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Breakup & bereavement

  • 21-06-2013 2:49am
    #1
    riordar
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    Hi I'm looking for advice
    My father died 6 months ago. It hit me v badly & I was (& still am) shaken to the core. I don't feel like me. There's the old me, pre his death& the new me is alien to me. I'm a sadder, older, teary, less confident, more anxious, highly sensitive version of me. I've significantly less energy & less tolerance. I wonder when will I start to feel like the old 'me' again. I've been prescribed antidepressants but have stubbornly refused to take them. I want to see if I can ride it out myself. But I've no idea how long I'll feel this way.

    Long story short. I felt very unsupported by my (then) boyfriend during the initial few months after dad's death. He got frustrated with me, kept trying to 'fix' my grief, asked me angrily when I'd start looking after his needs. I was barely functioning during this period & ended up taking time off work. I was barely coping with my own needs. He wanted things out of the relationship to move forward. He was pushing for us to move in together. I asked for space to come to terms with my father's death. He kept pushing and pushing for moving in together. I wasn't able for all the hassle. I asked for a break as I couldn't deal with his demands. He refused & texted me over 80 times in a few weeks.

    I ended up breaking up fully with him about 3 months ago. I know he loved me but just felt exhausted, numb & totally unsupported & unlistened to by him.

    It's v hard as I still have strong feelings for him. We got on v well prior to dad's death & probably in due course would have moved in together.
    I dunno if I've done the right thing.

    I was wondering if anyone's experienced similar.

    Thanks for allowing me space to vent.


Comments

  • #2
    December2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I lost my dad too.

    It's hard.

    I can't advise you about the breakup but I will say that you don't need to be so stubborn about anti depressants, they might help you.

    I suggest you might go talk to a psychiatrist so you can both make a plan of treatment for your mental and emotional health.

    Good luck


  • #3
    merlie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 673 ✭✭✭merlie


    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I quite understand how lost you feel. Loss isn't an easy thing to deal with and there isnt an overnight remedy. The fact that your boyfriend didn't understand, and found it hard to cope is because he is not in your shoes. Bereavement is a personal thing.

    I would recommend going to see a bereavement counsellor. I am going to one and have been for the past year. It is good to talk things through, I find it helps me. I am still not over the loss of someone I loved but I am a lot better than I was last year but the pain of his passing is still with me.

    Please go see a bereavement counsellor it will really help and its free but you can give them a nominal donation if you want too...any amount you like.
    http://www.dynamicintent.com/bcs/dubcentres.cfm

    I hppe you are keeping well and looking after youself and resting.


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