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Discipline on a united front

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  • 25-06-2013 2:11pm
    #1
    jos_kel
    Registered Users Posts: 436 ✭✭


    Hi,
    Yesterday my 4 year-old son was in the garden with me and was waving a hedge clippers near my face
    and then threw some tree stubs at me. My wife wasn't there for the hedge-clippers bit, but saw
    him throwing the tree stubs at me.
    When I was finished, I brought him in and put him on the bold step, but as always he looked towards my wife. I begged her to support me in disciplining him but got very frustrated and had
    to go into the back garden to compose myself.
    Last week my 4 year old son threw juice over my work clothes.
    I don't blame my son.
    What frustrates me is my wife's inability or unwillingness to see the seriousness of his behaviour and co-operate with me.
    I'm really at the end of my tether and if needs be I'll have to leave to keep my sanity.
    Please give me some advice.
    Jos


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    #2
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Have you and your wife spoke calmly and not in the heat of the moment?

    Have you an agree strategy for discipline?


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    #3
    ladysarah
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 155 ✭✭ladysarah


    Your wife needs for the child's sake to go along with you. Sit diwn and talk to her and ask her does she have an issue with the bold step? If she does ask her what other type of punishment would she suggest? A child know which parent to manipulate from six weeks old. Maybe get David Coleman's book for her to read. Good luck.


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    #4
    liliq
    Registered Users Posts: 2,242 ✭✭✭liliq


    ladysarah wrote: »
    A child know which parent to manipulate from six weeks old.

    I'd love to see a decent reference for that gem.


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    #5
    wmpdd3
    Registered Users Posts: 9,624 ✭✭✭wmpdd3


    Its is impossible to teach a child right form wrong when they get mixed signals and it is hard for you when you get no support, but working out a strategy together has to happen when things are going well not in the heat of the moment. It this just recently, or has it been for ever?


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    #6
    elaney
    Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭elaney


    A few months ago I went to a parenting talk in my sons playschool the lady that was giving the talk was excellent . Sorry but I cannot remember her name. I have been having discipline issues with my three year old reguarding slapping.
    I found the advice she gave me invaluable. She doesn't recommend the bold step anymore. She recommended that when they act up to bring them aside and try and let them calm down. Later on when they are calm and happily playing you sit down with them and explain in simple language how it made you feel when they for example slapped you. I done this three or four different times . It has completely stopped. I think when he realised what an affect his behaviour was having he knew he was doing wrong. Its a very simple idea and it might be easier for your wife to implement.


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    #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I am a firm beleiver in a united front on Discipline.

    I am also as the first reply said a firm believer in resolving this situation at a calm time when no one is tired, emotional, or stressed. Discuss this with your wife but do not do it DURING the discipline moments or - if possible - even in front of the child at all.

    While your wife might feel like she is consoling _the child_ who is upset by your discipline - she is not. She is consoling the behaviour that got the child corrected in the first place. What will possibly come of this in the future is a child that acts up when she is with it - but suddenly starts behaving when you come home.


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    #8
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Definitely you have to show a United front on the discipline. .I find it so hard hearing my husband discipline the kids...and likewise he finds it hard when I do it. But you have to back each other up. Its one thing I have to improve on myself.


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    #9
    DM addict
    Registered Users Posts: 567 ✭✭✭DM addict


    ladysarah wrote: »
    A child know which parent to manipulate from six weeks old.

    ......... that's just not true. Speaking as someone who has studied child development, you're incorrect. Please don't say things that are blatantly untrue.


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    #10
    Oral Slang
    Registered Users Posts: 1,519 ✭✭✭Oral Slang


    elaney wrote: »
    A few months ago I went to a parenting talk in my sons playschool the lady that was giving the talk was excellent . Sorry but I cannot remember her name. I have been having discipline issues with my three year old reguarding slapping.
    I found the advice she gave me invaluable. She doesn't recommend the bold step anymore. She recommended that when they act up to bring them aside and try and let them calm down. Later on when they are calm and happily playing you sit down with them and explain in simple language how it made you feel when they for example slapped you. I done this three or four different times . It has completely stopped. I think when he realised what an affect his behaviour was having he knew he was doing wrong. Its a very simple idea and it might be easier for your wife to implement.

    Yes I think this is the better way of dealing with unruly behaviour, I'm not in favour of the naughty step at all. I think most parents knock heads on how to discipline children & a lot of it boils down to how you were disciplined as a child. My little one is only 20 months, but acting out the last few months, so there've been a few points when we were at logger heads.


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