Taking a photo of deceased person.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'd like to ask for opinions on this.
My Gran recently passed away peacefully and shortly before the coffin was closed I was in the room with my cousin and had this sudden idea of taking a photo of the scene. I asked my cousin if it was strange to do so but she told me that she had taken a photo of her Dad when he passed away.
The coffin was really nice, the flowers very beautiful and my Gran looked very much at peace.
But now I have some kind of mixed emotion about the photo. I don't know if I should keep it or delete it in case it was disrespectful. I didn't tell my family that I have this photo.

December2012

My take on it is, that at that moment in time, you did it because somehow it gave you a comfort - maybe to keep a memory of your gran before she was covered up.

You were not doing it to be morbid or weird or anything like that.

You have it now, so you could delete it if you wanted.

Rubberlegs

I see no harm at all in taking a photo of a deceased family member. I didn't do it myself when Dad died, to be honest I don't think I'll ever forget the image of him in his coffin. I'd say I would have haunted myself with a photo, so I'm glad I don't have one. Having said that he looked better after he died, than he had in months. The Victorians did it a lot, they even posed the deceased with family members for portraits:eek:
This photo is yours, you are not foisting it on others, keep it if it gives you comfort. Sorry for your loss..

NIMAN

Personally wouldn't be for me but I have seen a few homes with framed photos of still born children, but if that helps get the parents through it then its their decision.

username123

There is nothing strange about it at all. Its not disrespectful in the slightest.

It it nice to hear that your Gran passed peacefully and that her coffin and flowers looked beautiful and gave you some comfort to see her so at peace. Documenting this moment with a photograph is totally fine and not something that you should worry about. If I were you I would keep the photo, it is an image that shows your Gran at peace.

celica00

I know a few people who did this, they said it helps them realizing and dealing with the situation.
As in: they cant believe the person is gone and then there is the picture which could help to process it.
If it helps you, keep the picture, you dont have to tell anyone in case someone finds it disrespectful.

EdenHazard

I took a picture of me with my mum, tbh I just flick through the phone and not even a tiny bit creeped out by it, its just mum asleep But to an outsider it would be like 'OMG' if they seen the pictures.

john_cappa

Have heard of it but not for me. I prefer the "last" photo of some to be when they were alive and enjoying life rather in a coffin. Thats not how I would choose to remember a person.

But horses for courses. Everything is acceptable when someone is grieving.

EdenHazard

john_cappa wrote: »

Have heard of it but not for me. I prefer the "last" photo of some to be when they were alive and enjoying life rather in a coffin. Thats not how I would choose to remember a person.

But horses for courses. Everything is acceptable when someone is grieving.

true. good point actually, but like i say the pictures are just pictures, its just my mum who i love. but tbh i might delete them because they serve no real purpose.

john_cappa

EdenHazard wrote: »

true. good point actually, but like i say the pictures are just pictures, its just my mum who i love. but tbh i might delete them because they serve no real purpose.

But then if you delete them what if you regret it is the worry i guess. I had much worries like that when "throwing out" belongings etc. I have concluded that material possessions, photos etc hold very little real memories. Rather it is different songs, telly programs, phrases, little reminders etc where real important memories lie.

Pj!

If you are so unsure about it OP why not ask a family member or friend for a nice photo of her from before she passed. You could replace it with that.

Celly Smunt

Pj! wrote: »

If you are so unsure about it OP why not ask a family member or friend for a nice photo of her from before she passed. You could replace it with that.

I agree with this,try find a photo of the person before they died to keep that memory alive for you.I'm sure your gran would prefer for you to remember and look back on her when she was happy and well.

freshpopcorn

I wouldn't do it myself but if you wanted to do it I would say go for it but I wouldn't make it public knowledge because some people would be a bit odd about it.
I myself think that you are better of remembering somebody during a happier time in there life or just a nice picture of them.

fussyonion

I know a man whose wife died some years ago and he took several photos of her in the coffin as she lay in wake in their home.

In some of the photos, their children posed on either side of the coffin.
For outsiders, including me who viewed the photos, it would probably appear creepy and I *did* think it was, but I can understand why the man did it.
To him, there was nothing creepy about it.

It was his beloved wife and he wanted a photo of her, at peace, to remember her by.

I say go for it if it's what you want, but be prepared for people's freaked out reactions if you share the image with anyone else.
I'm sorry for your loss, too.

Spanish Eyes

My sister died recently, having been ravaged by cancer. She had jaundice too in the end. She looked very sick and it was distressing to see her like that.

However, when she passed away, the funeral home asked for a pic of her when she was well. They made her look so beautiful, and like HER. (sorry, choking with tears again...now).

It was her, as we knew her, and not during her horrible illness. We HAD to take a photo of our lovely girl, looking like she should have.

And TBH, the trauma of "closing the coffin" didn't affect me at all, as I knew I had her photo to look back on.

Just be careful not to share the photo on email, FB etc. it can go viral. And it is a personal thing.

My condolences to all who have lost loved ones.

Pandora2

This happens all the time! My father was a bit of an amateur photographer in his day...Small town Ireland and he did a roaring trade in Communions,
21st's, Wedding Anniversaries and such. He would never do a wedding but did not mind the other events.

I can't count the times someone knocked at the back door and asked him to come to a wake house discreetly to take pictures of the deceased and the assembled mourners. It was fairly commonplace whether the person was elderly or young, tragedy or circle of life! This was pre-mobile phones and I suppose they would not really have wanted to put a roll of film into the chemist. Let's put it this way, it was so often an event that he sourced black envelopes for delivery.

My advice, do whatever feels right to you with the photo. Grief and grieving are personal and everyone's different but be assured of this, this is not in any way weird.

I wish you peace and consolation.

Mr Simpson

Whatever people take comfort in is ok in my book.

Personally, the memory of my mother lying there is an image that is burned into my mind that I dont think I'll ever forget.

But each to their own.