Anyone else not want children?

madmaggie

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Have to laugh at this......

A person can decide in their 20s whatever the hell they want.

Say a couple who dont want to have kids......they dont ultimately make that decision until just before the female partner becomes biologically too old.

A view might be formed when the person is in their 20s. The decision is ultimately made when the woman is in her late 30s or early 40s.

True, I came to that view in my 20's, just no maternal instinct at all. My mother wasn't maternal either, I was an 'accident'. My neighbours kids call over, they're great fun, but jesus am I worn out after a couple of hours! :P

chrissb8

This thread has made me realise there are alot of idiots out there with a one track mind. Considering this country used to have over 4 kids per a catholic family during the church ruling days which nearly broke some families due to sheer constraints. I think it's nice that it has gone the other way. Kids are no easy task and need full commitment. Shame on you people questioning other peoples choices to not have kids. Absolutely closed minded.

Addle

This is one of the most patronising articles I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
https://m.independent.ie/life/katie-byrne-why-do-women-who-are-childless-by-circumstance-feel-compelled-to-take-the-road-less-travelled-36453045.html
I certainly don't choose extra curricular activities just to justify my childless existence. Such sh!te.

Sephiroth_dude

I love my little cousins and I have a niece and nephew on the way who I can't wait to meet but I definitely don't want kids of my own.

Lia_lia

Addle wrote: »

This is one of the most patronising articles I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
https://m.independent.ie/life/katie-byrne-why-do-women-who-are-childless-by-circumstance-feel-compelled-to-take-the-road-less-travelled-36453045.html

"If you're one of the unfortunate women trying to buy Cystopurin today, you've probably discovered by now that your local pharmacy is out of stock.

Why, you might ask? Because yesterday was National Baby-Making Day - the annual festival of bonking that bookends the festive season with a literal, and figurative, bang."

Christ.

me_irl

chrissb8 wrote: »

This thread has made me realise there are alot of idiots out there with a one track mind. Considering this country used to have over 4 kids per a catholic family during the church ruling days which nearly broke some families due to sheer constraints. I think it's nice that it has gone the other way. Kids are no easy task and need full commitment. Shame on you people questioning other peoples choices to not have kids. Absolutely closed minded.

So "closed minded" in fact that when a "childfree" forum was suggested, it was quickly disregarded and voted against. :rolleyes:

Addle wrote: »

This is one of the most patronising articles I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
https://m.independent.ie/life/katie-byrne-why-do-women-who-are-childless-by-circumstance-feel-compelled-to-take-the-road-less-travelled-36453045.html
I certainly don't choose extra curricular activities just to justify my childless existence. Such sh!te.

EDIT: Just realised the age of this thread!

Also, the term is "childFREE". "Less" implies you're missing out on something. "Free" as in free-will, as in the choice not to want or have children.

Vela

I was adamant for years that I was absolutely never having kids. These days, I'm still not feeling that whole maternal thing I'm apparently meant to be feeling (I'm 31), but at the same time I'd say I'm more open to it. Mainly because I found myself in a relationship with someone a while back who did want them, and I wasn't completely a "no" on the idea. I think, for me, I'd have to be in a very secure relationship and very confident about my ability to provide for a child before I'd even consider it. And it'd probably have to be the guy pushing for it. If I was with a guy who wasn't sure/didn't mind, I could see myself never having kids and I wouldn't be disappointed at all.

It's a weird thing to think about, especially since at my age most women I know are all about kids etc. It's just never been a big thing on my radar. I mean, I like them well enough and they always love me for some mad reason, but it's very different when you can give them back at the end of the day!

misstearheus

Ya just gotta tell her O.P. You just have to break it to her. The sooner the better.

There's 34 Pages in this. I'm not going reading them all, I see this is from 2013, - is there anyway to check if I've written in this Thread already?!? I'm doubting what my Reply would be has changed anyway! :rolleyes::rolleyes::(

Have to say the amount of fellas in the Online-Dating World, that already have kids and appear to be open to having more, is surprisingly impressive lol! Just would have thought, with Past Relationships not working out, and the baby-making part over with, that it wouldn't be a popular choice to go back there again! But surprisingly a fair few I see still say they're open to having more.

keith_sixteen

me_irl wrote: »

Also, the term is "childFREE". "Less" implies you're missing out on something. "Free" as in free-will, as in the choice not to want or have children.

my god we are precious aren't we? And I suppose the term "childFREE" comes without any implications at all, does it?

Spanish Eyes

Everone is different.

But the having a baby, poo nappies, colic, crying, toddler, potty training, paying for childcare, babysitting, going to A+E, dealing with tantrums, life on hold, teen madness is for you, go for it.

Get the conversation out of the way from the get go though. But recognise the reality of it all.

Some love kids, but would be hopeless with their own.

keith_sixteen

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

But the having a baby, poo nappies, colic, crying, toddler, potty training, paying for childcare, babysitting, going to A+E, dealing with tantrums, life on hold, teen madness is for you, go for it.

Yep, that's literally what it's like! All the time! NOBODY EVER HAVE KIDS!!

TANTRUMS, LIFE ON HOLD, A&E, CRYING***...TODDLER??

***Disclaimer - also affects adults

Paddy Cow

Addle wrote: »

This is one of the most patronising articles I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
https://m.independent.ie/life/katie-byrne-why-do-women-who-are-childless-by-circumstance-feel-compelled-to-take-the-road-less-travelled-36453045.html
I certainly don't choose extra curricular activities just to justify my childless existence. Such sh!te.

"Socially infertile" who thinks up this crap? :pac:

misstearheus

misstearheus wrote: »

is there anyway to check if I've written in this Thread already?!? I'm doubting what my Reply would be has changed anyway! :rolleyes::rolleyes::(

If you click the number of posts in the forum listing, you get this page. https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/misc.php?do=whoposted&t=2056975245 You hadn't posted here before.

noddyone2

We decided not to get sprogged when we married in 1971. Never regretted it. Came up against a lot of opposition though!

Spleerbun

At this moment in time I'm fairly indifferent, don't think about it much. Defo don't want any at the moment but that may change over the next few years.

Edgware

noddyone2 wrote: »

We decided not to get sprogged when we married in 1971. Never regretted it. Came up against a lot of opposition though!

The riding made up for it.

valoren

It's an indication of a healthy attitude if someone decides they don't want children. They can determine the consequences, the sacrifices, the responsibility and the work involved and chose to not go that way.

Pronto63

Anyone else not want children?


Me.

I've got 2.

Any takers?

BrokenArrows

I don't have a big desire either way.
Myself and then wife are happy at the moment and doing well financially. Having a kid would definitely ruin the financial part.

Maybe in a few years if we have some more income and live in a nicer area.

I've probably posted in here. Opinion hasn't changed..

I see a very happy family life with loving parents close to me. Absolutely fair play. They put in the work and have a great kid.

I like kids grand these days because of that little guy, but it'll never be for me.


What makes me wonder is my brother a decade older talking about he's getting a bit of an idea that he wants one. He's a serial dater and is considering settling down for it. I feel like my mind is set at 31 but seeing him talk about it is stopping me getting the snip.

RWCNT

I go different ways on this depending on the day to be honest.

On one hand, I love having the freedom to do whatever I want in a way I couldn't if I was responsible for the life of a little human that's completely dependant on me. I'm getting into my 30s now but I feel I still have quite a selfish young person mentality that isn't fitting of parenthood.

That said, not one person I know who's had a child has ever given me the impression that they'd trade their child for being able to go on the lash/go on holiday/whatever anytime they like. For them, any sacrifice is worth it as they just love this little person like nothing else. I like to hope I'd be like that if I ended up having a child that was unplanned.

Another aspect is that I'd worry about my ability to provide for a child and the responsibility of doing so. I make a bang-average salary and I do fine on it but kids seem so expensive. My parents both made great salaries when I was growing up and were able to take me on lots of great holidays, give me great presents etc. Not saying for a second that you need to do this to be a good parent but I think it's natural to want to give your child the same kind of upbringing you had (if it was good) or better (if things were tight), and I doubt my ability to do that.

Basically, I'm not sure. Love kids though. The fact they're discovering the world for the first time and things that are mundane to us can hold so much wonder to them is adorable.

TheMilkyPirate

RWCNT wrote: »

That said, not one person I know who's had a child has ever given me the impression that they'd trade their child for being able to go on the lash/go on holiday/whatever anytime they like. For them, any sacrifice is worth it as they just love this little person like nothing else. I like to hope I'd be like that if I ended up having a child that was unplanned.

You would be like that, Guaranteed. I had a unplanned kid with my partner when we very young. I love him more than anyhting would die for him in a heartbeat had some amazing moments with him but do I want another one? fuck no.

Do men fall into that easier that women? The post-birth depression or whatever it's actually called seems to only be talked about in relation to the mother.

lawred2

I didn't want kids in my twenties - told everyone who would listen how kids wouldn't be for me..

I've three now and they bust my balls daily - to the point of distraction. Wouldn't be without them for a second though.

OP - do what makes you happy but you need to ensure your partner is aware.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Do men fall into that easier that women? The post-birth depression or whatever it's actually called seems to only be talked about in relation to the mother.

Post-natal depression. I would bet my house on it that men can also experience this.

pconn062

I was much like the OP for much of my twenties, although maybe not as strident. Even up to 18 months ago, the thoughts of a baby terrified me. But a few things happened in our lives with people getting sick and it changed our perspective on things. Anyway, we decided we were in a lucky position and now our first is due in 5 weeks. I'm not going to be one of those who says (rather annoyingly) "never say never" but things can happen and change your outlook on things. It did for us anyway.

Too late for me either way We have had two kids already (8 and 5 now) and a third is about to come any moment. Showing all the signs of wanting to come early too. Fighting to get out to it's - gosh what do I even call them, step siblings I guess?

Zorya

Aw come on, they are unbearably cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCKg_tbYjgs

yourdeadwright

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

if you think you only look after them till there 11 or 12 you better off not having them :pac::pac: the shock alone mite kill you

Western Lowland Gorilla

Definitely not and am looking into getting the snip to make damn sure of it.

lbc2019

No. I do not want children. If a future partner does we can discuss it, but i would not encourage it

RWCNT

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Too late for me either way We have had two kids already (8 and 5 now) and a third is about to come any moment. Showing all the signs of wanting to come early too. Fighting to get out to it's - gosh what do I even call them, step siblings I guess?

In no way trying to question the validity of your set-up: you do you. Curious though, how does the child rearing work in the context of your polyamarous relationship? Do the kids you already have with one of your partners consider the other partner a parent, does she see them as her family to some extent?

Apologies if I've got any details wrong, just going from memory of posts you've made about your family before.

RWCNT

RWCNT wrote: »

Do the kids you already have with one of your partners consider the other partner a parent, does she see them as her family to some extent?

Pretty much see her as their mammy too yes. Just a third parent. Hell even her parents see themselves as grandparents now too. Though they are of course exceedingly excited to be becoming _actual_ grand parents soon too. Yet they have been every bit as invested in my kids so far as the actual grand parents are. Which has been wonderful to be honest. I could not have asked for more.

Cina

I do "want" children but I also don't want them to grow up in the potential future, which is their lives being terrible due to the lifestyles we and our previous generations have lived. Ultimately if things keep going this way, by the time they are in their 30's - 40's things will be very, very bad for them. I'd feel guilty bringing a child into the world knowing that, especially as, let's face it, the main reason we have kids is for purely selfish reasons.

Paddy Cow

Deleted User wrote: »

Too late for me either way We have had two kids already (8 and 5 now) and a third is about to come any moment. Showing all the signs of wanting to come early too. Fighting to get out to it's - gosh what do I even call them, step siblings I guess?

If they have the same father and different mothers, they are half siblings. Step siblings is only if there is no blood connection, usually when two people who already have kids get married.

victor8600

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. .... I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying.....

Tell her that she is too old now to have children? That will really make you a darling

I'll tell you a real story about my friend. He is now 45. Ages ago, in his 20s, he and his wife decided not to have children. Then he turns 43 and has an affair. Bam, his new lover gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby. So he dumps his wife and goes to live with the lover and to raise the baby. He is now everywhere with the little guy, making pictures, teaching him to walk and stuff. Happy man.

Who's not happy? Any guesses?

SusieBlue

victor8600 wrote: »

Tell her that she is too old now to have children? That will really make you a darling

I'll tell you a real story about my friend. He is now 45. Ages ago, in his 20s, he and his wife decided not to have children. Then he turns 43 and has an affair. Bam, his new lover gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby. So he dumps his wife and goes to live with the lover and to raise the baby. He is now everywhere with the little guy, making pictures, teaching him to walk and stuff. Happy man.

Who's not happy? Any guesses?

Probably his wife, who he betrayed by cheating on?

Don't blame her tbh.

TheQuietFella

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

Did you have a loveless childhood or were you a single offspring?

yourdeadwright

Cina wrote: »

I do "want" children but I also don't want them to grow up in the potential future, which is their lives being terrible due to the lifestyles we and our previous generations have lived. Ultimately if things keep going this way, by the time they are in their 30's - 40's things will be very, very bad for them. I'd feel guilty bringing a child into the world knowing that, especially as, let's face it, the main reason we have kids is for purely selfish reasons.

I' m sorry but this is absolute horse sh*t
Its one of the easiest time to be alive in human history ,

Imagine in the past you had to worry about being cut down by someone with a sword in a forest looking to rape and pillage you village while you where out hunting and scrambling for any bit of food you could get,

Or when the famine was around and you couldn't eat

Or when the plague or small pox's killed all your family,

Or when women couldn't vote and you had to do everything the church told you ,

We live In the most easiest and pampered time in human history ,
Its tuff if you LET your self get caught up in the nonsense and owe your arse out but that's all your own fault ,

Kilboor

Ok so don't have children?

suicide_circus

kids? ewwwww!

they'd get in the way of me-time

Deebles McBeebles

yourdeadwright wrote: »

We live In the most easiest and pampered time in human history ,
Its tuff if you LET your self get caught up in the nonsense and owe your arse out but that's all your own fault ,

I'm sure a whole generation who may never be able to afford to house themselves totally agree with you.

Comparing to medieval times is fairly pointless.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Not for me. I like them and all but fuuuuuck that altogether.

victor8600

SusieBlue wrote: »

Probably his wife, who he betrayed by cheating on?
Don't blame her tbh.

Indeed. And a man can have father a child any time , while my friend's wife who is 45 may find it difficult to get pregnant if she changes her mind regarding being childless.

Cina

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I' m sorry but this is absolute horse sh*t
Its one of the easiest time to be alive in human history ,

Imagine in the past you had to worry about being cut down by someone with a sword in a forest looking to rape and pillage you village while you where out hunting and scrambling for any bit of food you could get,

Or when the famine was around and you couldn't eat

Or when the plague or small pox's killed all your family,

Or when women couldn't vote and you had to do everything the church told you ,

We live In the most easiest and pampered time in human history ,
Its tuff if you LET your self get caught up in the nonsense and owe your arse out but that's all your own fault ,

Maybe you should actually read my post properly before calling it bull****.

At the moment yes, it's the easiest time to be alive in human history. In 30-40 years it likely won't be if we continue to act out our current lifestyles and drastic measures aren't taken to reduce plastic use and Co2 emissions. There's no 'bull****' in that at all. By 2050 we could be looking at very common severe weather effects, micro-plastic in just about everything, and vast swathes of uninhabitable and non agriculturally viable land. It could be a complete nightmare for our children.

Boards is full of climate change deniers though so if you are one just ignore my post and carry on because we won't agree.

victor8600

Cina wrote: »

...By 2050 we could be looking at very common severe weather effects, micro-plastic in just about everything, and vast swathes of uninhabitable and non agriculturally viable land. ...

So you want somebody else's children to clean up the mess? Where is your sense of responsibility?

Sweet.Science

Jaysis people are mad

If you want to have kids try have them

If you dont want any. Dont have them



Close the thread it hurts my head.

yourdeadwright

Cina wrote: »

Maybe you should actually read my post properly before calling it bull****.

At the moment yes, it's the easiest time to be alive in human history. In 30-40 years it likely won't be if we continue to act out our current lifestyles and drastic measures aren't taken to reduce plastic use and Co2 emissions. There's no 'bull****' in that at all. By 2050 we could be looking at very common severe weather effects, micro-plastic in just about everything, and vast swathes of uninhabitable and non agriculturally viable land. It could be a complete nightmare for our children.

Boards is full of climate change deniers though so if you are one just ignore my post and carry on because we won't agree.

It'll be fine relax,

yourdeadwright

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I'm sure a whole generation who may never be able to afford to house themselves totally agree with you.

Comparing to medieval times is fairly pointless.

Talk about entitlement lets not give another person life because its not worth living because you won't be able to afford your perfect 4 bed house in your preferred Dublin suburb ,

Jesus Christ on a bike only 1 % of the world can afford a house here now ,

U need to look at the bigger picture, Look outside the box only in Ireland are we so obsessed with owning the perfect house

Actually maybe its best if you don't have children if that is your main worry for them

Deebles McBeebles

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Talk about entitlement lets not give another person life because its not worth living because you won't be able to afford your perfect 4 bed house in your preferred Dublin suburb ,

Who said anything about a perfect 4 bed house? You're talking nonsense now. Entitlement, by the way, would be the wrong word. I'm not entitled to a house but usually working people can afford a house. That is not the case now. You obviously have no horse in this particular race so spout all you want.

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Actually maybe its best if you don't have children if that is your main worry for them

What, housing them? Yeah I think that's a valid worry.