Am I being unreasonable?

Sligo1

O and just to elaborate.

A "learned" behaviour is that which is taught or acquired through experience.

What Causes Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety results from a complex set of interactions between the child and parent or care-giver. Every infant is different and every parent or care-giver is different. Therefore, every interaction between the child and the parent is different. As you and your child develop an emotional attachment toward one another, your child's temperament will partially determine how he or she will respond when there is a separation between the two of you. It is not unusual to feel guilty about this common occurrence.

In order for children to become anxious about separation, they must first establish a significant attachment with their parent. The infant accumulates an increasingly sophisticated repertoire of memories of the parent. In a short time, your child will begin to compare these memories with the faces of other people that he or she encounters. Your child may develop a certain level of stranger anxiety in addition to separation anxiety.

So basically from what I have outlined in bold it would appear that although innate and a "normal" developmental stage, separation anxiety could also be "learned" as the child becomes familiar with its mum or dad or caregiver through the "experience" of having them around all the time. The "learned" bit being the specific person or people who the child does not want to leave. Be it caregiver,mum or dad or whoever...

I spose what I'm trying to say is that although the separation anxiety behaviour in itself is normal and innate. The person to which the behaviour is attributed to (mum or dad etc) is in actual fact learned. :-)

Ps... I find it hard to articulate myself sometimes due to baby brain and trying to run around my 9omth old so apologies if this post does not read well or there is clarification needed.

Sligo1

iguana wrote: »

Considering where her husband might be coming from and finding a way to discuss his issues so they can come to an agreement with each other would be the best solution.

I'm sorry Iguana, but according to the OP, her husband specifically said she shouldn't need a break for 2 days and that 1 should be enough. IMO if my husband said this to me I wouldnt even try to consider where the heck he was coming from. Id consider him to have an absolute cheek to even consider saying that to me!

Obviously the issues need to be discussed... But I think the husband is waaaay out of line here... And in some circumstances there is an 'I'm right and you're wrong". Not always, just sometimes.

Ms2011

iguana wrote: »

Not from a biological standpoint it isn't. It's 100% natural for such a baby at that age to fret when apart from their mother for 2 days.

I would disagree with this also, my son wouldn't fret if I left the room or indeed the country so long as his dad was still there & that I feel stems from us being equally involved in his care.

iguana

Sligo1 wrote: »

I'm sorry Iguana, but according to the OP, her husband specifically said she shouldn't need a break for 2 days and that 1 should be enough. IMO if my husband said this to me I wouldnt even try to consider where the heck he was coming from. Id consider him to have an absolute cheek to even consider saying that to me!

Obviously the issues need to be discussed... But I think the husband is waaaay out of line here... And in some circumstances there is an 'I'm right and you're wrong". Not always, just sometimes.

I did address that as I pointed out that Oral Slang's post was BEFORE the OP updated on her husband's comments and in light of that wasn't so relevant. This is exactly what happened to Oral Slang, she made a comment that right off someone disagreed with, so why she said it, which was clear in the rest of her post, was disregarded and she was heavily criticised for it in a very unfair manner.

And while the OP's husband is certainly out of line, off on his own jaunt yet feeling like the OP shouldn't have the time away she would like, I still don't believe that an 'I'm right you're wrong' is ever likely to help a marriage. It certainly won't make the OP's husband understand why his attitude is wrong and could only lead to resentment.

Sligo1

iguana wrote: »

I did address that as I pointed out that Oral Slang's post was BEFORE the OP updated on her husband's comments and in light of that wasn't so relevant. This is exactly what happened to Oral Slang, she made a comment that right off someone disagreed with, so why she said it, which was clear in the rest of her post, was disregarded and she was heavily criticised for it in a very unfair manner.

And while the OP's husband is certainly out of line, off on his own jaunt yet feeling like the OP shouldn't have the time away she would like, I still don't believe that an 'I'm right you're wrong' is ever likely to help a marriage. It certainly won't make the OP's husband understand why his attitude is wrong and could only lead to resentment.

Yes she did post before OP Iguana, however her first words which say she wouldn't have left her LO at 6 months for 2 days are completely irrelevant to the OPs issue which I will repeat again is not with leaving her child but her husbands thoughts on this. So it is irrelevant. No disrespect iguana but perhaps you need to re-read the posts.

iguana

Sligo1 wrote: »

Yes she did post before OP Iguana, however her first words which say she wouldn't have left her LO at 6 months for 2 days are completely irrelevant to the OPs issue which I will repeat again is not with leaving her child but her husbands thoughts on this. So it is irrelevant. No disrespect iguana but perhaps you need to re-read the thread.

I've just read it again and, as I originally thought, she then went on in her post to explain that it could be that the OP's husband had genuine worries which was the relevancy of her point. I can see it might be easy to misinterpret her intention at first but I genuinely don't see any attempt to guilt or shame anyone and I think it's unfair to accuse her of it and doing so is no different from what she was accused of when in reality the worst thing she did is express herself in a muddled way. But as you yourself have pointed out baby brain is going to be a big factor on this board, both in how people may not express themselves so clearly and in how other's may not read an intention that's not immediately clear.

I don't want to argue about it any more and right now it strikes me that the whole argument is happening because some mothers are defending other mothers who they are worried have been upset so maybe there is way more 'sisterhood' to the whole thing than is first evident.:cool:

iguana

Ms2011 wrote: »

I would disagree with this also, my son wouldn't fret if I left the room or indeed the country so long as his dad was still there & that I feel stems from us being equally involved in his care.

Back to the actual issue of the thread. I agree with this and should have said parent/primary caregivers rather than mother. The thing in the OP's situation though is that her husband does not seem to be confident to be left on his own with the baby and he does seem worried about separation anxiety due to his own lack of confidence, which could in turn transfer onto the baby.

AM80, my advice would be to talk to him calmly about how you do in fact need the break and are looking forward to the time away, the full two days. Ask him exactly why he is so worried and make sure he knows that the best thing he can do to assuage that worry is to spend more time with your baby so that the baby is just as secure with him. Then let him do it, even in small ways like taking an extra half hour in the bath while he watches the baby at the weekends. Small things that build up their bond and his confidence.

TheMilkyPirate

What is wrong with some men??? People here saying they left schedules and enough dinners and all this bollox. He's a grown man and it is his son, He should be well able to look after the child on his own and if he isn't all the more reason to spend time with him/her on his own.

I have a 3 year old son and I've been just as involved as my GF the whole way through if not even more the last two years. It actually makes me angry that he seems incapable of looking after his own child for two days and even more angry that he thinks you don't deserve a day off seen as you've basically raised the child single handedly. Tosser.