Limited access to my son HELP!!

Lostdad

Hi, I am new to this and, I am in despair. I had to make the hardest decision of my life in May which was to leave my home and my 5yo son due to sustained and threatening verbal abuse by my wife and her 22yo son - this involved threats of violence and culminated in both of them involving my litle boy in a scheme to try to get me to react to subtle intimidation while secretly recording me - thankfully i didn't but made the decision to leave that day and then sought legal advice.
The thing is that my wife is totally controlling when i see my son and for how long. 30 mins mid week and 4 hours weekend. I am very close tomy son and he to me as I was his only source of fun and play while at home and I spent all of my time with him right up to when he fell asleep each night - partly the reason for the downfall in my marraige. Anyway, my son has gone from daily undivided attention from his dad to brief and controlled access overnight - even calls to him are on speakerfone.
My solicitor has requested agreed access (every 2nd weekend etc) and the response has been favourable consideration to this request subject to co-parenting counselling first. While on one hand, I see the benefit in this, I know my wife, and she will use this to slow up the process and retain control for as long as is possible.
My solicitor has suggested divorce and I am seeing barrister today but I am a complete passenger here...and don't know what all of this involves...apart from hefty legal bill.
Thanks for your patience here and finally here is my dilemma - all I want is to be allowed to have a proper father/son relationship with my son rather than a visitor at times and days that suit my wife. My son misses me and wants to be able to experience the stories at night, the songs before sleep, the breakfasts in front of TV, the weekend days of play and sport that he had with me in the past too.
How do I go about getting this agreed to by both of us as soon as possible - 9 weeks have now past and, while divorce is inevitable and I am not seeking resolution or anything, it seems like another process that will take ages and all the while, my primary concern is to have agreed time with my son...surely this is not as difficult as what I am experiencing...?

PS Posted on parenting forum as well - still getting the hang of this

desbrook

Just to clarify OP are you in N. Ireland or ROI?

Lostdad

ROI thanks for taking an interest

desbrook

Lostdad wrote: »

ROI thanks for taking an interest

Well in that case divorce is four years away at minimum. Your main concerns at this point in time are legal access to your son and the payment of maintenance for him. They are separate issues though. Do not refuse maintenance because you are getting poor access! Neither should your ex refuse access because of the issue of maintenance . Is this one of the reasons you are seeing so little of your son ?

Lostdad

No - I have been very fair in all my financial dealings in the best interest of my son - we both earn similar relatively good incomes and I am now paying half the mortgage as well as midpoint between the highest and lowest maintenance amount required - the issue with seeing so little of my son is my wife's determination to retain control for as long as possible.
In relation to the divorce proceedings, I am advised that because our relationship was so toxic for so long, and because there wasn't a marital relationship for at least 4 years, then this is a route which is open to me (so my solicitor advises..). This advice followed my plea to get this in front of Family Law Court or someone who had the power to instruct us both in relation to access - the finances etc can all wait as far as I'm concerned (although it is very hard financially to pay what I am paying as well as rent and associated costs..) but the access is absolute priority..

desbrook

I'm not going to comment on your solictors advice re the four years , that's between you and him but personally don't see the rush especially as things are awkward . You can apply to the district court to get access - why not do that ?

Lostdad

Desbrook - your comment came just in time. Thanks again. I am about to leave to meet with solicitor and barrister (creating a mini industry here)..and that is exactly what I will ask for. Thanks again and I will update when i get back.
Now...how the hell do you dress for a meeting in the courthouses when its 30d outside..:)