Am I an Alcoholic or just lonely?

LadyGaa

I am a 40 year old female and hold down a challenging job but one that I ultimately enjoy. I love running and cycling and have done a number of races in both that I've loved.
I have moved around quite a lot due to work and don't have a lot of friends in Dublin at the moment. The old friends I have are very settled - partners, babies, own businesses or have moved away.
I am single for the last 2 years and have struggled to meet a suitable guy even through all my on-line dating attempts!
I realise I use alcohol to numb my loneliness and often drink a bottle of wine a night and I have drank more. I'm quite slight so it really impacts me. If I have something social on I won't even think about drink....or can have 1/2.
This year I've had 2 drink-related incidents that really scared me, I'm looking for help/advice from someone please.....I'm really afraid that I won't get off this path.
I have been to a counsellor and he was very right in recommending AA meetings to me, I just feel I can't do that at the moment......or maybe that is my utter denial of my problem.

Only you can make that call to be honest. Anyone else telling you is irrelevant because even when they do if you are an alcoholic your denial will stop you from hearing the truth until you can accept it yourself. For most people it is when dealing with every day stuff becomes an issue and the only way to get rid of the sadness/anxiety/depression is to have a drink. The social occasions that we used to live for become harder with drink because we are full of fear and the only way to rid of this is to get wasted, which in turn causes embarrassing situations. What follows is we decide to drink by ourselves to avoid these situations. There are many stages to alcoholism and everyone differs but from what you've said the reason for your drinking doesn't sound right & I think you know that you wouldn't have posted otherwise.

All I can say is do what you think is right for you and no one else, AA has worked for millions of people but it doesn't work for everyone. It really is up to you. Everyone deserves to be happy at the end of the day.

hubba

Hi ladygaa,

I agree with KaG that only you really know the answer to your question but I feel hope for you. From your post it looks like you are just going through a difficult phase, just turned 40, are single (nothing wrong with that ) , your support circle is a bit light and you are self medicating because you are unsure of where you are in your life.

The first thing I would do would be to get a handle on how you feel about your situation by reading a few books or seeing a counsellor (maybe a different one?). There's no reason to feel lonely, there are plenty of ways to spend your time doing something rewarding and meeting up with new people.

It is often a question of learning to feel some compassion for yourself, to look out for yourself like you would a child and stop comparing yourself to others who look like they have life sussed when no-one really knows what's going on with them.

You have shown by your job and taking part in races that you are a self motivator, can show discipline, work towards a goal and handle setbacks so I'm sure you can apply these strengths to this particular challenging time in your life.

Last word - in the meantime, mind yourself. Don't let yourself get in to vulnerable situations while you are sorting things out. You deserve better than that.

Keep in touch - there is lots of support here for you.

LadyGaa

Thank you so much KaG and hubba,
I really appreciate your advice. I haven't opened up to any friends about my situation as they all think I'm so capable and confident, that I wouldn't be drinking myself into oblivion a few nights a week on my own, I think the word "self-medicating" is very appropriate.
I bought some books yesterday to try and help me understand me better and the reasons for my actions, I feel like I'm sabotaging my life when I know ultimately I have so much potential - I just feel I have lacked the support to help me through the tough times, just someone to give you a clap on the back when you've achieved something or someone to give you a hug when you're down.....
Thanks again for your support and advice, I'm sure I'll be in touch.

ColmH81

LadyGaa wrote: »

Thank you so much KaG and hubba,
I really appreciate your advice. I haven't opened up to any friends about my situation as they all think I'm so capable and confident, that I wouldn't be drinking myself into oblivion a few nights a week on my own, I think the word "self-medicating" is very appropriate.
I bought some books yesterday to try and help me understand me better and the reasons for my actions, I feel like I'm sabotaging my life when I know ultimately I have so much potential - I just feel I have lacked the support to help me through the tough times, just someone to give you a clap on the back when you've achieved something or someone to give you a hug when you're down.....
Thanks again for your support and advice, I'm sure I'll be in touch.

Hi LadyGaa... I recently accepted I have an issue with alcohol and to be honest, I feel 1000% better for dealing with it.. I've been to a councillor, who has also recommended AA to me, and I'm going to my first meeting(hopefully on Monday)... I would recommend giving it a shot, if nothing else, it might satisfy your concerns..

But as the others have said, only you will know if you have an issue or not..

Hope it goes well for you..

stefan idiot jones

LadyGaa wrote: »

I bought some books yesterday

If you haven't already, Allen Carrs book was a lifesaver for me. The best eight pound I ever spent. Good luck.

LadyGaa

I read nearly all of a book today called Almost Alcoholic - it looks at people who are alcoholic and people who aren't quite but are very close. A lot of the traits for both resonated with me and encouraged me more to seek advice and help. It's not just a book outlining the scary facts, the second part of the book offers solutions including a chapter on Changing Routines and also Coping with Loneliness. I got a lot out of it even though I haven't finished it.
I don't know if I'm thinking too big as I know one of the AA lines is "One Day at a Time" but there are 100 days left until the New Year (scary I know)......I want to take these 100 days and really discover who I am, want not to drink for that time and live my life. Today as Day 1 has been great (esp with the Dublin win!!) and I feel very motivated and strong!
Maybe One Day at a Time though?

ColmH81

LadyGaa wrote: »

I read nearly all of a book today called Almost Alcoholic - it looks at people who are alcoholic and people who aren't quite but are very close. A lot of the traits for both resonated with me and encouraged me more to seek advice and help. It's not just a book outlining the scary facts, the second part of the book offers solutions including a chapter on Changing Routines and also Coping with Loneliness. I got a lot out of it even though I haven't finished it.
I don't know if I'm thinking too big as I know one of the AA lines is "One Day at a Time" but there are 100 days left until the New Year (scary I know)......I want to take these 100 days and really discover who I am, want not to drink for that time and live my life. Today as Day 1 has been great (esp with the Dublin win!!) and I feel very motivated and strong!
Maybe One Day at a Time though?

Defo stick with the one day at a time... Otherwise it could become too daunting... But stick with it... Fair play...(also, have a read of Slash's autobiography..helped me lots and lots like jelly tots)

oneforthe maybenot

LadyGaa wrote: »

I am a 40 year old female and hold down a challenging job but one that I ultimately enjoy. I love running and cycling and have done a number of races in both that I've loved.
I have moved around quite a lot due to work and don't have a lot of friends in Dublin at the moment. The old friends I have are very settled - partners, babies, own businesses or have moved away.
I am single for the last 2 years and have struggled to meet a suitable guy even through all my on-line dating attempts!
I realise I use alcohol to numb my loneliness and often drink a bottle of wine a night and I have drank more. I'm quite slight so it really impacts me. If I have something social on I won't even think about drink....or can have 1/2.
This year I've had 2 drink-related incidents that really scared me, I'm looking for help/advice from someone please.....I'm really afraid that I won't get off this path.
I have been to a counsellor and he was very right in recommending AA meetings to me, I just feel I can't do that at the moment......or maybe that is my utter denial of my problem.

my two cents, and i wont claim it to be my own but it makes sense, is simple and doesnt have any mumbo jumbo behind it...if you think there's a problem, there probably is, and more to the point, if you are unhappy with your drinking then it needs addressing. it's not about quantities, its about reliance and behaviour...so you have 2 different people, one drinks every week quite regularly but is rarely drunk and you have the other who promises him or herself one day a year where they will drink themselves into oblivion, but the quantity they drink is minute compared to their regular drink pal i mentioned...who's got the issue with alcohol? its fairly obvious.

check AA out, its no big deal, i think the biggest worry is that you'll be among scruffy down and outs, losers and generally the dregs of society...in reality, you'll meet doctors, lawyers, teachers and every professional imaginable...fair few bums knocking about too though lets be honest just remember, its no big deal and nobody will blink an eye at you.

if it works, great, if it doesnt, there are plenty of other options. one thing i would say is, you are in a vulnerable position, dont get sucked in too easy, go in with an open mind and make your own decisions whether its for you. it wasnt for me. you've answered your own questions, you're not happy about your drinking and thats all that counts...you need to do something about it. good luck...you are doing it at the right time and sound like you have plenty in your life to succeed...

santana75

Op it sounds to me like you have a dependency more than flown blown alcoholism. Heres a test to see where you stand, give up alcohol completely. If that scares the life out of you and you cant give it up, then thats a problem and maybe AA is the way to go. But if you can knock it on the head, even though its a bit difficult(but not impossible)to do so then you're using alcohol to comfort yourself. Either way, you'll only ever truly know what drives your drinking if you stop. This in all likelihood would force you to face painful feelings but they're just feelings, they wont kill or harm you, the opposite is true in fact, feeling them, letting them do their thing, will make you feel great, and then your dependency will be gone.
Have you ever read "Solemate" by Lauren mackler? I think it could be a lot of help to you.