Would you rather be a Christian, a Muslim or a Jew?

wretcheddomain

Assume you're forced to make a decision in life and you've only got one of the three Abrahamic monotheistic religions to choose from - which would you pick?

I know it's hypothetical and all that but I guess it'll show which religion is deemed the most acceptable (if that makes sense) and which particular faith would never be picked.

So, the choice is a Catholic, a Sunni Muslim, or an Orthodox Jew.

Personally, I'd be a Catholic because I think it's the most benign and harmless. Both the Jews and Muslims are prolific circumcising religions and that alone would deter me from entering the faith.

So which would you pick and why?

lazygal

As long as I can eat a nice Hawaiian pizza I don't care.

G.K.

As Rimmer so eloquently puts it in Red Dwarf, "Better dead than smeg."

ShooterSF

Sunni Muslim

Catholicism gets the bacon vote as i'm pretty sure its the only thing that could keep me sane in the big window before marital sex or the big window after the horrible kids are born

Does "accidentally" overdosing on bacon still mean I can get into heaven?

wretcheddomain

Sunni Muslim

ShooterSF wrote: »

Does "accidentally" overdosing on bacon still mean I can get into heaven?

I think it just means you'll spend an eternity in Purgatory, so it's not all bad.

ShooterSF

Sunni Muslim

wretcheddomain wrote: »

I think it just means you'll spend an eternity in Purgatory, so it's not all bad.

Aww I bet all the purgatory bacon is fatty and undercooked

Pherekydes

Born, bred and brainwashed a catholic, so that'd have to do. Not that it would make the slightest difference to my life. Unless the "most benign religion" starts executing people for non-attendance at mass...

...in which case, to paraphrase Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta, "Take me out behind the chemical shed and put a bullet through my head."

coolhull

Aren't Muslim men guaranteed 21 virgins for their personal use when they get to heaven? That'll do me.

Manach

Pherekydes wrote: »

Unless the "most benign religion" starts executing people for non-attendance at mass...

Strange, Soviet Russia was not mentioned on the poll : replacing Mass with Committee Meeting.

Mr. CooL ICE

Catholicism for bacon.

Seriously, life without bacon just wouldn't be worth it.

Zen65

coolhull wrote: »

Aren't Muslim men guaranteed 21 virgins for their personal use when they get to heaven? That'll do me.

That offer comes complete with one mother-in-law per virgin.

Mormonism, a religion blatantly founded on the ramblings of a lune, has better deals on offer during your living years.

Z

shruikan2553

Sunni Muslim

Being a catholic in ireland is pretty much just someone not calling themself an atheist or agnostic. The worst it would get would be going to mass on Christmas day so I'll go with that. Not having my doodle cut is also a plus

Karl Stein

Bacon.

Turtwig

Catholicism for me. Sure, some folks have speculated I'm an undercover Catholic posing as an atheist&agnostic mod.

coolhull wrote: »

Aren't Muslim men guaranteed 21 virgins for their personal use when they get to heaven? That'll do me.

Uhhh..

Sulla Felix

Are we talking about having to actually "do" the religion thing, or are we talking a gun to the head conversion to avoid a nasty fate?

endacl

Sunni Muslim

Christian.

Reason: No genital mutilation in infancy. And rashers.

Plus, in most places Christianity is potentially curable by repeated doses of reason, without real fear of violence/death/isolation.

Mostly rashers though.

endacl

Sunni Muslim

endacl wrote: »

Christian.

Reason: No genital mutilation in infancy. And rashers.

Plus, in most places Christianity is potentially curable by repeated doses of reason, without real fear of violence/death/isolation.

Mostly rashers though.

Edit: poll says 'catholic', as opposed to 'Christian'. I've already recovered from catholic, so yeah. Cat lick for me. I don't anticipate a relapse though.

Busted Flat.

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Assume you're forced to make a decision in life and you've only got one of the three Abrahamic monotheistic religions to choose from - which would you pick?

I know it's hypothetical and all that but I guess it'll show which religion is deemed the most acceptable (if that makes sense) and which particular faith would never be picked.

So, the choice is a Catholic, a Sunni Muslim, or an Orthodox Jew.

Personally, I'd be a Catholic because I think it's the most benign and harmless. Both the Jews and Muslims are prolific circumcising religions and that alone would deter me from entering the faith.

So which would you pick and why?

You should spend your energy educating yourself about the amount of religious outfits out there. Also consider giving an option in your poll to those who do not give a Fook about religious clowns and symbols.

Turtwig

endacl wrote: »

Edit: poll says 'catholic', as opposed to 'Christian'. I've already recovered from catholic, so yeah. Cat lick for me. I don't anticipate a relapse though.

You edited your post by quoting it? No more alcomohols for you.

endacl

Sunni Muslim

Jernal wrote: »

You edited your post by quoting it? No more alcomohols for you.

Shurrup! I was at a wedding that started at 2pm yesterday, and finished at 6am. Then I drove from cork to Dublin.

I am unwell.

Cork people made me unwell.

It was a lot of fun.

I don't care.

DanWall

You asked the question for a Christian, but in the vote you put Catholic. I would vote Christian but not Catholic
And why Sunni Muslim and not Shia?

wretcheddomain

Sunni Muslim

DanWall wrote: »

And why Sunni Muslim and not Shia?

Does it influence your voting that much?

So far nobody wants to be a Muslim - doesn't say much for their religion does it.

Efluo and Megstar want to be Jews - can you guys explain why you want to be Jewish?

Peregrine

Sunni Muslim

coolhull wrote: »

Aren't Muslim men guaranteed 21 virgins for their personal use when they get to heaven? That'll do me.

It didn't say anything about the virgins' gender

MrPudding

Sunni Muslim

Went catholic. Pretty much bacon related.

EDIT: and sausages and ham.

MrP

Sycopat

My main influence in choosing would be which one I consider most strict and difficult to live by. And then choosing the opposite. Orthodox Jews seem pretty strict, although they also come in a variety of flavours.


I don't know a lot about the differences between Sunnis and other muslims, but all of the branches of Islam strike me as overly strict to my taste.

Catholicism can, depending on where in the world you are, be as bad as any of them. But it strikes me as the most generally lax of the options given, although I think there are branches of Judaism*, Buddhism and Christianity I'd pick before it.


*(In the specific circumstance that I'm unavoidably being born into a circumcising culture, such as parts of the US seems to have)

I'm not going to vote in the poll, because I think it's biased specifically to try and make catholicism look good by comparison.

kylith

Sunni Muslim

Gun to my head, I'd choose Christianity because, as far as i can see, you don't have to do anything. Islam and Judaism have all these rules and stuff, but with Christianity you don't even have to go to mass; you just say 'I'm a Christian' and after that you can go around drinking and whoring as much as you like, as long as you say sorry every now and then.

magicbastarder

judaism is kinda a jesuitical approach, though, isn't it? in that they don't care quite as much about what you believe, as long as you profess belief.
though maybe i'm pulling that information from hazy memories acquired during a tipsy conversation.

FouxDaFaFa

Sunni Muslim

Being mormon would be cool because you get your own planet and there are snazzy underwear and backpacks involved.

Plus the name-badges are great. Elder Foux.

From the poll, Catholic. It would be easiest in Ireland.

robindch

wretcheddomain wrote: »

[...] which would you pick? [...]

Can't wait for David Quinn or one of his tooters to pick up on this poll:

"90% of atheists want to be christian!"

wretcheddomain

Sunni Muslim

robindch wrote: »

Can't wait for David Quinn or one of his tooters to pick up on this poll:

"90% of atheists want to be christian!"

Yeah, exactly, the length and breadth of their attempts to twist and contort this kind of thing only goes to show how insecure they are that they're own belief is under constant assault in society and on a pleasant downward spiral. Any kind of reassurance will satisfy their pity-seeking satiety.

Sarky

Sunni Muslim

Hell of a Sophie's Choice there. Which particular way would you like to be mentally abused?

Well, I know I can recover from being Catholic because I've done it already, so better the devil you know I suppose.

Also: Seriously, bacon.

kiffer

As always it comes down to food...
Bacon, porkchops, sausages, black pudding.
I mean what food do the others have that could possibly make up for losing pork.
OK so you're forced to be a proper Catholic so it's Fish on Friday and no booze during lent except on Paddy's Day...
That hardly compares to Ramadan...
This is a no brainer on the food front.
On the non food front I would go for Judaism over Muslim as it seems to have had most of the crazy knocked out of it over the years.

Are we talking no work on the Sabbath including using electricity Judaism?

legspin

Bacon...

Why does anything else need to be said?

Tomk1

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Assume you're forced to make a decision in life and you've only got one of the three Abrahamic monotheistic religions to choose from - which would you pick?

I know it's hypothetical and all that but I guess it'll show which religion is deemed the most acceptable (if that makes sense) and which particular faith would never be picked.

So, the choice is a Catholic, a Sunni Muslim, or an Orthodox Jew.

Personally, I'd be a Catholic because I think it's the most benign and harmless. Both the Jews and Muslims are prolific circumcising religions and that alone would deter me from entering the faith.

So which would you pick and why?

I don't think this is a level playing field. lets say weighed poll.

What's Sunni-Muslim are they more liberal.
Whats the difference between Orthodox Jew and Jewish, then there's the hollywood/TV type Jewish which seems similar level to Irish-Catholic like you go along with it but don't take too serious.

Is the Catholic the Irish-adhoc anything goes type Catholic or lets say more Orthodox Catholic or whatever with whipping your back daily with thorns, stopping whatever your doing to pray the angelus a few times daily.

If it's the Irish-Catholic then it wouldn't have much of an impact on my life at all, nothing would change, apart from saying non-blasphemous prayers. The Hollywood-portrayed type jewish also seems ok.

PopePalpatine

Nimrod 7 wrote: »

It didn't say anything about the virgins' gender

Or species, MWAHAHAHAHA!



This isn't much of a choice, I would've probably said "Anglican", but half of the country is Anglican in all but name!

endacl

Sunni Muslim

PopePalpatine wrote: »

Or species, MWAHAHAHAHA!

'Welcome to heaven. Here's your twenty one virgins. Unfortunately, we're running short on hamsters, so we've had to substitute a couple of unsullied goldfish. What? You didn't read the small print?!?'

Doctor Strange

Nimrod 7 wrote: »

It didn't say anything about the virgins' gender

Works for me

biko

Sunni Muslim

Catholicism because it's what I know, Orthodox Jews and Muslims are seriously hardcore so not any of those.

wretcheddomain

Sunni Muslim

Nobody wants to be a Sunni Muslim.

Maybe if I changed it to Rainy Muslim?

endacl

Sunni Muslim

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Nobody wants to be a Sunni Muslim.

Maybe if I changed it to Rainy Muslim?

Nobody wants to be any of the three options....

Sarky

Sunni Muslim

<Snip>

endacl

Sunni Muslim

Sarky wrote: »

<snip>

<snip>I can tolerate impressive bullsh1t levels in the interest of banter, but that took the biscuit.

Damn. Now this one is about biscuits too...

chughes

To me, circumcision is a major drawback so it would have to be Catholic.

(yes, that pun was intended)

IT-Guy

Sunni Muslim

endacl wrote: »

Haven't seen a BB post in ages. He's the sole occupant of my ignore list since RTDH departed these boards. I can tolerate impressive bullsh1t levels in the interest of banter, but that pair took the biscuit.

Damn. Now this one is about biscuits too...

To answer the poll, defo catlick as I don't fancy having bits of my family jewels lopped off, I couldn't handle praying 6 times a day (as well as the rest of the ceremonial bs) and would go nuts at not being able to eat bacon! It improves the flavour of any food it touches...drool :pac:

I remember reading through the entirety of the 9/11 thread on the CT forum and came away from it amazed at the ability of people to twist facts and public knowledge into evidence of a conspiracy. <snip>

Obliq

I'm wondering why it's not Catholic fundamentalist, similar to Orthodox Jew and Sunni Muslim? I'll of course go for Catholic, as in this poll it doesn't indicate that we'd be following any more rules than your typical a la carte catholic does here....

Judaism, on the other hand, allows for the moral choice of abortion in certain circumstances. Bacon not an issue, although I'd cry for smoked bacon with mustard....Mmmm :P

ThreeBlindMice

Christian but not "Roman Catholic" they are two separate identities. :P

This is why I didn't tick any of the boxes in the poll.

Brian Shanahan

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Assume you're forced to make a decision in life and you've only got one of the three Abrahamic monotheistic religions to choose from - which would you pick?

Suicide, while taking as many of them with me as I go.

Stark

Sunni Muslim

Probably Christian because I like my foreskin (so that rules Judaism out) and it's probably the lesser of evils when it comes to Islam.

sbsquarepants

Sunni Muslim

It would have to be catholic if only becuase of my fondness for the gargle and sausage sambos. Screw any religion that says no scoops and no sausages. Plus with the catholics you can pretty much do what you want once you say sorry afterwards, afaik it's the only religion which comes with a "get out of hell free" card. Thoughtfull feckers that they are:D

Bannasidhe

Just shoot me now.

Mr. CooL ICE

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Just shoot me now.

Muslim it is, then








sorry