Losing a dog and getting a new one

yaya*

So, I have a dilemma and I'm hoping people who have experience of this can offer me some reassurance.

Lost my beloved dog of 14 years a few months ago. In the last month or so, I've felt ready to look at adopting another dog, but there is one thing holding me back all the time- T was my first and only dog and she was literally the best!!! Everyone used to say it-the vet, dog minder, friends and family-she had the perfect mix of being a bit of a nut while also being so loving and gentle.

I have this nagging fear that I may adopt a new dog and always being comparing that new dog to my old dog. I keep telling myself all dogs are different etc but I
suppose I'm worried that I won't love this new dog as much!!?

Does this indicate that I'm just not ready for a new dog yet or do I just need to take the plunge and then ill wonder what I was so worried about??

Advice and experience please!!

anniehoo

I think it's absolutely normal to compare pets, I've been doing it myself the last 2 weeks with my new cat Eddie. My previous cat died there almost 2 months ago and i find myself going "well Beanie didn't do that" etc all the time.

I've even slipped a few times and called him by my previous cats name.

I'm not worried because bonding does not happen overnight. It didn't happen with Beanie i remember for probably a month or 2, so right now I'm happy to have a new pet, but understand the bond will take time. I still very much miss Beanie, but life goes on and this new fella will be the best thing since sliced bread when i let the natural bonding process do it's thing.

It's fun discovering a whole new and different personality, their likes and dislikes and one day they'll do something that will make you go "ohh, i love this little guy so much" and it'll make you smile when you realise that you have bonded without even realising it and you wouldn't be without them

Matt Simis

Dont fall into the trap of getting the same type of dog or, even worse, naming it the same. I know a family that has had the "same dog" at least 3 times. Its freakish and unhealthy.

A totally different type of dog will most likely have a very different personality, making comparisons minimal.

muddypaws

I had a very special dog when I was growing up, sounds similar to your girl. We lost him when he was 15, and I got my first dog, of my own, not a family one a few months later. At first I didn't think that I'd love her like I had Scamp, she didn't do the same things he did, didn't know me the way he did. But it really didn't take long for Murphy to steal a part of my heart, and become very special to me. Where Scamp was really obedient, and would do all sorts of tricks, Murphy would do what she wanted when she wanted. My foster son entered a fun dog show with her when she was about 4, and they came first, we had to phone everybody to tell them, and nobody believed that she had behaved long enough to win. She died a few years ago, aged 16 and I still miss her, so yes, she became as much a part of my life as Scamp was.

So in my experience, don't worry, the new dog will be different, but you will hopefully find things that he/she does that are unique, and you will love.

Best of luck

anniehoo

Matt Simis wrote: »

I know a family that has had the "same dog" at least 3 times. Its freakish and unhealthy.
.

I find that a VERY odd thing to do

ButtersSuki

I was heartbroken when my first dog (a Golden Retriever x Lab cross) died, so much so I never thought I'd get another dog again. I now have 2 Westies that I love more than anything. I'll never forget my first dog, but I love my current dogs. Every dog/pet is different, my Westies are chalk and cheese from each other, and both are very different from my GR x Lab cross. Just do it, it'll be good for you both.

Best of luck!

yaya*

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply-it's just the reassurance that I needed!

It will be a v different dog from my last (a lab) -hoping to go for a lurcher / greyhound. Now to scour the rescue centres for the next love of my life!

boomerang

That's exactly what I did, yaya! I couldn't bear to have another collie so soon. In fact, I don't know if I could ever have another collie after the two I've lost. So when my Amber died, I adopted a completely different kind of dog... A black greyhound! And while she will never replace my girls that went before her, I love her to bits. There is room in my heart for all three. You will adore your greyhound/lurcher - they are gorgeous, lovable dogs!

ferretone

yaya* wrote: »

but there is one thing holding me back all the time- T was my first and only dog and she was literally the best!!! Everyone used to say it-the vet, dog minder, friends and family-she had the perfect mix of being a bit of a nut while also being so loving and gentle.

This! Indicates you must have been a super-dooper owner for your T: you don't get to have a "literally the best" dog, that everyone agrees with you, without the dog having been utterly, blissed-out happy!

So most likely the next dog you get will settle in over time, become just as happy in your wonderful home, and you will have a partner again. A very different partner, but as others have said, you will come to appreciate him/her just as much in their own, very different way.

Again, sure, comparisons will inevitably happen, but they won't stop you from coming to love your new friend.

And here's you dithering, while loads of great dogs are just longing for your wonderful home, to become your "literally the 2nd best" new dog in

Edited to add: And so sorry to hear of your loss, dunno what I'll do either when the day comes, hopefully far in the future, for our "best" Lola

ButtersSuki

Brilliant choice! Greyhounds/lurches are amazing and truly underappreciated dogs. And even better that you're getting a rescue.

Tranceypoo

About 6.5 years ago now my dog died, it was very sudden and he was only 5, I couldn't even be around dogs very much for a couple of months I was so heartbroken (and I'm a lifelong dog person), eventually I felt ready to get another dog so give yourself the time you need, you'll know when it's right for you.

I decided to volunteer at my local rescue, to see if I could be with dogs without getting upset, the very first dog I walked I just knew he was the one I needed and who needed me. I waited a week before taking him home, to think about it and prepare, now he actually was a similar breed and look to my last dog (lab mix) but I didn't mind/notice. He was (and is) the sweetest dog from day one, it took me a while to tell him 'I love you' (I hope that doesn't sound too insane) but I never ever regretted it. I do think the most important thing is to make sure you are really ready to welcome another dog into your home and your heart and only you can decide that.

Good luck with your search

ShaShaBear

Might I also suggest asking your local rescues do they have a home-foster programme? It's a great way to test run a new potential addition to the family before you make the decision! It may be that, after three weeks, you are head over heels in love with this new dog and he or she will certainly not be going anywhere. It could be that, while he or she is a darling, you just don't think this is the right dog. That's the great thing about foster, there is absolutely no shame in giving the dog back to the rescue. Every night they spend in your home saves that rescue a small fortune.

I fostered three dogs for a rescue in Louth. A lurcher cross named Denver, a GSD cross named Squeaks and a tiny little "Chorkie" named Louie. Denver was extremely nervous, would pee if you even shouted from the kitchen to a visitor to see if they wanted tea. He would never approach new people and used to shiver when out for a walk. But every inch of me was smashed to a million pieces when he left to go to his new home in Scotland, and had I not owned another dog back home, I would have adopted him. Squeaks was a nightmare. I loved him, he was such a character, but he was just so boisterous - he growled at shadows and teddies, chewed everything in the house, had absolutely no lead training (and was EXTREMELY powerful on the lead) and never settled in my home. While I missed him in the house for days, I was a little glad for some peace and quiet Louie was only a puppy at about 14 weeks old, and was so tiny! He was a right live wire, went absolutely nuts for hours on end, and absolutely hated being cuddled, pet or carried. It saddened me a tad, because I love affectionate dogs but he got an amazing new home. While I loved all three, had I been planning to adopt, I think it would have took me much longer to accept Louie or Squeaks as my dog, but Denver would have fit in straight away.

Just an idea

Inexile

Sorry to hear about your dog Yaya. Only you will know when the time is right. I had four dogs and when one died two years ago we were gutted but we decided not to add another to our househol. When that dogs sister died two years later and we were down to two dogs we again said we wouldnt rush to get another and probably a 'wander in' would turn up and we would then be in a position to help that dog. But one evening three weeks after our 2nd dog died I was browsing a local rescue's page and I spotted a dog that I was drawn to. About a week later she was ours. The new dog reminds us both of the dogs we lost, in fact a friend thinks its weird, especially since one looked like a collie and the other was a spaniel. However she is also sufficiently different not to be a direct comparison. I hope that makes sense.

Take your time in choosing a new dog, and the ideas re fostering/volunteering are good.

Finally good in choosing your new greyhound/x there are lots out there looking for homes and they are brilliant pets.

OldmanMondeo

OP, We where in you situation about 1 month ago. Who we call our first born passed away at the start of August, He is much loved and much missed.

The day after he went, my wife and I where talking and both agreed that the house was too quite, even with 3 young kids. Turns out we had both being doing the same thing, looking at dogs needing homes on our phones. 2 days after Herman passed we brought Kofi home, same breed but a different colour. We made an agreement that Kofi was not a replacement for Herman, but a new friend who needed a home and some love. Not only was it the best thing we done, it has helped the pain of losing our best friend.

No animal is the same as another, they all have their own personalities. If you feel ready, then their is a furry friend waiting to give and receive love. Go for it.

yaya*

ferretone wrote: »

This! Indicates you must have been a super-dooper owner for your T: you don't get to have a "literally the best" dog, that everyone agrees with you, without the dog having been utterly, blissed-out happy!

So most likely the next dog you get will settle in over time, become just as happy in your wonderful home, and you will have a partner again. A very different partner, but as others have said, you will come to appreciate him/her just as much in their own, very different way.

Again, sure, comparisons will inevitably happen, but they won't stop you from coming to love your new friend.

And here's you dithering, while loads of great dogs are just longing for your wonderful home, to become your "literally the 2nd best" new dog in

Edited to add: And so sorry to hear of your loss, dunno what I'll do either when the day comes, hopefully far in the future, for our "best" Lola

Thanks so much-this post actually made me well up with emotion!! We may have had a small part to play in her development, but honestly, she was just meant to be that fun-loving, gentle nutter!

Thanks to all of you as well for the suggestions of fostering and volunteering-they are definitely things I will consider.

I have no problems being around other dogs-my friends have plenty and if anything, I relish being around them-I started the thread because when I'm around these other dogs, I find myself thinking "hmm T would never have done that, T would always have done x, y and z" and it got me wondering if I'd be comparing my own future dog to her!! You've all reassured me that even though I probably will be doing that, I will bond with him/ her and eventually fall in love again 😄

Ashbx

You could try getting a dog from a rescue organisation and try get a dog that would suit you best. Maybe one that is completely opposite to your last dog so that they are SOOO different it will be impossible to compare.

You will still compare them a bit, we all do it.....with men(my last boyfriend used to do did this), eating out ( last time I was here, the meat was so much nicer), jobs (in my last job, we were allowed to do this)...my list can go on! So you can compare them but dont let the good or bad points change the opinion of your new dog. In time, you will love him/her just as much as you loved your first dog...without loving your first dog any less!

Gael23

I haven't been in this situation yet (thankfully) but my dog will be 14 soon so this question is something that enters my head from time to time.
Im not sure if I could ever have the same bond with another dog ever again and that thought makes me think I couldn't have one for a while. I got him for my 1st communion and im now in my final year at university so we've grown up together and he is a big part of me , as he is to all our family. But I me and him have always shared a bond that is a little different to everyone else.
Maybe when it does happen i'll feel diffent but thats how I feel about it now

sohsoh

A while after my 'old boy' died we got another pup. We went for a different type of dog for the same reason as you, we didn't want to compare both dogs as it's unfair to the new boy.

I found that as new boy was growing up he'd do things that would remind us of 'old boy' which was comforting, not in a comparison way, but it was nice to remember 'old boy' from his youthful days. Normally we tend to remember him in his later years.

Each dog has such a different characters anyway.

I also have had slips of the tongue and called him old boy's name but I've called boyfriends ex boyfriends name too but that for a different forum :O

murria

ferretone wrote: »

This! Indicates you must have been a super-dooper owner for your T: you don't get to have a "literally the best" dog, that everyone agrees with you, without the dog having been utterly, blissed-out happy!

So most likely the next dog you get will settle in over time, become just as happy in your wonderful home, and you will have a partner again. A very different partner, but as others have said, you will come to appreciate him/her just as much in their own, very different way.

Again, sure, comparisons will inevitably happen, but they won't stop you from coming to love your new friend.

And here's you dithering, while loads of great dogs are just longing for your wonderful home, to become your "literally the 2nd best" new dog in

Edited to add: And so sorry to hear of your loss, dunno what I'll do either when the day comes, hopefully far in the future, for our "best" Lola

+1.

It will be a very lucky dog that ends up in your home. I am onto my second dog in my adult life and like you didnt think another dog could replace our Seve, but our whippet/lab, Murray has me wrapped round his paw for the last 5 years. Lurchers/whippets/greyhounds make lovely pets, they have a great temperament and the most beautiful faces. The good news is there are always lots available for rescue. Good luck finding your new "best dog ever".

aonb

murria wrote: »

+1.

It will be a very lucky dog that ends up in your home. I am onto my second dog in my adult life and like you didnt think another dog could replace our Seve, but our whippet/lab, Murray has me wrapped round his paw for the last 5 years. Lurchers/whippets/greyhounds make lovely pets, they have a great temperament and the most beautiful faces. The good news is there are always lots available for rescue. Good luck finding your new "best dog ever".

Would love to see a photo of a whippet/lab cross?!?

murria

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Murria: Uncalled for. Please refer to the PM I sent to you in response to this post.
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DBB