pet cat died - advice needed please

melon_collie

Our pet cat (1 year old) was accidentally killed at home two days ago. he some how ran in under the wheel of the car. we don't know how it happened because we are so so careful driving in the yard when they are around. we are so distraught and don't know if we'll ever get over it. he was like a child to us.

What is making things so much harder is the fact that his brother is left behind and is really missing him. he is going around all the rooms calling out hoping that his brother Will answer. its so upsetting. the two brothers were from the same litter and got on so well together. they slept together,played together and licked each other. what do we do now?

Part of us is wondering should we get a replacement cat? We just don't want our cat to be lonely. Can somebody please advise us.

if we were to get another cat should we get another male or a female? Should we get one the same age? Should we get a kitten? How would our cat react to a new cat or kitten? Our cat is spayed and does not appear to be hugely territorial. i have seen him playing with neighbours cats up in their house.

the most heartbreaking thing for us is that we know another cat Will never be able to have the same bond with our cat as his brother did.

Please help

Fitzg

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Pets are such a special and unique part of the family. I don't have any experienced advice to give you, just wanted to say sorry you're going through such a hard time. I'd imagine that it might be best to get a kitten though? As your cat will be establishing a bond with a new cat and that new cat will be establishing a bond with your cat and it might make things easier on them both?

tk123

Heartbreaking OP . SillyMangoX who posts here introduced a kitten to her two adult cats a few months ago so may be able to give you some advice or maybe do a search for her posts about him? My cat died 4 years ago yesterday ;(

FueledByAisling

HI OP, I'm really sorry for your loss. I recently lost my dog of fourteen years so I know how you're feeling.

I'm starting a venture of finding a new dog but I too feel slightly guilty and question myself whether I could ever take on another dog. I personally would advise against a new kitten since you and your family will be under emotional stress due to the loss of you cat. I was recently on the dspca site looking at cats up for adoption and there are a few that need homes with other cats, perhaps you could look into this?

SillyMangoX

So sorry for your loss OP as TK said I introduced my kitten to my 2 resident cat's recently and it is a bit of an undertaking but can be worth it! As your cat it young I would imagine he would take well to another kitten rather than an adult cat who could cause him to be more territorial. I introduced a male kitten to both a male and female (both neutered). I thought that the female Peach would love a kitten to baby but I was so wrong, she hates him! Whereas my male Cream loves him (we recon he's gay :P). Initially with us there was a whole lot of hissing and slapping from the adult cats towards the kitten and myself, but now roughly 3 months on the 2 boys get on brilliantly, although there is still the odd hiss as Dude has so much more energy than the adult cats. The easiest way to go about the introduction is to swap beddings for a while so the cat gets used to the smell of the kitten and vice versa. Allow them to smell each other through a door for a few days then eventually let them mingle but make it fun, play with a toy with the 2 of them, give the older cat treats so he knows the kitten means good thinks! Best of luck if you do decide to go for another cat, it can be so heartbreaking to lose one!

mymo

We had brothers from the same litter and one died after 7 years, the same day we brought a pup home. I worried about the effect on the cat but while he was wandering around looking for his brother, he didn't mind the pup, and even played with him.
We also adopted an adult cat to keep him company, they got on ok from the start but it wasn't the same.

Since then we also got another dog, and last September took in a very ill feral kitten, and over the years took in and rehomed a few kittens.
Of all that came through the house he has really taken to the little kitten and she loves him too, jake is 12 now and she's got him playing again.

I would highly recommend getting another cat/kitten to keep him company, he's young still so should take to another kitten, I think female might be better, but it depends on the cat.
Be prepared for some growling and avoidance, maybe even a few slaps, but it will settle over time.

Nody

melon_collie wrote: »

Part of us is wondering should we get a replacement cat? We just don't want our cat to be lonely. Can somebody please advise us.

Please help

First of all sorry for your loss; secondly yes I'd strongly recommend getting a second cat if nothing else then to give your current one someone to play with. Ideally would probably be a a cat slightly younger (lets your current cat be the master of the house easier) but being in kitty season this should not be an issue. There are plenty of rescues around that can help you with choosing a suitable cat as well (some cats are more suitable then others).

Pumpkinseeds

I'm so sorry about your cat. I would advise against getting another cat just yet. Your cat is grieving and bringing in a strange cat might add even more stress. Not all cats will get along. You should find a lot of information on how to help a grieving cat if you google it. Short term solutions like getting a Feliway diffuser and putting some bach rescue remedy drops in his water bowl can help with the stress and upset.

boomerang

Good advice from my friend Jan:

Cats can be social animals but they can also thrive and be happy without the company of other cats, if that's their preference. It would be wrong to think that your cat is lonely because it has no feline company. If they're happy with its own company there's no need to rush out to find them a companion.

Some cats are solitary by nature just as some humans prefer their own company. Such cats show signs of stress when there are too many cats in too-small an area. Other cats simply tolerate their fellow housemates and have their own individual territories within the household. But actually most domestic cats do thrive on feline companionship, so long as they can retreat to a private area at times - the same way that we need alone time. HOWEVER, the cat's age, disposition and personality all play a part.

Adult cats that retain kitten-like behaviour adjust better to and probably prefer group living. So if your established cat is still a kitten at heart you stand a better chance of having a happy multi-cat household. Remember though that each cat you add to your home changes the group dynamic and the cats' individual behaviours within the group.

A cat that has only ever lived with dogs may see another feline as an intruder. A cat brought up with dogs may prefer the company of dogs and may not take to another cat readily.

Cats that have lost a companion display and feel bereavement. They need to come to terms with loss before another cat is introduced.

If a cat has only ever had human companionship it may continue to expect that exclusive right.

A previously spoiled cat may come with expectations that you just can't meet.

A cat that has been previously bullied by other cats will continue to be wary of other cats and will need some intensive care to overcome their fear.

Age is also a factor too. You may feel your elderly cat is at an age where you wish to introduce a companion for you or for the cat. You do need to consider if this is fair on the established cat. An older established cat will have worked out their relationship needs with you. They will be set and settled in their own ways. Bringing another cat into their life may be a stress that they cannot cope with. If you are determined to have add another cat in addition to your elderly cat then two kittens may be the best option. The kittens will keep each other occupied, play and learn from each other and the older cat then has a choice whether to accept the kittens and join in or not.

It's also worth noting that just because a cat acts a certain way in one household doesn't mean that they'll behave that way in yours! Many's the big aul' lump that has turned into the lodger from hell and just as many hell cats can become placid and accepting.

Cats that have been brought up with other cats may tolerate another companion without too much hassle. The general rule (and there are ALWAYS exceptions) is that a neutered male will accept another neutered male or female, whereas a neutered female may not readily accept another female.

Male cats are fully mature by about three years old. By this time they've matured into the cat you can expect to live with. It's not advisable to introduce a young male (i.e. less than three years old) to an older male, as the young male will still be maturing, pushing boundaries and making his mark. By the age of three the male cat has usually settled into himself, but again there are always exceptions.

A neutered male will more readily accept another neutered male of the same age or slightly older. This doesn't apply however to two kittens that are brought up together. They will have worked out their relationship in the first few months after birth. Sometimes the dynamics between the two kittens can change but usually the more dominant kitten will retain the upper hand.

Female relationships are more complex. Females usually accept a younger, neutered male more readily than another female. And make no mistake, the female is always the boss and commands respect! Sometimes an older female will accept a non-threatening male. At best they may live side by side without too much interaction or there may be issues with the established cat and sharing their territory.

What about adopting a kitten when I already have a cat?
Most kittens are quite friendly and playful with other cats and with their human family. But you older, more established cat mightn't wish to revert back to kitten mode. They certainly won't make allowances for the kitten's age or have any respect for the kitten because it's "just a baby." Interestingly, it's not us humans but the established cat who will have the most influence on the kitten's development. If the cat is accepting of the kitten and willing to play, the kitten will grow up to be a happy and self-assured. But an unaccepting cat can mean the kitten develops into a nervous cat and neither of them will be happy. We can play with the kitten ourselves instead to substitute for feline companionship but then we need to make sure that the adult cat gets an equal share of our attention.

Finally, folks need to realise that it's not just a case of introducing cats to each other. Each new relationship involves a weighing-up process by either cat. They both work out where they're going fit into this new living arrangement. They'll either do it in subtle ways without us even noticing or it can be a big drama. One cat may be more visual and vocal in sizing up their differences than the other . In fairness, how would we like to find a "stranger" in our home? I'm sure we would have a few questions to ask and our body language would be defensive at first.

melon_collie

Thanks to everyone who replied. its comforting for us to know other people can relate to how we are feeling at the moment. we are discussing getting another cat but we do not want to cause any stress on our little fella if he is still grieving. over the past two days he's just slept all day and u can tell he is in bad form. Is he sleeping because he has no company? Maybe a bit of company would take his mind off things???

If we do decide on another cat should we get another spayed male?

Thanks again everyone

boomerang

Did you not read the advice above, MC?

angelfire9

We live in a two cat household
When the younger male went to be neutered there was a reaction to the anaesthetic and the vet kept him overnight
The older cat spent that evening and night searching for his companion and seemed to grieve his loss
The next day when kitty was released it was pure joy seeing them reunited I can't imagine what I'd have done if he'd passed away


Good luck OP hard call

melon_collie

Thanks to everyone who has replied to date. Your help has been very much appreciated. Here's an update on the situation:

We have decided to get another cat. Even though we feel guilty as hell we feel that it will help our remaining cat and will be company for him. I am going to see a male kitten at lunch time. If we get him we intend to keep him in a large cage initially so that our existing cat can get used to him without touching or harming him. Hopefully after a couple of days they will begin to bond and we can let the kitten out of the cage.

The kitten I hope to get later is part of a litter of 3. We were half thinking of getting 2 kittens, but would this be a bad idea since our existing cat has only ever been used to one other cat around the place?? Will the new kitten be lonely if our cat doesn't bother with him for the first few days? I am beginning to feel that we are completely over thinking this but we just want all the cats to be happy.

anniehoo

melon_collie wrote: »

The kitten I hope to get later is part of a litter of 3. We were half thinking of getting 2 kittens, but would this be a bad idea since our existing cat has only ever been used to one other cat around the place??

I think i'm going to have to reiterate what Boomerang has said

boomerang wrote: »

Did you not read the advice above, MC?

I really think you should go back and read her post #9.

I genuinely wish you the best of luck with your new kitten, but i don't think you're overthinking things (it's good that you're thinking about your other cat) but i also feel its a bit too soon to introduce another cat to your current cat. I genuinely would give it a good few weeks if not longer for smells/memories to dissipate and for your current cat to "destress".