Monday Funnies

MonkieSocks

A few of Darren's co-workers invited him out for a few drinks after work.

Darren declined, explaining that his wife didn't like him to go out drinking with the guys.

One of the co-workers suggested a way to overcome the problem.

"When you get home tonight," he said, "sneak into the bedroom, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex.

She'll love it. Trust me, she'll never complain about you being out late with the boys again."

Darren thought about it and decided to give it a try.

He went out with the guys and had a great time.

When he got home late that night, he did just as his co-worker had suggested.

His wife moaned and groaned with pleasure.

After a while, he realized that he had to take a leak, so he whispered that he'd be right back, got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

When he opened the bathroom door, he was shocked to see his wife sitting there.

"How did you get in here so quickly?" he asked nervously.

"Shhhhhhh!" his wife replied. "You'll wake up my mother!"

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One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern.

"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter,

"If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"


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A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.

He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said,

"When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help,
they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section:

"And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."