What do you remember about the way things were?

emmabrighton

I was reading a post in another thread and I got a flashback to the way things were when I was drinking. I don't know why this day stands out in particular. I don't know why some events are etched into your memory while others are not.

I remember sitting in the paid car park beside work because I was late for work again thanks to being hungover from the night before. I lived a 15 minute walk from work but was never in the state to walk. My bones ached and my feet and hands were swollen, not to mention my puffy little piggy face from all the drink and my cheeks would tingle incessantly until lunch time. I remember looking in my rear view mirrow and hating myself because I had gotten so fat even though I would do two cardio gym classes every week night. I reckon rewarding myself with a bottle to two bottles of wine didn't help much. I remember being parched and my head was spinning but I didn't feel like vomiting. I had the last glass of wine left in a bottle beside my hand break - I always took the evidence of my drinking with me because I felt so ashamed the morning after the night before - and I downed the remainder of the bottle in one. Gacked a little and got out of the car. I always hated the taste of most wine especially the cheap stuff that I had started drinking. Why pay 14 euro for a decent bottle of wine when you could go to a German discount store and get the same grape variety for 5 or 6 euro. Simples!

The sun was far too bright that day - it was a cold november morning, so that helped clear the cobwebs from a bad nights sleep. I hoped not to bump into anyone on the 10 minute walk to my office. I still can't fathom why I drove and paid 3 euro per hr in a paid car park when I lived 15 mins from my desk. I had become paranoid that people didn't like me in work. They never invited me for lunch, though I never tagged along either so I know now that I came across a bit stand offish. I felt like everyone else was much smarter than me and I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help when I had a problem. Instead I was telling everyone the parts of the project I was working on were ok even though I knew it was only a matter of time before I was discovered and everyone knew I was no good at what I did. I had become suicidal from the stress of my Jeckle and Hyde lifestyle. Trying to be nerdy and knowledgeable during the day and a wino at night.

I remember I felt all superior when a new kid started in work and I was showing him the ropes. I felt sorry for him because he was a bit nerdy and probably didnt have a life. God! looking back I was such a mess considering I would leave work at six and go to the gym till 8 and buy a bottle of wine on the way home from work. I wouldn't bother with the glass in my apartment because that just meant more cleaning. I would neck the wine straight from the bottle and I felt cool. If I had finished the bottle by 9.30 I would head round the corner to the off license for another. I felt so superior. I had my own stylish apartment. I had made it.

However, this young kid recently got a job in the US and I constantly see his great facebook updates. He doesn't drink, he is skydiving, he goes to festivals, he goes hiking, he goes on long distance cycles. He is not afraid to try new things or make new friends.

Looking back, id say he took pity on me and not the other way around. He always invited me to the cinema because he knew I was lonely. He would go for lunch with me once a week cos I never went with the group. He visited me in hospital when I had my "breakdown" - he never knew I was in rehab.

Anyway, a bit of a ramble there... what crappy things do you remember about your old life or was it all a blast?

Sunnyisland

what crappy things do you remember about your old life or was it all a blast?


I wouldent have the time to or space :-) to write down the crappy life I had because of my drinking, all I know now is my life was so very complicated when I was drinking. It took up all my energy in the planning, consumption, & aftermath. Life is so much simpler sober

KeefF

emmabrighton wrote: »

I was reading a post in another thread and I got a flashback to the way things were when I was drinking. I don't know why this day stands out in particular. I don't know why some events are etched into your memory while others are not.

I remember sitting in the paid car park beside work because I was late for work again thanks to being hungover from the night before. I lived a 15 minute walk from work but was never in the state to walk. My bones ached and my feet and hands were swollen, not to mention my puffy little piggy face from all the drink and my cheeks would tingle incessantly until lunch time. I remember looking in my rear view mirrow and hating myself because I had gotten so fat even though I would do two cardio gym classes every week night. I reckon rewarding myself with a bottle to two bottles of wine didn't help much. I remember being parched and my head was spinning but I didn't feel like vomiting. I had the last glass of wine left in a bottle beside my hand break - I always took the evidence of my drinking with me because I felt so ashamed the morning after the night before - and I downed the remainder of the bottle in one. Gacked a little and got out of the car. I always hated the taste of most wine especially the cheap stuff that I had started drinking. Why pay 14 euro for a decent bottle of wine when you could go to a German discount store and get the same grape variety for 5 or 6 euro. Simples!

The sun was far too bright that day - it was a cold november morning, so that helped clear the cobwebs from a bad nights sleep. I hoped not to bump into anyone on the 10 minute walk to my office. I still can't fathom why I drove and paid 3 euro per hr in a paid car park when I lived 15 mins from my desk. I had become paranoid that people didn't like me in work. They never invited me for lunch, though I never tagged along either so I know now that I came across a bit stand offish. I felt like everyone else was much smarter than me and I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help when I had a problem. Instead I was telling everyone the parts of the project I was working on were ok even though I knew it was only a matter of time before I was discovered and everyone knew I was no good at what I did. I had become suicidal from the stress of my Jeckle and Hyde lifestyle. Trying to be nerdy and knowledgeable during the day and a wino at night.

I remember I felt all superior when a new kid started in work and I was showing him the ropes. I felt sorry for him because he was a bit nerdy and probably didnt have a life. God! looking back I was such a mess considering I would leave work at six and go to the gym till 8 and buy a bottle of wine on the way home from work. I wouldn't bother with the glass in my apartment because that just meant more cleaning. I would neck the wine straight from the bottle and I felt cool. If I had finished the bottle by 9.30 I would head round the corner to the off license for another. I felt so superior. I had my own stylish apartment. I had made it.

However, this young kid recently got a job in the US and I constantly see his great facebook updates. He doesn't drink, he is skydiving, he goes to festivals, he goes hiking, he goes on long distance cycles. He is not afraid to try new things or make new friends.

Looking back, id say he took pity on me and not the other way around. He always invited me to the cinema because he knew I was lonely. He would go for lunch with me once a week cos I never went with the group. He visited me in hospital when I had my "breakdown" - he never knew I was in rehab.

Anyway, a bit of a ramble there... what crappy things do you remember about your old life or was it all a blast?

Thanks for such a candid post.
A timely & needed reminder.