Playschool woes

lukesmom

My daughter turned 3 in July and I decided to try her at playschool for two days a week. She started last week and today was her third day going. She is so upset going in and even when I'm getting her little bag ready in the morning she is telling me she's not going to playschool. She bawls crying from the car into the playgroup and screams for me to bring her home. The assistant ends up carrying her screaming into the room while I leave. I then get a text about 10 minutes later to say she is fine and has settled. When I go to collect her she looks happy and tells me all the things she did and fun she had. The playgroup manager has said she's just 'tugging at my heart strings and there's not a bother on her when she settles. I'm finding it pretty traumatic watching her bawling each morning. I'm worried that they want the business and to make money so it's in their interests to tell me she's ready for it and okay. I'm at a loss of what to do., I might add she's very clingy to me unlike our first child who happily skipped into playschool from day one

xzanti

I feel your pain.. My Son isn't 3 yet, he will be at Xmas time and will qualify for his free year.. But I decided a few months back to try him in a local playschool/creche only for a few hours a week, just for his own socialising and enjoyment..

He HATED it!! He went in fine the first day, but he thought Mammy was staying with him when he saw me leave he had a big meltdown and I was told "no just leave he'll be fine"

When I went back he looked really sad and ran into my arms and started crying.. but the lady told me he was fine after I had gone and he got on great etc etc..

Next time I tried to bring him he screamed again.. and again I was told he'd be fine so I went.. but he looked lost when I went to get him

Then... as it happened, that Primetime story about the creches broke that week so I didn't have the heart to bring him back after that.. I'm sure that place was absolutely fine but I just couldn't get what I'd seen on TV out of my head

So I don't know what I'm going to do in the new year I'm praying that it won't be a horrible experience.. it is heartbreaking to see them being led in somewhere when they're crying after you

ThisRegard

It's just what most kids too, in my experience with my own daughter and her classmates. They're not impressed with being dropped off, kick up a fuss but within a minute or two of the parent leaving it's as if it never happened. Why not try wait around and take a peak in the window a few minutes after you drop her off and see how she's getting on ?

Menas

My own 3 year old has been in crèche for 2 years now...the crying about going to crèche still comes and goes.
In the mornings recently he cries when we leave the house, cries when we drop his mum off to work but then in the 5 minute drive from there to his crèche he perks up and bounces in to the place.
Kids don't like change to their schedule and can suffer separation anxiety at all ages. If your child is giving you good reports about her day and seems happy with her treatment at crèche then you don't have much to worry about in my opinion.
Perhaps to put your mind at ease you should drop in to them at random times during to see how she is getting on?

Tough times though!

Yawns

All I can say is it's a bad idea to be dropping in at various times or trying to peek in windows. If the child sees you, they will most likely just get upset again. Most children act like this at first, but then settle down absolutely fine. If they didn't settle after a while, you will be told about it. If they are taking it really really badly, you will be phoned about it.

Menas

Yawns wrote: »

All I can say is it's a bad idea to be dropping in at various times or trying to peek in windows. If the child sees you, they will most likely just get upset again. Most children act like this at first, but then settle down absolutely fine. If they didn't settle after a while, you will be told about it. If they are taking it really really badly, you will be phoned about it.

Fair point. In my case our random drop ins were to comfort ourselves that the boy was happy at crèche. And he is happier to stay there then come home most days! But others may be different.

lukesmom

Thanks for all your replies. It's a tough one. When I collected her she was happy and had a drawing for me. Told me they sang some songs but also told me she doesn't like it and doesn't want to go back. The girls there told me she was absolutely fine and settled down after I left but as I said its in their interests as they are a business. I'm still at a loss of what to do next Tuesday when she's due in again.

vitani

Honestly, I'd give it another couple of weeks before making a decision. It's a big step for her and three days isn't long enough for her to have settled in yet. Once she gets a bit more used to the routine and knows for sure that you'll be coming to collect her every single time, she might be a lot happier.

sillysocks

That must be horrible. Although what I'd be thinking is that I doubt the playschool are just saying she's fine if she's not - I'm guessing they wouldn't want her there if she was upset all day because that'd have an effect on all the other children and maybe upset them. I'd give it a bit more time, especially when she's only going a couple of days a week - it'll probably take her a while to get more used to it when she's not there every day.

lukesmom

Thanks all I reckon I'll try her again next week and hope it settles down.

ThisRegard

Yawns wrote: »

All I can say is it's a bad idea to be dropping in at various times or trying to peek in windows. If the child sees you,...

"If" being the key word, they won't necessarily see you, it's easy enough to blatantly stand a a window looking at a classroom of toddlers messing around without being spotted, never mind a sneaky peak.

Moonbeam

I think that she is playing up to you.
If you don't let her see your distress when she gets upset and stay all excited and upbeat it will rub off on her.

Rosy Posy

The one that my son goes to has a fairly long settling in process. I'd only left him with someone other than his Daddy a handful of times. We started off just going for visits together for maybe half an hour. I'd stay and help out with something, maybe do some weeding if they had outside play or bring my knitting- they said it was good for me to be there but be occupied. When he was used to the place and the people I started by going off for half an hour and then coming back. They really emphasised to him that Mammy always comes back. It took about a month in all to settle him but he loves it now. It also meant that I felt better about going too- I think if you're feeling ambiguous yourself the child picks up on it. Best of luck!

lukesmom

Yeah I've remained calm when I bring her and smiling. She's just so clingy I will try her again Tuesday and see how she gets on. I know she hates going in, absolutely hates it. But then is fine within a few minutes.

emmabrighton

Hi OP,

I am not at that stage yet - my little boy is just turning one - but I have given this some thought.

Honestly, I think if he hated the class and didn't want to go then if I didn't absolutely have to bring him into play school, I would probably leave him stay at home for another year. I read somewhere that clingy-ness is a good thing because it means your little one feels safe and secure with you. It is a survival mechanism from our ancestors.

Do they get upset when you leave them with their nan/other close family member. Maybe start small? Leaving them with family for an hour or so until they get used to you going away and coming back?

Do you know any of the moms/kids in the playschool? Maybe have a couple of playdates so rather than leaving you, they are going to play with johnny or mary in the playschool?

But what do I know, my little boy is at home right now with his stay at home daddy so we have not crossed this bridge yet.

pwurple

You could try giving her little jobs, as a distraction from the going in part?

I know with mine, she has a little bag with snacks that she gives to the teacher/minder when she goes in. She loves being given the responsibility for that. "Here's your schoolbag, you mind that now and make sure you give it to your teacher.." She takes it very seriously. Holds the bag carefully, very important to give it to the right person etc.

And it's her job to knock on the big door knocker on the way in. She runs in the gate to get to that door knocker and go 'knock-knock', and then strides straight in to give the bag to teacher. Teacher then brings her over to her coat spot and shows her the name about the hook. I don't even get a 'bye' anymore.

lmahoney79

My son is only 2 years and 3 months and decided to bring him to playgroup once a week. It's only for 3 hours but want him to be able to socialize as he is with me all the time.
We had a trial where I left him there for an hour. Teacher said he was fine until the last 10 mins and he copped I wasn't there. He was in floods when collecting him....trying it again this week, not looking forward to it!

lukesmom

Well I'm going to try my girl again tomorrow and hopefully it goes a bit smoother.

seosamh1980

I remember playschool, I remember it very well, because 80% of the time I hated it. I am an only child and so a big room of kids really overwhelmed me. I found it very stressful to adjust, and often kicked up absolute murder while there, I don't think I was too bad going there each day because I am an eternal optimist and always hoped "today" would be the day I liked it and felt I fit in. But inevitably it didn't happen and I'd cry, proper sobbing, and on really bad days my mum was called.

But this was the whole crux of the thing, my mum had to work, single parent in full time job, so I had to stay there. Apparently when I got really, really, really upset my grandad would have to come collect me, but this was awkward for him too as he was working. I remember mum getting mad and explaining that just because I didn't like it didn't mean I could get out of it, and that I had to learn to survive it and mingle with other kids. My mum has always prepared me for the harder things in life like this, "tough sh!t, gotta get on with it". I can still to this day remember being outside on my own while the other kids ran around and feeling a bit miserable, but it prepared me well for school, and work!

Basically, it's not the worst thing in the world, I was an extreme whingebag but most other kids go in grudgingly, enjoy themselves, then go in grudgingly again, until eventually they realise it's actually fun. It does no harm, and prepares them and you for school when they have no choice! By the time it came to school I had really acquired the ability to tolerate other kids, or at least pretend I did