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  • 14-08-2013 11:50am
    #1
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭


    Hi there,

    I'm looking for opinions on my situation. I work full time and have a 3 year daughter. I split with her dad last year and up until now things are fine regrading him taking her 2 nights a week. Usually Monday and every 2nd Friday night. He then got sacked from his Job and his new hours (as she says) are every Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night.( Im not sure i believe him) Am I wrong in thinking he should take her once at the weekend and once during the week! I love spending time with my daughter but after working all week I need a few hours on a weekend evening to Do my own thing, I'm not trying to pawn her off during the day just even a Friday evening until Saturday morning. Hes not great at holding down jobs so i always suffer when he starts a new job. Is there anything I can do?


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    #2
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Maggie28 wrote: »
    Hi there,

    I'm looking for opinions on my situation. I work full time and have a 3 year daughter. I split with her dad last year and up until now things are fine regrading him taking her 2 nights a week. Usually Monday and every 2nd Friday night. He then got sacked from his Job and his new hours (as she says) are every Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night.( Im not sure i believe him) Am I wrong in thinking he should take her once at the weekend and once during the week! I love spending time with my daughter but after working all week I need a few hours on a weekend evening to Do my own thing, I'm not trying to pawn her off during the day just even a Friday evening until Saturday morning. Hes not great at holding down jobs so i always suffer when he starts a new job. Is there anything I can do?


    Not really. Unfortunately you cannot force visitation or access on an unwilling ex. His only obligation is financial and while it would be great if he could and would take the child at the weekend, it's not really something you can control.

    If he is working weekends could he take the child while you work during the week? That might free you up a bit financially and enable you to book a babysitter at the weekend.


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    #3
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Maggie28


    Thanks for that, I suppose your right I can get baby sitters. I just think it would be fair if he took her even once a month on a weekend night.


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    #4
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Well, the purpose of visitation is so he gets to continue a relationship with his child, not give you a break.


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    #5
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    OP, you can't just dump your child off on your ex because it's the weekend and you think you deserve a break. Your ex may well be working Fri, Sat and Sun night yet you expect him to still have the child over - who is gonna look after the child? Be realistic here. If he's no longer working during the week, he can instead take the child some night during the week instead. You should be thankful he still has an interest and is willing to be part of his child's life. So many times you hear of people who want nothing to do with their child.


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    #6
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Maggie28


    That's not the case at all, I don't dump my child on anyone. I'm not trying to have a social life here, I don't go out clubbing or drinking. I get home from work at 7 most evenings and cook her dinner and put her to bed. All I'm asking is one weekend evening even a month that he takes her. I'm not selfish asking that am I? He is saying he works every weekend and I know he doesn't he is using work as an excuse not to take her at the weekend. He has a new girlfriend and wants to suit her first. Maybe I came across that I want to get rid of her at the weekend but that's not it. I want to have her Saturday day and Sunday day so I can spend time with her because I work during the week


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    #7
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,301 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Maggie28 wrote: »
    He then got sacked from his Job and his new hours (as she says) are every Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night.
    Sounds like he's started working in a pub environment, as they're the only busy nights. Although not the best hours, it's relatively stable, with skills easily transferable to other pubs.


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    #8
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Maggie28


    the_syco wrote: »
    Sounds like he's started working in a pub environment, as they're the only busy nights. Although not the best hours, it's relatively stable, with skills easily transferable to other pubs.

    I'd never question my child about her dad, it wouldn't be fair. I have asked him an that's what he said, I know I can't make him take her and my god she's not a burden so if that's the way it is then that's it. If it was a genuinely thing that I new he worked all those days then I couldnt say anything he has to earn money but its frustrating when I know it's lies.


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    #9
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Maggie28


    December2012 wrote: »
    Well, the purpose of visitation is so he gets to continue a relationship with his child, not give you a break.

    You obviously don't know how hard it is being a working single parent. I'm not looking for a social life or to go out and get drunk at the weekend


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    #10
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    I think people need to calm down. Op shouldn't feel grateful for her ex taking the child. It's his child too and in an ideal scenario it would be 50/50. I am a single mum who works full time and whose ex has never seen his child. But I think that the op has the right to think things could be fairer. They could.

    But op, there really is no point wrecking your head over this as it's not something you can control and your energies would he wasted over this.

    Have you any support from his family or your own? Can your ex take your daughter on a weeknight? I find even just a break from doing the dash home in the evenings, cooking dinner etc is a break in itself. To be able to wander home at leisure and chill out even on a weeknight is nice.

    Other than that a reliable babysitter is a must for when you want a night out. You are entitled to a life too but your head will be wrecked if you rely on what your ex is doing in order to have a social life.


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    #11
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Maggie28 wrote: »
    You obviously don't know how hard it is being a working single parent. I'm not looking for a social life or to go out and get drunk at the weekend

    You know nothing about what I know.

    I said nothing about social life or getting drunk - you're the only one who mentioned it.

    How do you know he's lying? Maybe he has to keep those nights free in case of work.


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    #12
    Maggie28
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Maggie28


    December2012 wrote: »
    You know nothing about what I know.

    I said nothing about social life or getting drunk - you're the only one who mentioned it.

    How do you know he's lying? Maybe he has to keep those nights free in case of work.

    He's been caught out alot of weekends drinking in the pub! I'm not playing the poor me card but I think it should be a little fairer and you make out like I'm the bad guy


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    #13
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Maggie28 wrote: »
    He's been caught out alot of weekends drinking in the pub! I'm not playing the poor me card but I think it should be a little fairer and you make out like I'm the bad guy

    I suggest you have a go at the person who you're actually upset at instead of me. I've said nothing bad about you at all.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP

    I am also a single parent with an ex working every weekend. At the beginning it used to drive me nuts and like you it wasn't about going out, but after working a full week sometimes doing the shopping or whatever it would have been nice not to have take my child or organise childcare whatever. But there is nothing you can do you just have to get on with it.

    Like you I had doubts that they were the hours of work and after awhile I found out they weren't but as I said you honestly just have to get on with it. I do though understand your frustration but I promise it wont bother you as time goes on.


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