Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month.

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Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.

She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said
"Are you nuts? You're almost 75 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me,

"You idiot, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

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A husband and wife go off to bed.

As soon as they settle down, the man leans over and whispers softly

"hey snuggle boopy boops, your little hubby wubby isnt quite ready for nite-nite yet."

The wife takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."

So off she goes, but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up concerned.

"Oh my little hunny bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for two hours.

Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts, "Clumsy bitch."