies and children to have funny/messy/embarrassing picture online for anyone to see.

_Kaiser_

This is why (although I still have an account on it) I never use Facebook.

- People who have nothing better to do with their time but updating the world as to the irrelevant goings-on in their lives
- Most of the posts are glorified spam with links to games/petitions etc
- People posting pictures of others without permission because it's "funny", "cute"
- Facebook's privacy record isn't exactly spotless and they keep changing and moving settings around so much that you need a half hour to make sure you've caught them all

If it wasn't for the fact that I use the chat part to keep in touch with some people I'd have deleted it long ago.. as it is it's very locked down and I haven't posted a thing on it in about a year.

LegacyUser

Tordelback wrote: »

Breastfeeding is an excellent principle, but where you have access to clean water, good nutrition and healthcare, there's nothing wrong with bottle feeding, and everything wrong with the negative effects of guilt and stress surrounding it.

This is blatantly untrue and considerably off-topic. Why are anti-breastfeeding remarks ok here but god forbid someone should make an anti-bottlefeeding comment?

Rocket19

071_Foamer wrote: »

Posting pictures of minors on the internet is highly inappropriate.
This woman had absolutely no right to take photos of your children let alone put them on the internet. The risks are great.
I would not give that woman permission to take a picture anymore as it is clear that you cannot trust her.

I would strongly advise that your wife removes the other baby pictures from FB too. It is not appropriate, particularly nowadays what with what goes on and all.

On a separate note, I've seen videos of babies and children actually naked or semi naked on the likes of facebook and Youtube posted by parents who think it is "cute".
It is the most irresponsible thing you can do online. I wonder how cute it they would think it was when some weirdo gets turned on by the photo and trys to track down where the child lives or goes to school.
When will people learn.

Wow, sorry, but I think this is absolutely hysterical.

While I agree the OP's friend should have asked permission before putting the picture on facebook, I would imagine it was merely an oversight on her part (seeing as her own child was in the picture), and she meant no harm. Like many others, I would be wary of putting up pics of peoples' kids, but I imagine she did it without thinking. The photo was taken down upon request, so I would consider it a non-issue (provided she didn't do it again).

I was under the impression most people don't want their kids on facebook for personal privacy reasons, though?
I wouldn't be one to post pictures of my (future) kids on facebook (I think it's in bad taste), but I don't see harm in it, as such. Obviously, I would respect other peoples' choice to not want their kids' photos online.

In relation to what you said about people putting up "naked or semi-naked" pictures of their kids, would you really be afraid a paedophile might see them, and arrive at your address? Seriously?
If you're afraid of random paedophiles (on facebook, no less) leering at your child, you may as well not take them out into the world, ever.
I wouldn't stop a baby/little child going naked/topless on the beach, and I don't see the "great risk" associated with that. I wouldn't live my life in fear of child molesters. There really are no more nowadays than there ever were.

implausible

071_Foamer wrote: »

Posting pictures of minors on the internet is highly inappropriate.
This woman had absolutely no right to take photos of your children let alone put them on the internet. The risks are great.

I would strongly advise that your wife removes the other baby pictures from FB too. It is not appropriate, particularly nowadays what with what goes on and all.

It is the most irresponsible thing you can do online. I wonder how cute it they would think it was when some weirdo gets turned on by the photo and trys to track down where the child lives or goes to school.
When will people learn.

This is completely ott. The risks of a paedophile tracking down your child are infinitesimally small, but are grossly overstated by the media, especially scaremongering rags like the Mail. A child is at a far greater risk of abuse from a family member or someone known to them. Going by that logic, we should remove all photos of our children from our homes. Feck it, play it safe - take no photos at all!

implausible

OP, I think there are two things you need to consider here - your own dislike of this friend and your wife's unnecessary worry about being judged, when in reality, nobody will blink an eye. This is hard to see, however, if she is being hard on herself over combination feeding.

The way I see it - the friend didn't think anything of posting what she thought was a nice photo and she took it down when asked. She hasn't apologised because she probably doesn't think it's a big deal. Unless she knows exactly what your wife is feeling and why she's upset, I see no malice in it.

taxus_baccata

Touch Much wrote: »

This is blatantly untrue and considerably off-topic. Why are anti-breastfeeding remarks ok here but god forbid someone should make an anti-bottlefeeding comment?

Well said touch much, I thought the same when I saw that. Although I have to agree with OP re fb and photos. I got rid of fb about 2 yrs before we had our baby. I never want him to appear on fb. It's his life and his little face, I only have a loan of him for a few years! Where is the child's right to dignity and privacy when parents put up pics all the time it's even worse when other people do.

Feeding your baby no matter what way you do is an intimate moment, your wife's friend was bang out of order.

pwurple

Touch Much wrote: »

This is blatantly untrue and considerably off-topic. Why are anti-breastfeeding remarks ok here but god forbid someone should make an anti-bottlefeeding comment?

What is untrue?

Anti-breastfeeding remarks are not ok here.

There is no reason to make any woman feel guilty or like a failure for bottle feeding. Why would you think there is?

pwurple

On FB, all my siblings live abroad, in different timezones, on various continents. I want them to still be part of my life, and that includes seeing the odd photo of me with my child.

We skype maybe once or twice a month, but she is usually in bed asleep when they are awake in their timezones.

For scattered families, technology like this is a godsend.

Putting pictures of other peoples kids up is a no-no though.

ronjo

OP here.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

First off, I have ZERO interest in the debate on breast feeding/non breast feeding as its not what the issue is about.

They actually met yesterday (had been pre arranged) and my wife decided not to mention it at all and move on. She said the first hour was very uncomfortable but hopefully thats the end of it.
As an aside this woman doesnt really have boundries. When they were arranging when next to meet my wife said that she wasnt sure if she was free on a certain day and she would check her diary after feeding. The other woman was up the stairs immediately looking for the diary and she opened it to check when my wife was free.
Again, probably no badness there at all but a bit strange as they are not that close.

December2012

Hey, if your wife would still like to increase her breast feeding she could seek advice from cuidiu or la leche league. Also breast feeding forum on a certain well known parenting site is great for tips.

I don't bf since I'm on boards but I assume there is advice to be found here. Yep - in fact it's a sticky in this forum.

Ericaa

I'd absolutely flip my lid if someone did that...

Rubberlegs

I think you were right to be annoyed, but at least the tag was removed. I never put up photos of my baby when she was newborn on FB, and very rarely any photos of my older children. If I want to share photos with family who live overseas, I e mail them to them. I wouldn't dream of putting up photos of anyone else's kids. I dunno maybe I'm a bit odd about the whole endless photos/videos of some people's kids on FB, I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it at all.