March 2014 Babies Club

Suucee

Thanks guys. Im back in docs monday (with my feet) but not seeing my usual doc. Was with her thursday and shes sending me for a second opinion. I might ring monday morning to see if she can squeeze me in too. Not going to talk to the other doc. Not a huge fan but he knows more about joints so thats why im going to see him. .

I dont think im depressed just fed up. Between spd when pregnant.
Botched stitches
infection
Return of spd
now issues with feet that no one knows whats wtong. Weeks of tryinh so many different meds and xrays and bloods.
At to that lack of sleep and a very energegic toddler.

OH got up this morning. Whrn i was cleaning and tidyinh he brought them out. I had a nice long shower . And felt loads better.

To be fair OH is great when he's here .
I was talking a lil to MIL about Ls waking etc. Her reply "must be very hard on (oh) having to get up for work" .
My own mums reply "oh i know what its like , at least (oh ) helps. Your father didnt do half as much" .

Im going to try sort some form of new routine with naps as i think that might be half the problem.

pwurple

Wow, that's a whole lack of support from the pair of grannys anyway.

Are there any aunts or uncles around?

Suucee

pwurple wrote: »

Wow, that's a whole lack of support from the pair of grannys anyway.

Are there any aunts or uncles around?

Not from his side. I have my sis who is great. But i cant ask any more from her. She takes them every time ive a doc appointment (once-twice a week) plus she has alot going on. Just broke up with her partner,, her daughter was in court during the week getting a protection order from her ex (her 5 month old baby's daddy) who hit her in the face with a shoe. So she has ALOT on.
Ah im feeling better now at least. Were Going to go for swim in morning and then OH going to bring them out to his mums in the afternoon. (Not sure im keen on that as god knows she probably be feeling sorry for him) .

pwurple

Ah well the swim will be fun.

Keep pestering those doctors. When you get back to full health everything will be a million times better.

Sligo1

Try and enjoy your afternoon off Suucee. Get a movie and put your feet up and have a nice rest for yourself. Or go shopping!!! . But do enjoy your few hours off xx

Suucee

So watched a comedy and got a takeaway when the kids went to bed.
Felt great. OH offered to sleep on the floor in baba's room so id get a good sleep but i told him not to.
L was then up about 4 times last night. we had be cutting out the soother but caved last night (didnt help anyway). We have discover hipp bedtime milk so going to give that a go tonight. . Also punched a few more holes in the teat of his bottles and gave him his milk that way rather than beaker (which we have been doing for about a week as he couldnt get it fast enough from bottle). He seems to be in better form and we all had a lovely swim this morning and both kids are up having a nice nap.
Hoping beyond hope that the bedtime milk will help. we stopped the hungry milk when we started solids as we thought he would be more satisfied .

Sligo1

How are you feeling now suucee? I hope this week has been a bit better for you?

Suucee

Sligo1 wrote: »

How are you feeling now suucee? I hope this week has been a bit better for you?

Ah my heads in a better place. Think i was just having a very bad few days.
L slept all night last night and only woke once the night before so that helps but i woke for a while with my feet at me.

I headed to my sisters sunday afternoon and OH took over (brought them to the park) .

Was at gp yesterday (my usual gp sent me to a different guy for second opinion) i didnt want to chat to him so just talked about my feet.
The docs are getting a lil worried now as its not responding to any meds (ive been on 3 different types of anti inflammotory, an antibiotic and pain meds)
He thinks it may be microembolism caused by the pill. I had beem taking pill for over 10 yrs came off when having the kids but they decided to change it this time. Ive been saying it for about 2 weeks now about the pill.
So he has reffered me to a rhuematoligist and stopped all meds other than pain meds when needed.
To see rhuematologist public he said waiting list is 6-18 mnths so he recommended going for first consultation privately as he is concerned and said i cant really wait that long. So now need to sort some funds for that.

I do think alot of it is to do with the feet as im fed up now at this stage . My feet are sore all the time. I cant walk as much as i used to so were not getting out as much which is driving the kids bonkers too which means they are driving me bonkers. So this week im back to my usual weekly routine and planning something everyday . If i rest my feet are sore if i dont they are sore so its a lose lose regardless.

I work best with routine and so do they.

pwurple

Sounds like you are getting somewhere at least with it... a second opinion was a good move. It sounds absolutely torturous, your feet impact absolutely everyting. hopefully you can sort it soon!

Sligo1

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better suucee. It's so normal to have a bad few days... I know I've had enough of them tbh! Those days you feel so helpless and not in the least bit in control of your life. I think I'm like you suucee. I really have to have a set routine to keep me sane and the kids happy. When the routine goes to potty I think I go a bit potty! Lol.

Really hope you get those feet sorted. Sounds like agony. Try and catch a break whenever you can. Even if it means heading up to your room for a couple hours a couple times a week for some peace when your OH gets home and let him take the kids and settle them for the night. I know this really helped me a couple months ago.

Suucee

Meds were obviously doing something. One toe is like a balloon. Had to take paracetamol (before i realised i still had solpadol and ponstan) .
Hope i get this appointment soon.
kids are loads happier with routine and getting out . I was trying to rest my feet and staying at home but sure it wasnt doing anything anyway except driving us all up the wall.
Least im not the only one who has a bad few days.
OH is great but he comes in at 6 and bedtime is 7. So generally we have our tea. He baths them while i clean up and make formula and sort clothes for bed and next day. Then i dress 1 while he dresses the other. Then we all plonk on our bed while 1 reads a story and the other gives L his bottle (we alternate this) then its hugs and kisses and bed. He then gives L his late bottle (most nights ) and gets up at 6.30 with him leaving me until 7.30-8. I normally get up at night but he has the past week so that has helped. Plus L's sleep has improved so much. Where has that good night milk been. Its working a treat.

Anyway hope everyone else is doing good. Hows all getting on back to work.

pwurple

That's great that the milk is working! Hurrah! 8am to 6pm every day with no break is a long old day ordinarily, let alone when you have a balloon sized toe to deal with, and a lack of sleep.

Work is like a holiday camp after maternity leave with two smallies. I can eat a sandwich without someone dangling off me, and even go to the toilet all on my own.

The little lady has started slowly crawling backwards, just a few inches and then roars with rage. Getting further and further away from where she wants to be. The frustration on her face!

Suucee

Speaking of going to the loo unaccompanied i was in my sis's on sunday afternoon. totally forgot myself and went in to go and didnt even close the door let alone lock it. the laugh of my sis when she walked by and realised. Ive just gotten that used to either A coming in after me or having to bring L with me.

Sligo1

Our toilet door is down the hall from the front door but directly down from it. And we have a big window with a blind directly beside the door. The blind is always open during the day otherwise the hallway would be very dark. I've actually lost count of the times I've brought Tom into the toilet with me and he's swung open the door so I can't reach it. He can unlock it. I'm literally in view for all the neighbours to see as we live in an estate and there's a footpath directly outside my door!! Perhaps I should start pulling the blinds or I'll be done for indecent exposure!!

I'm not back to work yet. January 15th is my start date. I'm thinking I will just go back part time tho. I could've asked for the 18 week block of parental leave like I did with Thomas but I've been off for 2 years now and think I "need" to have some sort of brain stimulation at this stage. I'm hoping just to work 2 days per week.

So I haven't got my period yet since I got pregnant. And I'm planning a big night out next Saturday night for my friends bday. Apart from a crap night out I had a couple months ago it's going to be the first big night out I've had in a year and half! I'm so so so so looking forward to it. And had my little dress and all planned out! But I have this horrible feeling im going to get my blasted period!!! I'm getting cramps . And what is the fecking chances!!! Haven't had my period in 18 fecking months! Haven't been out in 18 feckjng months! And the "ONE" night I plan to go out I'm going to get it!!! My tummy is going to be sticking out and I'm going to look like a pot bellied pig!

Suucee

So went to gp this morning and i do have pnd (kind of begining to think so). She's not putting me on meds as want me totally clear going to rhuematologist next week. but going back to her after i see him. she's reffered me for counselling too .

As regards help my mum can be pretty helpful but MIL is terrible. My mum is not great health wise so cant do alot . MIL would be well able and would LOVE to but she wont keep to routine.

We decided to head out sat night. I took alot of persuading but got sorted. Dropped them out to her and even put them to bed. Had a terrible night out. Just as we arrived i said to OH's brothers partner that L has started to say Dada. She just said straight away in not a nice way "no baby talk" so we walked another bit (this was on the way to the pub) and it was still silent so i said "gp has decided to refer me to rhuematologist her reply "no sick talk, no baby talk, no sick talk" i walked on up to OH. It really hit a nerve as i realised ive nothing else to talk about. My whole life revolves around the kids and going to gp. Hence how i needed a good night. so i was pretty miserable then and just wanted to go home. OH said he was going to come if i did so i stayed a while. I got fed up around 12.30 and headed home. In fairness OH's brother must of said something to her as she came over bought me a drink and asked me to sit with them. i said no im fine here. she then asked me to come outside for chat. I didnt as knew id probably start to cry. so she left it at that.

Its bugging me as i normally get on really well with her.

Anyway to top it off landed out at 2 pm to collect kids in MIL's. I had explained how important their routine is as if not kept they are very cranky. Anyway within no time toddler was asking me to go to bed, she wanted to sleep. she sleeps 12-1.30 she shouldnt have been tired. MIL said she slept an hour. L was in bad form too. after another half hour she was whingey and crying over nothing so we decided to go. we were getting their stuff packed and L started whinging too. We were putting 2 kids in the car roaring crying. Within 5 mins they were both asleep in the car. So we went for a lil drive. toddler slept 45mins in car (which she never does).

So obviously she didnt keep to routine at all. they were both still whingey right up to bedtime but luckily slept ok. and still in funny form today.

So anyway,., She's the only one that i can really ask to help but then again i cant as she wont keep to routine. (she even lied about the lenght L had slept as FIL said different until she practically shh'ed him) she didnt forget as it was all wrote down for her. I just dont get it. Why not put them down to sleep, especially the toddler who was asking to go. Also anytime i say anything about L waking or being tired her attitude is always feeling sorry for my OH . And how she had to just get on with it. My mum had been saying the same but not anymore.

Ugh i actually dont know what to do. OH wants to call out some evening when there's no one there and have a chat with her but i think its pointless as she'l say she's keeping to it but when clearly she's not as we can tell by the kids.

pwurple

Ah Suucee, you poor thing. I know exactly what you mean with the routine. My husband took the two of them down to his mum for the afternoon yesterday so I could get a bit of work done, and sure they came back like livewires. Full of sweets, naps out of whack, whinging, he couldn't tell me when the last milk was. I said, grand, you put them to bed so. They get as cranky without the sleeps and keeping an eye on food/drink, it's like a wrestling match then at bedtime. It's nearly not worth it!

Other people are rarely pushed about routines, if they only have them a short time. And honestly, building a support network of people who can look after the kids is so important, I guess we have to consider the long term too. Maybe the occasional out of routine day is worth it for that. There will come a day when routine doesn't matter so much. When they don't nap anymore. And when that happens, it will be great if the kids are confident and happy to stay with the grandparents for a day or two, after building that relationship up over the years. Even for if you ever get sick, or need to be away for a short time.

Your brother's partner sounds like a pain in the arse. "No sick talk, no baby talk" = "Don't tell me about your life". Cheeky mare. Remember that one if she ever has anything at all going on in her life in the future.


Hang in there suucee. Hopefully the rhuematologist will be able to move things along.

Siipina

Hope so much you are getting better soon succee.
Maybe you should be not too hard to your mil. Some people just hate routine, I am one of them :-) we have only the natural routine but that's it and it works well for us. Maybe your mil did the same with her kids. Some people need it some can't deal with it. And as well isn't is a right to.spoil the grandkids? My grannies did that for sure, can remember to be allowed cake for breakfast and uncooked pasta. :-D loved it but I think my mum wasn't happy but I am 100% sure if she would be still.alive she would do exactly the same. That's what grannies are for.:-)

Siipina

Hope so much you are getting better soon succee.
Maybe you should be not too hard to your mil. Some people just hate routine, I am one of them :-) we have only the natural routine but that's it and it works well for us. Maybe your mil did the same with her kids. Some people need it some can't deal with it. And as well isn't is a right to.spoil the grandkids? My grannies did that for sure, can remember to be allowed cake for breakfast and uncooked pasta. :-D loved it but I think my mum wasn't happy but I am 100% sure if she would be still.alive she would do exactly the same. That's what grannies are for.:-)

Siipina

Hope so much you are getting better soon succee.
Maybe you should be not too hard to your mil. Some people just hate routine, I am one of them :-) we have only the natural routine but that's it and it works well for us. Maybe your mil did the same with her kids. Some people need it some can't deal with it. And as well isn't is a right to.spoil the grandkids? My grannies did that for sure, can remember to be allowed cake for breakfast and uncooked pasta. :-D loved it but I think my mum wasn't happy but I am 100% sure if she would be still.alive she would do exactly the same. That's what grannies are for.:-)

Suucee

Siipina wrote: »

Hope so much you are getting better soon succee.
Maybe you should be not too hard to your mil. Some people just hate routine, I am one of them :-) we have only the natural routine but that's it and it works well for us. Maybe your mil did the same with her kids. Some people need it some can't deal with it. And as well isn't is a right to.spoil the grandkids? My grannies did that for sure, can remember to be allowed cake for breakfast and uncooked pasta. :-D loved it but I think my mum wasn't happy but I am 100% sure if she would be still.alive she would do exactly the same. That's what grannies are for.:-)

Routine is definitely what is needed for my kids though. Thats the problem . it wouldnt be such a problem if the kids were ok with it but as i said they were crying and in very bad form. to top it off L has been whingey all day today too. literally has whinged all day. The odd day of spoiling them is ok but not putting them down to sleep when they need to is not spoiling them IMO its just cruel. The sweets, choc etc im not too bothered about tbh as its occasional, its the lack of sleep.

If i sent them out there for a break once a week. i would end up with at least that evening and the next day being a total nightmare so completely pointless.

I'm so fed up, . Ive literally been watching the clock all day waiting for OH to come home. L whinging has just been tuned out now. I cant handle it anymore. ive had A sat in front of TV all afternoon too.

I really feel i shouldnt have had him at this stage. i cant mind him. im just useless .

Siipina

You are not useless, for sure. Its just all coming together. Belive me, everyone of us is having days like this. Kieran had last week somedays, belive me if he would have fit, i would have flushed him down the toilet. He was wingy like hell, wouldnt sleep just wanted to walk but couldnt and all this. The OH called and told me he have to go on buiness travel next week for 3 days. Honestly I went for a fag and a good cry. Didnt help much though. The thought being alone with LO for three days without somebody to take him drives me up the wall. Just pray LO is in good mood.
No you are not useless, we have the hardest job in the world and everzbody is expecting that it must be all perfect but thats bulls...t. We are no maschines.

With the MIL, mhhhh maybe she doesnt notice they are tiered. My OH can be sometimes like that. LO is cranky and wingy and he doent see he is tiered. And its so easy to see as LO gets a red eye when he is tiered.

Siipina

By the way, are you still taking the pill? If yes maybe stopp taking it for a while . It's very.common to get depression from it. I had it and I went to a horrible place. I felt so useless and I was honestly thinking my boys would be better off without me.
The day I stopped taking it the Sun started shining again and I felt a lot better. And no worries they will grow up and it will get easier, I hope so.at least cause that's what I tell myself on a bad day ;-)

Siipina

By the way, are you still taking the pill? If yes maybe stopp taking it for a while . It's very.common to get depression from it. I had it and I went to a horrible place. I felt so useless and I was honestly thinking my boys would be better off without me.
The day I stopped taking it the Sun started shining again and I felt a lot better. And no worries they will grow up and it will get easier, I hope so.at least cause that's what I tell myself on a bad day ;-)

Suucee

Siipina wrote: »

By the way, are you still taking the pill? If yes maybe stopp taking it for a while . It's very.common to get depression from it. I had it and I went to a horrible place. I felt so useless and I was honestly thinking my boys would be better off without me.
The day I stopped taking it the Sun started shining again and I felt a lot better. And no worries they will grow up and it will get easier, I hope so.at least cause that's what I tell myself on a bad day ;-)

no. Off it nearly 2 weeks.

i just lost it. Ls crying just drove me demented. I walked out of sitting room and lost it. I through a plate on the floor and smashed it chicken went everywhere. I picked up the walked and smashed it off the floor too. I then checked on the kids. Sent OH a txt telling him to get home now. I hid on the stairs in the dark until he came home. A ran and gave him a hug and he went in to sitting room and picked up L. when he went in to kitchen i ran out the door and drove off.

Im parked in a carpark now and ive no idea what i was thinking. Why didnt i just pick him up and comfort him.

I rang my sis and told her what happened. Then took sim out of phone so i can have a break.

Im just so fed up. I cant believe i started this thread full of joy and excitment and its come to this.

I

angeldelight

Suucee I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I work in a medical field and there are a large amount of new mothers who feel the way you're feeling. Post natal depression is an illness, not a reflection on you as a mother.

Fair play to you for removing yourself from the situation when you realised you weren't coping this evening. I'm sure your partner is very concerned about you at the moment - by all means take a time out for little while but maybe just send him a text and let him know.

I know you said you've been to the GP a lot recently but I think it may be worth your while going back to see them tomorrow - I realise they didn't want to start you on any medication in the short term but it may be worth revisiting that decision with them.

You're not alone with the way you feel, and it's not your fault

cyning

Suucee wrote: »

no. Off it nearly 2 weeks.

i just lost it. Ls crying just drove me demented. I walked out of sitting room and lost it. I through a plate on the floor and smashed it chicken went everywhere. I picked up the walked and smashed it off the floor too. I then checked on the kids. Sent OH a txt telling him to get home now. I hid on the stairs in the dark until he came home. A ran and gave him a hug and he went in to sitting room and picked up L. when he went in to kitchen i ran out the door and drove off.

Im parked in a carpark now and ive no idea what i was thinking. Why didnt i just pick him up and comfort him.

I rang my sis and told her what happened. Then took sim out of phone so i can have a break.

Im just so fed up. I cant believe i started this thread full of joy and excitment and its come to this.

I

Succee, even writing that will help. You are not useless. At all. You've been having a really tough time health wise and emotionally. Have you told your sister where you are? Or could you pop your sim in your phone and text your husband so he doesn't worry? You've made the first step by speaking to GP, and hopefully the counselling will help. You will get through this x

Siipina

Succee all will be fine, if you want to talk give me a shout. It's tough but you will make it.

Suucee

No i didnt tell them where i am as i need a lil time to myself. Gp doesnt want to put me on any meds aa im waiting to see a rhuematologist and dont want to be on anything as i dont want anything making that issue worse. At least if im on zero meds we cant blame anything. Ive that appointment next tues and back to gp then next fri ti revisit the whole meds topic.

Ive calmed down now i think but i just dont know how im going to get through the rest of the week.

RentDayBlues

Suucee wrote: »

No i didnt tell them where i am as i need a lil time to myself. Gp doesnt want to put me on any meds aa im waiting to see a rhuematologist and dont want to be on anything as i dont want anything making that issue worse. At least if im on zero meds we cant blame anything. Ive that appointment next tues and back to gp then next fri ti revisit the whole meds topic.

Ive calmed down now i think but i just dont know how im going to get through the rest of the week.

Suucee, hope you don't mind me replying, while I don't have PND or anywhere near the amount of pain you are dealing with, I think the age gap wih our kids is very similar and I can barely cope some days. They are more work than my job on the worst days ever was, and I'm going to do the stay at home mum thing too.

It's unbelievably hard, my baby screamed for 30 mins non stop this lunch, toddler tried to help by singing and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. No one knows how hard it is until you are in the middle of it, the fact that it is 24/7 even when your partner is there.

There are days I bombard my husband with texts complaining about my awful day, and then feel guilty. But if I was at work and was dealing with this level of stress on a daily basis I would have moved job or called in sick, but that's no longer an option.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're caring for two babies on a full time basis while dealing with immense pain and you're doing it! You care for them enough to know when to step away from the situation and ask for help.

I hope things turn a corner for you soon, you're a good mum

cyning

Succee I've struggled this time around too. Having two is really hard, let alone with the pain you are in. There's a group that helps with pnd in Ireland called nurture: could you maybe get in contact with them tomorrow for some support? Or contact phn and see if there is support in your local area?

I know you need some time alone but do ring or text someone and let them know you are safe.