Fear of Negative Evaluation

LegacyUser

I am on holidays from work at the moment but I am due back the week after next (I am only in the job three months). I am already getting stressed about going back; I keep thinking my boss is not happy with my performance even though I have seen no evidence to support this.
I am also worried that there will be some crisis when I go back that I won't be able to handle or a load of work to do or there was something I didn't do before I left or some other problem.
I suffer from anxiety and depression (I am on meds for depression but I don't think they are for anxiety).
I have felt like this since I started the job. I lack confidence most of the time anyway. The apprehension I feel is almost unbearable at times; when I am driving in to work, when I log on to my PC and my emails start coming in, when the phone rings. My mind is racing, I get all wound up, "something's wrong, something's wrong".
It's become really debilitating and is affecting my mood, my sleep, everything. The night before I go back is going to be hell (I have sleeping tablets and God do I need them).
I wish I could be the kind of person that thinks "Ah to hell with it, I can only do my best" but I put myself under enormous pressure to do everything perfectly.
As the thread title suggests, I fear negative evaluation from everyone. It cuts me deeply when I feel I have not done as well as I should have done.
I sometimes think I am not capable of working at all and should resign and do something simple where less would be expected of me.

Mrs OBumble

Have you spoken to the health professional who is supervising your medication about this? It sounds like they would be the best placed to help.

Nody

You could decide to become the guy who stands around holding a sign and you'd still experience the same thing; it's not job related but in your head.

[MOD NOTE - edited to remove medical advice. Please leave advice about the appropriateness of medication vs other therapies to registered health professionals who have met the OP and are qualified and insured to offer such advice.]

LegacyUser

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Have you spoken to the health professional who is supervising your medication about this? It sounds like they would be the best placed to help.

I have told my psychologist about it but he can't prescribe medication. I haven't told my GP about it because I know he will just change my meds or give me additional ones. I know he is only trying to help though. I suppose what I would really like is if someone could point me in the direction of some place that could help me get a less stressful job.
I don't know exactly what that might be but it doesn't have to pay well or even be a full-time position. I can't seem to deal with any amount of pressure. The way I feel at the moment I would be happy with just enough of a salary to pay my bills and have a little extra for socialising if it meant I didn't have to have the stress I described in my first post.

Wanderer2010

OP, i know exactly how you feel. In my last job, I was working with machinery which I was qualified and trained to use but I kept doubting myself and everytime it broke down, I beat myself up all day and evening with thoughts like "I should have known how to fix that, I put everyone out, Im useless, I dont want to touch it again, which led to a vicous circle of me avoiding asking any qs on it, fearing a lot of my job and going to great lengths to avoid the main part of it.

The sad thing is though that this DOES lead to some people getting annoyed with you, labelling you as someone who cant take a hint of pressure or who tends to break things and they then stop asking you for help, you get a bit of a rep and then get put on other things because they (workers and management) stop trusting you and your career suffers, Such a shame as the problem is a lack of confidence plain and simple. I would advise you to take up every opportunity for training, write down your main duties and follow them to the letter so you can build confidence in your method. Dont worry if things go wrong, that happens to everyone at times, the key is to be happy that you know the duties inside out so you can relax and be more open to new duties. Sadly, too late for me but I hope you can pull through this OP!

mikemac1

ollie_99 wrote: »

I suppose what I would really like is if someone could point me in the direction of some place that could help me get a less stressful job.

I don't know exactly what that might be but it doesn't have to pay well or even be a full-time position. I can't seem to deal with any amount of pressure.

This is not a solution OP.

I can relate to a lot of your post. But I've had different jobs from barman and stressing over messing up an order to well paying jobs dealing with large amounts of money and crying to myself on Sunday nights. The job does not matter, your mental health is the difference here

OP you could be working for the corpo and changing the bins (no disrepect to the good people of DCC) and you'd still have the same issue. Why am I slow? Why did I drop that bag? Did I hold up that bus? Is my boss happy with me?

It's good that you are seeking help so that's a step forward.
Do not quit your job in haste! If you're stressed now wait until you hit the dole queues. You can look around for alternative jobs but grass isn't greener.

I'm currently going through this book which was recommended in another boards forum.

http://www.libertiespress.com/Five_Steps_to_Happiness_Enda_Murphy_p/9781907593864.htm

Irish author and it's very simply written. The author gives examples of his clients and you'll read that and say, hey that's me.

It's about 15 euro in any book shop.

Mrs OBumble

mikemac1 wrote: »

This is not a solution OP.

....

OP you could be working for the corpo and changing the bins (no disrepect to the good people of DCC) and you'd still have the same issue. Why am I slow? Why did I drop that bag? Did I hold up that bus? Is my boss happy with me?

It's good that you are seeking help so that's a step forward.

+1

The most stressful jobs I've ever had have been the lowest paying with least levels of responsibility.

I'm gonna be blunt: if the meds aren't working, then you need to tell your doctor. Yes he will mess with them. Yes that will be difficult. But he cannot help you unless you tell him what's going on in your head. If he thinks something is working, and it's not but you don't tell, then he is flying blind.

It's good that you're seeing a psychologist too. Maybe they can help you work out how to manage the effect of med changes - or indeed even the possibility of moving to part time hours.

(If you could swing a part-time job, then you would be surprise at how little effect there is on your income. You pay almost no tax on the first E15k, 20% on E15-35k and and then 42% on the rest (roughly). So halving your hours doesn't mean halving your income.

keithsfleet

What about hypnosis? It won't stop depression or anxiety disorders but it could help you with your view on work and make it so you aren't so tough on yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks to keithsfleet for his suggestion of hypnosis (I hope the mods are OK with it, he is only trying to help). Thanks to mikemac1 for the book suggestion too.

Mrs OBumble

Mod-note: No problem with people suggesting extra things that you might want to try as well as treatments prescribed by health professionals (eg hypnotherapy). It's just the quasi-medical advice "drugs don't work, try Y that does" that we need to clamp down on.