"Elder Abuse" !!!

janmaree

I'm sure many of you heard mention on the radio recently of a new expert report on the rise in reported cases of elder abuse. I'm certain that sadly there are many such cases out there but each time another of these reports come out, I, as a carer, feel a kind of guilt even though I'm guilty of nothing! It just feels like being tarred with the same brush and it makes me mad. There is NEVER a mention of how the actual carer can be abused by the elder instead and believe me, this happens. Reading some of the posts on this forum proves it, if we needed proof that is. I hate to say it but I can't help wondering how many of these complaints against carers aren't actually part of the abuse of carers themselves. So many people seem to see a white head of hair as a symbol of innocent, gentle helplessness and "it ain't necessarily so"!!! Just because the hair has turned white, it doesn't mean that a bullying, tyrant of a control freak for example, has turned angel overnight. What I'd like to know is, where do the abused carers turn for help and protection?

And if I hear one more crawthumping know-nothing talk about "aging in their own homes" with support from "the community", I won't be responsible for my actions. With cuts and closures, there is no community left to speak of and if an elderly person doesn't qualify for a medical card now, it doesn't mean that they have money to burn and can pay for everything they need. The community then usually becomes just one person to whom it all falls and that one person has to be a hands on personal carer, driver, caterer, laundry "person", cleaner, financial manager, personal shopper, therapist / counsellor and general dogsbody community of one.

"Support from the community", my eye.

Frito

I wouldn't advocate retaliatory hostility or violence, even if it occurs in the context of burn-out, but yes, I can see how it happens.

Caring is such an exhausting role, non-stop. I easily perform the functions of nine separate roles within the public sector. And it's quite isolating, people might ask you how you cope but a) when you care non-stop, the last thing you want to do is talk about it, and b) even if you did want to talk, you're not sure the other person really wants to listen.

Sometimes it seems that the only way to get the help you need, for someone to sit up and take notice, is to walk away. I'm lucky in my situation, neither of the people I care for have challenging behaviour, and the frustrations I experience are due to navigating the various health and social systems in my quest for support or accessing services/treatment/entitlements to the people I'm caring for.

Even so, there have been a few occasions where I've felt like taking them to the nearest social worker and saying, "go on then, you ****ing do it".

But I can't, they get far better care in my little institution than they would ever in a formal setting. And this is what the powers-that-be bank on.

Frito

But to get back to your points!

However strained or burnt-out I might feel as a carer (I'm presuming you mean the informal role), I cannot retaliate with aggression simply because I can walk away from my role. I can decide not to do it anymore (in my penultimate sentence in last post, for "can't" read "won't"!) Those I am caring for cannot walk away from needing care. This is their disadvantage over and above mine. Care is required, and care must be provided. The only variable is me.

If I found myself in a situation where caring was putting my safety at risk, I think I would have to stop, or at least speak to some professional involved and force the point that the situation cannot carry on as it is (with the implication I would withdraw from the role).
But yes, for all the 'supports' out there, the reality is that as a carer, I am basically on my own.

As an aside, I've noticed that it's harder to get tolerance from certain aspects of the community, let alone support.

janmaree

Thank you Frito, your thoughts on the subject are very interesting and I'd find it hard to disagree with you on anything. However, you used the terms, "retaliatory hostility or violence" and "retaliate with aggression" and I certainly hope you are not relating those words to me! I have no idea what is going on with those carers who do abuse their charges, I just think that many carers experience abuse or accusations from their charges and have nowhere to turn, not that they'd be believed anyway. When practically nobody wants to hear about your problems with caring, they certainly aren't going to be interested in listening to negative feedback on "little old dears".

Anyway, I was having a bit of a rant......mostly because I'm sick to death with studies and reports tumbling over each other, changing nothing and mostly clueless. I guess I'm burned out with the treatment of our sick, our elderly and the generally less fortunate of our people, by this current government and I'm REALLY burned out with that jaded whining line "but we inherited this disastrous situation from the previous government"! Yes, keep on kicking the living daylights out of those who can't kick back, that's the best way to go when you're bankrupt in the ideas department.

Rant over.

Frito

No I wasn't referring to you being abusive.

I made a link between the carer being abused and complaints of abuse against carers to mean a situation where a carer was so strained they retaliated with aggression.

Looking back now, I see you actually mean that a (wrongful) complaint of abuse can be used as a mechanism to abuse the carer.