Did we do a good job as parents?

Voltex

This is just something that has been knocking round my head for a while. I remember a quote from Oscar Wildes Picture of Dorian Gray;

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them;
sometimes they forgive them

Im just wondering if you feel that your children are the ultimate juge of how successful you were as a parent and is it right?

I work very hard as a parent trying to make sure that all the mistakes my parents made with me dont happen with my kids. But is this just a endless cycle of blame, hurt and anger perpetuating improvements that are a natural facet of intergenerational relationships?

nesf

I don't think anyone really understands what their parents were doing until they're raising their own kids and being faced with the same decisions. Also a fair dollop of actual life experience helps, which is why you see such a change in attitudes from teenager years to people in their late 20s after they've actually had to live a little.

The Princess Bride

To quote Wadsworth,
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.”

Or Twain ,perhaps?
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”


No amount of advice or books can prepare you for parenting.
No matter how much you think you're going to be the best ever parent,when that child is handed to you,you're on your own.

Personally speaking,this is the most difficult role I've ever had in my adult life.
On the good days, I can think I've done a fairly good job and be proud of myself.
As for the not so good days-let's not go there.

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors in other families;all any of us can do, is try our best.

McTigs

When you bring children into the world you have duties to them. The basic duties to keep them safe, secure, nourished.

There are the secondary duties to care for them, nurture them, love them, guide them, teach them values, encourage them and all the while not spoil them, and generally have them confidently and competently ready for the world.... and to my mind, ready to not need you anymore once they spread their wings.

Nobody will get it right all the time and all you can do is your best, but you have an absolute duty to do your best, your very very best.

Very few children will grow up resenting their parents for doing all they could and still making a bags of it, they'll resent them for not bothering.

helimachoptor

My dad died when i was quite young and my mam raised myself and my younger brother.

Growing up i was always relatively well behaved with the odd WTF moment, but throw in your general teenage rebellion years i used to think that my mam was the devil incarnate!

However from about 22 or so onwards i gained a real appreciation for everything she did and sacrificed for myself and my brother.

If/when myself and wife have kids there are a lot of lessons that will be passed on from me to our kids

Another boards member who I read and speak with a lot told me his dad asked him once if he had been a good father.

His dad was not the type to ask that kind of question or talk about personal things at all, so this came out of nowhere in the pub.

My friend said he gave the answer "If you want to know if you were a good parent then do not look at your own kids - but instead look at your childrens kids."

At which point my friend tells me his dad hugged him and just said "thank you" and that conversation was over.