My gambling addiction day 1 and so on

gambling addiction1

So well hello Im 24 and have a problem
with money , love well my whole life seem
to be passing me,I am on the dole liveing
with my girlfriend im on 188 she 100
rent 450 but with rent allowence its feck all
so by right i should be able to live well.
But im gambling and so here goes.
I"d started off when i was working years
ago i went mental on it on horse"s and dog
putting a whole wage on the one horse till all
my saveing were gone about 5 grand in less
than 2 weeks bloody mental when i think
back to it now all the things i could have done,
the place"es i could have went,
after that id spend my wage - my rent near all i had on it,
then boom no job so back to home i go in with the parent for a while,
then i meet this girl a lovely one when i mean lovely
i mean she"d do anything for me so we fall in love to normal
things like park on hot days go see a movie ,go on holiday
just enjoying life like life couln"t get better you know true love,
so time pass"es i start playing poker on line and not doing to bad
makeing about a few 100 a month the extra cash was nice then i
started to go in the bookies BOYLES **** place and place money
on horse"s dog"s football so many things on in such a short time id be broke
in 30 mins in the place putting 2 euro on at the start then 10"s then 20"s then
bloody 50 euro yes 50 euro im on the dole 50 euro is everything to me
and i trow it on a fecking horse awh the pain in my head when
i think of it and me knowing right well that ill have to borrow
to pay rent and to buy food im a dope ,




eh so hows does it feel to
go so low all the things i have done and i
expect nothing to go wrong always thinking there"s
a way out there a better time in the next day
building bil to bill
going from 1 week to the other broken this caint go
on this is not a life is it?
no its not its a mistake
that will have to be sorted "yes sort you life out"they say
and my replay i will im sorry never thinking that id
do it again at that momemt and time but time goes on
and booom i caint chose the choice was made up for me
Why you may ask well i have a problem with gambling
and have it a few yew i have tired and have quited well
for a few months but as soon as i steped foot back in
that godforsaken place the devil had me bet after bet
win or lose im the one the lose"es missing out on my
life missing out on nights out with friends getting a
job or even collage all these things would have been
nice also more importinly ****ing up things with my girlfriend
and family i have stole from them telling them lies
covering up everthing i do and then i find out my girlfriend
is txting anothor man but really the **** i have done to
her could anyone blame her ,i dont I just wished i was the man
i was when we first meet id give anything to be that
man and not the way i am to day mental toughts all the time
My mind well its in a 100 different way its not anymore
so much worrying from esb to loan sharks calling at the door
to not haveing a enough cash to buy milk or coffee to have
spend my day in the bookies to have spend all the money in
my pocket and to then walk out with tears in my eyes
to try and come up with the money i have lost by getting loans,
pawning everything i own ,like really this is no way to
live ,what can i do in my head i know" Stop ****ing going to
the bookies you ****ing gob****e " and come the morning
ill try and pawn stuff but will i turn to the bookies to
try and reclam some of the money i"v lost my soul say"es not
to but my mind is still checking tipping sites ,I hope one
day i can get my self out of this hell I and only I
have made sitting here now writeing this i know
im a fool playing the fools game tbh i dont even know why
im writeing this maybe somebody else that has the same
problem will see it i sopose ,if i could have one wish id
wish i was the man i was when i first meet my girlfriend and not
gambling things would have been so much better no debts no bills
we mite have very little but id be happy with that id probley
have a job so maybe i would of had money nobody know"s
all i know for sure that life can be so much better with out
gambling.


Yes eveyone that reads this i know i have no right what so ever
to look for anyones help im just in the need of someone
at this time i know there a gambling meeting on 2mo nite
i want to go but i am scared dono why i sopose
people that have lost eveything will be there
and yes in my eyes im on the edge and maybe over loseing
eveything in my eyes like Who the **** really wants a big tv
computers , all the material things ,if you dont have
family ,friends,and the love of your life to spend
it with,

like im saying this in my head " i"d rather die than goes feel this pain"
but i really no this is not the case its only a moment of crazy in my head
i know i really do love things i love my family and girlfreind but if they go
then what to face all the things i have done all alone even tho i should
not force any one to bail me out of the mess or stand by me like would you?
I hope 2mo will be a better day than this.
Im sorry for going on one but i wanted to share some of the things in my head.
thanks for reading and sorry im pretty **** at spelling.
this is my toughts for day 1.
i will update 2mo

SmallCroc

I just wanted you to know that there's at least one person who read your post and wishes you strength. You can do this. You really should go to the meeting, you know. I've a lot of respect for you, good luck my friend.

gambling addiction1

Thanks it means a lot to me i wish i was a strong person but im not thanks for putting fate in me,here what happened on the next day


Day 2/3

But i have failed once again i really caint do this
on my own i know this for a fact i need help
so i pawn some of my stuff and were did i go after getting
money and haveing another bill on my back straight
back and just handed the money over like what in gods
name was i doing i only wish i knew im a disaster a
waste of air im useless like honestly you would think
after writeing the day 1 just above haveing tears
runing down my face id remember but no I really just dont
know what to do anymore thats it i may say my good byes
to all who i love they aint going to want be I have made this
bed of hell and i will lie in it,I wished i went to
the meeting someone to chat would be good things really are not good
But i was needed to babysit and tought seeing my the kid it would
take my mind off it ,no deffently the wrong choice again.
So iv confronted my girlfriend about the guy she has been txting
I dont know how long she"s been txting this guy it could be days months even
years i dont know she hasnt been here for a while either in her mam"s
or friends house so im at lost with the one i truely love ,in my head if
shes been txting a few months well what are my to do ?"end it " i know
but she was my only love and really only friend my life is really ****,
I have never been this depressed ever from gambling and then from my personal life
everything is messed up at this time,
Like im in so much debt at this time from faimly to pawn place"es to loan sharks
and im on the dole and behinde on rent like my fecking rent is due in 4 days
and not one fecking cent do i have ill have 188 + +30 +60 and i think im getting another loan this time
off my brother 200 so thats so thats 478 euro my rent is 450 so 28 euro left no the loan shark has that so im
broke for another week great my life is really not good ,I could not give a feck about money i really
only care about my women but in my head ,what if she has been seening this guy for months my head is really
fecked money problem personal problem i really hope there is a way out of this and no im not takeing my life
away because of this i will stand and fight the demons inside my head i have made ,I know for a fact i can be
a better man than the one i am now,i will take one day at a time and sit and chat to some people i know my family
are there for me and my love i will have to sort it out and fast as i think im going to the bookies out of rage
thinking im getting cheated on cause id rather know the truth so we can both move on with our life hopefully this
aint the case cause i really dont know were id be with out her i hope this can be sorted awh the toughts in my head
are running wild at this time.
So today i told my brother about my problem all of them and had a chat with him for a while it was good but i fealt
so ashamed of haveing to ask my brother for money and me knowing he has a family to provide for all i could say was
sorry no words can really say the way im feeling at this time for not one word could explain it ,he give me advice on my problem with the bookies,
I hope it sinks in ,he told me about what his toughts were on my girlfriend which i have brought on board ,
In my head i think i have lost everything ,I havent been eating right in days .ill find it real
hard tonight to sleep i"ll have to take something my stomach is in bit at this time but i couln"t eat ,iv done it all
over again spend all my and her rent fecking hell she"s going to gone very soon all this lieing to each other me i"ll
lie all the time about my money saying i dont spend it down there but i do and her lieing about this guy she txting ,
So what to do ,im stuck alone in my house now for only my mind to play tricks on me voice"es starting to talk in my
head is this it really is this what my life will be stuck here alone with my tought waiting for a phone call,knock on the door,waiting
for something to change ,I know i want to change but i caint see how i ow that much money the only way i see is to keep putting bigger amounts on untill
they win fecking fools game im such a tool,Like I really need to get banned from these place"es boyles paddy power all of them i should go in and sign the form
i think i will do this 2mo but again im scared of doing it id look like a rite clown people looking and laughing but like should i really give a flying feck what people
think of me in there cause one day they will see the pain the come"s along with a gambling addiction and maybe they wont be so fast to judge and point at me,
i say it now on this ONLY I AND ONLY I CAN CHANGE no one else can change me ,
maybe if i type it out a few time my mind mite remember so this next part dont mind it its for my mind.
ONLY I CAN CHANGE ONLY I CAN CHANGE ONLY I CAN CHANGE ONLY i can change only i can change I want to change i will change no more no fecking more
time to turn my life around from now on the only time ill step foot in any of these place"es is to sign the forums that get me barried.I will
work everything out with everyone in my life i know im going to be broke for weeks but feck it ill get by i dont need money i really have to
stop trying to make a wage out of the dole it doesnt and will never turn in to a wage ,hopefully 1 of the 100"s of jobs i get will give me some
good news, this has been my 2nd and 3rd day confessing i have gambling addiction i will keep this going for as long as i can.
thanks to everyone that has been reading and commemt it means a lot to me to know im not alone thanks.

gambling addiction1

I had this wrote out to give to my girlfriend but after reading it a few things i should have listen to what i wrote out.

The devil can be seen in the ones that smile my way.
Aint no way you can see for sure ,
but you get the feeling something up
like a 6th sence you know from what is ****ing with you ,
I see from what is and will be that I am the answer,
To many answers as for only I can change things I see ,
All will be revealed to the one person.
That needs to see were lies the devil,

And for that devil you home wrecking ****er
I wont be broken
I wont be tortured
I wont be beating down
I have the answer
I can take the presure
I will turn it all around
You will go back to were your from.
Stay there with your evil thoughts ,
Your greed Your passion for hurt,
The list can on and on ,


So it has come down to just one choice which is it going to be?
Loveing happyness or have a life of miss"ed chance"s
choose which one and think about it again.
connect each and every Clue
think of the last few weeks
Were you have been ?
Who have you been with?
what you have done?
which part of your life has been happy ?
which part if you could do it all over again ?
What to you love doing most?
Are there any moments that you would back when your sad to cheer you up?

Read this over and over
Think really hard about everything in your life and were you want it to go...

nero123

First things first ma man..you need to just STOP everything you are doing and calm down. Your're mind is obviously racing at a 1000 knots a sec with all the stress your under which is understandable.

You have come on here looking for help which is a massive positive step. You have admitted to yourself that you have a problem. Alot of people have never gotten themselves to this point.

Try to bring some structure to all the madness. Firstly to do this in my mind, you got to realize you cannot do this by yourself , no matter how you convince yourself every night before you go to sleep, the urges to gamble will be as fresh as they ever were once you wake up. You probably think if I can get that one big winner to sort out all your problems. These thoughts are simply feeding your addiction, manipulating your mind causing you to go full circle oin a daily basis.

Like all addictions, shame and embarressment is making this harder for you to see any light especially to the people closiest to you, worried of what poeple's thoughts are of you etc etc which is of course is a typical Irish man thing. It's bred into us not to show any weakness or failings or even emotion alot of the time. You sound like you are at a tipping point anyway and you have already told your brother, it's now time to sit herself down and let her know along with rest of your family and any close friends you have what's going on first hand. They will be shocked of course but the emotional release will not just help you, it will help all of those as well.

You sound like at times you know what you need to do but just need some encouragement, a push in the right direction. You are calling for help

Bring someone who you trust completely and that you can depend on. Someone who won't go easy on you for the right reasons. You need to go to all your bookies and I mean all your bookies including
all online accounts and BAN yourself for life. You said you are worried about looking like a clown ? Who cares? Alot of people who are in bookies on a daily basis are facing the exact same daemons you are facing, head down , mimimum eye contact, almost sheepish. The feeling you will get once you walk out the door will be immense if you can do this with a clear mind with full conscience

The most crucial step is of course is to attend the meetings, you will realize on how many people are suffering this addiction, hopefully, you will find courage and positivity from this but most of all , professional advise is a MUST to beat this.

Let's be honest , this is only the start of a long and windy road that you need to face. I hope you can . I hope your girlfriend and family & friends will stand by you.

On the Financial front, for the short term , you need to let your girlfirend or family manage your finances because of your existing hunger for gambling. Write out your debts constructively, it will be frightening no doubt to see what you owe. Priortise who needs to be paid off and get a plan in place, I hope your family/friends can support you on this front. You should NOT handle any money of course till you seek professional help who will advise in more detail


Last of all. You are only a snipper .. 24 I think you said.. alot of people don't face their addictions till 30's or 40's . You have buckets of time to turn your life around , don't worry about the fact you have nothing now. It's what you do from here on out is what matters.

Oisin McConville is a great read for this addiction. He helps explains all the emotions and mindset that you are going through right now.

Be positive and take care

gambling addiction1

Well thanks for the repley i wished i had to check this before i
went out.

Im in tears now thinking
off all the hurt i have put people i know trew in the last
few weeks.I really do need help i caint be trusted with money.

day 4

So i wake up and in and instent i remember my rent
is due in a few days and my toughts of my women and
family,so i get up get dressed and walk down and go
collect my rent allownce which is 65 euro i then walk
out of the post office and up back up to my house
but im alone and have to walk past that fecking hell
hole boyle needless to say again i walked in and spend
the lot ,so i walk out yet again in tears up the road
i get in to my house and say in my head "Again i did it"
my tought are in disare at that time so i try and clean
up the house so i clean the house to try and keep my mind
off the bills and all i have done and all i will have to
do later this evening,i get the house near done i remember
that there was a buger so i stick it on the grill
thinking is my head this probley the last bita food
for the next few days and so i go back over to do the dishes
and boom smoke the fecking thing goes on fire the house full
of black smoke i put the fire out and clean up the smoke
dammage great more **** on my plate so i finish up clean about
and putting clothes away ,in the time i have done this,
my brother has been to my mothers and told her about
what i have done i really have never been so ashamed
in my life when she rings i first lie but i give in
and tell her everything and the same to my dad i feel
like **** now so much trouble im causeing so much pain
im putting people trew and for what to ****ing gamblie and watch
my trouble ,so that all and done with iv been told to
move home ,I wont move home in my head,
So my dad tell my girlfriend that the money iv spent is
gone she rings me and again i lie at first as i think i
can sort it by myself before she comes home,as i didnt even know
if she was ever comeing home ,I am now over the edge i
was thinking in my head it be a good thing to tell them all
but i dono yet ,i think they all have had enough with me
so i really dont know what to do ,my life as i knew it is
well over all them night i used to have relaxing watching
tv and haveing my girlfriend on the couch lieing and
haveing a nap or the time we had just the simple things like
walking down to tesco"s holding hands now and then looking
into eachother eyes and saying i love you ,the reaction i got from
telling the truth hasnt worked out i think im going to be alone in my fight
with this horrible addiction ,when i work out how to get
my rent paid i will make it my bussiness to the meetings on wed and 8
this time im doing it ,I dont think i can face anyone now
iv never been like this ever in my life I know things will
get better with time i hope they do cause i dont know how
much more i can take of this..
I could keep writeing for hours but i dont have the strenght to do it and
my head is getting really bad in my thinking .

gambling addiction1

day 5 to 10



this as been a tough few days metantal and all around
So the last few days goes like this, i confessed to my
parents and girlfreind about my probelm,at first i didnt
know how they would react i really tought i would
be disowned but i wasnt i spent the weknd in my parents
which was a very good thing to have the kids about looking after
them takeing my mind of things and trying to stay calm,
I havent place"ed a bet since last thursday which is good
but in real i havent placed a bet since monday well yesterday
it mad i feel like a im in my own personal pirson ,
yesterday i sorted my rent and payed it after getting
anothor loan of my parents which im ashamed like hell
iv done it again ,I have worked out a plain to pay back everything
i ow which after all the bills leave"s me with around 30 euro or so
but i know times will get better im on to it now hopefully
ill be able to get a job or re skill my self somehow,
so today i went down to tesco by my self as my girlfriend
is in her mothers and has been there this last week
there was a death in her family so that why,ya so i went down
to tesco and did a bita shoping and then headed over to were i rent
from to get the rent allowence form filled in which all was grand ,so thats
all the basic"s sorted so i went the long way home just so i wouln"t
even have to walk past fecking boylesports which is only a min walk from my
house so i got in and cleaned about the place did a good bit trying my best
to keep my mind on other things ,i havent been on any horse website in a
few days which is helping ,all my facebook like of that kind of craic is
gone,So 2mo i will wake up and get the rent allowence form and bring to the other
place then head back up to my house and clean some more and wait untill my dad come"s
to pick me up ,as i now know were the meeting is on now casue on monday me and my dad
walked into the place so im looking forward to meeting other people in it and
haveing the one on one with someone,So hopefully i can fix my life up,as for
my personal life with my girlfriend there"s alot i need to fix and soon
she come"s home on thursday i caint wait to see her i know we will have
to talk about things as i have problems with money but she has problems with more
in real term meaning things like na im going to keep this to my self untill
i talk about it with her ,thanks so much for all the suport i have gotten from this ,
I will rite again 2mo night after the meeting,

Two Tone from Limehouse

Best of luck mate, hope it works out for you

dobman88

I was in a situation when a person very close to me had gambling problem (I don't want to say who in case someone I know sees this post) but it was torture watching them. I started to realise when we would go to the bookies together and I would spend my little €10 and the other person would gamble hundreds claiming it was "extra cash". I never took much notice because they were always smiling, everything seemed so normal until we decided to meet for a pint to watch a day of sport on tv. With every event that happened the person became more and more agitated and the alcohol didn't help. I took them home and we went to bed. In the morning they said they had to go and "collect" even though it was plainly obvious there was nothing to collect, just an excuse to go to the bookies.

I told the person to have a shower and we would go to "collect" then. While they were in there I took the bet slips from their pocket and checked all the bets, not a single win. There was about 8-10 slips totalling over €1300 in bets, in one day!!! An absolute fortune in my eyes and I knew that even if they had "extra cash" it would never be that much. I confronted them immediately, sternly but fairly, sat them down and talked it out. We figured out how much they owed and where we could go. They admitted the problem, which like you is a HUGE step, and we attended meetings and tried to get help for them.

Then one day out of the blue the person comes to my house in an upset state and asks me for €350. I had savings of €400 at the time but was saving for a holiday. I gave them the 350 but I insisted that I go with them to see what was being done with the money. They handed the whole lot over to a local thug who made a comment about having the person in their pocket. We got a family member involved and the person doesn't have access to any bank cards, accounts or online betting accounts. The three of us went around every bookie in town and got the person barred and we stopped all the online accounts. He is now clean after years of depression and gambling addiction.

I guess my advice is, you have admitted the problem, you have told your family so your road to recovery starts here and believe me it is a long road but it is NOT impossible!! I will continue to read here and support you on your journey. Best of luck and I know everything will work out if you want help.

bootybouncer

fair play lads, keep it going

gambling addiction1

Thanks very much for all the surport i"v been getting it means the world to me thanks

Well this is day 11 and how it went

I woke up and did my daily clean about the house and that did anything about
the house to keep my mind of the bookies and that, then i watched some vids
on youtube about different things listening to some music ,I got
a call and txt from my dad asking was i all set for tonight meeting i repleyed
i was but was still abit eh i dono scared but he said he"d take me in so i was alright
thats grand so he came over to mine about 7;30 the meeting was at 8 so we had tea and
a wee chat before we went ,then we got into the car but just before that my girlfriend
rang we had been fighting for a week or so now but she came clean and told me everything
and i did the same well im kinda getting of track so ill keep that to my self so me and
my dad went down we meet with 2 people in the G.A it was like an interdoction i wont say what was
said but it was really mind blowing to have people that were once in my shoes
and it was real good to know im not alone ,I will be going back next week for the big
meeting and its great to know people are there for me,it has been since last thursday since
i placed a bet or looked at the tipping site but in real terms its only been
2 days since monday as thats when i got money so 2 days and counting here hopeing i can keep it up,
My girlfreind is home now it was real lovely to catch up and talk about our problems
to eachother things will get better i will take one day at a time.

TrueDub

gambling addiction1 wrote: »

i will take one day at a time.

That's the best idea. Good luck with it, and stick with it.

dobman88

well done, you are making fantastic progress. You seem to have a good family behind you so keep talking to them and you wont notice the time passing

Two Tone from Limehouse

dobman88 wrote: »

well done, you are making fantastic progress. You seem to have a good family behind you so keep talking to them and you wont notice the time passing

No post in four days? Hope that's not a bad sign?

bootybouncer

True how you getting on dude??

gambling addiction1

Day 12 - 16



Well it has been a good few days since i last posted it as been an eye opening time
for me for a number of reason thankfully i have no bad news ,the weeknd i went
shopping with my bro and girlfriends for a bday present for my godson so that day
went real well the only thing was my bro was jokeing about when he got a scatched
card i just walked away i wouln"d even give em a coin to scatch it i know that
sounds mad but im just sick of anything to do with gambling,Its been about 2 weeks
since i even looked at any tipping site which is great i dont have my mind being messed about
with thinking awful things like "that one is a cert ill trow all my money on that one
to get out of the deep hole im in "

I have worked out a payment plain with all the people i ow money to and its
going to take me about 62 weeks give or take a few weeks to pay back eveything
awh i know its a long time but my head is in a very better place no more toughts
of doing my self in ,no more toughts and wondering how are my going to pay back my
rent and people ,no more thinking like how my going to explain this to everyone what i have
done,

Being truthfull to everyone around seems like it is the best thing to do and it
has brought the truth out of a lot of people around me which is very good,things
are getting better ,saying that well i do still get the urges like last night just before
i went to sleep the bookies were on my mind but the feeling past when i read all i
had wrote on this and the same this morning,anything that sicking feeling hits
i try my best to get on line and read these post to know were i have been and what sort
of mind bending feelings i have felt and it does quickly go away.

I know it is a very long road I am on now but its the rite one.
I have been keeping my self busy by cleaning and makeing cv"s out and sending them online and
in person hopefully ill get a good repley hopefully sooner rather than later ,Im thinking about
going back to collage but because of everything that happened im not to sure if ill be allowed back but
there is only one way to find out and find out i will.

I still do feel like a prisoner in my own home but that will change over time I am sure of it,
I will be heading back to the meeting 2mo at 8 same place so ill meet other people which is good
cause i need to get out more even if its just for a few hours its mental that iv no friends for a few
reason i moved a few years back to another town and most of my friends are either in the old
one or moved out of the country so i have to start mixing more ,I still have not found something
to take up to replace the time i spend in the bookies ,I will look more into this in the next few
days.

I really caint thank all the people i love for standing by me enough no words i can say or write will
ever be enough to say how thankfull that they were and are there for me lets just say with out the surport
i got from everyone i dont think ill be here to write this ,I really to think that there should be more on the tv
about this problem and be more open to this problem cause i know im not the only one that would of been like this at
some stage and with all the people my age haveing no work and spending all the time in the bookies and getting
into trouble there has been very little about this problem talked about in the schools and collages and by
all the people we have voted in to goverment ,
For example when i was at school i was tought about the danger of drugs and all the things that come with it,
but nothing about gambling which can be just as nasty to someone and can be very hard to tell if some one has a problem
for loads of reason"s ,Ok so that last bit i might have went off on a kinda rant so that rant is over well for now
i will more than likely explain more about my toughts on that on a later stage.

So today my plain is to clean about the house and keep busy by doing out job cvs and that ,at this moment and time i feel alot better
things are lookiing up i know money is very very very tight but as i said before i dont need alot as long as i have people to talk
to and spend time with i feel like a very rich man indeed money is nothing to me if you dont have family and loved ones to spend it with.
This is my last few days ill try and keep this going and sorry for not writeing sooner ,i will give an update 2mo night after the meeting.
thanks to everyone reading this and showing suport to me it really has been keeping me in a good place in my mind thanks.

dobman88

Hope you are doing well. Coming up on three weeks without gambling now. A phenomenal achievment. Well done and keep it going

dobman88

Really hope nothing bad has happened here, been too long with no news. Best of luck OP

princess poppy

Would love to hear how OP is doing, a really honest and open story which took a lot of courage. I often read it and wonder how things are .........?????

nero123

me too