Something needs to be done about nightclub groping

Das Kitty

GreeBo wrote: »

Mods, any issue with people posting where they have had this happen to them?

What exactly would it achieve?

It's happened to me in every club in Galway.

Fizzlesque

rox5 wrote: »

Have you ever been groped in a nightclub, to a point where it ruined your night?
Just want to hear other woman's views on this.

A man grabbed my friend's behind, while we were walking up the stairs of a club one night, my friend had words with him and his response was "ah, it was just there, in front of me, looking so cute, I couldn't resist - it's only a bit of fun", not in the least bit apologetic.

He had quite a large nose and before I knew what was happening I had his nose in a pinch, and as he squeaked, completely startled, I said to him "ah, it was just there, at the tip of your face, looking so pinchable, I couldn't resist".

Unsurprisingly, he didn't find it fun having his nose grabbed - just as my friend didn't find it fun having her ass grabbed. He made a watery apology and we continued on our way, hoping there was now one less man in the world who thinks it's OK to grab total strangers in nightclubs.

roast

First off, I'm a fella in my early twenties.
These kinda antics are pretty much the reason why I don't go to nightclubs any more. It makes me sick to see some lads (and indeed ladies) having absolutely no qualms about disrespecting other peoples personal space.

I can't understand how this Alchemy nightclub sh!thole can justify this kind of advertisement. It leads people to believe that everyone else there is ripe for the picking... Where can this lead if some particularly persistent punter is rejected by the attractive lady he just groped? Will it stop there?
Advertising their events like it's some kind of fúcking orgy and giving the premise that everyone's up for it is disgusting.

I was kicked out of a nightclub a few years ago (and subsequently barred for arguing my corner with the staff) after I ended up in a bit of a "situation" with one of the regulars there - who constantly harrassed female customers by touching them/slapping arses etc.
Since then, I've only been in a proper nightclub once. I got kicked out of there too when I requested the bouncers remove a certain "gentleman" from the building after he repeatedly snapped one of my female friends bra straps, pestering her to go home with him.

Any establishment, nightclubs included, should really start to work on creating a better environment for their patrons - one in which drunken, inconsiderate, touchy-feely arseholes are removed from the premises quick-sharp. People should always feel comfortable on a night out and not constantly having to be worried about being touched inappropriately.

GreeBo

Das Kitty wrote: »

What exactly would it achieve?

It's happened to me in every club in Galway.

People would know where to avoid?
I'm sure it doesnt happen in every club/pub in Dublin.

Millicent

If you've ever experienced that horrible grinding thing--crotch into your backside grinding on you--here's your answer. Thank me later. :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWoUH6k_sh4

rox5

roast wrote: »

First off, I'm a fella in my early twenties.
These kinda antics are pretty much the reason why I don't go to nightclubs any more. It makes me sick to see some lads (and indeed ladies) having absolutely no qualms about disrespecting other peoples personal space.

I can't understand how this Alchemy nightclub sh!thole can justify this kind of advertisement. It leads people to believe that everyone else there is ripe for the picking... Where can this lead if some particularly persistent punter is rejected by the attractive lady he just groped? Will it stop there?
Advertising their events like it's some kind of fúcking orgy and giving the premise that everyone's up for it is disgusting.

I was kicked out of a nightclub a few years ago (and subsequently barred for arguing my corner with the staff) after I ended up in a bit of a "situation" with one of the regulars there - who constantly harrassed female customers by touching them/slapping arses etc.
Since then, I've only been in a proper nightclub once. I got kicked out of there too when I requested the bouncers remove a certain "gentleman" from the building after he repeatedly snapped one of my female friends bra straps, pestering her to go home with him.

Any establishment, nightclubs included, should really start to work on creating a better environment for their patrons - one in which drunken, inconsiderate, touchy-feely arseholes are removed from the premises quick-sharp. People should always feel comfortable on a night out and not constantly having to be worried about being touched inappropriately.

Fair play to you, lad! If only they were more guys like you! That actually makes me sick that you were one thrown out of these places, and not the perverts!

Dolbert

GreeBo wrote: »

People would know where to avoid?
I'm sure it doesnt happen in every club/pub in Dublin.

It's happened to me every single time I've gone to a nightclub, and I'm an average looking woman. Various towns and venues. It's easy to miss the regularity of it if you're not the one experiencing it.

Twee.

I don't see any benefits in "naming & shaming", one or two creeps who can't keep their hands to themselves doesn't represent a venue's entire crowd.


It's happened to me on more than a few occasions and it gives me the rage that someone I don't know, have never spoke to, thinks it's ok to touch me on my backside. How could someone think that would get a positive response? Or worse, putting hands around my waist from behind and "dancing". *shudders*

I was in a club once and a guy decided to have a feel of my ass. I managed to grab his hand and made sure to tell him to never fcuking touch me again. Think he got the message, he looked a bit offended even. How did he think I felt :pac:

Rayne Wooney

I've found that a lot of women have the same idea that someone else (could have been OP) on this thread has already pointed out, when women do it it's just harmless fun..

It's wrong to lay a hand on anyone else no matter if it's a man or woman without consent.

I've had it done to me in nightclubs by girls I know and girls I don't know as well, it doesn't really bother me but I can see that people take it as a violation of their space. I'd say that 90% of lads my age go out to clubs to "pull" and with a lot of alcohol involved it's only a matter of time before someone tries groping someone.

I don't see a solution to this, unless everyone who gets groped on a night out reports it to the club, they wouldn't be able to ignore it then, with possibly a hundred(wouldn't surprise me) incidents each night.

rox5

Rayne Wooney wrote: »

I've found that a lot of women have the same idea that someone else (could have been OP) on this thread has already pointed out, when women do it it's just harmless fun..

It's wrong to lay a hand on anyone else no matter if it's a man or woman without consent.

I've had it done to me in nightclubs by girls I know and girls I don't know as well, it doesn't really bother me but I can see that people take it as a violation of their space. I'd say that 90% of lads my age go out to clubs to "pull" and with a lot of alcohol involved it's only a matter of time before someone tries groping someone.

I don't see a solution to this, unless everyone who gets groped on a night out reports it to the club, they wouldn't be able to ignore it then, with possibly a hundred(wouldn't surprise me) incidents each night.

Ok I am gonna have to explain myself here, I understand that it is wrong to put your hands on anyone, girl or boy. No one likes to be annoyed like that when they are having a good time.

I am just saying that, in my experiance, that while they pinching on the ass can be annoying from boy or girl, there is something just more scary about a guy who follows you around, his hands all over you, and grabbing your wrists, your arms or your neck in an agressive way and not letting go, because they know they are stronger than you. I have never really seen girls do this to any guys themselves.

Gorilla Rising

rox5 wrote: »

I am just saying that, in my experiance, that while they pinching on the ass can be annoying from boy or girl, there is something just more scary about a guy who follows you around, his hands all over you, and grabbing your wrists, your arms or your neck in an agressive way and not letting go, because they know they are stronger than you. I have never really seen girls do this to any guys themselves.

You're exaggerating to defend your indefensible comment that it's 'harmless fun' when a woman does it. Just admit you're wrong and stop making things up.

I've never seen nor heard of this behaviour from anyone I've encountered.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but you're implying it's as common in comparison to what a woman does (just pinching a guys ass) and you're just plain wrong.

GreeBo

plenty of guys would be intimidated by a bunch of girls crowding around and pinching his ass...being physically afraid is a different issue imo.

Rayne Wooney

Yeah I get where you're coming from now that you've explained.

But it's actually baffling the amount of women who'll use the "it's harmless fun" line.

wolfpawnat

When I was a teenager, I was out with the girls (I was overage I would like to add) and I had not been drinking but was heading to the bathroom, my neighbour/landlord who was nigh on 50 cornered me in the local nightclub and felt me up. It destroyed my night and indeed a lot of my time living at home after. I told my mother, but she was more interested in the low rent costs than me and warned me if I went to the gardaí she would say I was lying (needless to say, I have long left home and now have nothing to do with her) but I still get scared thinking of that night. Thank goodness it was indoors and not outside.

When women don't protect women, how can we expect anyone to sort it.

Doctor DooM

Another- admittedly compelling- reason why I don't think people should bother with nightclubs.

If I saw one of my friends doing this I would instantly lose every bit of respect for them I had.

alphamule

What do you guys propose?? With drink involved this will always go on!?

Systemic Risk

Im not trying to derail the thread, start an argument or take away from the terrible behaviour described here but i would like to pointvout ladies are very guilty of the exact same behaviour. I worked as security in bars for a few years in college and i was constantly getting groped, pinched, my ass slapped, u name it by drunk girls and i saw it happen to plenty of male customers. I found it anniying also but there is more of an acceptance of the behaviour when girls do it. Anyway i just wanted to make the point. Ill see myself out of the lounge, good night.

Galwayguy35

kylith wrote: »

I haven't been to a club in years, and I'm glad for it now. I've never had a problem with men groping me (I reckon I must give off a 'fúck off' air), so I'm surprised to hear how prevalent it seems to be. Don't let them away with it, if a man got a smack in the chops every time he did something like this he wouldn't be long about stopping it. Don't worry about making a scene; teach them a lesson.

One night someone grabbed my tecticles was I was ordering a drink and when I turned around it was a woman who was part of a Hen night and it was one of the things on their "do do" list to grab some strangers crotch.

Should I have "smacked her in the chops" for doing this?

I'm not defending a groper but I really don't think it's acceptable for either sex to throw slaps.

Twee.

Systemic Risk wrote: »

Im not trying to derail the thread, start an argument or take away from the terrible behaviour described here but i would like to pointvout ladies are very guilty of the exact same behaviour. I worked as security in bars for a few years in college and i was constantly getting groped, pinched, my ass slapped, u name it by drunk girls and i saw it happen to plenty of male customers. I found it anniying also but there is more of an acceptance of the behaviour when girls do it. Anyway i just wanted to make the point. Ill see myself out of the lounge, good night.

Please consider the charter the next time you post, thanks

It is also not the place for men to respond to a thread on a women's point of view with "what about men?", this is considered "whataboutery" and off topic posting. If you want to discuss such subjects there are other forums on Boards where you can.

IvyTheTerrible

It's a good few years since I set foot inside a nightclub, but this constant groping/pinching/ass slapping/rubbing up against was really offputting. I'm only ordinary looking but it happened every single time I went to a nightclub. Sometimes I would just ignore it, sometimes I would give them an elbow or something but it doesn't really help. To be honest, it often ruined a night out for me, particularly if the guy was very persistent. I don't understand what these people think they are going to achieve?

Pepe LeFrits

Das Kitty wrote: »

What exactly would it achieve?

It's happened to me in every club in Galway.

Twee. wrote: »

I don't see any benefits in "naming & shaming", one or two creeps who can't keep their hands to themselves doesn't represent a venue's entire crowd.

It’s up to the owners of a club to look after their clientele and if they refuse to do that, then why shouldn’t get they get named? I’m not suggesting creating a list of every club where someone has had their arse pinched as it’d include every club in the country, but ones where it is common and ignored by the management.

roast wrote: »

Any establishment, nightclubs included, should really start to work on creating a better environment for their patrons - one in which drunken, inconsiderate, touchy-feely arseholes are removed from the premises quick-sharp. People should always feel comfortable on a night out and not constantly having to be worried about being touched inappropriately.

Agreed.

Giving someone a slap isn’t really going to change anything, though it may feel cathartic. Really, the best thing to do is just keep raising awareness that it’s not OK. Social media can be a powerful tool if enough people care about the issue. It’s not going to change overnight but attitudes /can/ be changed. In the meantime, finding out which nightclub owners will look after their customers and which won’t might also be worthwhile…

Merkin

It's ages since I've been in a club as I'm bordering on being a fossil at the grand old age of mid-30s. However, I would consider groping almost part and parcel of going to a packed nightclub and have had my ass pinched and slapped more times than I'd care to mention. I had a particularly VILE experience in one "up market" city centre club which shall remain nameless a couple of years ago. I was wearing a pencil skirt and while making my way very slowly through a heaving throng of people near the bar with a friend, suddenly and without warning, I felt my ladybits being grabbed. I mean properly grabbed. While trying to get through all those crowded bodies slowly, some ba$tard had taken the liberty of putting his hand UP my skirt and grabbing my vagina with such force it properly took the wind out of me. The worst thing was I looked around and there were some sleazy and disgusting individuals leering back at me as if to say "what you going to do about it" while the identity of the perpetrator remained a mystery. I'm really not easily shocked but it really ruined my night. When I turned back again they were gone too so it's not like I could pick one out. This to me was in no doubt a sexual assualt and yet it's so common (not necessarily fanny grabbing but you get my drift) that it's excused by saying "ah sure it's only a bit of craic".....:mad:

homerjay2005

so when guys do it, its wrong/revolting and all this, yet girls do it its harmless fun? amazing example of double standards.

girls do this as much as men. some things are harmless, but then some of the others described here are harassement, theres a huge difference and anybody who does the latter is nothing but a scumbag, both sexes included.

IvyTheTerrible

homerjay2005 wrote: »

so when guys do it, its wrong/revolting and all this, yet girls do it its harmless fun? amazing example of double standards.

girls do this as much as men. some things are harmless, but then some of the others described here are harassement, theres a huge difference and anybody who does the latter is nothing but a scumbag, both sexes included.

Did someone here say when girls do it it's harmless?

Rayne Wooney

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Did someone here say when girls do it it's harmless?

Did you read the thread? It's been mentioned at least 5 times.

IvyTheTerrible

Rayne Wooney wrote: »

Did you read the thread? It's been mentioned at least 5 times.

One poster mentioned it was harmless and then backtracked. All the other posters were saying it was unacceptable whatever the gender.

Wibbs

Was this not clear enough?

Twee wrote:

Please consider the charter the next time you post, thanks

It is also not the place for men to respond to a thread on a women's point of view with "what about men?", this is considered "whataboutery" and off topic posting. If you want to discuss such subjects there are other forums on Boards where you can.

I'll be clearer. No more "what about men?" in this thread. Bans will be handed down. Thank you.

GreeBo

Any women not have an issue with it at all?
Maybe have met/chatted/whatever with a guy after it has happened?

GalwayGuy2

Yeah there should be some kind of punishment when a person gropes another person without their consent. I think fines or bans would be a good idea (Even though the first club would lose a lot of business)

Although, if you involve the law I think there should be a separation between groping and sexual assault. In the english languange, and our society, Sexual assualt has rape conontations, while groping is a lesser, but still punishable, offense, depending on the circumstances of the grope itself. If it's covered by Sexual Assualt then a person slapping another person's bottom would be treated the same in the law as a violent sexual offender.

So, would people be in favor of having it punishable by itself, or should it be classed as Sexual Assault?

eviltwin

This is one of the reasons I don't go to nightclubs anymore. I have seen a lot of agressive behaviour from both sexes in pretty much every club I have been to. I feel I am constantly having to be on alert now and it defeats the purpose of a night out for me to always be on my guard.

The last experience I had was a few years ago in an over 30's club. I thought that maybe the age profile would mean a more mature clientele. Wrong. I got chatted up by a guy up at the bar, told him I was married and he proceeded to stare at our group the entire night. One of my friends went up to the bar and he told her our group looked like a bunch of whores, he followed me to the loos and waited outside and tried to block me so that I had to shove past him to get out.

We complained and were told "thats X, he's harmless". It was clear management tolerated it. We never went back.