Bipolar mother needs urgent mental health assistance

LittleMissLost

Just a bit of background info:

My mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been hospitalised a few times. She was hospitalised for a couple of days at a time after 3 suicide attempts (2003-2008) and once in 2009 for a manic episode.

In 2009, after much hassle she went in 'voluntarily' I.e. if she didn't go in voluntarily then she would be sectioned. She stayed in for 2 days, agreed to take her medication and was out and back to practically the way she was again straight away. The only difference was that the community mental health nurse visited her more often to 'make sure she was taking her medication' , which she wasn't doing properly. However she was lucid enough to keep the services at bay while flitting in and out of hypomania.

Recently, things have gone out of control. She has completely stopped taking her medication, is delusional, extremely paranoid, possibly having hallucinations (I'm not sure about this) and generally making everyone else's lives a living hell. She rants and raves to everyone, is so angry, shoplifts, constantly talks about conspiracy theories and all sorts of nonsense to everyone and anyone she meets and countless more things.

I'm extremely worried for her welfare and the welfare of my two brothers (both aged 11) who live with her 50% of the time. They live with their father the other 50% of the time. I am 20 and living away in university and am so so worried about my brothers welfare and for her welfare too.

I contacted the local mental health social worker who visited her, agreed that she needs to be sectioned, made the application to the GP but here lies the issue. The GP either didn't make the application to have her brought to the hospital or was unable to make the assessment. I do not know because the social worker can not tell me because of her confidentiality or whatever. He does agree that 'something needs to be done' but I fear this is a very loose statement.

I'm just at my wits end and have no one to turn to for advice or support.

I don't mean for this post to sound heartless, but she really really needs help! I love my mother (the real mum) so so much and I know that if she knew the amount of pain she was causing me and my brothers and others then she would feel so guilty and shameful.

I just need to know what to do. I am sick with worry and just need some help. If anyone has any sort of advice or anything that I can do I would appreciate it so much..

Call Me Jimmy

I have experience of this illness (not myself) but as you know it is very serious indeed. You must continue for want of better word to 'hassle' the social worker to try the GP again or another GP. If she is not taking her medication she could seriously become a danger to herself and others.

Best of luck.

Merkin

OK well there obviously has been some breakdown in the chain of communication and if she is in a bad way you don't really have time on your side. Can you contact the GP directly?

In the more immediate term then I would advise you to go over to the Long Term Illness forum where there is a thread on depression where there are some very helpful people who have bipolar specifically and can advise you accordingly.

It's such a sad condition but it will make all the difference if you can expedite the help she needs now before it becomes really bad

coolhandluke

I have dealt with similar issues, does your mother have health insurance ?


If not, i would advise you to put the pressure on the gp and tell them you will hold them responsible for anything that happens to your mother or brothers for their failure to act.

IMHO your mother has gone well beyond the point of hospitalisation...........can you talk to her, would see sign herself in voluntarily if she told her she is not well and needs help......in my experience people with bipolar know there is something wrong, but they need someone to explain it to them.

maybe get her into A&E and to see the duty psychiatrist, make it their problem as well as yours......

Most of all, best of luck.....i know it's very tough.

LittleMissLost

Thank you both for your replies.

I have rang the mental health social worker at least three times per week over the past three weeks, he is very nice and reassuring, but since he has been to the house and made the application to the GP (on Monday) which went wrong somewhere there is 'nothing more he can do for now' apparently. Because of confidentiality our conversations are very vague and I don't really understand what he's saying. In ways I think he's trying to fob me off? I'm not sure though. things can not be left the way they are, it's critical, and I can not see the reason why the GP will not just sign the form to have her brought to the hospital.

I spoke to the GP directly a couple of weeks ago and he basically just said 'she needs to take her medication'. An obvious statement. But she's not going to do that voluntarily, in fact the last I've heard she's making a case against the pharmaceutical companies and mental health people because she's not sick and they're only trying to 'dumb her down' and stop her from 'seeing the truth'. She also recorded her last appointment with the consultant psychiatrist to 'prove her case'.

LittleMissLost

coolhandluke wrote: »

I have dealt with similar issues, does your mother have health insurance ?


If not, i would advise you to put the pressure on the gp and tell them you will hold them responsible for anything that happens to your mother or brothers for their failure to act.

IMHO your mother has gone well beyond the point of hospitalisation...........can you talk to her, would see sign herself in voluntarily if she told her she is not well and needs help......in my experience people with bipolar know there is something wrong, but they need someone to explain it to them.

maybe get her into A&E and to see the duty psychiatrist, make it their problem as well as yours......

Most of all, best of luck.....i know it's very tough.

Hi sorry I posted the last reply before I saw this. No she doesn't have health insurance but she does have a medical card. Yes you're right I should put pressure on the GP, I have to get over my anxieties around ringing him. How should I go about it though? Should I write to him? Phone him? The last time this happened I was under 18 so hadn't much of a say, the other person who stepped in at the time 'threatened' the GP with holding him responsible for consequences to the twins etc and he did not react kindly to this, instead he sided with my mother that this person was 'out to get her' and refused to sign her in on the grounds of conflict of interest. Since I'm over 18 now, I need to take the right approach with this GP.

Can I just ask what you mean by 'IMHO your mother has gone well beyond the point of hospitalisation.' - do you mean that you think she doesn't need to be hospitalised?

No I literally can't talk to her. She will not believe anything I say. I have tried approaching it from every angle but she is having none of it. I would literally need to physically restrain her and drag her to an A&E which just isn't humane nor practical, nor safe for my own physical and mental health..

All I want is for her to get better and the only way I feel this can happen is if she is in a hospital, stabilised on meds and educated about the illness and it's effects and offered CBT or some type of therapy to help her cope with the consequences and cope in the future and all. I literally have no one to help me with this and am not coping very well myself..

coolhandluke

LittleMissLost wrote: »

Hi sorry I posted the last reply before I saw this. No she doesn't have health insurance but she does have a medical card. Yes you're right I should put pressure on the GP, I have to get over my anxieties around ringing him. How should I go about it though? Should I write to him? Phone him? The last time this happened I was under 18 so hadn't much of a say, the other person who stepped in at the time 'threatened' the GP with holding him responsible for consequences to the twins etc and he did not react kindly to this, instead he sided with my mother that this person was 'out to get her' and refused to sign her in on the grounds of conflict of interest. Since I'm over 18 now, I need to take the right approach with this GP.

Can I just ask what you mean by 'IMHO your mother has gone well beyond the point of hospitalisation.' - do you mean that you think she doesn't need to be hospitalised?

No I literally can't talk to her. She will not believe anything I say. I have tried approaching it from every angle but she is having none of it. I would literally need to physically restrain her and drag her to an A&E which just isn't humane nor practical, nor safe for my own physical and mental health..

All I want is for her to get better and the only way I feel this can happen is if she is in a hospital, stabilised on meds and educated about the illness and it's effects and offered CBT or some type of therapy to help her cope with the consequences and cope in the future and all. I literally have no one to help me with this and am not coping very well myself..

If my mother was where you describe now, i would have her in hospital long ago, now fortunately my mother will listen to me and with private insurance it is easier to get your relatives into a mental health facility.

I have also found my mothers gp less than useless, but i can ring the hospital directly and have her admitted (voluntarily) by the duty phys, due to previous battles we have fought with them trying not to admit her.

Does your mother have any history/records in a mental health facility, can you contact them directly ?

You are going to have to put it up to the gp, tell them you will make a complaint about their behaviour, if they do not do what is best for your mother/brothers.

In my experience once a bipolar patient reaches a certain stage the only option is hospitalisation, and from what you describe your mother is well past that stage.

IMHO, it is totally unacceptable that your mothers gp is allowing her to remain in a state that is clearly unfit for her and your brothers, she needs some short term medical intervention to get back on track.

LittleMissLost

I know where you're coming from and I do feel so guilty that she's not in hospital but it's not my fault! Unless she goes in voluntarily then she needs to be sectioned which I'm willing to do but I need the GP on board which he's not for whatever reason!

Yes the hospital would have records , but they can't just come out and take her from the house and bring her to the hospital on my word without having the 'any other person' (me or the mental health social worker), and GP on board.

I have lost faith in everyone, her parents and siblings have cut all contact with her and it seems to me like the services are waiting for some sort of catastrophe to happen before they do anything

Merkin

If I were you I'd actually go and see the GP, tell him everything and ask him to arrange an admission.Write down how bad it has become so you cover everything you need to say.

coolhandluke

LittleMissLost wrote: »

I know where you're coming from and I do feel so guilty that she's not in hospital but it's not my fault! Unless she goes in voluntarily then she needs to be sectioned which I'm willing to do but I need the GP on board which he's not for whatever reason!

Yes the hospital would have records , but they can't just come out and take her from the house and bring her to the hospital on my word without having the 'any other person' (me or the mental health social worker), and GP on board.

I have lost faith in everyone, her parents and siblings have cut all contact with her and it seems to me like the services are waiting for some sort of catastrophe to happen before they do anything

The one person who is not at fault is you........if her gp is refusing to act, then put your mothers actions on paper and tell them you have no option but to complain to the medical council for their failure to act in your mothers best interests.

Is there an older relative/friend you could get to go with you to the gp ?

I'm surprised her relatives have cut ties, it's not your mothers fault either.....but allowing the disorder to develop only makes things worse in my experience.......speedy intervention works best imho.

Your mother is being failed by the system, you are trying to help her........

LittleMissLost

coolhandluke wrote: »

The one person who is not at fault is you........if her gp is refusing to act, then put your mothers actions on paper and tell them you have no option but to complain to the medical council for their failure to act in your mothers best interests.

Is there an older relative/friend you could get to go with you to the gp ?

I'm surprised her relatives have cut ties, it's not your mothers fault either.....but allowing the disorder to develop only makes things worse in my experience.......speedy intervention works best imho.

Your mother is being failed by the system, you are trying to help her........

Yes I think you're right, I think my only option will be to visit the gp in person. I live and dublin and she's the other side of the country, and one has to have physically witnessed the person within 24 hours of making the application to the GP so I'll have to go and visit her (which I'm dreading) and then go out to the GP. I haven't actually seen her since August.

No there are no older friends or relatives that would come with me, her parents and siblings have cut all contact since 2009, her first manic episode. they think she brought it all on herself and is a bad person. At the time I was 16 so it was a really awful time, she had 'kicked me out' of the house (for no reason) and I didn't have the power to have her signed in because I was under 18.

I think there is a possibility that the mental health social worker could do it with me, hopefully anyway, I'd hate to have to do it all on my own, plus logistically it would be a nightmare. I'll have to get onto him next week.

neemish

It doesn't have to be her own GP who makes the application for involuntary admission. You can request any doctor to make it. Maybe your GP would be more understanding?

Or if you go home and there is an emergency over the weekend, you could contact the out or hours service?

Neither of these are ideal IMO but if you feel it's urgent are worth considering.

neemish

Oh, and you can make the application to the doctor - doesn't have to be the social worker


This may be of use to you
http://www.mhcirl.ie/Service_User_Information/Service_User_Information/Your_Guide_to_the_Mental_Health_Act_Version_2_Final_-_March_2009.pdf

LittleMissLost

Thank you for your reply, I actually don't really have my own GP, I did have a medical card (it's expired) but haven't visited the doctor 'at home' in years so don't have any relationship with any GPs in the area unfortunately.

I think I'll have to get the mental health social worker to come with me to a GP, be it hers or another one. I have no means of transport otherwise and she lives in quite a rural part of the country with minimal public transport unfortunately.

Hopefully he'll do this with me next week otherwise I have no idea as to what I can do.

LegacyUser

Would your brothers' father help you with this at all? Obviously he is going to want the best for his kids so surely he wants her stable. I've been through something similar at your age and no disrespect intended at all but this is a huge responsibility for you to take on on your own at the age of 20. You need to get at least one other (older) adult on board not just for this instance but in general. I'm surprised at your mothers family, surely they'd be willing to help for the sake of the children even if they no longer have a relationship with her?

Reach out to someone to help you with this, I speak from experience, this is too much pressure for someone to have to deal with alone.

LittleMissLost

daftanddirect wrote: »

Would your brothers' father help you with this at all? Obviously he is going to want the best for his kids so surely he wants her stable. I've been through something similar at your age and no disrespect intended at all but this is a huge responsibility for you to take on on your own at the age of 20. You need to get at least one other (older) adult on board not just for this instance but in general. I'm surprised at your mothers family, surely they'd be willing to help for the sake of the children even if they no longer have a relationship with her?

Reach out to someone to help you with this, I speak from experience, this is too much pressure for someone to have to deal with alone.

My brothers' father is supportive to me however he can not do anything as they are married but separated and living apart for the past 6/7 years, and under the mental health act he is one of the people who can't submit an application.

Yes I'm really upset that her parents and siblings won't have anything to do with her. They call my brothers and I every now and again but last time she needed hospitalisation (2009) they refused to visit her or submit an application and have openly told me they don't want anything to do with her or her illness as it interferes with their own families and lives too much apparently..

I wish I did have someone to help me but unfortunately there is no one.

AineM2013

Hi there
Can I start by saying how strongly I feel for you right now. I have been in practically the exact same situation myself with my mother. I would not bother with the GP absolutely useless have us wrong advice and had no idea.
I went straight to treating psychiatrist and he totally understood the situation and made arrangements for admission right away...I managed to talk her into going in to hospital.
However I know that talking your mum into it may not be realistic. If the application the social worker made gets approved then the guards can become involved in difficult cases to get someone into hospital but only last resort.
I would also consider making a child protection notification re your brothers welfare saying their are at grave risk because of her mental state and this will give weight to her needing an admission. I also had to do this and I know a lot of people will think this would mean the kids would be taken away, well this did not happen, it meant my mother got the medical attention she needed and we as a family were supported through a tough time.
In my case I have become heavily involved in my mothers treatment plan something I woul strongly encourage you to consider or someone else close. The psych needs to hear about her ongoing symptoms from her family's perspective in order to make an informed decision re her ongoing treatment. In my case my mother was attempting suicide at least yearly and verging on involvement in the criminal justice system due to her actions. She also was not taking her meds properly so after sometime when she was in a good mind space we talked about a mood stabiliser depot (monthly injection). She has been on this for almost 5 years and in terms of her quality of life I have to say she is a lot more stable, happier and informed as in she now tells us when she is feeling low and sometimes requests an admission herself.
I know I have went on a bit here but please if you have any questions let me know. Wishing you all the best on this journey with your Mum xx

TonyHolland

You have a few options so heres some advise

http://www.mhcirl.ie/Mental_Health_Act_2001/Statutory_Forms/Form_6_Revised_01_12_2011.pdf

This is form six. You need a psychiatrist to fill this out. Get in touch with your consultant psychiatrist.

You can do this by ringing the approved centre which is the psychiatric unit your mother was admitted to before. Ask the nurse manager who the psychiatrist is for your catchment area. Ask when and where they have their outpatients clinic. Ring the psychiatrists secretary. You can get the secretary's number by asking very nicely for the contact number on the unit and stating that this is a serious issue and safety of children are involved. Arrange an appointment to meet the psychiatrist as a matter of urgency regarding on of his/her patients

Arrange to have a meeting with regards to your mother and her options. The psychiatrist does not legally have the right to disclose information to you, but you can arrange to meet him/her at there opd as a matter of urgency if they will and should oblige you.

If that doesn't work then you need to take these steps, by the way not a lot of people know of even use that often.

http://www.mhcirl.ie/Mental_Health_Act_2001/Statutory_Forms/Form_1_Revised_01_12_2011.pdf
This is form 1 for and involuntary admission. This form can be filled out by YOU

Now, you can be really cute and fill this form present it to your GP and they will then present it the the Appoved Centre, again this is the psych unit in you catchment area. If your GP in uninformed (as is sometimes the case) they may not be aware of this form under Under Section 9 of the mental health act (2001) This is a LEGAL document so if you present this they have to treat it accordingly.

You can also ring South Doc and get a doctor there to see your mother, get them to fill out forms if it is a matter of urgency

What I suggest you do is FAX the document to the approved centre and ring the unit, ask the manager to foreword the fax to the SHO (senior house officer) as a matter of urgency. They will be impressed or hate your guts for doing this!!

Another option worth exploring is this form
http://www.mhcirl.ie/Mental_Health_Act_2001/Statutory_Forms/Form_3_Revised_01_12_2011.pdf
section 9 & 12 of the mental health act.

If there's no talking to your mother and she is manic, dangerous whatever be the case, phone the guards print out the above form, get the Guards to send the form into the unit and bring her in on assisted admission. This isn't the nicest way but if your mother sees 4 Gardai showing up at her place, it might hit home the severity of her illness, granted if she is ill at all, the only person who can decide this, is the doctor and nursing staff dealing with admissions.

By the way does a community psychiatric nurse visit your mother? It would be of benefit to speak to him/her get their contact number from your mother or the consultant psychiatrists secretary, speak to them. Admission might not be the only option you know.

You've got to push this or your mother will remain in her current state and she will remain just a name in a folder in storage.

It sounds like your mother is very reluctant to engage with mental health services, often times patients who don't attend opd's are discharged back to their GP for treatment. They fall out of the system. Fair play for taking this on board. Keep knocking on the door and they will help her.



Hope this helps anyway....

PM me if you like or let us know how you get on. Should probably not disclose anymore about your family information in a public form as it is a sensitive and personal situation.

Brego888

Some very sound advice from Tony there.
What I would add to it is that form 6 is largely irrelevant to the op at the minute. No psychiatrist is going to complete that until the form 1-4 is done plus the form 5 by the gp.

OP fill in form 1 yourself and get a gp (any gp) to do form 5.
As Tony says above the assisted admissions team may be of use here too as the gardai generally take a hands off approach in these cases unless someone is in an immediate and obvious risk.

Also these things never run that smoothly. With you living in the far side of the country it's far from ideal so find out who is the local community psychiatric nurse so they can follow up on things if you have no success. The nature of making applications for involuntary admission really needs someone close by because often forms have to be redone due to timing issues/errors.

sam34

Brego888 wrote: »

Some very sound advice from Tony there.
What I would add to it is that form 6 is largely irrelevant to the op at the minute. No psychiatrist is going to complete that until the form 1-4 is done plus the form 5 by the gp.

OP fill in form 1 yourself and get a gp (any gp) to do form 5.
As Tony says above the assisted admissions team may be of use here too as the gardai generally take a hands off approach in these cases unless someone is in an immediate and obvious risk.

Also these things never run that smoothly. With you living in the far side of the country it's far from ideal so find out who is the local community psychiatric nurse so they can follow up on things if you have no success. The nature of making applications for involuntary admission really needs someone close by because often forms have to be redone due to timing issues/errors.

the op will have to see his/her mother before signing form 1, they can't sign it and fax it from the other side of the country without seeing their mother.

TonyHolland

sam34 wrote: »

the op will have to see his/her mother before signing form 1, they can't sign it and fax it from the other side of the country without seeing their mother.

Of course!

TonyHolland

TonyHolland wrote: »

Of course!

48hours

Brego888

sam34 wrote: »

the op will have to see his/her mother before signing form 1, they can't sign it and fax it from the other side of the country without seeing their mother.

Yeah of course. That's why I said it's not ideal living so far away and to get the CPN involved.

LittleMissLost

Thank you all so much for your replies, there has been some really helpful advice. I have heard some more reports about her behaviour from home over the weekend and I feel that it is critical that she is hospitalised ASAP. She's been telling other patients of her consultant psychiatrist that he is a bad/evil person and telling them to come off their medication right away. If this doesn't get them llistening then I don't know what will?! She has recorded interviews with the psychiatrist and is trying to take a case against the mental health services and pharmaceutical companies. The scary thing is is that she is clever. She knows how to cover up the symptoms when she has to and is cunning, manipulative and a very good liar. This is possibly the reason that the GP refused to make the application after receiving the form from the social worker.

I will ring the mental health social worker in the morning and see if there have been any developments. If I have to return for a day or two to try and get her in then I will.

I think the best course of action for me to take from reading the replies is firstly, ask the mental health social worker to visit her with me, ask him to come to the gp with me with some written evidence of her behaviours and try to convince him to make the application. In the meanwhile I will try to get a phone/real life appointment with the psychiatrist to try to explain to him how serious the issue is so hopefully if the gp submits the referral and assisted admission bring her in then he will have her sectioned so they can stabilise her on meds. I literally can not see any other solution to this. It's so upsetting.

Does anyone know if the community psychiatric nurse can do all of this if I explain to him/her the situation? Its not that I'm unwilling to do it, I will if I have to but it is very emotionally taxing and I am also in my final year of university in a course where missing lectures is not taken lightly..

Also I hate to have to consider this but how does one report to the social services about concerns for the welfare of children? I don't want my brothers to be taken from her but I am extremely concerned for their physical wellbeing while they are living there, as well of psychological of course. Perhaps as someone said above, an anonymous report to the social services might get the mental health services listening? I really don't know what to do..

XMASSmrstobe

Hi OP

Just to mention that most colleges have a free counselling service that can be useful for a rant. They can also get you granted leave of absences to cover time off etc. Its not ideal as the work has too be caught up on but from my own experience, approaching them and letting college know (maybe meeting course director) - even a little of the situation - can change the atmosphere and make being in college way more supportive. Best of luck.

Brego888

The CPN can absolutely do all that. As a psychiatric nurse myself im slightly biased but I would use them as your first port of call over the social worker as they should be pretty up to speed on the involuntary admission process.
The reality is you are probably going to have to go home to quicken this process yourself but because transport is an issue having a (hopefully decent) CPN on board will be of use.
As I said previously the process can take time so because you won't be home for long you'll need someone to follow up on it.

Sit down for an hour and start making phone calls to the following then you'll know where you stand better
- team psychiatrist
- CPN
- psychiatric social worker
- social services

The social services part isn't really my area but even though I understand your concerns regarding anonymity I wouldn't have a problem giving my name if it was my young brother I was worried about.

TonyHolland

LittleMissLost wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies, there has been some really helpful advice. I have heard some more reports about her behaviour from home over the weekend and I feel that it is critical that she is hospitalised ASAP. She's been telling other patients of her consultant psychiatrist that he is a bad/evil person and telling them to come off their medication right away. If this doesn't get them llistening then I don't know what will?! She has recorded interviews with the psychiatrist and is trying to take a case against the mental health services and pharmaceutical companies. The scary thing is is that she is clever. She knows how to cover up the symptoms when she has to and is cunning, manipulative and a very good liar. This is possibly the reason that the GP refused to make the application after receiving the form from the social worker.

I will ring the mental health social worker in the morning and see if there have been any developments. If I have to return for a day or two to try and get her in then I will.

I think the best course of action for me to take from reading the replies is firstly, ask the mental health social worker to visit her with me, ask him to come to the gp with me with some written evidence of her behaviours and try to convince him to make the application. In the meanwhile I will try to get a phone/real life appointment with the psychiatrist to try to explain to him how serious the issue is so hopefully if the gp submits the referral and assisted admission bring her in then he will have her sectioned so they can stabilise her on meds. I literally can not see any other solution to this. It's so upsetting.

Does anyone know if the community psychiatric nurse can do all of this if I explain to him/her the situation? Its not that I'm unwilling to do it, I will if I have to but it is very emotionally taxing and I am also in my final year of university in a course where missing lectures is not taken lightly..

Also I hate to have to consider this but how does one report to the social services about concerns for the welfare of children? I don't want my brothers to be taken from her but I am extremely concerned for their physical wellbeing while they are living there, as well of psychological of course. Perhaps as someone said above, an anonymous report to the social services might get the mental health services listening? I really don't know what to do..

It sounds like you really need to push this with the CPN rather than social worker. Leave the social worker deal with child protection claim and get in contact with the CPN. You really should contact the CPN. As the other lad stated-- A CPN with any profession can be excellent with their patients or ambivalent-- make sure that she brings here name up. The CPN attends a meeting with the psychiatrist weekly and you need to make sure your mother is being discussed.

Have a good conversation with the CPN instead of asking the social worker to deal with it, as it seems like he's not really getting the ball rolling at the minute. Ask the social worker for the CPN'S personal mobile and GET their attention. Hopefully your mother will get the best treatment available.

Also as you say, your mother is very good at 'covering' up her symptoms. Maybe her nurse doesn't have a clue?? Personal meetings with mental health professionals is the only real way to change your situation for the better. I fear things will not improve unless someone is actively involved with meeting with professionals, uncles aunts, grandmother fathers etc?? But your personal experience and what your community members have told you with re to the behaviour of your mother should be known to the team; so they can address the situation accordingly.

FueledbyCoffee

I'm sorry I have no advice to add but I just wanted to second the idea that you let your course director in college know what's going on - it's an awful lot for you to be carrying on your shoulders.

You are a very good person to be thinking of the younger siblings and trying to ensure the safety and well-being of everyone. Fair play to you and remember to take care of yourself as much as you can - I'm sure you are very stressed out with everything.