Good excuses for cancelling arrangements

IM0

IM0 wrote: »

"Im sorry I cant go, I dont like you anymore"

the benefit of this one is it only needs to be said once for future meetings as the excuse is are already noted, understood, and deemed sufficient to not even have to ask you so then you dont have to repeat it

YellowFeather wrote: »

I don't think I could use those exact words. Looking for something a bit nicer. Like, my newly acquired conjoined twin doesn't like you anymore and she won't let me come out (but maybe a bit more realistic, 'cause I haven't recently acquired a conjoined twin). Hmmm... Yet....

"you know lately we have moved apart, we are family we love each other thats a given, but we have grown apart like old college friends, our lives are going in different directions"

something like that..

newmug

Tell them you're so grateful that they're so understanding of your problem, that not everybody is so sound to them, that you really appreciate their company and friendship. When they say "WTF you on about?", you say "Ah don't pretend that you don't know about my genital attacking leprosy, sure isn't it a family thing, we're all waaaaaayy more susceptible to it than other people, sure all the cousins on Da's side caught it".

Tigger

honesty is the best

probably nsfw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egsaBOZr9fI

af_thefragile

Say personal problem. If they push you a lot, then say terrible diarrhoea.

Can't go wrong with that!

The Backwards Man

YellowFeather wrote: »

Well, for the moment, I'm liking the "I have a premonition" excuse closely followed by yours. I'm going to leave it 'till this time tomorrow, but, if you remain in second, I'll give you whatever eirator doesn't choose (which could easily be both a sock puppet and a poem).

I'm still open to new suggestions though, but ye guys are def in the lead.

It will be a good sock puppet and a good poem btw. I wouldn't put them out there unless I was going to do them properly.



Ooooo - I like this. It's a bit too short notice for this excuse, but I will definitely be using it in the future.

*shuffles feet impatiently*




:pac:

YellowFeather

Oooooook. I've spent the whole day thinking about it. Haven't got a tap done! I think I'm going to have to go with the some kind of back injury so that I can at least give a week's notice that there's no way in hell I'm going to this thing! Scruffles is now the proud owner of a kitteh sock puppet that the stork should bring at some point over the weekend!

Backwards Man - you did make a valiant effort. You can have a poem on the subject of your choice. Pick a topic and I'll get it to ya by Sunday (or tonight if you want a really half @rsed one!).

The Backwards Man

I would like a poem about bumblebees busily buzzing in a bus in the rain please, and there's no rush. Thank you.:)

YellowFeather

It shall be done.

YellowFeather

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I would like a poem about bumblebees busily buzzing in a bus in the rain please, and there's no rush. Thank you.:)

On the street in the middle of an Irish town
In the height of the summer in May.
The lashing rain was pouring down.
For that’s our summer’s way.

Beneath that rain, between a van. .
And a leafy set of trees.
Flies a bird, a plane, or a Superman?
None of those – but a swarm of bees!

The bees were waiting for a bus.
To take them to the market.
Their car’s mirrors were broke and thus.
None of them were able to park it.

The bus arrived, and on the hive.
Flew, glad to be free of the rain.
They buzzingly told the driver to drive.
And they started to dry off again.

The bus soon came to its next stop.
A strange passanger was waiting to alight.
The doors opened up, and what did drop.
Was a cloud, the colour of night.

And the cloud (as they do) it gave itself airs.
And the bees they got rained on again.
As they busily buzzed in a bus on their chairs.
Busy buzzing, in a bus, in the rain.

Mince Pie

Damn it, I really wanted the poem and had come up with glandular fever. Lasts for months and gives you lethargy but not serious enough to warrant hospital and family worrying.

YellowFeather

Glandular fever is a good one, but, seeing as how we're family, I can't really fake a long term illness. What would your poem have been about out? I'm all poemed out tonight - couldn't resist having a go at Backwards Man's! I bet he wishes he got the finger puppet...

The Backwards Man

My life is complete.:)

Celly Smunt

I have to wash my hair.

Mince Pie

YellowFeather wrote: »

Glandular fever is a good one, but, seeing as how we're family, I can't really fake a long term illness. What would your poem have been about out? I'm all poemed out tonight - couldn't resist having a go at Backwards Man's! I bet he wishes he got the finger puppet...

The Backwards Man wrote: »

My life is complete.:)

About life being complete because of a poem.

YellowFeather

:P I think I could try that. I'll stick it into my finger-puppet-making schedule.

TPD

Tell them an old friend is coming in from Canada that day, you'd planned something or other with this friend and got your dates mixed up when agreeing to the family thing. Some other time, yada yada.

Teagwee

You have to take an old friend to or from the airport for their first holiday abroad - they have a sprained ankle/been banned from driving/were let down by someone else/can't drive and you really owe them this favour. They just rang you there now and you couldn't say no!

stefan idiot jones

Well, here's the thing....firstly I should have cut my nails, secondly I should have bought a better quality toilet paper, and last of all my arse is bleeding like a stuck pig.

Joe10000

If you're single say you've met someone new and have been asked out that night. In the top trumps of excuses for family nothing beats first date.

I don't want a poem or a finger thanks.

Jimmy Garlic

If I was you I would say I have to go to court for indecent exposure that day.

Hooked

YellowFeather wrote: »

On the street in the middle of an Irish town
In the height of the summer in May.
The lashing rain was pouring down.
For that’s our summer’s way.

Beneath that rain, between a van. .
And a leafy set of trees.
Flies a bird, a plane, or a Superman?
None of those – but a swarm of bees!

The bees were waiting for a bus.
To take them to the market.
Their car’s mirrors were broke and thus.
None of them were able to park it.

The bus arrived, and on the hive.
Flew, glad to be free of the rain.
They buzzingly told the driver to drive.
And they started to dry off again.

The bus soon came to its next stop.
A strange passanger was waiting to alight.
The doors opened up, and what did drop.
Was a cloud, the colour of night.

And the cloud (as they do) it gave itself airs.
And the bees they got rained on again.
As they busily buzzed in a bus on their chairs.
Busy buzzing, in a bus, in the rain.

You can come up with that poem on the spot, but can't think of one excuse to get out of an event in the future???

Maybe if you wrote a poem about making excuses, the answer would write itself...

johnny_knoxvile

paulmclaughlin wrote: »

"I need to walk my fish."

ya put him in a pair of tights and walk a long beside the canal...you walk, he swims, everyone wins.

ectoraige

I don't know if I'm too late, but my recommendation is to start a "my tooth hurts" routine tonight. Spend the weekend bitching and moaning about it to whatever family members care to listen, ensuring the event organiser gets to hear about it. By Sunday make out that it's so painful that you go to the dentist first thing Monday morning. If you're likely to have a hangover on Sunday this would be good cover for a lazy duvet day too.

Come Monday, it turns out that the dentist could only do a temporary job and you now have an appointment to go back on - oh no! - the same day as the event. At this point you tell the organiser your terrible news and display whatever levels of disappointment you deem appropriate.

Of course, if the event is on at the weekend you'll have to fiddle with the details a bit - perhaps the second appointment isn't until the following week, but then have it flare up again next Friday - too late to see the dentist again, but with enough time to at least give a day or twos notice that you won't be able to go to the event.

It should be easy to pull off as there can be no visible symptoms to toothache, plus you can garner lots of sympathy. By having a bad weekend this weekend, it'll eliminate the surprise when you do tell them you can't go to the event.

What measurements do you need for the finger puppet? My fingers are kind of stubby.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

"Sorry, I don't want to"

Reindeer

I like: "I'd rather spend the night at home making finger puppets out of old socks. Alone. With no internet connection or phone. Or electricity or candles. Or old socks. "

Should work just fine, and they will get the idea not to invite you to anything ever again.

YellowFeather

Hooked wrote: »

You can come up with that poem on the spot, but can't think of one excuse to get out of an event in the future???

Maybe if you wrote a poem about making excuses, the answer would write itself...

Yeah - I only seem to be able to use my powers for dossing.

ectoraige wrote: »

I don't know if I'm too late, but my recommendation is to start a "my tooth hurts" routine tonight. Spend the weekend bitching and moaning about it to whatever family members care to listen, ensuring the event organiser gets to hear about it. By Sunday make out that it's so painful that you go to the dentist first thing Monday morning. If you're likely to have a hangover on Sunday this would be good cover for a lazy duvet day too.

Come Monday, it turns out that the dentist could only do a temporary job and you now have an appointment to go back on - oh no! - the same day as the event. At this point you tell the organiser your terrible news and display whatever levels of disappointment you deem appropriate.

Of course, if the event is on at the weekend you'll have to fiddle with the details a bit - perhaps the second appointment isn't until the following week, but then have it flare up again next Friday - too late to see the dentist again, but with enough time to at least give a day or twos notice that you won't be able to go to the event.

It should be easy to pull off as there can be no visible symptoms to toothache, plus you can garner lots of sympathy. By having a bad weekend this weekend, it'll eliminate the surprise when you do tell them you can't go to the event.

That is really good actually. Jaysus - I'm going to spend my weekend making finger puppets.

Actually, there's another excuse. I can't go out because I have to make finger puppets for boardsies who came up with good excuses for why I can't go out.

ectoraige wrote: »

What measurements do you need for the finger puppet? My fingers are kind of stubby.

Your finger measurements would probably be best...

ectoraige

YellowFeather wrote: »

Your finger measurements would probably be best...

I'm a finger puppet novice so I'm not sure what which finger would suit best. Let me get back to you on that one.

vitani

Migraine. This has the added benefit of being an excuse you can use in the future.

Also great for getting a day off work.

Capt'n Midnight

Explain that you have rectal glaucoma.

You can't see yourself getting your ass over there.

looking_around

Panthro wrote: »

Say for a work situation...

Ring the Boss and say:
You: “Hi Boss, I don’t think I can work today”
Boss: “Why not?”
You: “Because I think I’m schizophrenic!”
Boss: “No you’re not!”
You: “You’re right, I’m not…
(Pause a few seconds…then deepen your voice and slowly say)
You:…”But I am….”

Boss: “Arrrggghh!”:eek:

Boom. Day off.

FYI, thats multi personalities.

Schizophrenics have hallucinations audio or visual, they do not move those hallucinations into their body to speak to you.


__
OP, last minute cancellations are the most believable. (although any will be suspicious if you previously agreed to going.

But:
You needed a dentist appointment/specialist doctor, and the only availble free date just happens to be the same as the one planned.
Come up with an ailment that won't make them to worried and can finish off it was easily solved. So like teeth pain is the best. Throat/hearing condition/muscle pain/wrist pain..like get an xray for the latter even if it turned out fine. So that would work out a good excuse

Apolloyon

Tell then that you need to cancel as you need to do the THE LORD's work and you have to go to a prayer meeting. Be sure to be as patronising as possible about this. A constant reminder how you are 'saved' and such will have then making excuses and hanging up.

HOWEVER, if your family are fairly religious, this could be no go option. They may be delighted you've finally seen the light and before you know it you're doing the Rosary with your family every evening for the rest of your life.

In that case go for this option. Tell them that you can't believe anyone believes in God or the tooth fairy in this day and age. Say you'd love to go the meeting you arranged but you have to go to your Atheists Meeting to discuss how Unicorns don't exist and such. Alternate between self righteous anger and all knowing smugness on this one. Even if they don't believe in God already, your mission is to be so annoying they might just convert out of spite. Remind them that since you know there is Sky Wizard this automatically makes you super intelligent and a scientist.

But what happens if neither if these work? Then you need to fall back on being as an annoying relative as possible. Ring them every day and ask random questions such as 'Is Canada a real place?' and no matter what they answer say 'Well how does that explain dinosaurs?'. Also phone them at 10:05pm every night and talk incessantly about a tv show they don't watch. Ignore any protestation that they don't watch or follow it and continue your conversation as if talking to a fellow fan.

Use any one or all of these tips should have them cancelling any meetings...permanently!

Wacker The Attacker

YellowFeather wrote: »

I know - honesty is the best policy. But, it's not very nice to tell somebody that you can't make it out because you'd rather spend the night at home making finger puppets out of old socks. Alone. With no internet connection or phone. Or electricity or candles. Or old socks.

I need to get out of an arrangement with a family member. It's not for another week and a bit, but I'd rather tell them as soon as possible that I can't make it, rather than leaving it to the last minute (would be unfair). I'm not particularly comfortable with killing people off (for my excuse - not actually killing them).

If anybody comes up with an excuse that I can use, I will genuinely send you some form of finger puppet or write you a poem - your choice.

tell them to f**k off

Merkin

Hide yourself away somewhere totally implausible, go totally AWOL and then spark a national missing person's manhunt. You can even have your picture on the top of After Hours if you make your exit dramatic enough. Your relative will be totally cool with you not turning up as they'll be too busy fearing for your life/safety.

ToddyDoody

I can't go.. have to attend the abortion clinic.

Lawrence1895

'I am going to a Shelbourne match'...I was accused to look for the sympathy vote :rolleyes:

Sh1tbag OToole

YellowFeather wrote: »

I know - honesty is the best policy. But, it's not very nice to tell somebody that you can't make it out because you'd rather spend the night at home making finger puppets out of old socks. Alone. With no internet connection or phone. Or electricity or candles. Or old socks.

I need to get out of an arrangement with a family member. It's not for another week and a bit, but I'd rather tell them as soon as possible that I can't make it, rather than leaving it to the last minute (would be unfair). I'm not particularly comfortable with killing people off (for my excuse - not actually killing them).

If anybody comes up with an excuse that I can use, I will genuinely send you some form of finger puppet or write you a poem - your choice.

Well OP have you many finger puppets made since you started this thread? Hows it all going in the finger puppet world? Did anyone ever find out that this was the reason you were cancelling on them?

YellowFeather

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Well OP have you many finger puppets made since you started this thread? Hows it all going in the finger puppet world? Did anyone ever find out that this was the reason you were cancelling on them?

Huh - that was almost a year ago. How did yiu even find this?

And nah - I'm an accomplished poet but a shįt finger puppet person.

Zed Bank

The Queen of England wrote: »

I think you're confusing schizophrenia with multiple personality disorder.

I think you're confusing multiple personality disorder with dissociative identity disorder.

Archeron

YellowFeather wrote: »

shįt finger.

Ewwwww

YellowFeather

Archeron wrote: »

Ewwwww

Hmm, yeah - that reads really badly. Ok - I don't make finger puppets so good like.

Sh1tbag OToole

YellowFeather wrote: »

Huh - that was almost a year ago. How did yiu even find this?

And nah - I'm an accomplished poet but a shįt finger puppet person.

Feck it I looked at the last posted date before digging this up and thought hmm thats only about 6 months, time flies.

I made this thread around the same time: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=84767240
and for some reason the old sock finger puppet excuse stuck in my head so when someone mentions doing something really boring like drinking 6 euro pints in a pub in Dublin I tell them I'd rather spend the evening making finger puppets from an old sock even though I havn't the slightest clue where to start with that

YellowFeather

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Feck it I looked at the last posted date before digging this up and thought hmm thats only about 6 months, time flies.

I made this thread around the same time: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=84767240
and for some reason the old sock finger puppet excuse stuck in my head so when someone mentions doing something really boring like drinking 6 euro pints in a pub in Dublin I tell them I'd rather spend the evening making finger puppets from an old sock even though I havn't the slightest clue where to start with that

Ha - love it. My random nonsense has become a thing. Now if somebody would just say that back to me I could die happy.

The Backwards Man

YellowFeather wrote: »

Ha - love it. My random nonsense has become a thing. Now if somebody would just say that back to me I could die happy.

Ha - love it. My random nonsense has become a thing. Now if somebody would just say that back to me I could die happy

YellowFeather

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Ha - love it. My random nonsense has become a thing. Now if somebody would just say that back to me I could die happy

I fecking knew someone would do that. And I should have known it would be you. I wrote you a poem man!! :pac:

ectoraige

YellowFeather wrote: »

That is really good actually. Jaysus - I'm going to spend my weekend making finger puppets.

...
Your finger measurements would probably be best...

ectoraige wrote:

I'm a finger puppet novice so I'm not sure what which finger would suit best. Let me get back to you on that one.

So after some consultation and much consideration, I think I would like a blue giraffe. I shall name it Fwibble, and wear it with pride. Base circumference is 37mm, length 77mm. You may take your time, I have no desire to rush an artist in their quest for perfection.

YellowFeather

ectoraige wrote: »

So after some consultation and much consideration, I think I would like a blue giraffe. I shall name it Fwibble, and wear it with pride. Base circumference is 37mm, length 77mm. You may take your time, I have no desire to rush an artist in their quest for perfection.

Hm. Just saw this after finger puppets, or finger tip pets if you will, popped back on my radar somehow..

Ok - I will craft you said puppet. It won't be today or tomorrow, but it will happen. I can see you're a man of patience so I can get away with taking my time on this one. Eh - I mean mastering the finer details and stuff.

The Backwards Man

I would like to exchange my poem for a fingertip pet please?

YellowFeather

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I would like to exchange my poem for a fingertip pet please?

Eh - no. Wtf is wrong with your poem ya ingrate??

The Backwards Man

YellowFeather wrote: »

Eh - no. Wtf is wrong with your poem ya ingrate??

I can't wiggle it on my finger and have conversations with it.

ectoraige

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I can't wiggle it on my finger and have conversations with it.

What you need, sir, is a tattooist with a very fine eye for detail.