The Cooking Disaster Thread

martinn123

First post in this Forum, and it's in the disaster thread.

Delighted at the weekend as the OH bought a couple of Lamb Shanks, so I got loads of ideas here how to cook.
I don't have a Slow Cooker, anyway prepped all the Veg, browned off the shanks in a pan, opened a bottle of Red, donated some to the stew, and had a glass myself.
Recipe mentioned STOCK, and I had some Turkey Stock frozen since Xmas, so in it went.

Cooked slowly for about 5/6 hours in oven, meat was absolutely falling off the bone, it smelled lovely.

Dinner time came and put one Shank in a large soup plate, and covered in Veg, Potatoes etc, I was starving.

Oh God, a horrible mouthful of grease, tasted disgusting.

Now realise Turkey Stock and Lamb, do not go together.

Egg & Chips anyone.

Vojera

My OH made a cheesecake at the weekend and I was meant to do the top of it according to the recipe, which was to heat nutella until it went a bit runny and then layer it on top.

It turns out that nutella doesn't really melt all that well and I had clearly put too much heat on it. It went all grainy and horrible so I had to throw it in the bin.

No big deal, I thought, I'll just do it again but be more careful with the heat this time. Nope, same thing, lovely shiny nutella gone all thick and lumpy. I tried to rescue it by mixing in some double cream to make a sort of ganache, but it was too far gone.

As it turned out, the cheesecake was lovely without the nutella (she sprinkled on some chopped ferrero rochers instead), but I felt bad for not contributing.

The Hill Billy

martinn123 wrote: »

Now realise Turkey Stock and Lamb, do not go together.

My shameful cooking secret...
If I'm doing a lamb dish & want to make 'easy' gravy I make a 50/50 blend of chicken & beef stock (usually Oxo cubes), & then add the lamb juices after draining off as much fat as possible.

Scarinae

When I was a child, my mother cooked a whole mackerel for dinner one night - but she didn't remove its eyes for some reason.

Its eyes exploded.

I am now 28 and I still don't eat fish, nor do my siblings.

Toto Wolfcastle

I took some dough out of the freezer to make burger buns. I made them into perfect balls and put them on a baking sheet and flattened them with my palms. Both hands stuck to them and when I tried to take them off the dough and baking paper lifted with them. Grand if you've only done it with one hand, you can use the other to remove it, but there's nothing you can do yourself when both hands are stuck. I had to call my husband in to rescue me.

BaZmO*

Bobblehead Panda wrote: »

I took some dough out of the freezer to make burger buns. I made them into perfect balls and put them on a baking sheet and flattened them with my palms. Both hands stuck to them and when I tried to take them off the dough and baking paper lifted with them. Grand if you've only done it with one hand, you can use the other to remove it, but there's nothing you can do yourself when both hands are stuck. I had to call my husband in to rescue me.

Dough!

seventeen sheep

Scarinae wrote: »

When I was a child, my mother cooked a whole mackerel for dinner one night - but she didn't remove its eyes for some reason.

Its eyes exploded.

I am now 28 and I still don't eat fish, nor do my siblings.

Oh god that kinda reminds me of the time I visited my friends house as a child, and her mum came out to us with a lovely big tray of fresh warm cupcakes. (Well, buns, as we called them back then!)

Anyways I took a big massive bite of one - and these warm pink slithery wormy creatures swarmed out of it into my mouth. She called them prawn cakes - basically just queen cakes with the insides scooped out and filled with prawns.

Apparently they were a favourite with her kids. I'd never seen a prawn before and didn't know what one was. I vomited the squirmy little ****ers up all over the garden.

And that's what turned me off seafood for life!

MissFlitworth

seventeen sheep wrote: »

She called them prawn cakes - basically just queen cakes with the insides scooped out and filled with prawns.

What the...

Oryx

When making lasagne, 'lightly oil the dish'. I missed this minor teensy little detail tonight and now have a thin layer of pasta bonded to my ovenware like i put it there with superglue.

StripedBoxers

Oryx wrote: »

When making lasagne, 'lightly oil the dish'. I missed this minor teensy little detail tonight and now have a thin layer of pasta bonded to my ovenware like i put it there with superglue.

Put a bit of washing powder and some boiling hot water into it, leave it sitting for an hour (or longer if you want), and rinse under very hot water. It will slide off the dish.

kylith

My dad just made a cheese sandwich with Parmesan, big lumps of it. Luckily we caught it before anyone ate it because he complained that my 'Parisian' cheese was difficult to slice.

NOS3

I saw a recipe for pasta in a creamy parsley sauce which seemed really easy and delicious. So I went ahead and boiled my pasta and then made the sauce. I needed parsley, flour, butter and milk. I mixed the milk, butter and flour and then preceded to add the parsley. I added about half a jar of dried parsley, reduced it and poured over my chicken and pasta. I then tasted it. It was really sour and sickly 'green'. Absolutely disgusting. :O

BaZmO*

NOS3 wrote: »

I saw a recipe for pasta in a creamy parsley sauce which seemed really easy and delicious. So I went ahead and boiled my pasta and then made the sauce. I needed parsley, flour, butter and milk. I mixed the milk, butter and flour and then preceded to add the parsley. I added about half a jar of dried parsley, reduced it and poured over my chicken and pasta. I then tasted it. It was really sour and sickly 'green'. Absolutely disgusting. :O

It sounds like you were making a classic Parsley Sauce. Although, if you just added the flour butter and milk in one go it wouldn't have been great. You need to make a Roux first and make sure you cook out the flour, then add the milk to make the sauce, and then finally add the chopped parsley.

Vojera

It wasn't that disastrous, but I tried to make baked churros from someone's blog last weekend. I followed the recipe exactly but the batter was a sloppy mess, waaaay too thin to pipe, so I ended up having to add loads more flour to it to bind it all together. I ended up piping and baking them in the end, but the consistency was more biscuit-like than bread-like and I could snap them in half. Thankfully I had made far too much chocolate sauce, which helped them go down easier

I ended up finding another blog afterwards which had taken the recipe I used and modified it and they had the same issue I had and used a whole egg less. So at least I have the modified recipe to try again some weekend.

NOS3

BaZmO* wrote:

first and make sure you cook out the flour, then add the milk to make the sauce, and then finally add the chopped parsley.

That recipe makes a lot more sense. The cook book I was using was very vague about the cooking process. Thanks BaZmO*!

bee06

My husband was making stew last week and asked if a casserole dish we don't use very often (well used once) was ok to put on the hob. I said I'm sure it is, we did the last time anyway.

I was wrong. Cue the casserole dish cracking neatly all the way around about an inch from the bottom. Luckily we were able to transfer most of the contents before it started leaking.

Oryx

I have lost my sense of smell pretty much completely this last while and I didnt realise how much I depended on it when cooking. Ive burned pizzas and baking, turned the gas on and didnt smell it, and cant season anything cos nothing tastes right!

BaZmO*

bee06 wrote: »

My husband was making stew last week and asked if a casserole dish we don't use very often (well used once) was ok to put on the hob. I said I'm sure it is, we did the last time anyway.

I was wrong. Cue the casserole dish cracking neatly all the way around about an inch from the bottom. Luckily we were able to transfer most of the contents before it started leaking.

I did something similar recently. I had a really nice rectangular casserole dish that was great for lasagnes and the like. For some reason I thought it'd be ok to fry/brown something in it before putting it in the oven to roast, it wasn't. Was absolutely gutted that I had to throw it out.

I think you can you can only put casseroles dishes on direct heat (flame) if they're made of cast iron or some type of style or alloy. Ceramics just crack.

the beer revolu

Oryx wrote: »

I have lost my sense of smell pretty much completely this last while and I didnt realise how much I depended on it when cooking. Ive burned pizzas and baking, turned the gas on and didnt smell it, and cant season anything cos nothing tastes right!

Oh no.
I really hope it returns!

BaZmO, I have an African ceramic bowl and casserole dish that can go on direct high heat but, yes, generally ceramic won't survive it.

rubadub

seventeen sheep wrote: »

She called them prawn cakes

Reminded me of the tuna milkshakes I heard about in the fitness forum, weightlifter guys drinking them for protein.

deadlybuzzman wrote: »

A mate of mine decided he'd start to bulk up so tore into the tuna bigstyle. he came across a recipe on a forum for making a tuna shake by blending a can of tuna in milk......it was only after he made it and eventually made himself chug it down that he read more of the forum and realised the poster was only joking!

another poster in another thread did reckon they were alright.

the beer revolu

Bit of a disaster yesterday:mad:
I had some lovely leftover turbot so I decided to make fish cakes but me being me, I had to make them complicated and troublesome. I decided that a lemon scented parsley sauce in the centre would be lovely. (I have done this before and it is nice).

So, made the parsley sauce - infusing the milk with shallot, celery, carrot, lemon zest, fennel trimmings, thyme, bayleaf and peppercorns first (just for extra trouble). Peeled and steamed the potatoes. Riced the potatoes - this was the first bit of a problem. I had bought Lidl organic potatoes. I had never used them before and as they were quite waxy and wet at the same time my mash was too loose. I flaked my fish into the cooled mash and chilled it down enough to make patties. It was quite sticky but I managed to make the cakes with the sauce in the centre and once chilled again I was able to flour, egg and panko breadcrumb them. I left them overnight in the fridge.

During all this long process, I also grilled and peeled red peppers and grilled tomatoes with olive oil and garlic.

Next day I thought I just have to deep fry the fish cakes and keep them warm in the oven, pop the tomatoes in the oven, braise the fennel with orange juice, butter and wine, and warm the peppers in the microwave. All the hard work done. Stress free easy but impressive dinner.

I heated a small pot with oil, popped the first fish cake in, it turned a lovely golden colour and was retrieved without drama. Into the oven it went.
For some reason my other 4 fish cakes just would not brown in the oil. The oil was just as hot but the wouldn't form a crust or brown. Each one broke up a bit as I tried to turn them and remove them. They were a pale, greasy, sloppy mess. I still don't know what happened. I occasionally deep fry like this and have never had a problem before.

Even the one that had a lovely golden crust (see here's what I had for dinner thread) was way too sloppy in the centre with the sauce kinda mixed in with the wet potato and fish mixture. They tasted fine but were just all wrong.
After all the trouble I had gone to I was really cross and disappointed. Even the fennel wasn't really nice - tough and fibrous despite being cooked through.

The peppers and tomatoes were lovely, though.:o
Sorry for the overly long post - it was almost as much trouble as making the sh1te meal.

I'm baffled as to what happened with the deep frying.

Same oil as usual (sunflower)

spottybananas

That sounds like so much effort for fish cakes!

the beer revolu

spottybananas wrote: »

That sounds like so much effort for fish cakes!

Well putting parsley sauce in the middle was the only extra really.
Making fish cakes is a lot of trouble.

Mrs Fox

the beer revolu wrote: »

 Peeled and steamed the potatoes. Riced the potatoes - this was the first bit of a problem. I had bought Lidl organic potatoes. I had never used them before and as they were quite waxy and wet at the same time my mash was too loose.

I love Lidl organic potatoes. They're the only white potato I'd eat/cook these days. They're floury yet hold the shape, not at all waxy. I wonder if Lidl Cork stocks different organic potatoes than in Dublin/Kildare?

the beer revolu

Mrs Fox wrote: »

I love Lidl organic potatoes. They're the only white potato I'd eat/cook these days. They're floury yet hold the shape, not at all waxy. I wonder if Lidl Cork stocks different organic potatoes than in Dublin/Kildare?

These were melody variety.
Was more like pomme puree than mash.

Alun

The thing with the Lidl organic potatoes is that you never know what variety they're going to be, they could be anything, but they generally tend more towards the waxy end of the spectrum than the floury ones in my experience. Which is great for me as I can't cook very floury potatoes to save my life.

Minder

Made a chilli last night as there was mince in the fridge that needed using up. Finished cooking it at about 10.30pm and left out the beans and the bit of dark chocolate the completes it. Came home tonight and there was a half eaten bowl of pasta on the side. Mrs Minder had used my chilli for the kids dinner thinking it was spag bol. My daughter didn't eat much of it but didn't say anything. Junior gets fed his dinner as he's unreliable at the table, so he had the lot. Poor kids

maryfred

Wanted to do BBQ ribs,didn't boil them first,after 5 hours slow cooking,they were melt in the mouth texture wise, and tasted like a block of salt. Yuck! I managed 2,he managed 3.The rest went in the bin. I've never made that mistake before. And we were starving.

Photo-Sniper

Had a table of twenty for steaks the other night. The order w3nt something along the lines or 6 well done, 6 rare and 8 mediums. Lashed all 20 steaks on the flame grill and the asparagus delivery came two seconds later. Asked one of the commis to look after it and if I was late coming back from the cellar to send them out. " come on you know what your doing" I said. Got back up from cellar and food was sent. 4 minutes later every single steak was sent back because they were all well done. Never been so embarrassed in my life. Que 1 hour to fix the mess and the poor girls didn't get one euro tip. 150 euro worth of meat down the drain. Glad I'm my own boss in situations like that

martinn123

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

Had a table of twenty for steaks the other night. The order w3nt something along the lines or 6 well done, 6 rare and 8 mediums. Lashed all 20 steaks on the flame grill and the asparagus delivery came two seconds later. Asked one of the commis to look after it and if I was late coming back from the cellar to send them out. " come on you know what your doing" I said. Got back up from cellar and food was sent. 4 minutes later every single steak was sent back because they were all well done. Never been so embarrassed in my life. Que 1 hour to fix the mess and the poor girls didn't get one euro tip. 150 euro worth of meat down the drain. Glad I'm my own boss in situations like that

What about the 6 who ordered ''Well Done'', give them 2 for the price of 1. ??