Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a Huge promotion at work which means,

I get my own office and I get to employ My own private secretary.

"Well you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly" she said"

I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with."

"That's fair enough" I replied "When can you start?"

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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of
Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a large Coca Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
'Well dear, what was it like being twelve again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you stupid idiot'







And the moral of this story:

Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
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Two pieces of vomit are walking down the street, all of a sudden one burts into tears.

'Whats wrong with you' asks the other bit of vomit.


'Im sorry, Its just I always get emotional when I pass the place I was brought up.....':pac: