Definitely gay but like a girl?

batlawd

Hey, usually just a big time stalker here but finally have a question of my own to put out there! I'm 18 and just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not out to anyone yet but definitely gay, not bi or anything (despite a year or so hoping and trying to be...)

Anyway, I've become good friends this year with a girl in my course and even though we've never met up outside of class events we always end up talking to each other and get on really well. No idea what her sexual orientation is, though shes told me she has a good few LGBT friends. But to actually get to the point, I get on better with her than a lot of my best friends and it seems like we have 'chemistry'? A few weeks ago we were at the pub and for some reason I really just wanted to lean in and kiss her?

But even thinking about it since, I'm not actually attracted to her but we get on so well together that I always have this urge when I'm around her to ask her out or something?

Sorry if this is all a bit long, probably could have been easily condensed into a line or two instead of a big speel, but anyways, any thoughts on whats going on there? Ever happened to anyone else?

floggg

batlawd wrote: »

Hey, usually just a big time stalker here but finally have a question of my own to put out there! I'm 18 and just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not out to anyone yet but definitely gay, not bi or anything (despite a year or so hoping and trying to be...)

Anyway, I've become good friends this year with a girl in my course and even though we've never met up outside of class events we always end up talking to each other and get on really well. No idea what her sexual orientation is, though shes told me she has a good few LGBT friends. But to actually get to the point, I get on better with her than a lot of my best friends and it seems like we have 'chemistry'? A few weeks ago we were at the pub and for some reason I really just wanted to lean in and kiss her?

But even thinking about it since, I'm not actually attracted to her but we get on so well together that I always have this urge when I'm around her to ask her out or something?

Sorry if this is all a bit long, probably could have been easily condensed into a line or two instead of a big speel, but anyways, any thoughts on whats going on there? Ever happened to anyone else?

Do you want to have sex with her?

playedalive

batlawd wrote: »

Hey, usually just a big time stalker here but finally have a question of my own to put out there! I'm 18 and just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not out to anyone yet but definitely gay, not bi or anything (despite a year or so hoping and trying to be...)

Anyway, I've become good friends this year with a girl in my course and even though we've never met up outside of class events we always end up talking to each other and get on really well. No idea what her sexual orientation is, though shes told me she has a good few LGBT friends. But to actually get to the point, I get on better with her than a lot of my best friends and it seems like we have 'chemistry'? A few weeks ago we were at the pub and for some reason I really just wanted to lean in and kiss her?

But even thinking about it since, I'm not actually attracted to her but we get on so well together that I always have this urge when I'm around her to ask her out or something?

Sorry if this is all a bit long, probably could have been easily condensed into a line or two instead of a big speel, but anyways, any thoughts on whats going on there? Ever happened to anyone else?

Dude, I know what you're going through. Sexuality can be really confusing for some people. I consider myself bisexual because I have had sexual/romantic feelings towards girls and guys. Yet I wonder as to whether I am really gay as my feelings for lads are more frequent than for girls . I think, despite labels, sexuality can be more fluid than a single determining label.

Personally, try not to define yourself too much by a label. Just notice that the feeling is there and acknowledge it. If you feel like acting on it, don't feel that you can't because you've given yourself a certain label. Would you say your feelings for her are sexual too?

1ZRed

I think this is perfectly reasonable and happens commonly enough. I'd say it's just a crush that came about from getting on so well with her. I know what you mean as I've been there myself and would still identify as gay, despite getting the same feelings the odd time.

I'd still call myself gay because the lads take my first priority and the feeling of attraction is far stronger with them as apposed girls. You have to ask yourself is your attraction enough to want a sexual relationship with her or is it just a rush of emotions that is causing you interest. I think that's the important indicator in helping to determine your orientation.

Lyaiera

There's definitely a difference between romantic love and sexual attraction. For most people both are a natural response to each other but it also happens that you can have one without the other. Romantic attraction and love for most people ends up as just spending time with each other. For a few more people it ends up with hugs and cuddling (actual cuddling.) It can definitely extend to things like kissing and groping (a crude word but love-based touching isn't great either.) And all of that can be without sexual feelings and be more about emotional intimacy rather than a sexual intimacy. People often see expressions of love based emotions as tied into sex, but they can be entirely separate or sometimes one can form out of the other.

I wouldn't worry about it if I was you, it's completely natural. What you can do about it is a different matter though. Not everyone immediately sees the difference between love based intimacy and sexual intimacy, so expressing your feelings can lead someone on or confuse them. They might even feel betrayed.

I guess in a way its the opposite of a one night stand. With a one night stand it's all about sex and not about emotional intimacy. With romantic love it's about emotional intimacy and not about sexual intimacy.

Oscardewringer

playedalive wrote: »

Dude, I know what you're going through. Sexuality can be really confusing for some people. I consider myself bisexual because I have had sexual/romantic feelings towards girls and guys. Yet I wonder as to whether I am really gay as my feelings for lads are more frequent than for girls . I think, despite labels, sexuality can be more fluid than a single determining label.

Personally, try not to define yourself too much by a label. Just notice that the feeling is there and acknowledge it. If you feel like acting on it, don't feel that you can't because you've given yourself a certain label. Would you say your feelings for her are sexual too?

Fully agree , sexuality and what you engage in are two diff things ... Advice on reviewing what you like and what you want .... If not sure, try both ... And see what grades better

Oscardewringer

batlawd wrote: »

Hey, usually just a big time stalker here but finally have a question of my own to put out there! I'm 18 and just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not out to anyone yet but definitely gay, not bi or anything (despite a year or so hoping and trying to be...)

Anyway, I've become good friends this year with a girl in my course and even though we've never met up outside of class events we always end up talking to each other and get on really well. No idea what her sexual orientation is, though shes told me she has a good few LGBT friends. But to actually get to the point, I get on better with her than a lot of my best friends and it seems like we have 'chemistry'? A few weeks ago we were at the pub and for some reason I really just wanted to lean in and kiss her?

But even thinking about it since, I'm not actually attracted to her but we get on so well together that I always have this urge when I'm around her to ask her out or something?

Sorry if this is all a bit long, probably could have been easily condensed into a line or two instead of a big speel, but anyways, any thoughts on whats going on there? Ever happened to anyone else?

I actually had same prob as you do

Miike

This pretty much exact thing happened to me. Me being me just blurted it out to her and now we laugh about it all the time! If I do or say something nice now she just says "I really wanna shift you..."

I've been known to kiss women in night clubs too? I don't find it confusing at all I'm 100% gay. I wouldn't get up on a bird to look over a wall

It's just a biological urge or something

I should add... I still get these feelings every now and then but it's not like I'm in love with her. There is just great chemistry!

Walker77

batlawd wrote: »

Hey, usually just a big time stalker here but finally have a question of my own to put out there! I'm 18 and just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not out to anyone yet but definitely gay, not bi or anything (despite a year or so hoping and trying to be...)

Anyway, I've become good friends this year with a girl in my course and even though we've never met up outside of class events we always end up talking to each other and get on really well. No idea what her sexual orientation is, though shes told me she has a good few LGBT friends. But to actually get to the point, I get on better with her than a lot of my best friends and it seems like we have 'chemistry'? A few weeks ago we were at the pub and for some reason I really just wanted to lean in and kiss her?

But even thinking about it since, I'm not actually attracted to her but we get on so well together that I always have this urge when I'm around her to ask her out or something?

Sorry if this is all a bit long, probably could have been easily condensed into a line or two instead of a big speel, but anyways, any thoughts on whats going on there? Ever happened to anyone else?

The next time you get a chance to kiss her go for it.

Annasopra

OP are you male or female? I find the responses in this thread confusing because I think some posters here are assuming you are male and some are assuming you are female