Retiring husbands - how did you cope

jos28

I suppose this is directed more at the ladies than the gentlemen, I was wondering how you all coped when your darling husbands retired. My beloved announced recently that he IS leaving work next year. He has been mumbling on about it for ages but I tend to ignore his mumblings. Now that reality looms I am wondering how I will cope. I am not at home all day playing the domestic goddess and terrified that he will upset my routine, I work part time and I think what scares me most is finding him in front of the tv all day and taking to the drink in the evening (normally only done at weekends when he has no work in the morning). I am quite independent and the idea of someone asking me where I am going and who I'm meeting would drive me crazy. It's not that I am up to anything clandestine but I like my space. Before you all think I am a thundering wagon, I do like the old codger, I enjoy his company and we share a lot of the same interests but I like my space too. Advice please !

mlumley

I think a good heart to heart is called for. Tell him your fears, ask him what he is interested in doing to take up his time.

If he has a hobby, encourage him to do it. If there is something he has wanted to do for years, tell him to look into it.

I cant work through are related illness, and decided as I live by a river, I might as well build a boat. Ive wanted to do it for years. It kept me busy, and I learned new things. BUT, I now want to build another one.

But I'm lucky, I dont live with the wife. Or should that be, she is lucky she dont live with me, as I built it in the livingroom/kitchen.lol

Keep him busy in what HE wants to do. Maybe take up photography to get him out the house.

Good luck. and be understanding. Going from work to all your time is your own, might make him feel he has no use.

jos28

Ah now, if he starts building a boat in the kitchen I'm going off to live with my sister Seriously though, I will have a chat with him about my fears. He is very excited about leaving and reckons he has lots of plans to do various things. A lot of his friends have 'taken the package' and are a bit lost, however he has one good friend whose life is so full since he retired. I shall encourage him to take a leaf from his book. On the positive side I have a long list of jobs that need doing(boat building excluded !)
Cheers

0lddog

Ha !

I sense yet another case of having married him for better or for worse - But Not For Lunch

Jellybaby1

This happened to a friend recently. He had been thinking of retiring but she wanted him to work out his time, two years. In the end he was made redundant. They went on a pre-retirement course and got all the info and advice. And then she wrote a list of work to be done around the house. Luckily he is pretty handy and he is presently working his way through the list. She also feels like yourself jos28, as there is a tendency for chaps to vegetate in front of the TV with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other! Make preparations early, encourage his hobbies, help him to discover new interests he might be interested in. We wimmin never stop going, doing, fetching and carrying, but the chaps need a wee bit more support 'cos

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(oops can't say that!) :P

jos28

I think you have nailed it there Jellybaby, us wimmin would never think of sitting down with the remote and a drink unless all our fetching, carrying, cooking, cleaning is done. I would never switch the tv on during the day but himself will always find a 'major' sporting event to watch. We are going to go on one of those pre-retirement courses so I suppose that will give us both a chance to get things sorted.

poppyvally

My old man could go on Mastermind & answer every question about the 1st & 2nd world war

Jellybaby1

Poppy, if this is your problem too, bring him to see the war graves. If not, don't.

Layinghen

My husband is retired for the past few years. We both enjoy some shared interests such as travel, cars and of course the dog. Tip for you great mid week breaks available during the winter in very fancy hotels at very good prices. Get him to research these. My husband golfs so that is him gone for many hours at least twice a week during the season. Keep your own schedule and remember if he is retired so are you i.e. you are not there to put meals on the table and clean up after him, if he is around all day. If he has other friends who are retired encourage him to meet up with them at least once a week or maybe encourage him to get involved with St Vincent DePaul or Probus. It is important that he doesn't stay in bed all day and just slouch around the house - life is for living. Hope you both enjoy this part of your lives it can be a great adventure.

jos28

Thanks Layinghen, love the positivity in your post. Love the idea of mid week breaks in fancy hotels. Part of me is looking forward to him retiring as his job is very stressful but I need to keep him on his toes. He is full of great intentions and I suppose it is up to me to ensure that he actually does them and not just talk about them.

Layinghen

It is good he is retiring coming into the summer, as the long days and bright evenings and the new sense of freedom should encourage him not to fall into the trap of just mooching around the house. Training a husband is a bit like training the dog - routine is everything .Seriously though we have found that the days fly by and we can't understand how we had time to work and get everything done before.

Jellybaby1

"Mooching" - made me laugh, haven't heard that one in years.

annieoburns

We went on one of those when hubbie decided at a week's notice to take a deal and leave. I was very disappointed as there was nothing directed at the spouses that accompanied the retiree.

jos28

annieoburns wrote: »

We went on one of those when hubbie decided at a week's notice to take a deal and leave. I was very disappointed as there was nothing directed at the spouses that accompanied the retiree.

That's disappointing to hear, I am expecting to learn all sorts of coping skills

Layinghen

Before you go on the course write out any questions you would like answered or concerns you may have. Then make sure you speak up when you are there if you feel they haven't been covered. You will be amazed how many others will row in behind you once you get the ball rolling. This is your one opportunity to get information from various professionals. Spouses are invited to attend as they need advice as well as their lives are also being altered. Don't be shy!!

Jellybaby1

I believe those courses are quite expensive. Do you have to pay for both parties or just pay for the retiree and the spouse comes along free?

Layinghen

Normally it is your Company that pays for it as part of your retirement package.

jos28

Yep, my husband's employer is paying

endacl

Hi OP. I'm nowhere near retirement myself, but a close friend who finished the working phase of his life last year told me that the transition became easier when somebody advised him to consider not what he was retiring from, but what he was retiring to. A completely different perspective.

jos28

endacl wrote: »

Hi OP. I'm nowhere near retirement myself, but a close friend who finished the working phase of his life last year told me that the transition became easier when somebody advised him to consider not what he was retiring from, but what he was retiring to. A completely different perspective.

That's a good way of looking at things. I am looking forward to it really, starting to make plans of things we can do together. My work schedule is increasing so he has promised to have my dinner ready when I am working late
As for Citycap, I think you should switch on your sarcasm detector as my original post was 'tongue in cheek' to say the least. I do not have a little hobby job as you state. I too have worked all of our married life. He is not the only one taking home a wage. I currently hold down 2 jobs, along with just completing a degree and taking care of my Mother who needed full time care until she passed away. I have NEVER exploited my husband and seriously doubt that he thinks I have. I consider your derogatory comments rather hurtful

Layinghen

Jos sorry for dragging this up again but heard the following and I thought it might be of interest to you and more particularly for Mr Jos.

THREE THINGS A RETIRED MAN SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HIS WIFE

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK?

And most importantly

I'LL GO WITH YOU

:D:D

looksee

Layinghen wrote: »

Jos sorry for dragging this up again but heard the following and I thought it might be of interest to you and more particularly for Mr Jos.

THREE THINGS A RETIRED MAN SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HIS WIFE

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK?

And most importantly

I'LL GO WITH YOU

:D:D

Can I 'like'that about 1000 times?

Layinghen

Thought people would appreciate it