Course changing advice

ynwa14

I dont know if this is the right forum to post it in so I'm sorry in advance if I got it wrong!

Anyway, I'm having a bit of a crappy time at UL. I know its only been a few weeks but I havent slept in a week because I'm so miserable there. I'm very socially awkward (getting a bit more comfortable) but thats been a challenge for me, especially with going to lectures and stuff because I get lost easily and I'm too shy to ask people where to go, and the anxiety of that has made me miss class. I keep going home earlier than Friday because of how miserable I am. I dont know what exactly contributed to this, but I'm far away from home, have no friends, find the trek into and around college quite draining because it gives me so much time to freak out about everything, I've had problems with housemates and feel like I'm being pressured into drinking and stuff. Like I dont drink and I hate going out, I tried it during freshers and orientation weeks but I hated it, I was overwhelmed and everyone went off and got hammered and started doing unspeakable things to strangers, so since then I havent ventured out much but I keep getting hounded by certain people in my house about why I dont drink and why am I being so "dry" (I think that means boring but if someone could enlighten me it'd be great). I'm not happy in my course either as it isn't what I'm passionate about/motivated to do and its not something that makes sticking out my situation worth it.

I understand if I drop out I lose my grant and cant reapply for one for a few years, but if I try stick it out a year do I qualify for one when I reapply to a different college? I know I need to do something more practical than my current course and something that I love so I'm gonna gather up the courage to audition for Drama and Theatre studies courses, which is the only thing I would frankly run over broken glass for the chance to study and learn about. My first choice would be the course in cit, my best friend wants to start there next year too and it would be a lot easier on us as she doesnt feel like she's ready to move out and I've had a bad experience living with strangers, so we could face that together. Would it be viable for me to apply and be safe in the knowledge I could get my grant?

Is there anything I could do to better my situation in the mean time? Is there no way around the dropping out thing? I can't see it getting better and everyone else I know seems to be having a great time, and I cant even immerse myself in my course because I dont like it and I'm too uncomfortable in Limerick cause this is my first time here. Help?

highlydebased

If you drop out ASAP, possibly before the end of the month, you WONT lose your grant. There is a cutoff date, usually the start of October. If you stay past that date you will have to pay full fees and lose your grant- so you'll need to act fast if you are 100% certain you want to leave.

The only thing I'll say about the rest of your post is, it does get better in time. The first couple of months not to mind weeks can be difficult and a huge number of people find it hard to adjust to it- so you're not alone, It is a massive transition Have you considered joining a club or society? You would be almost guaranteed to find likeminded people there. Have you considered investigating if you can move house (if you're living on campus this could very probably be done).

You'll have to bear in mind though that if you leave UL and go elsewhere to pursue a different course, college culture may not be a whole lot different. But like I said, it will get better. You can't leave yourself think everyone is having a great time going off drinking shifting etc etc because not everybody is.

Finally you should consider seeking a listening ear from the counselling department- it will offer you alot of perspective and will help you make sense of your situation.

Good luck!

Chimaera

I've had problems with housemates and feel like I'm being pressured into drinking and stuff. Like I dont drink and I hate going out, I tried it during freshers and orientation weeks but I hated it, I was overwhelmed and everyone went off and got hammered and started doing unspeakable things to strangers, so since then I havent ventured out much but I keep getting hounded by certain people in my house about why I dont drink and why am I being so "dry" (I think that means boring but if someone could enlighten me it'd be great).

This is bullying, pure and simple, and a discipline issue. No-one is allowed make you feel this terrible about anything. I'd suggest reporting these bullies to the university discipline committee if it continues.

So with that out of the way, let's deal with the other stuff. College is a scary experience for everyone. It takes time to adjust, more so if you're a bit anxious or socially awkward but that shouldn't stop you. Like highlydebased said, try clubs and societies. If you're interested in drama, there's a drama society on campus. Have a look through the list on www.ulwolves.ie and see if there are any other clubs or societies that interest you.

You say you're not liking your course and you're not motivated/passionate about it and this is making all the other stuff harder. Are you sure about this? Why did you choose the course originally? Perhaps it's because all the other crap is wrecking your head that you feel like the course is crap too? But if you truly feel that it's not the course for you, that's ok too. Remember though that the college experience will be similar wherever you go: adjusting to that is part of life's journey.

I'd suggest getting an appointment with the counselling service first thing tomorrow and having a chat with them about all this. They run a drop-in service every day from 11:00-12:00 and 15:00-16:00 - you can pop in and ask to see a psychologist/counsellor without a prior appointment.

Look into moving house as well. It's not uncommon to find spare rooms popping up around the place at this time of year as people drop out after the first few weeks. If you're in on-campus accomodation, it should be straightforward to request a move. If you have gotten to know anyone on your course, see if any of them have spare rooms in their houses. Another option that's out there, though I'm not sure it's as common these days, is digs: living in with a family in the area. It's a less scary experience than a house share when you're new to the area and new to living on your own.

You're under a little pressure timewise because of cut-off dates for grants/fees/etc. but don't let that stop you investigating your options and making the right decision. SAA will be able to tell you exactly when the cut-off dates are: contact them tomorrow morning - once you know this deadline you can make a more informed decision about what to do next.

I'd encourage you to give UL a second chance - it's a fantastic campus with lots of great people around. You seem to have had a rough few weeks of it, but don't let that blind you to the positive. Good luck

ynwa14

Thanks guys, this has put my mind at ease. If I went to see a counsellor this week do you think they'd be able to advise me further about how to go about this? I'd be so anxious about going to the SAA and asking about it :S I think sticking it out for the year would be the best bet to secure I'd still have a grant and something to do this year, I'm just worried it wont get any better. I find going on campus hard and stuff because I dont know anyone else wanting to join the socs I'd be into, and going alone is very daunting

snausages

I think if you have it in your mind that the CIT course is a better fit than whatever it is you're doing then I'd be inclined to say go with your gut on that one. You definitely don't want to spend 4 years doing something you hate. But I get the sense that your course choice is sort of a secondary issue?

Subutai

A lot of good a advice has already been given here. It's important to make sure you know the cut offs for fees and grants, otherwise you risk paying upwards of 5 grand next year with no grant support.

If you are sure that the course you are in isn't for you, then it is probably best to leave sooner rather than later. Consider moving home for the year and trying to get work of some kind, even a ****ty minimum wage job could earn you quite a bit in savings before next year, which would go a long way to making your next college experience far more pleasant. A customer facing job will also give you a lot of perspective and a lot more confidence.

In Ireland we go to college too young. Don't be afraid to take the year to mature and taste the real world a bit. If you earn some money then that's great, but even if you don't you'll have had more time to consider your future away from the pressure cooker of the leaving cert. Take the time to read widely, look at your options for courses, you have to July to make a final decision on that.


Don't stay just because it seems to be the easier option right now, in the longterm if you end up in a course you don't want to be in it's a lot harder than a one year delay.

Chimaera

ynwa14 wrote: »

Thanks guys, this has put my mind at ease. If I went to see a counsellor this week do you think they'd be able to advise me further about how to go about this? I'd be so anxious about going to the SAA and asking about it :S I think sticking it out for the year would be the best bet to secure I'd still have a grant and something to do this year, I'm just worried it wont get any better. I find going on campus hard and stuff because I dont know anyone else wanting to join the socs I'd be into, and going alone is very daunting

Yes, the counselling service can provide advice but they won't tell you what to do: that's still your decision.

You may be able to find out about the cut-offs from other sources but there's no guarantee the information will be valid. SAA aren't that scary a bunch - the hardest part is queuing for ages! You can also email them, but it'll take them a few days to get back to you. SUSI might also be able to tell you what the situation is with the grant.

C&S are mostly a good bunch too. If you're nervous about turning up on your own, how about sending an email to the committee of any that you're interested in? Arrange to meet someone one-to-one rather than turning up to a big group on your own.

Pai Mei

As regards the going to clubs and socs on your own I wouldn't be so worried about it. The C and S's I joined I went on my own to. I didn't know anyone else there and didn't know anybody else who were going to them. However I wasn't alone, many others didn't know others there and its easy to fall into a group of people who all came alone :P You're not the only one struggling, in fairness I'm finding it pretty difficult myself but the main thing is to try to relax and hopefully you'll settle into things in the future.

ynwa14

Thanks for all the help guys I've considered my options and decided university isnt for me just yet, so I've sent off my exit form. Its been hard but since I'm not losing anything I think I need the year to mature!

jamzy8989

Yea,

I agree with above. the counselling service could be something you might benefit from. Their drop in times are monday-friday 11-12 and 3-4.

In reagards your grant, you can drop out of UL within the first 6 weeks which means your grant will be refunded back to SUSI. This would not effect you re applying to SUSI next year unless your circumstances change.

Again, I agree with above, the transitioning to college can be quite difficult, especially if alcohol isn't a large part of how you socialise. C and S would be a good outlet for you! Also, if you manage to go to the counselling service in UL, you could try ask about connect. This is a mentoring service which would link you up with someone who knows the UL campus. So if your having trouble finding your way around UL, they could help you!

Best of luck on the outcome of everything and let us know how you get on!