getting really annoyed with grandmother regarding sweets/fizzy drinks

meisha

My mother and father take my son for a sleepover every second weekend on a Saturday night..my husbands family hardly see him so i do try to let my parents be a part of his life as much as possible but the only thing is my mother fills him full of surgery treats..he's home today after spending 24 hours in her house and has drank 3 cans of fantaa lucozade energy drink plus sweets and chocolate.I don't deprive him at home but that's too much..he's 8 and is a fit and healthy boy but my mam never listens to me now im thinking of stopping him going :-( advice please??

nick 56

i had the same problem with my mum and dad feeding my two kids sweets just like they did with me when i was a kid.

Then they died with in a year of each other ....... end of problem.

December2012

Stop allowing him to go over until they respect what you say.

You're putting his health at a lower ranking than their feelings about seeing him.

meisha

I always get "but im his nanny its my job to spoil him" im going to have a chat with her tomorrow and let her know it ends or he stops going!

2xj3hplqgsbkym

That is far too much sugar for an 8 year old.

Both sets of grandparents do the same to my son and it really annoys me too.

However you are very lucky that they take him so regulary for a full 24 hours. I would love that!

Make sure she knows how grateful you are before you talk to her about the treats.

I think a lot of grandparents don't relise how bad all these things are. My dad used to give my son taytos when he was 1, he genuinely believed they were fine because there was no sugar in them!

Would you consider filling a glass with the equivalent amount of sugar and show her exactly how much sugar is in all of that crap combined?

dharma200

Stop letting them see the child over that.... Eh no.... Have a nice chat with them... Your child is very lucky to have grandparents who have anything to do with him, many children including my own have grandparents that couldn't give a flying fc.....
Cat with them. Once a fortnight a few sweet treats won't kill him or have any real long term affects less he doesn't brush his teeth... Talk to them properly, tell them it is a worry because you don't want his teeth rotting... Honestly, they take him and obviously love him very much tnhave such regular contact, to consider. Not letting him go over that is not right atall.

Lisha

+1 on visually showing the exact amount of sugar in each treat item.
It really woke me up.

My parents are fantastic to me and my kids but I had to tackle thus issue head on.
I approached it conversationally saying things like 'omg thre are 40 spoons of sugar in such s drink or treat bar' 'sure you'd be sick if you eat that much sugar' 'just because you can't see it it's still there and still do bad for you '

But I would try and go it with out causing hassle if possible .

meisha

Thanks for the advice..your right i am lucky and they are the only family who take him he doesn't have great relationships with his aunts and uncles or other grandparents so i should keep the bond tight the sugar just upsets the life out of me but it can be worked on :-)

December2012

Of course you can keep the bond, just not with so much sugar. Is that your mothers condition? She'll only take him if she can give him a feed of unhealthy stuff? She could treat him with a magazine instead.

meisha

December2012 wrote: »

Of course you can keep the bond, just not with so much sugar. Is that your mothers condition? She'll only take him if she can give him a feed of unhealthy stuff? She could treat him with a magazine instead.

She plays it down like its not a big deal but as i don't give him lots of sweets she lets him indulge in her house and of course he goes along but tells me everything when he gets home..sometimes he says" nanny told me not to tell you" so she knows she's doing wrong and trys to hide it :-(

freshpopcorn

Are you sure he actually ate/drank that sugary stuff?
Did the kid tell you or did the nan?
Sometimes kids could say they got loads of treats off one person hoping that they might get the same off you!
If you were having a problem with the grandparents you could pack a bag and just say that those are his treats for the weekend because your worried about his health/teeth!

Lisha

meisha wrote: »

She plays it down like its not a big deal but as i don't give him lots of sweets she lets him indulge in her house and of course he goes along but tells me everything when he gets home..sometimes he says" nanny told me not to tell you" so she knows she's doing wrong and trys to hide it :-(

To be very blunt it's the 'nanny said not to tell you' that would have me insane.

Even my husband thinks I'm a bit too paranoid but we have no secrets as a family and no matter how innocent it is no one is ever allowed say 'keep this s secret from mom or dad'

It's just an over reaction I have from all the abuse cases, as abuse is enabled by secrecy.

It is never right for any child to be asked or encouraged to keep secrets from parents.

This is just my opinion I know it's off topic but to me it is bigger than sugary treats.

Edit fresh popcorn does make very valid points too.

meisha

He actually tells me but i have walked in and seen him sitting with a packet of biscuits on her couch..she hands him the packet where i would give him one or two but in her place he can eat the whole lot so when i see it happening i go mad at her and i think that's why she hides it from me

Neyite

Has she never heard of fruit, babybel cheeses, yoghurts?

I'd call a Serious Chat with them. Explain about the increase in diabetes and obesity in children, not to mention the increased dental costs down the line. Agree a list of treats and quantities. Suggest healthy treats - even homemade buns and fruit are a bit better than fanta and chocolate.

But what would be the deal breaker is the "keeping it a secret"
I would be pretty annoyed, and like Lisha, encouraging a child to keep any kind of secret from their parent would have me seething, and for the same reasons. The only acceptable secrets as far as I'm concerned between parent and child should be for things like gifts or surprises of a nice nature. Thats what I intend on teaching my child as soon as he is old enough to understand.

meisha

The funny thing is he loves healthy foods..this child even eats mussels and prawns! He's got a great and varied diet that goes out the window in her house..ill have a heart to heart with her and let her know my concerns the thoughts if him becoming diabetic when i do so much to avoid it would kill me!