problem in creche

kelewan8

Not sure which forum to ask for advice on. My daughter is 3.5 years but very articulate. She has been 2 days a week in a creche for 2 years. The odd time she comes home with the normal bumps and bruises, sometimes an accident form etc... She repeats one childs name (x) in several incidents where she has been pushed ot bruised. A few weeks ago she said to me and her dad lying between us on a sunday morning that (x's) daddy puts his finger up her bum (x's bum. The 'bum' to the female kids in this particular creche is everything from front to back). I went cold. I asked her how she knew and she roleplayed her little friend pointing at at her relevant area in the toilet and she repeated the words whilst laughing. I told her not to let anyone near her 'bum' even pointing at it. The child in question has been causing trouble not just with my kid. The little girl is very angry, yet when I met her the other day very withdrawn. I just don't know, my instinct is telling me its all wrong. I am 85% sure something is wrong but its the worst accusation ever to make. What the hell do I do?

pwurple

Speak to the creche immediately about this.

Rosy Posy

pwurple wrote: »

Speak to the creche immediately about this.

+1 and make sure they contact the HSE or do so yourself. We had a similar situation in our children's kindergarten but the child had already been taken into care. The child needed extra one on one supervision/care for his own needs and for the protection of the other children.

realgirl

If you simply tell the creche what your child said to you, I don't think you are accusing anyone of anything. I understand why you'd feel nervous about it but IMO a child's safety and wellbeing should always be the first priority. It also seems likely to me that other parents whose kids know this child would have been told something similar by their child.

Big Bag of Chips

The creche will be very aware of the child's behaviour, so you won't be telling them anything about that, that they won't know.

You absolutely have to, no question, tell them what your daughter said. Tell them exactly as you said it here. As someone else said, you are not making an accusation - you are repeating what your child told you. If your daughter told you that child x, put her finger in your daughter's bum, you would be there in a heartbeat to tell them...

(And there is a very good chance that child x will "show" another child)

You can't sit back and say nothing. The child's/children's safety HAS to come before the man's. The HSE will investigate it.

xzanti

My blood ran cold reading that.. was not expecting that.. omg!

The poor child.. +1 on contacting the HSE..

Urgh

wolfpawnat

As a mum and a previous victim of abuse, I beg you to tell them, she is too young to get the help, she needs someone to speak for her. It may be nothing, but just in case. As others have said, you are merely stating something rather than accusing.

ladam

The creche will have a system to follow when you tell them and the appropiate measures will be taken to male sure the little girl is ok. It will not be known to the parents who said it and if it isnt true the parents will(well should) appreciate people looking out for their childs safety. Please tell them, please!!!!

paperclip2

Under the Children First Guidelines you probably have a responsibility to report to the creche what your child said. They have a legal responsibility to report these concerns to the HSE.

The HSE Children and Family Services should always be informed when a person has reasonable grounds for concern that a child may have been, is being or is at risk of being abused or neglected

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Publications/services/Children/cf2011.pdf

More info in section 3, page 13.

Maybe there's nothing going on but if there is then you might be the first chance at stopping it that this child has. Please report it.

RubyGirl

I would tell the creche, children that young would't lie about something like this. It could be something as simple as the Dad giving her a suppository for a high fever.

Do you know the family in question?

xzanti

RubyGirl wrote: »

It could be something as simple as the Dad giving her a suppository for a high fever.

This actually crossed my mind too after I had replied to the OP... that is a very good point..

I used to do that a lot as my Son wouldn't take calpol for me..

Although I think the OP mentioned something about the little girl referring to her 'bum' but in a back-to-front way

A very tricky situation altogether.. It definitely needs investigating though.. who knows what's going on

CrazyRabbit

If possible, speak directly to the mother of the child. If it is something completely innocent (like the suppository), then she will almost certainly know.

I believe that is the best way to investigate it without risking a possibly innocent fathers reputation (imagine some creche employee spread the rumour to other parents!).
However, if the mother doesn't take you seriously, seems defensive or reacts in any otherwise 'odd' manner, then I would go to the Gardai directly.

Big Bag of Chips

I wouldn't try to speak to the mother. If you are already unsure of what to do, then I don't think you should take on the responsibility of making a judgement call on the mother's reaction.

Also if you speak to the mother, and then make a complaint, the family will know exactly where the complaint came from.

The only person you should approach is the creche manager/owner. They have training and expertise on how to handle this.. and I can't imagine any staff would be spreading rumours to other parents.

In child protection cases people are informed on a "need to know" basis. This is to protect the trust of the child, and the name of the accused person incase of them being innocent.

If the creche manager doesn't feel the other staff need to know, they won't tell them. Similarly, if they do tell them, they will be reminded that it is confidential and not to be spoken about to anyone.

All that aside, I hope you've done SOMETHING by now OP.

CrazyRabbit

^^^

Fair enough....good points!