separating and need advice please

bluearies

Hoping someone can help as I don't know where to start. My husband and I have agreed to separate after years of arguing and not getting along. We believe it would be much better for our children for us to live separately and I'm confident that we will come to an amicable custody arrangement. Our big problem is that we are in negative equity and cannot sell our house. My husband is refusing to leave as he has always paid the mortgage and can't afford to continue to do so and also provide for himself and I totally understand this. We are in arrears and haven't been able to make full repayments for over 2 years so he is currently paying interest only payments and struggling at that. I work part time and earn 290 a week. My question is if myself and my 2 children were to move out of the family home would I have any entitlements. Rent allowance? FIS? One parent family allowance? I'm not looking for handouts. I genuinely cannot continue to live under the same roof as my husband. My mental health is suffering and it's a toxic environment for my children to be growing up in. It would also provide some form of stability for them to be able to still visit and stay in the family home they have known all their lives. Eventually when the market picks up we would hope to sell and move on to two smaller properties. Idealistic maybe but I can't see a way out of this at the minute and desperately need advice. I just want to move on with my life. At the minute I feel so trapped and depressed and also extremely guilty as it was me who asked for the separation. Also can we be legally separated in the event that I am not entitled to any assistance and we are forced to stay under the same roof? All advice appreciated thank you.

bluearies

I should clarify that I pay the household bills and creche fees and have 70 euro left over each month so practically no disposable income. My husband has nothing left after loans, mortgage, petrol, etc so will not be able to pay maintenance either

allthedoyles

Hope you get the best advice here .

When your circumstances change , so do your entitlements .

Ring the Citizens Information Centre for professional advice :

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/

desbrook

You are forced to leave the family home with your children because (a) your husband refuses to move and contributes to a toxic environment (b) his bank account happens to pay the mortgage (partly). That isn't right - legally and morally .

I would advise you to to seek legal advice immediately especially if there is an addiction or abuse situation in play .

bluearies

Thanks for the replies. Thankfully there are no such issues. We just don't love each other any more and don't get on. I would not be able to pay the mortgage on my own. It's 1600 a month and I earn 1160 of which almost half goes on creche fees. My husband earns 2200 so would not be able to rent elsewhere and support us. As it is we are in massive arrears and he can barely pay the interest only payments of 900 a month on top of other loans and bills and just living - food, petrol, etc. The only solution I can see is for me to move out if I'm entitled to any benefits in this situation. Otherwise we are forced to stay under the same roof which means massive stress and strain on the whole family. It's such a mess. I have an appointment with citizens advice tomorrow so hopefully they can help.

Julsjuls

I've been through the very same thing , this is how it worked out for me . It would be better for you for your children's sake if ur husband moves out . Leaving the kids in their own environment . Either of u contact the mortgage company explaining u can't afford the mtg presently and you r separating . They r well used to this usually giving 3-6 months to sort something around some form of payments . Then u once ur in the house apply for mortgage interest supplement which the mtg company will be happy to except as payment . U also need to apply for the following as soon as ur husband leaves . One parent family , family income supplement if ur working more than 19 hours . Ur husband needs to contact his loans and explain the suituation also and bring down his repayments. He must pay u maintaince for the children . It sounds like a lot of work but I promise one afternoon and u wil have the first proper sleep u have had in a very long time . If ur husband refuses to leave he's honestly shooting himself in the foot and has no thoughts for his children but u can ho to your social welfare officer in ur town and explain the mental truma u and ur children r going thorough and u wil be granted rent allowance for a house . I have a page on Facebook understanding tax credits and social welfare . Message me if I can help u with anything else . Best of luck to u I know how hard it is facing separation but its gets easier xxx

December2012

What also might help is if you went for counselling, together (but not as a couple) or separately, so that you can reduce the toxicity in the house.

desbrook

Just to clarify OP - you are on the mortgage whether you live in the house or not. You can be chased in terms of repayments and any negative equity if the house is repossessed worst case scenario. All you are walking away from is the accommodation it's providing for yourself and the kids.

Taltos

Julsjuls - welcome to S&D.
Can I please ask you to read our charter - text speak is not allowed here, further posts like this will be deleted and you may receive a warning/infraction/ban. I know this might seem harsh but text speak seriously offends the eyes of our posters here.

Thanks
Taltos

SFT

Perhaps this show is something that could benefit people who are in this situation and need some guidance.

Its is a new TV3 show offering people the opportunity to take part in a retreat with a top relationship expert.
Heartbreak Hotel is a new format Co-hosted by Maia Dunphy (Broadcaster) and Sara Davison (Break up and Relationship Specialist) which follows individuals across a weekend of intensive coaching designed to start the move from surviving to thriving.

http://www.tv3.ie/take_part_heartbreak_hotel.php

Would this scheme help you stay in the house and allow your husband rent somewhere else. Worth a read and contact the group mentioned

https://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.rte.ie/amp/907836/&ved=0ahUKEwjkm-nR8sfWAhUiAcAKHUKdBbYQFgg7MAE&usg=AFQjCNGaR7_rkZccHkPCGrCyrN02MGwVQg&ampcf=1

Xterminator

Hi OP

Responding to some of the above posts. I fail to see why the default position is the husband should leave the home he has helped create simply because of the breakup of the marriage & people are assuming he loses custody of the children, when is most cases it ought to be joint custody by default unless there are special circumstances.

OP - when one of you moves out of the house - regardless of which partner - they will have a whole set of new expenses rent utilities etc. Now you have already said there is just no money left over at the end of month for either of you. So the maths says if that happens neither partner can expect to maintain their current lifestyle in that scenario.

I would ask for the sake for the kids can you not live in the same house until you can sell the house? I know you want to move on with your life,

Perhaps if you have joint custody, you will be better able to do that, than if you have sole custody?

perhaps if you could go to mediation you could learn to treat each other with respect, and prevent the toxic feelings from flooding over?