Arrived to Cork for work, but don't like the place. Having a cultural shock.

Grustel25

Hey everyone

I arrived to Cork from London 3 days ago to work. I have never been here before and didn't know what to expect. And I can say I am having a type of depression now. The place is so different from where i used to live! I knew it would be different, but didn't realise what a huge difference it would be. I don't know anybody here (i know I will meet some people through work later on). Everybody said Cork people are very friendly. Perhaps, it is just me but I have encountered quite a few rude and rough people. . Anyway, I miss home madly, can't see how I can get used to this place, but can't leave because the job offer is far too good and I have already left everything behind. Has anyone had similar feelings? Where can I meet decent, educated people? I booked a hostel to stay at for the first 1 week, but was just left the keys next to the door and the lady didn't explain anything, so my first impression was bad. I just can't help feeling depressed. My husband is still in England and is intending to stay there for 6 more months because of his work. I miss him a lot as well. i really can't give up my job offer.i have been waiting for this offer for 6 months. The money and experience they offer are absolutely fantastic and I couldn't get the same in London. I was overwhelmed when they offered this position.
Being absolutely alone in a foreign country is killing me, cant stop weeping. i was ready to book a flight back to London for tomorrow, but my husband talked me out of it. he said i have been waiting for this job for such a long time, that i cant give up. but i cant carry on. i feel isolated. I really would love to meet some decent people to spend time with.

Herrick

Hi Grustel sorry to hear your having trouble settling in It happens to most I think.

This is great site for meeting new people: http://www.meetup.com

Have a look for groups in Cork and see what you think

Karl Stein

You've only been here 3 days!?

Give yourself a break and give it a little time and you'll get a better feel of the place.

Grustel25

Herrick wrote: »

Hi Grustel sorry to hear your having trouble settling in It happens to most I think.

This is great site for meeting new people: http://www.meetup.com

Have a look for groups in Cork and see what you think

Thanks for that. It looks interesting. I will definitely have a proper look at it! Thanks.

angeline

So sorry you are feeling so bad. The urge would be to pack up and head home. Is your husband joining you in 6 months? As you say, you will definitely meet new people at work. I am not from Cork and living here but can honestly say they are some of the friendliest people I have met. Only time will alleviate your feeling of isolation. The sooner you start work the better.

Grustel25

angeline wrote: »

So sorry you are feeling so bad. The urge would be to pack up and head home. Is your husband joining you in 6 months? As you say, you will definitely meet new people at work. I am not from Cork and living here but can honestly say they are some of the friendliest people I have met. Only time will alleviate your feeling of isolation. The sooner you start work the better.

Thank you. My husband has a steady job and is eager to make money. I thought that would be ok for us to live apart for a while, but missing him badly now. Our idea was for me to work in Cork for a while, out a big name on my CV and go back to England, but I will have to stay here for at least a year to get the necessary experience. My husband is more practical than me. He didn't want me to go, but I insisted because I was made redundant and was without a job for a month before I was offered this. The money is amazing. If I go back to England,I go back to nothing. I had lots of interviews and a few offers, but none offered the same benefits. Husband is coming here next week or so for a week and then has to go back. Now I think I made the wrong decision.

ABajaninCork

Aww, I know what you mean. I felt like that too when I first moved...I was VERY homesick at first. I kept comparing Cork with London, and kept looking for the negatives. I still don't have many friends here, neither have I been able to secure a job. It does take a while, but it DOES get better. Where we live, we've been blessed with fantastic neighbours, so it's not all bad.

You're very lucky. You have a job, and you WILL be making friends very soon. Cork is a great place. And it's only been 3 days. Give yourself a chance to settle! The Meetups idea is a great one, and I'd suggest you take a look at the Fun Lovers one. It's been set up and run by some members of Boards. There's also another Meetup forum dedicated to ex-pat women that looks quite good too. They do things like theatre trips, wine tastings and so on.

Come and have a rant on here if you like. We're here to listen!

angeline

Well, I tend to go with my feeling about something. If I have a bad feeling and feel that bad and low I have a tendency to follow my heart. But that is just me and it has worked for me. Others may see it as bad advice. I lasted two nights in a different place over a year ago, was terribly upset and stressed, so packed up and left. I never regretted leaving. In fact, I now look back in horror at those two awful nights. Can be difficult for others to understand, but you know yourself better than anyone, so go with what you feel is right for you.

Grustel25

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Aww, I know what you mean. I felt like that too when I first moved...I was VERY homesick at first. I kept comparing Cork with London, and kept looking for the negatives. I still don't have many friends here, neither have I been able to secure a job. It does take a while, but it DOES get better. Where we live, we've been blessed with fantastic neighbours, so it's not all bad.

You're very lucky. You have a job, and you WILL be making friends very soon. Cork is a great place. And it's only been 3 days. Give yourself a chance to settle! The Meetups idea is a great one, and I'd suggest you take a look at the Fun Lovers one. It's been set up and run by some members of Boards. There's also another Meetup forum dedicated to ex-pat women that looks quite good too. They do things like theatre trips, wine tastings and so on.

Come and have a rant on here if you like. We're here to listen!

Hey hey hey

Thanks for replying once again (you did to my previous threads as well, remember, I was asking for advice on the best places to live in Cork? Now I don't know if there are any. The houses are soooo different!). So, you never managed to get used to it? Would you ever consider going back at some point?

ABajaninCork

Grustel25 wrote: »

Thank you. My husband has a steady job and is eager to make money. I thought that would be ok for us to live apart for a while, but missing him badly now. Our idea was for me to work in Cork for a while, out a big name on my CV and go back to England, but I will have to stay here for at least a year to get the necessary experience.

You have a plan in mind. It's only going to be a year. Which will fly by very quickly! Lots to keep you busy!!

Grustel25 wrote: »

My husband is more practical than me. He didn't want me to go, but I insisted because I was made redundant and was without a job for a month before I was offered this. The money is amazing. If I go back to England,I go back to nothing. I had lots of interviews and a few offers, but none offered the same benefits. Husband is coming here next week or so for a week and then has to go back. Now I think I made the wrong decision.

Which would you rather? I know what I'd prefer! Concentrate on having a lovely visit with your husband, and take the opportunity to explore. Don't forget - you'll probably be popping back to the Smoke every other weekend too.

ABajaninCork

Grustel25 wrote: »

Hey hey hey

Thanks for replying once again (you did to my previous threads as well, remember, I was asking for advice on the best places to live in Cork? Now I don't know if there are any. The houses are soooo different!). So, you never managed to get used to it? Would you ever consider going back at some point?

I'm used to life here now. And I do like it here. I'd like it better if I could get a bloody job!!!

If my circumstances change, then yes, I would go back. But I could see myself coming back to Cork again, if I'm truthful. Where are you living? If it's in the City Centre, then that would explain a lot...

TBoneMan

Stick with it and, as you said yourself, you will reap the benefits long term. Its never easy being away from a loved one but thats what skype and all our other mod cons are for.

I once was sent to work in Johannesburg with an irish collegue for 6 months. She became homesick immediately and flew home within a week...any time we talk she always look back at it as an opportunity wasted, both culturally & more importantly career wise.

Chin up ...

Grustel25

ABajaninCork wrote: »

You have a plan in mind. It's only going to be a year. Which will fly by very quickly! Lots to keep you busy!!




Which would you rather? I know what I'd prefer! Concentrate on having a lovely visit with your husband, and take the opportunity to explore. Don't forget - you'll probably be popping back to the Smoke every other weekend too.

Haha, all my income would be going to flight fares then . They are pretty expensive . Which one I'd rather? A good question. Either money or happiness. Tough one.

Grustel25

TBoneMan wrote: »

Stick with it and, as you said yourself, you will reap the benefits long term. Its never easy being away from a loved one but thats what skype and all our other mod cons are for.

I once was sent to work in Johannesburg with an irish collegue for 6 months. She became homesick immediately and flew home within a week...any time we talk she always look back at it as an opportunity wasted, both culturally & more importantly career wise.

Chin up ...

That's why I haven't booked a flight back home yet:)- I know this job is excellent for my career. Otherwise i eu,d be on the next lane back home. if my husband was with me, i wouldn't even bother, because it is fun with him wherever we go. Now I feel guilty for excepting the job offer. I totally understand your Irish colleague though. But then, maybe she would never be able to get used to the place.

evilivor

Pop in to M&S tomorrow and buy stuff that reminds you on home.

Also, you were unlucky arriving during the rainiest time we've had in years. Two weeks ago you would have seen a whole different city.

Welcome to Cork - it gets better.

Bookworm1979

Hey Grustel25!
I'm so sorry to read this, I can only imagine what it must be like for you. I'm not Irish and I've been living here over 12 years now and I know how isolating it can be to be away from everyone. But everyone on here is right, give it some time, this is a great opportunity for you, you'll be glad you stuck to it. And you'll be really proud of yourself too! I once took a job in China, which was supposed to be for a year. Worst time ever! I left my newly-met hubby behind, lost a tone of weight and cried nearly every night. I lasted 6 months but now I look back and I think it was the most unbelievable experience of my entire life. Pure madness.
Those feelings will pass and you will meet people. Stay open, don't focus on what you left behind. The very best of luck.

Grustel25

Bookworm1979 wrote: »

Hey Grustel25!
I'm so sorry to read this, I can only imagine what it must be like for you. I'm not Irish and I've been living here over 12 years now and I know how isolating it can be to be away from everyone. But everyone on here is right, give it some time, this is a great opportunity for you, you'll be glad you stuck to it. And you'll be really proud of yourself too! I once took a job in China, which was supposed to be for a year. Worst time ever! I left my newly-met hubby behind, lost a tone of weight and cried nearly every night. I lasted 6 months but now I look back and I think it was the most unbelievable experience of my entire life. Pure madness.
Those feelings will pass and you will meet people. Stay open, don't focus on what you left behind. The very best of luck.

Oh, so you had a similar experience? What was your husband's reaction to you going away? Did you miss him a lot? How was he when you came back?

Faith

I think a lot of people have had the experience of moving somewhere new and not immediately liking it. I moved to Edinburgh for University at 18 and HATED it to begin with. I was never so homesick in my life, but within a couple of months, I'd settled in completely and was very happy there for the next 4 years.

You've just left home and your husband - of course this is an upsetting time. There aren't many hostels in Cork, and most of them aren't in the nicest area, so I can imagine why you're not impressed so far. Could you afford a hotel for a few nights? To be blunt, going back to London is taking the easy way out and it's not what I'd recommend. Make it through this difficult period and you won't know yourself soon. It'll do wonders for your self-confidence and your inner strength.

It's a bank holiday weekend, which makes it harder to settle in because things aren't operating as usual. But regardless, you need to dedicate yourself to finding a home (and there are PLENTY of nice areas in Cork), and keep yourself going to looking forward to your husband coming over. Would you rather he arrived to see you miserable and weeping, or strong and dealing with everything brilliantly by yourself?

You seem like a nice person, so you'll have no problem making friends. This is just a tough period, and once you start working, find a home and settle into a routine, everything will feel a LOT better .

Grustel25

Faith wrote: »

I think a lot of people have had the experience of moving somewhere new and not immediately liking it. I moved to Edinburgh for University at 18 and HATED it to begin with. I was never so homesick in my life, but within a couple of months, I'd settled in completely and was very happy there for the next 4 years.

You've just left home and your husband - of course this is an upsetting time. There aren't many hostels in Cork, and most of them aren't in the nicest area, so I can imagine why you're not impressed so far. Could you afford a hotel for a few nights? To be blunt, going back to London is taking the easy way out and it's not what I'd recommend. Make it through this difficult period and you won't know yourself soon. It'll do wonders for your self-confidence and your inner strength.

It's a bank holiday weekend, which makes it harder to settle in because things aren't operating as usual. But regardless, you need to dedicate yourself to finding a home (and there are PLENTY of nice areas in Cork), and keep yourself going to looking forward to your husband coming over. Would you rather he arrived to see you miserable and weeping, or strong and dealing with everything brilliantly by yourself?

You seem like a nice person, so you'll have no problem making friends. This is just a tough period, and once you start working, find a home and settle into a routine, everything will feel a LOT better .

Thanks for the encouragement. So, you live in Edinburgh? My husband is from there and I absolutely love it there.
Maybe, it will become slightly better, but never will become my home. It just doesn't feel right here. And you are right, I haven't seen too many decent clean houses yet. You get such a clean feel in England and there are so many beautiful areas

BailMeOut

OP - I found myself in similar situations on many occasions and I think the trick is take this opportunity to get to know the area you will be living. Stay busy by reading about Cork and then explore and get to know it. If you have a car even better as you will not believe what you will see as you drive west of Cork and start discovering the paradise on your doorstep.

Also what do you like to do? Are you into any outdoor activities such as sailing, kayaking, hiking, triathons, cycling, etc...) as this would be my first starting point to getting to know and meet like minded people as Cork is place great for outdoor stuff.

Good luck. Think about this as a big adventure and you will start to enjoy yourself.

Rhys Essien

OP,the first few days are the hardest and a culture shock for everyone,I would imagine.It was the same for me when I worked abroad a few years back.Get over the first week and talk to a few people and you will be fine.

I'm suprised that there is not an English ex-pat group in Cork as there are a lot of English people living here.Maybe you could start one up.:D

BTW,when your husband comes over,go to Kinsale.It is a beautiful town,looks very English,and has the most British people living there,in Ireland.Its only about a 30 minute journey west of Cork City.

Grustel25

Rhys Essien wrote: »

OP,the first few days are the hardest and a culture shock for everyone,I would imagine.It was the same for me when I worked abroad a few years back.Get over the first week and talk to a few people and you will be fine.

I'm suprised that there is not an English ex-pat group in Cork as there are a lot of English people living here.Maybe you could start one up.:D

BTW,when your husband comes over,go to Kinsale.It is a beautiful town,looks very English,and has the most British people living there,in Ireland.Its only about a 30 minute journey west of Cork City.

Oh, I heard about Kinsale! Wasn't sure if this was a nice area, but now I know it is. I am exploring Cork by myself now, so always looking for some tips on the places to visit. Might take a bus ride to it tomorrow:)
By the way, I am not English:). I am native Russian, but have been living in Egkand for over 10 years. My husband is Scottish, but moved to England for me, so we do consider England our home.

CZ 453

Check your pms Grustel25

Grustel25

shezer wrote: »

Check your pms Grustel25

Lol, good one, but I don't suffer pms:)

CZ 453

Private messages

Grustel25

shezer wrote: »

Private messages

Haha....oops, sorry:)

pwurple

Why did you go for a hostel rather than a B&B or a hotel can I ask? If you book the lowest/cheapest possible form of accomodation, you can't be too surprised when it turns out to be a total kip. You possibly ended up in one of the rougher parts of the city by accident too.

Like any city (including london of all places) there are some posher areas and some dodgey areas.

You will get your bearings quick enough I'd say, and figure out where suits you.

Grustel25

pwurple wrote: »

Why did you go for a hostel rather than a B&B or a hotel can I ask? If you book the lowest/cheapest possible form of accomodation, you can't be too surprised when it turns out to be a total kip. You possibly ended up in one of the rougher parts of the city by accident too.

Like any city (including london of all places) there are some posher areas and some dodgey areas.

You will get your bearings quick enough I'd say, and figure out where suits you.

I have been exploring the city for the last 2 days and haven't really seen any decent areas yet. Maybe, I am not going to the right places? I live 2 minutes walk from the city, Wellington road and have walked around the whole city, including all the possible "quays", Patrick street, UCC etc. took a bus to Apple, so passed Gurranabraher and other areas, but liked none. Blackpoll seems nice, but it is a long way from where I work. So, not even sure where to look. There doesn't seem to be much advertised on daft.
As for B and Bs, all of them were very expensive at the time. I need to stay somewhere for another 2 weeks and then I am planning to look for my own flat to rent.

ABajaninCork

Grustel25 wrote: »

I have been exploring the city for the last 2 days and haven't really seen any decent areas yet. Maybe, I am not going to the right places? I live 2 minutes walk from the city, Wellington road and have walked around the whole city, including all the possible "quays", Patrick street, UCC etc. took a bus to Apple, so passed Gurranabraher and other areas, but liked none. Blackpoll seems nice, but it is a long way from where I work. So, not even sure where to look. There doesn't seem to be much advertised on daft.
As for B and Bs, all of them were very expensive at the time. I need to stay somewhere for another 2 weeks and then I am planning to look for my own flat to rent.

Grustel - Did you mean BLACKROCK? That's a very nice area, with the river and the castle nearby. There's also a good restaurant there at the Observatory. You're right - it is quite a way from Hollyhill, but reachable via the 202 bus if you're using public transport. Wellington Road isn't the nicest area if I'm honest. Nice and close to the City Centre, but that's all...No wonder you feel depressed!

Like I've said before - Avoid Blackpool. Although it's near to Hollyhill, It's not the best and is very prone to flooding.

Grustel25

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Grustel - Did you mean BLACKROCK? That's a very nice area, with the river and the castle nearby. There's also a good restaurant there at the Observatory. You're right - it is quite a way from Hollyhill, but reachable via the 202 bus if you're using public transport. Wellington Road isn't the nicest area if I'm honest. Nice and close to the City Centre, but that's all...No wonder you feel depressed!

Like I've said before - Avoid Blackpool. Although it's near to Hollyhill, It's not the best and is very prone to flooding.

Hm, I think I meant Blackpool , but mistyped:). I only passed it and the shopping centre seemed all right, though who knows?
As for Blackrock, how do I get to Hollyhill from there? I know 202 doesn't pass Blackrock. Am I right? do i need to change a couple of buses?

Pro Hoc Vice

Hi OP.

Wellington road is not the best place in the city to stay. If you need a place for a couple of weeks that's cheap is student accomodation. http://www.deanshall.com/about.asp?p=summer-lettings---accommodation-in-cork-city-for-students-including-self-catering-apartments

All the student accomodation do summer short term lets.

Things to do in cork, if you like chocolate go to o'Connaill's on French Church Street, for a hot chocolate. Take a walk around the English market for nice food ideas.

For long term accomodation I would say try to stay city centre there are only a couple of good apartment complexes. What is your budget?

BTW the weather has been crap the past few days cork never good in the rain lol. If you like good wine take a walk to lattitude over on Anglesea street for a nice glass, if you want the real irish pub experience call in next door to Charlie's beware of the early morning drinkers.

It is also a long weekend in Cork, so hostels are full, its also gay pride so even more reasons why accommodation would be very full.