Divorced and thinking of moving abroad

Dubflier

Gone down the legal separation and divorce road already, ex lives in the family home and I pay the mortgage insurances and child maintenance plus extras over 16k a year.
Just sick of this country lately and am thinking of giving up job and moving abroad UK or Europe, feel like I'm getting rode from all angles here. If I was to make this decision I would not be in a position to pay as per the divorce agreement. My salary has dropped as I was made redundant in 2012 and the divorce was 2011. I am currently employed but on a lower salary than when the divorce was agreed on. I am very resentful of my ex as she is crying poverty and yet is able to get away for three weeks holidays over the summer, any advice would be much appreciated.

clairefontaine

Dubflier wrote: »

Gone down the legal separation and divorce road already, ex lives in the family home and I pay the mortgage insurances and child maintenance plus extras over 16k a year.
Just sick of this country lately and am thinking of giving up job and moving abroad UK or Europe, feel like I'm getting rode from all angles here. If I was to make this decision I would not be in a position to pay as per the divorce agreement. My salary has dropped as I was made redundant in 2012 and the divorce was 2011. I am currently employed but on a lower salary than when the divorce was agreed on. I am very resentful of my ex as she is crying poverty and yet is able to get away for three weeks holidays over the summer, any advice would be much appreciated.

As for affordability wouldn't it depend on the tax situation of whatever country you move to? You might end up better financially.

It will of course change the relationship you have with your children and very much so.

But if you put down roots in another country, that might also mean opportunities for your children up the road, which would be important if ireland is still in recession.

Henry Ford III

I thought in the case of reduced means an application for variation of maintenance could be made.

endacl

Only advice I'd have is - you have children FFS!! What are you thinking?

Questions

1. How are you going to maintain an parental involvement in your children's lives if you move abroad?

2. Do you intend paying a contribution to the cost of raising your children if you move abroad?

ABajaninCork

Dubflier wrote: »

Gone down the legal separation and divorce road already, ex lives in the family home and I pay the mortgage insurances and child maintenance plus extras over 16k a year.
Just sick of this country lately and am thinking of giving up job and moving abroad UK or Europe, feel like I'm getting rode from all angles here. If I was to make this decision I would not be in a position to pay as per the divorce agreement. My salary has dropped as I was made redundant in 2012 and the divorce was 2011. I am currently employed but on a lower salary than when the divorce was agreed on. I am very resentful of my ex as she is crying poverty and yet is able to get away for three weeks holidays over the summer, any advice would be much appreciated.

Classic mistake made by divorced/separated men. The money you pay is for your CHILDREN!! NOT your ex. As long as you kids aren't affected, then you need to butt out. What your ex does is none of your business.

And FWIW I do agree with the others. You might be fed up and broke, but at the moment you're in the same country as your children. How are you going to manage access if you're abroad - e.g time spent with you in the holidays; who pays for the children's fare to visit, how the handover arrangements are made??

You need to think this through a lot more.

desbrook

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Classic mistake made by divorced/separated men. The money you pay is for your CHILDREN!! NOT your ex. As long as you kids aren't affected, then you need to butt out. What your ex does is none of your business.

And FWIW I do agree with the others. You might be fed up and broke, but at the moment you're in the same country as your children. How are you going to manage access if you're abroad - e.g time spent with you in the holidays; who pays for the children's fare to visit, how the handover arrangements are made??

You need to think this through a lot more.

It's a catch 22 a lot of men find themselves in - including me. We are advised to avoid Spousal maintainance at all costs as it's neverending bar wife's death or her remarrying. Best way is to pay the mortgage and legally promise wife ownership of the family home when mortgage is paid . It's spousal maintenance in everything but name and probably what the OP is paying.

ABajaninCork

desbrook wrote: »

It's a catch 22 a lot of men find themselves in - including me. We are advised to avoid Spousal maintainance at all costs as it's neverending bar wife's death or her remarrying. Best way is to pay the mortgage and legally promise wife ownership of the family home when mortgage is paid . It's spousal maintenance in everything but name and probably what the OP is paying.

So. If that's what the OP's paying, then where is the maintenance for the children??

desbrook

ABajaninCork wrote: »

So. If that's what the OP's paying, then where is the maintenance for the children??

Read the first post - he's paying mortgage, insurance and child maintenance.

Dubflier

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Classic mistake made by divorced/separated men. The money you pay is for your CHILDREN!! NOT your ex. As long as you kids aren't affected, then you need to butt out. What your ex does is none of your business.

And FWIW I do agree with the others. You might be fed up and broke, but at the moment you're in the same country as your children. How are you going to manage access if you're abroad - e.g time spent with you in the holidays; who pays for the children's fare to visit, how the handover arrangements are made??

You need to think this through a lot more.

So its the classic mistake that I'v made, well I don't think so and as for butting in that is something that I am not doing. If a person makes a decision to go on holidays the best of luck to them, however when that person wants some one else to fund a life style for them well thats a different story. When a divorce is granted there are terms and conditions agreed upon. There seems to be a hole gender inequality system within family law in this country.
Your other points are very valid and something that I would seriously have to think about and consider.

ABajaninCork

Dubflier wrote: »

So its the classic mistake that I'v made, well I don't think so and as for butting in that is something that I am not doing. If a person makes a decision to go on holidays the best of luck to them, however when that person wants some one else to fund a life style for them well thats a different story. When a divorce is granted there are terms and conditions agreed upon. There seems to be a hole gender inequality system within family law in this country.
Your other points are very valid and something that I would seriously have to think about and consider.

I agree that the law does seem to be skewed and fathers have little or no rights - whether they are on the birth cert or not.

What happened to you, happened to my brother in the UK, and I daresay other guys in the same position. He too got screwed by the system. Took a very long time, but in the end it worked out for him.

That's why I wrote what I wrote. I still think it's a mistake to look at what your ex apparently has. You don't know and can't prove where it came from. You need to think very carefully about this and do everything by the book, and legal. It'll cost money now, but be cheap in the long run. I wouldn't even bring in the stuff about the holidays and so on. Court will ignore that and go on hard facts.

Dubflier

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I agree that the law does seem to be skewed and fathers have little or no rights - whether they are on the birth cert or not.

What happened to you, happened to my brother in the UK, and I daresay other guys in the same position. He too got screwed by the system. Took a very long time, but in the end it worked out for him.

That's why I wrote what I wrote. I still think it's a mistake to look at what your ex apparently has. You don't know and can't prove where it came from. You need to think very carefully about this and do everything by the book, and legal. It'll cost money now, but be cheap in the long run. I wouldn't even bring in the stuff about the holidays and so on. Court will ignore that and go on hard facts.

The hard facts of the situation are that I don't want any contact or involvement with my ex the marriage came about through duress and pressure, I pay around €1400 cash a month, she does not want to work and has approached me when I pick the kids up saying she needs money for extra this and that and that she is struggling to pay the bills. Which is fair enough,it's hard times for all. The point I was making is you have to get your priorities right (holidays v bills) Any how the general consensus is don't go any where stay where you are and keep going.

ABajaninCork

Dubflier wrote: »

The hard facts of the situation are that I don't want any contact or involvement with my ex the marriage came about through duress and pressure, I pay around €1400 cash a month, she does not want to work and has approached me when I pick the kids up saying she needs money for extra this and that and that she is struggling to pay the bills. Which is fair enough,it's hard times for all. The point I was making is you have to get your priorities right (holidays v bills) Any how the general consensus is don't go any where stay where you are and keep going.

Yes. And go back to court to get your payments reduced. You're likely to win as you can prove your drop in salary.

Nobody's saying you're refusing to pay. Just not the amount you are at the moment...