Children and swearing.

lazygal

Maybe not the most pressing of issues but something that's come up. Our child has a few cousins and I'm getting a little concerned about her picking up on bad language. Myself and my husband don't really use 'swear' words, even before children, and we're conscious of her not picking up 'bad' words. However, her cousins (who are still very young) have picked up a few ripe words from their older cousins and other family members who don't seem to exercise any caution around them when it comes to language. I'm unsure as to how anything I say about this won't come across as prissy and uptight - and maybe I am - but I really don't like very small children using language like that. Would anyone have any advice/words of wisdom as to how to handle this kind of thing?

pwurple

I think if you don't use them yourselves, and you don't react to it, she won't use them either.

We don't swear much... but I remember I walked into a room where husband was making a giant mess.... and I said 'for fcks sake, what are you doing!'. She walked in the door 2 seconds behind me, hands on hips, giving it loads of attitude, and said the exact same thing. Oops!

We had discussed how to react if she started it before this, so we ignored what she said and carried on (not swearing). She hasn't sworn since. I'm sure it will happen again, and that's going to be my plan then too.

My mum is a fan of explaining about 'bold words', but I don't think that works when they are small. Just keep the usage low yourself, don't react at all if she does it.

PlainP

I swear but usually only if something happens and a S***t or F**k might come out.

My sons are told that adults use these words as a way to express frustration and the are told not to use them as they are not adults yet.


My sons were outside having a water fight with their friends last week. I was watching them from the sitting room as they were right outside the house. One of the young lads comes over screaming a heap of obscenities at them. My youngest legs it after this chap shouting after him while squirting his gun "there's no cursing here". I was impressed with the fact that it was a natural reaction for him to not curse back evev though they do hear me swear.

If you don't swear at home, and she doesn't hear swear words at a crèche or minders, she is unlikely to grow up swearing.
Kids are going to hear swearing from other kids and adults at some stage in their life.
My sister has three kids and none of them swear, ever. They all had the odd "fvck or "sh*te" moment as toddlers because they're new words and "fvck" is an interesting word to say.
Because she and her husband didn't swear at home they lost interest in those words quickly.

My son says a lot of "oh sugar" and "oops" because that's what I say.

pickarooney

We've always told them it was fine to use those words but only on their own and in their room. There was a brief experimental phase where they practiced them in their bedroom but once the mystery was gone they never really used them. Thy will point out if we swear around them.

Das Kitty

I don't particularly want to go down the, "do as I say, not what I do," route with my youngfella. I do swear, less now then I used to, but I think swearwords have their place in language.

The problem for kids is that it takes a lot of practise and experience to know when and where what language (not just swearing) is appropriate. I personally had next to no control over when I used certain terms until I was about 15, and in a lot of ways I'm still learning.

Our little guy has picked up the "for eff's sake" thing. Only he think's the F bit is "fox". We have up to this point been playing dumb when he says it and asking if he means, "Oh no!" It works at the moment.

When he cops on though I reckon pika's method above is a good one. I don't want to ban words like this, but I want to give guidance of when it's appropriate or not.

Queen-Mise

Kids will hear swearing no matter what you do. Playground in school if nowhere else, especially if they get older.

It is not a major thing really. Kids can be great judges of character, and if they don't like someone swearing they will stay away.
Ask them - does X swear, and if yes, does it bother them that X swears. [Make sure to ask with a tone of polite interest - not of inquisition, & then X gets in trouble].

I think this is one of my only areas of parenting where I practise - 'don't do as I do' I can swear quite badly (or a lot) sometimes, I don't ever realise half the time what I am saying.

nesf

My son has started saying "What the..." with just a hint of an f as if it was said by someone who just realised they were in polite company and bit their tongue at the last moment. I asked what comes after the "the" and he looked at me blankly and said "I don't know."

I think he picked it up from one of the older kids at school or the after-care. He's said feck once or twice, I'm not sure where he got that from, neither myself nor my wife use it.


Personally I'm terrible for swearing usually but I've managed to rein it in around the kids. Of course I learned most of my swear words from two of my uncles when I was my son's age after which they told me to go in and tell my grandmother all the new words I'd learned.