Potty training troubles

Ms. Pingui

My daughter is now 3 years and 2 months old. I have tried several times to train her in the past year but nothing worked so I left her be a few times and went back to nappies.
For the last 3 and a half weeks I have been trying again and nothing is happening.
She will not sit on the potty at all. If I try to sit her on she will cry and scream and throw herself backwards. She throws the potty out of the room when she sees it.
I have tried bribing her, rewarding her with stickers and sweets. I have tried reward charts and a doll that uses the potty. I have tried potty stories and books. I have tried literally everything and nothing is working.
I have her in just a t-shirt and knickers around the house and she will continually pee and soil herself.
She will tell me what has happened and when I ask she will say it should have gone in the potty/ toilet.
I am at a complete loss at what to do at this stage. I have never been cross with her or pressured her.
She is supposed to be starting Montessori in a little over 3 weeks but as they have to using the toilet to go, I don't know what I am going to do.

I am so frustrated at this stage, I actually don't know what to do next. She seems completely indifferent to the whole process. Every child of her age that I know has been trained at least a few months at her age and children younger than her are mostly trained too.
I know every child is different but she seems to be taking unusually long!

Please help fellow parents!!

sillysocks

Have you tried putting her straight to the toilet and not using the potty? Maybe it would make this time different to the previous times and might click?
We didn't bother with a potty at all.

Maybe seeing you use the toilet she might be curious and want to use it too.

Ms. Pingui

sillysocks wrote: »

Have you tried putting her straight to the toilet and not using the potty? Maybe it would make this time different to the previous times and might click?
We didn't bother with a potty at all.

Maybe seeing you use the toilet she might be curious and want to use it too.

Yeah, I've being trying the toilet for the last number of days. I'll bring her to the bathroom regularly and she will sit on the toilet for a minute or two and the get down but she won't use it. She will just pee on the floor when she has to go, even if she has just been to the bathroom.
I've bought her a special toilet seat and a step so she can get up and down herself but it doesn't seem to be working.
I often bring her to the bathroom with me but she's not interested!

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Oh god help you, sounds impossible. sorry I can't halp at all. It sounds like you did everything,but make sure you persevere and dont give up this time.

I know it is not reccomnded at all but a friend of mine did give out to her daughter who wouldn't use the toilet and knew what she was doing. Something along the lines of " I am so disappointed with you, no more treats until..." And it worked for her from then on. Now I know most people with disagree, and it is a big risk but, maybe?

Also I would say don't bother with the potty at all, as there will just be a toilet in creche. Maybe make a deal with her, something like " me and you will throw out this silly old potty and you can just be a big girl like Manny and use the toilet"

Goof luck.

January

I'm of the ilk if they're not ready, they won't do it. Seems like your daughter just isn't ready... I'd give it a break and try again in a few weeks. Does she absolutely have to be trained for Montessori?

implausible

Oh, I feel your pain Ms Pingui, I'm in the same boat with my fella who's nearly 3 and 3 months and playschool starts on the 11th Sept:eek: This has been going on two months

The biggest problems are getting him to the toilet and getting him to tell me he needs to go. Now, once he's on it, if it's the right time he will go, so I've resorted to offering him my phone to play a game to sit on it long enough and rewarding him with a....terrible parent alert...chocolate biscuit:o This seems to be going ok. I've also got him involved in cleaning up after he makes a mess, he has to pull the pants off himself, go and get a bucket and go upstairs for new pants. This seems to be helping too as he just wants me to do it and go back playing. He gets a (orange bad parent alert!) sweet from a jar in the bathroom when he pees and he gets a piggy-back or horsey-back to the toilet.

I suppose I'm kind of hoping that a few 'clean' days will show him how good clean pants are and he will see the error of his ways:rolleyes:

Nobody warned me about this bit - pregnancy, breastfeeding, weaning etc was nothing compared to this:eek:

Lisha

We did not really use potty either. Mostly because the thought if emptying and cleaning it made me sick ;(

My daughter was also over 3 when training and tbf she was a nightmare.
She was around house in knickers and tshirt too and wet herself AND more countless times.
Finally she would sit on loo and go her business but no way would she take off her knickers. She told me there was no need as the stuff would go out the holes.
I nearly had a fit and explained that her legs were in the holes.

All I can say is take her to loo every 15mins. If she soils take her after and sit her and say this is where we pee/poo.
Just keep at it.
Try novelty underwear. Maybe have pretty ones and plain ones. Start the day with pretty ones and if she soils then she can only have plain ones.

Stay calm stay calm stay calm
(Believe me it's easier said than done I know)

It will happen and then it all falls into place.

I still have to remind her ESP if she's watching tv.

Best of luck and believe me you'll get there

iguana

Is she eager to start Montessori? If so how about explaining to her that everybody has to be able to go to the toilet at Montessori and that she has a choice. She can either learn to use the potty/toilet or not go to Montessori. Make sure she understands that it isn't a threat or a punishment, it's just the rules for Montessori and it's up to her what she wants to do. That gives her the power to make her own decision and may incentivise her to make the effort. You can also ask her why it is that she doesn't want to use the potty. Maybe she is nervous about Montessori and is try to stay a 'baby' for a while longer.

LegacyUser

You need to following.

Tell her that she is a big girl and that big girls use the potty/toilet. Let her know of other that her friends are not warring nappies like a baby. Get another little girl to tell her only babies ware nappies.

Leave her in her dirty pants and tell her I don't have any more pant for you as they are all in the wash. A few dirty/wet pants should give her the message.

Tell her there is no more teats, going to the shops, going to grannies ect till she starts to us the potty or toilet as she is a big girl now.

Does she know that going to start Montessori soon and is she telling you I going to school?
I would tell her you won't be going to Montessori until your out of nappies as they won't take babies.

At this stage you need to show her that unless she gets out of nappies she not getting treats, going out or going to Montessori like the other children she knows.

January

^^^ This is what you don't do.

Fungums

hi have u tried leaving her with just a t shirt/dress on without underwear? She might be more aware of not having a nappy/undies on?
If shes not ready I wouldn't push it(I know its stressful thinking about Montessori but I wouldn't let her know it was an issue)

wolfpawnat

I spent nearly 2 years failing to train my son. It was after his fourth birthday when he finally decided he was ready to go potty. He was in preschool with months and all before he decided he was ready. As much as we want to force them, only they can decide regardless of our schedules. He used the seat with steps, never once bothered with the small potty. Not really advice, more like condolences from a mum who went through the same. Good luck.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

lady lady wrote: »

You need to following.

Tell her that she is a big girl and that big girls use the potty/toilet. Let her know of other that her friends are not warring nappies like a baby. Get another little girl to tell her only babies ware nappies.
I
Leave her in her dirty pants and tell her I don't have any more pant for you as they are all in the wash. A few dirty/wet pants should give her the message.

Tell her there is no more teats, going to the shops, going to grannies ect till she starts to us the potty or toilet as she is a big girl now.

Does she know that going to start Montessori soon and is she telling you I going to school?
I would tell her you won't be going to Montessori until your out of nappies as they won't take babies.

At this stage you need to show her that unless she gets out of nappies she not getting treats, going out or going to Montessori like the other children she knows.

I know I said my friend gave out and it worked but after reading this post I feel awful for any child that would have to hear that.
Does she have to start montesori? Could you wait til after Christmas?

David Coleman had a piece in health & living supplement of indo, basically saying, leave it for 6 months, don't mention pott training and start again, because when they feel pressured it becomes such a big deal and won't work.

Or another suggestion. Could you ring Montessori and explain? if she is only there for 3 hours its unlikely she would need her nappy changed and maybe they could ring you if it is a poo? I don't have any experience of Montessori so no idea if that's a possibility.

Ms. Pingui

Op here again!

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply!

So for the past few days my little one has been using the toilet at bath time in the mornings, which I am delighted with.
However, during the day she is still wetting herself. We only have an upstairs toilet and I bring her up regularly. She either has a fit and refuses to try when I do this or sits on the toilet for a very short time and does nothing.
Any ideas???

Also I've been in contact with the Montessori and luckily this is not a problem for them. They will take her to the toilet very often and she can wear a pull up if she wants. We just have to bring in a few spare pants!

wmpdd3

So far I've had 3 failed attempts, I waited about 4 Weeks between each time. She just freaks out when I don't put her nappy on after changing.

I'm going to leave it again for a few Weeks and hope for the best, she will be 3 in September.

Ms. Pingui

wmpdd3 wrote: »

So far I've had 3 failed attempts, I waited about 4 Weeks between each time. She just freaks out when I don't put her nappy on after changing.

I'm going to leave it again for a few Weeks and hope for the best, she will be 3 in September.

Thank God I'm not the only one! Hope things work out for you this time.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

That is good progress and at least .ow you are not under pressure re montessori.

I think just keep what you are doing, bringing her up regularly, just try to get her to sit longer each time. I know you have tried books and stuff but could you try something again to make her sit on the toilet longer?

A pretty egg timer/ her favourite book/ your phone?

GT_TDI_150

When our fella started potty training we got a help pack from his godmother in the uk, she works at a nursery, basically

There was s story about sending poos and wees to poo-land as thats where they are from and 100s of stickers, each time he tried to use the potty he put a sticker on the tiles/wall then it became each time he used the potty ... Fwd 6days, fully trained....

His GM had said they train each kid in their nursery using this within 7days

Daffodil.d

I feel your pain, it's very frustrating. I had the same problem with my son who is only doing wee about 5 months he's nearly 4. Another poster on here said the biscuit treat thing worked for them. I know it's not in the books but that's what worked in the end for my son with the wee. Unfortunately he's not doing poo. Like you I have tried everything. This is going to sound terrible but I think whenwe are ununder pressure to have
them trained they sense it. No matter how calm we are. He wouldn't even sit on the toilet and in the end I got a potty. Just this evening he did poo a few times and if was very proud of himself and was brought to mc Donalds as a treat. Fingers crossed

anncoates

I honestly think when they're ready they'll do it and up until that point you'll be beating your head off the wall.

That was the case with my two boys anyway.

Good luck with it !

anncoates

lady lady wrote: »

You need to following.

Tell her that she is a big girl and that big girls use the potty/toilet. Let her know of other that her friends are not warring nappies like a baby. Get another little girl to tell her only babies ware nappies.

Leave her in her dirty pants and tell her I don't have any more pant for you as they are all in the wash. A few dirty/wet pants should give her the message.

Tell her there is no more teats, going to the shops, going to grannies ect till she starts to us the potty or toilet as she is a big girl now.

Does she know that going to start Montessori soon and is she telling you I going to school?
I would tell her you won't be going to Montessori until your out of nappies as they won't take babies.

At this stage you need to show her that unless she gets out of nappies she not getting treats, going out or going to Montessori like the other children she knows.

Not picking up toilet training right away isn't misbehavior so punishing it is pointless and counter productive.

wmpdd3

I am giving it all a rest until next week, but I am getting pressure from the creche. I am aware she is showing the signs but she freaks out when I delay putting on a nappy on her. Its the only time I've seen her freak out like this in a year. I will not continue with something that ends up with her shaking out.

GT_TDI_150

Are you sure the freaking out isnt her way of getting exactly what she want ...ie she knows if she goes nuts you'll put a nappy on her?

The little ones are much cleverer than we give them credit for!

farmchoice

Ah the joys, how about this for bad parenting,

our lad, three and a half, got the hang of the pees alright but number twos were proving a nightmare. in the end I starting giving him the i-pad and leaving him on the toilet (on one of those seat inserts) it worked!! The only problem now is he wont go unless he has the i-pad and now he has starting taking the piss a bit, 'daddy I have poos quick i-pad' of course it transpires he does not in fact 'have poos' he just wants the i-pad.
The only hope is that I can phase out the I-pad and replace it with the newspaper!

Neyite

farmchoice wrote: »

Ah the joys, how about this for bad parenting,

our lad, three and a half, got the hang of the pees alright but number twos were proving a nightmare. in the end I starting giving him the i-pad and leaving him on the toilet (on one of those seat inserts) it worked!! The only problem now is he wont go unless he has the i-pad and now he has starting taking the piss a bit, 'daddy I have poos quick i-pad' of course it transpires he does not in fact 'have poos' he just wants the i-pad.
The only hope is that I can phase out the I-pad and replace it with the newspaper!

Hey, whatever works!

Is there any chance that the Ipad can get "broken" and you have to make do with a stack of books in the toilet while its being mended. Then when it "comes back from the shop" tell him that the man said its not supposed to be used on the toilet and that's why it broke.

Big Bag of Chips

Such deceit!!

wmpdd3

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Are you sure the freaking out isnt her way of getting exactly what she want ...ie she knows if she goes nuts you'll put a nappy on her?

The little ones are much cleverer than we give them credit for!

I get what you are saying, but I cant leave sitting on the toilet in hysterics until she wees.

She knows what is expected of her, she knows most of her friends have this mastered.

We will try again next Thursday.

Ciarabear

farmchoice wrote: »

The only problem now is he wont go unless he has the i-pad and now he has starting taking the piss a bit, 'daddy I have poos quick i-pad' of course it transpires he does not in fact 'have poos' he just wants the i-pad

I'm sorry but there is something fundamentally wrong about children demanding iPads to now go to the toilet. What's next -a trip to Disneyland for eating dinner?

Seriously, this quick-fix approach to parenting may be effective in the short-term but it's really doing your child no favours in the long-term. Giving them the message that they can make demands at will is not only setting a child up for a lifetime of disappointment but it also means you're at ransom to the whims of a toddler?

You cannot hand total power to a toddler without expecting total chaos to come with it. Either leave potty-training until your child is ready to deal with it or do it on your terms, not the terms of a 3 year old

implausible

Ciarabear wrote: »

I'm sorry but there is something fundamentally wrong about children demanding iPads to now go to the toilet. What's next -a trip to Disneyland for eating dinner?

Seriously, this quick-fix approach to parenting may be effective in the short-term but it's really doing your child no favours in the long-term. Giving them the message that they can make demands at will is not only setting a child up for a lifetime of disappointment but it also means you're at ransom to the whims of a toddler?

You cannot hand total power to a toddler without expecting total chaos to come with it. Either leave potty-training until your child is ready to deal with it or do it on your terms, not the terms of a 3 year old

You know, I knew my day was missing something - a parenting guilt trip. Look, toilet training is one of these skills a kid HAS to master. My child will sit on the toilet for a while with a book, but he will go without a screaming row about it if he can play a game on my phone. He has to be trained for playschool; otherwise I would be taking another approach.

Giving them an ipad as a reward is no different to a book on a long journey, a cartoon while you're trying to get the dinner on or sweets to forget a pain - a necessary "quick fix" to get necessary things done. By the holier-than-thou attitude expressed, you'd swear the poster above was sending the child to bed with the thing!

Ciarabear

implausible wrote: »

You know, I knew my day was missing something - a parenting guilt trip

No please don't assume my intention is to guilt trip anybody just because I expressed an alternative opinion. That's lazy reasoning and a bit of a cheap shot. At the end of the day, people's children are their own and it makes no difference to me whatsoever how people choose to parent.

What I do think is that children need to be taught from the get-go that there are some things they simply must do because Mammy or Daddy say so and without having to be bribed with sweets or an iPad. Yes, it takes more effort to get that message across but it sure as hell pays dividends in future.

Also, you mentioned that your child "has to be trained for playchool" -what you're also training your child for playschool is that if they scream loudly enough they'll have their demands met on tap, which most certainly is not the case outside of Mammy and Daddy's house

implausible

Ciarabear wrote: »

No please don't assume my intention is to guilt trip anybody just because I expressed an alternative opinion. That's lazy reasoning and a bit of a cheap shot. At the end of the day, people's children are their own and it makes no difference to me whatsoever how people choose to parent.

What I do think is that children need to be taught from the get-go that there are some things they simply must do because Mammy or Daddy say so and without having to be bribed with sweets or an iPad. Yes, it takes more effort to get that message across but it sure as hell pays dividends in future.

Also, you mentioned that your child "has to be trained for playchool" -what you're also training your child for playschool is that if they scream loudly enough they'll have their demands met on tap, which most certainly is not the case outside of Mammy and Daddy's house

Of course there are things they have to do because mammy says so - go to bed, not get out of it in the middle of the night, eat breakfast etc. These things were not done on a timetable, it was when the child was ready. Toilet training is different, parents like myself are often under pressure and teaching the skill can be very frustrating. In order for them to learn the skill they must realise how it's done, they need to stay on the toilet for a length of time. Now, if parents have managed to get lively 3 year olds to sit on the toilet without some kind of bribe/promise/cajoling, well fair play to them and I am hugely envious.

In my post I flagged in a tongue-in-cheek way that it is "bad parenting" i.e. I am aware that this is not the ideal way to do it. However, with a stubborn wee man, me being back to work, a busy 16 month old and playschool looming in the near distance it is the way I have to do it. I fail to see how reminding a poster of this is helpful.

5 minutes with my phone will not undermine the rest of my parenting. The bribe is a temporary crutch, the skill is necessary and will last a lifetime.