4 Year Old Having "Accidents"-Help Needed!

HarvestMoon

Hi, Would appreciate some advice. We have 4 1/2 year old daughter who is constantly having accidents as in wetting herself during the day, happens sometimes at creche or in evening on way home. Generally has no problems with toilet etc, no longer in pull ups at night, sleeps very well.

The problem we have is that we know she can go days without any accidents if we sit on her, can be lazy with going to toilet or is so busy and involved that she is afraid that she will miss out on something so that is part of the issue.

We have tried positive reinforcement, as in star chart, but got torn up today as it is a month or more and there are more X's than stars! Not a major problem but is very frustrating for us as she is starting school shortly and we don't want it to follow into there.

Have also done negative reinforcement as in bed early with no TV and that has worked better, but again we seem to be at and end with either way of encouraging her to move on from this.

Has a younger sibling at 2 years, they get on very well. So anyone with any ideas or advice would be appreciated?

mohawk

Can you tell when she needs to go (ie does she do a potty dance?) The reason I ask is to see if she is aware that she needs to go when she is busy.
Have you thought about mentioning it to your GP perhaps just incase she can't help it.
My little boy is just turned 4 and if he is busy he will put off going to the toilet until he is at bursting level no matter how much I remind him to go. My son has sensory issues though and goes to see an Occupational Therapist.

HarvestMoon

Hi, yes can tell when she needs to go and most times she will go fine herself. The main times it will happen is when she is too busy or afraid of missing out which can happen.

The other issue is now she is doing it once or a few times some days and it just seems to be maybe down to attention or maybe anxiety about school perhaps. The frustrating thing is we know she can do it for days and you are thinking that it is solved so to speak, then it occurs again.

She gets plenty attention and we have asked if any problems or worries about school, so we are now running out of options to try and encourage her.

She is on new "incentive" plan today so will see how that goes, THE JOYS!!

LegacyUser

keep on top of her and don't stop the reminders just because she hasn't had an accident in a few days. Keep the reminders going until you are really sure she has got it.
If, as you suspect, its an attention/anxious thing, make sure you don;t give her any attention when she has an accident. She should put the wet things in the laundry herself and dress herself without anyone fussing over her. Other than constant reminders for the toilet I would perhaps avoid a huge focus on in with star charts and rewards/punishments as this adds to the attention.
When she starts school make sure to put some spare clothes in her bag and let the teacher know that she occasionally has accidents, that you are working on it and that she is able to get herself changed.

silja

She may need more reminders? Ie ask creche (and do it yourself too) to ask her every hour if she needs to go? You say it happens on the way home, maybe get her to go potty, even if she says she doesn't need to, before getting in the car?

HarvestMoon

Hi Thanks for both of above, it is defo looking more like an attention thing so we have set out some things for her to do and are going to just keep with strict and keep the attention to a minimum on it, the creche are going to keep her going on it so hopefully will resolve itself in time, last two days have been fine but she is mad to be talking about it more now we have quietened down so attention seems to be main driver on it.