What now...? Advice needed

iwantthat

I married my wife 2 years ago after a relationship of nearly 6 years...
But before the marriage and into the marriage it has been a very bumpy ride.
At this point, we both believe it was a mistake and now we have finally decided to go our separate ways. I am moving out of the house in next two days.
There is no element of cheating or sort. Just we both have discovered that we were never meant to be together and the compromises have exceeded the acceptable limit. Specially after the birth of our first and only son 2 years ago.

My question is what i can do now in terms of divorce. How to proceed.?

Ken.

The clock starts when you move out. Go to mediation to sort stuff out like bills,maintenance etc. Its better to get it all on paper as soon as possible and in 4 years when you can divorce its good to have a clear separation of ye both.

desbrook

ken wrote: »

The clock starts when you move out. Go to mediation to sort stuff out like bills,maintenance etc. Its better to get it all on paper as soon as possible and in 4 years when you can divorce its good to have a clear separation of ye both.

Plus one to the above . It very important that you and your wife agree on as much as possible for the next four years of your separation re:access maintainance , mortgage etc . Your aim is to make the divorce a simple "rubber stamping " exercise where the only real difference is that you both can remarry if you wish . The best way to go is to strike while the iron is hot and draw up and sign a legal document called a "Deed of Separation " . You do this commonly through mediation with the aid of legal advice .

The only slight difference with ken's advice is I'd advise you both see a solicitor separately before mediation . This legal advice is necessary to give you both some realistic idea of what you both should seek/recieve . I compare it to the white lines on a football pitch . Without them the game descends into a farce and without legal advice negotiaions can descend into an exchange of overambtious requests , unworkable offers and illegal threats .

An "Affidavitt of Means" and an "Affidavitt or Welfare " should to be exchanged between your solicitors . The former is a sworn statement or your income/expenditure/assets . The latter is a sworn statement of your health/child commitments and such like . It firms up your agreement showing you both were aware of the others circumstances .
If you and your solicitors feel you are very much in agreement you might skip mediation and let yours or theirs draft it . From my own experience an inept mediator can make things much worse and slow things .
Two final things . Avoid dating anyone new (if possible) until the agreement is signed it really does complicate things . Secondly all the above may look complicated and very daunting . There's no denying it can be . Avoiding the legal stuff though will make things many times more complicated and daunting in years to come . From your initial post things seem very mature and sensible . Sort things now

spokesman

In going the legal route, ensure you get your section 68 letter outlining your estimated costs and also itemised billing as required by law, from your solicitor. In relation to getting an agreement, i would advise not to allow neverending letters toing and froing to both solicitors, and getting nowhere, this only serves the solicitor and not your pocket, i would advise set out your position, be reasonable and stick to it, go to court sooner rather then later, to avoid big legal costs.

desbrook

spokesman wrote: »

In going the legal route, ensure you get your section 68 letter outlining your estimated costs and also itemised billing as required by law, from your solicitor. In relation to getting an agreement, i would advise not to allow neverending letters toing and froing to both solicitors, and getting nowhere, this only serves the solicitor and not your pocket, i would advise set out your position, be reasonable and stick to it, go to court sooner rather then later, to avoid big legal costs.

The whole idea of a separation agreement is that you avoid court and the costs/stress that it entails. Even a complicated agreement costs maybe 3k to finalise - a fraction of the cost of a judicial separation or indeed most weddings!

spokesman

desbrook wrote: »

The whole idea of a separation agreement is that you avoid court and the costs/stress that it entails. Even a complicated agreement costs maybe 3k to finalise - a fraction of the cost of a judicial separation or indeed most weddings!

I am quite aware of the difference in costs, but the point regarding section 68 is very much a point to consider, as some solicitors do tend to forget to issue these, and you are entering unchartered waters regarding billing. Everything might be hunky dory at the start between a couple where they might provisionally agree to avoid court, then sticking points occur, stubbornism takes over and along comes the bitterness, this then plays into the legal side of things where a solicitor can have a stable of disagreeing couples, along with no section 68 issued at the start, its "lets rack it up time" and then you will find that to pay a barrister to represent you would pay for the honeymoon and the solicitors fees would pay for the wedding ......but their is always the law society my friend:D