What do you keep by the bed?

kowloon

Due to the heat I have a mini-fridge, so if anyone invades the house I'll offer them a cool drink and they'll appreciate the hospitality.

Peregrine

• Phone
• Clock radio
• Glasses
• Deodorant
• Earphones
• Sleeping eye mask thingy (Blinds are a bit fecked, If there's too much light I might need it)
• A foot long steel Jebus on the cross (I'm actually an atheist but that's been there for as long as I can remember. It's a proper weapon though, you can kill someone with it)

mad muffin

My mother in law.

That old bat would stop anyone dead in their tracks:pac:

BunShopVoyeur.

Kindle, notepad & pen, glasses, wallet, phone.

Renegade Mechanic

Killing someone with jesus. Now thats ironic:D
Youre right about the blinds though, nothing worse than trying to sleep with daylight assaulting ya.

Peregrine

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Killing someone with jesus. Now thats ironic:D

It'll be a totally unsuspected weapon though. If a burglar saw a knife beside me, he might take it. I doubt he'll take Jesus from me.

Autonomous Cowherd

GET BACK ON TRACK LADS!!!
Sheesh..mention a dildo eh......:rolleyes:


glancing to my side i see...(and i am woefully disorganised and ashamed of it...)


a hot water bottle
a measuring tape (don't ask)
a diary
a handbag
a bottle of calamine lotion (for those bastard horsefly bites)
Dr Hauschkas Clarifying Toner
Vick's Vaporub
A small ceramic pig holder thingy for massage oils
5 pens
a stack of random notebooks and diary
Bhagavad gita
Ouspensky's the fourth Way
hair ties
head phones
water
a cup empty of the delicious cocoa it once contained
3 herbal tinctures..just in case..but god knows how long they've been there
My accounts.....working on them...
a newspaper which is so old it is actually yellow ...isnt that a fascinating thing, the way that happens
A dictionary
Proust's Remembrance of Times Past (okay..it's slow work)
2 other handbags that have no purpose
sticky notes
a hair clasp
several funny shaped stones form the beach
a silk scarf
a clothes peg(?..even I'm stumped)

Think that's about it.. I would have to crane my neck to see further.

MadYaker

On mine right now there is a lamp with no bulb, a few books, an ipod and 3 empty glasses.

Pretty Polly

@ Autonomous Cowherd I can't even pronounce everything on your list.

I have a book, phone, phone charger, garnier body moisturiser, 2 bobbins and a hair clip. I feel very ordinary!:o

pharmaton

I thought this thread was about what you keep next to your bed that you use to kill people with

Peregrine

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

Bhagavad gita

Well that's an interesting one. Translated to English or are you one of those people that reads ancient languages? :pac:

Autonomous Cowherd

Pretty Polly wrote: »

@ Autonomous Cowherd I can't even pronounce everything on your list.

I have a book, phone, phone charger, garnier body moisturiser, 2 bobbins and a hair clip. I feel very ordinary!:o

Pretty polly, they're there....thats all i know....i didn't say i could pronounce them either

Esoteric_

Piriz wrote: »

i hope your single, imagine the boyfriend coming home only to see his girlfriend passed out in the bed naked with only her glasses on, her vibrator still wet on the locker and the end credits of a porno movie on her laptop..

It wouldn't be the first time!

Czarcasm

pharmaton wrote: »

I thought this thread was about what you keep next to your bed that you use to kill people with

That'd make an interesting headline -

"Burglar killed by flying dildo to the head"

Autonomous Cowherd

Nimrod 7 wrote: »

Well that's an interesting one. Translated to English or are you one of those people that reads ancient languages? :pac:

Oh Yah!! In the original Sanskrit...:rolleyes: of course

Ihatecuddles-old

Eh a bag of onions, make up, a diary/journal thing I write in, a bottle of water, radio, book, teddy, tongue bar and a candle.

Can't really kill someone with a bag of onions.

Witchie

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Eh a bag of onions, make up, a diary/journal thing I write in, a bottle of water, radio, book, teddy, tongue bar and a candle.

Can't really kill someone with a bag of onions.

Yes you can! cut it in half and rub it in their eyes. That would kill me!

The_Mask

Radio,mobile phone,car keys,2 inch flick knife to jab any burglar down the stairs then I 'll give them a good beating down the road with the extendable metal baton I have concealed in my hall. I 've even been taught how to use it by a guard ;-)

Renegade Mechanic

Nimrod 7 wrote: »

It'll be a totally unsuspected weapon though. If a burglar saw a knife beside me, he might take it. I doubt he'll take Jesus from me.

Good point... That uneven surface would make for a grippy weapon. Just promise me one thing. Youll hold it at them, shout "be gone" then, while upgrading their heads with all new speed holes, keep shouting "the power of Christ compells you!!"

mattjack

The Commander in Chief ( Mrs Mattjack ) , keeps, beside our bed a hairdryer , hair straightner and two other things for hair .... all have plugs on them , upturned plugs in the morning.

**Vai**

mad muffin wrote: »

My mother in law.

Beside the bed? Kinky bastard

**Vai**

mattjack wrote: »

The Commander in Chief ( Mrs Mattjack ) , keeps, beside our bed a hairdryer , hair straightner and two other things for hair .... all have plugs on them , upturned plugs in the morning.

I also have this issue.

I also don't know what those other 2 hair things are called. Hair Discombobulator?

mattjack

**Vai** wrote: »

I also have this issue.

I also don't know what those other 2 hair things are called. Hair Discombobulator?

Nor I , they curl hair I think, though we have a hair straightner thing aswell.

Ihatecuddles-old

mattjack wrote: »

Nor I , the curl hair I think, though we have a hair straightner thing aswell.

I've been crying hysterically for the last hour, but that has made me smile I needed that!

wexie

I'm not really the only one that has a bottle of baby-oil on my nightstand am I?

Peregrine

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Good point... That uneven surface would make for a grippy weapon. Just promise me one thing. Youll hold it at them, shout "be gone" then, while upgrading their heads with all new speed holes, keep shouting "the power of Christ compells you!!"

Ah ****e, you've just told everyone my whole strategy!


If any of yous rob a house and someone puts speedbumps on your forehead with a foot long steel Jesus while screaming "I cast you out, unclean spirit!". Well, you were warned.

**Vai**

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I've been crying hysterically for the last hour, but that has made me smile I needed that!

That'll teach you not to try eat a bag of onions!

mattjack

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I've been crying hysterically for the last hour, but that has made me smile I needed that!

I tip my hat to you

Miss Lockhart

Box of tissues, medication, 4 books, assortment of bills, phone+charger, tablet+charger, glass of water, moisturiser, hairbrush, pen, scissors, emery board, 2 hair clips and a bobbin.

I'd be afraid any weapon would be used against me. I sleep with 2 dogs though.

syklops

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I've been crying hysterically for the last hour, but that has made me smile I needed that!

Why have you been crying?

**Vai**

On the bedside table; lamp, ashtray, remotes for various devices, alarm clock, stone from my grandmothers grave.

In the bedside table; lots of stuff including the obligatory knife.

snubbleste

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

..
I'd be afraid any weapon would be used against me. I sleep with 2 dogs though.

Are there no laws on that? :eek:

Pumpkinseeds

Bedside lamp, mobile phone, bottle of water, tissues, a novel, piriton, hand cream, panadol and a hammer.

Renegade Mechanic

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Bedside lamp, mobile phone, bottle of water, tissues, a novel, piriton, hand cream, panadol and a hammer.

For when panadol wont shift it and you really really need to sleep!

Pumpkinseeds

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

For when panadol wont shift it and you really really need to sleep!

Nah, 3 panadol and 2 piriton and I'm sound asleep, the hammer may or may not be for intruders:D

pharmaton

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Nah, 3 panadol and 2 piriton and I'm sound asleep, the hammer may or may not be for intruders:D

you're playing havoc with your liver, two paracetamol should be enough.

Weevil

An award-winning artistic installation by Tracy Emin

Renegade Mechanic

pharmaton wrote: »

you're playing havoc with your liver, two paracetamol should be enough.

I suffera little with migranes and find paracetamol highly ineffective myself. Though i dont agree with that particular mix, two ibuprofen generally work much better for me..

Edit: Weevil thats.... just awful:)

Daveysil15

wexie wrote: »

I'm not really the only one that has a bottle of baby-oil on my nightstand am I?

Is that to help you slide out of bed more easily in the morning?

Miss Lockhart

snubbleste wrote: »

Are there no laws on that? :eek:

I knew someone would say that when I typed it. You're predictable if nothing else.

anncoates

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

A lot of people, myself included keep some sort of weapon by the bed.

Lapin wrote: »

My missus.

Maybe you should rethink that one

Pumpkinseeds

pharmaton wrote: »

you're playing havoc with your liver, two paracetamol should be enough.

It hardly matters at this point, all the prescription medications I've been taking for the better part of the last 30 years has already damaged my kidney function. I love it when a consultant asks me if I drink a lot when they see my liver function test results. I hardly drink much at all, it's the medicines that are the problem:)

wexie

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Is that to help you slide out of bed more easily in the morning?

And....in a pinch, for Home Alone style home-defence and hilarity

MOC88

A chair but the glass of water is the real weapon they won't be expecting that

Lux23

Lots of crap, and my boyfriend.

I have a lamp, a Bottle o Butter, stash box and lighter. Book of the week.
Nivea soft.

Corvo Attano

Hmm

A clock
Books
Flag of Ireland

BAKER95

phone , wallet , smokes , guitar , although i dont think i'd use anything against someone , im a lover not a fighter :P

Depp

the phone, me wallet, all the crap i accumulate in my pockets during the day just gets thrown on the bed beside the pillow, and an aul hurl for protection, right yoke!

Vicar in a tutu

Phone, book, laptop, glass of milk.