How often do you go out?

2xj3hplqgsbkym

How often would you go out with your partner or separately with friends?

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. 1 year old is not a great sleeper so I always worry and feel guilty if I ask anyone to mind her. 3 year old is quite easy to mind, goes to bed and sleeps no problem.

The last time I was out was beginning of august with friends; then maybe 2 months before that as a couple.

Just feeling a bit miserable at the moment about having no social life.

I know they are still young and obviously love them to bits, but still would like to go out too while I am still young(ish)!

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Oh just to add, I am 31 and most of our friends do not have kids which probably makes me envious if their social lives.

Moonbeam

I have a 4,2 and 8 month old and get out rarely but other then feeling a bit isolated I am used to it.
My kids are very good if I leave them and we have great babysitters but I find I miss out on a lot of social events ,mostly I miss the ability to run to the shop for milk when the baby is napping or kids are asleep.

Sligo1

Orlando Blue Shellfish wrote: »

How often would you go out with your partner or separately with friends?

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. 1 year old is not a great sleeper so I always worry and feel guilty if I ask anyone to mind her. 3 year old is quite easy to mind, goes to bed and sleeps no problem.

The last time I was out was beginning of august with friends; then maybe 2 months before that as a couple.

Just feeling a bit miserable at the moment about having no social life.

I know they are still young and obviously love them to bits, but still would like to go out too while I am still young(ish)!

Hi Orlando Blue Shellfish, I had my fella last November. And myself and OH would manage to get out say once every 3 weeks(ish).. For dinner to to pub etc. now we live in Dublin... And basically have managed to get out only once here since last November! My mum lives in the country and we go there for the weekend every 2/3 weeks. She is the only one we've ever left our LO with. So when we went down home we always managed to get out for a night. We were veeeeery lucky! I dont think there would be many couples were as lucky to get out as much as us after having a baby. We would always put LO down first before we went out. And he would sleep through (or wake after we were home). We'd stay out for around 3-4hours.

But now I'm pregnant again since june (6 months after having my first). We've been to the cinema around 2-3 times.... But when I'm pregnant i have no motivation to go out at night anyway. I know a few people who never get to go out after having kids as their familes are too far away to babysit. But I'd say it's very difficult for you if your LO is not a sleeper. You're still so young and I can totally understand you feeling a bit miserable! I would have got cabin fever around every 3 weeks or so and needed to get out. I'm 30 now.

pwurple

I hear you rosebud. We have drifted into a pattern of going out separately. I don't go out much when I'm pregnant anyway... The smell of drink and smoke makes me nauseous and I find it hard to awake past about 9:30. I've been pregnant in 2011, 2012, 2013 and coming up on 2014, so habits have changed in that time.

My husband plays 5-a-side football 3 weeknights a week, so that leaves tuesday and thursday for me to go out to cinema or with friends. Generally though, I don't, as a lot of my friends have kids, so our schedules rarely overlap. And if I did I wouldn't see him at all. I go for a quick walk on those days, with a local group, but that's about it apart from once in a blue moon.

We get a babysitter about twice a month and go out together with friends at the weekend for food or to their house for dinner. I'd say the only time it's just the two of us out is wedding anniversary.

Rose35

I try to meet up with my friends at least once a month, this doesn't always happen, our parents are great at offering to babysit but i don't always want to be bothering them, both work and looking after a one year old can be quite tiring, i would like to go out more with OH but it's not always possible, we have had a lot of weddings this year so my mum has babysat for all. And it's the tiredness the next day that kinda puts me off too, by the time 9pm comes around im usually ready for bed at that stage, yes sometimes i miss my old social life but life has moved on in another direction, but it is important too to let the hair down from time to time, I would have to trust someone enough to mind my little man, we had thought of getting the teenage girl down the road to babysit, she has offered but i don't know her that well, OH would like us to go out more together.

Hannibal Smith

We never go out as a couple any more. Last time was in August. We go out separately and the other babysits.

That said we have been away a few times this year by ourselves so I don't want to push it with my parents and babysitting. We don't know anyone in the area to suss out babysitters.

We do have a kind of date night every few weeks where we put the kids to bed...order in...bottle of wine...candles etc. But it would he nice to get out together.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Thanks for replies. It seems that most people are quite similar.

I would love to get a babysitter but think going out would work out too expensive then, as would have to pay 30 or 40 euro on top of money for going out for both of us.

My inlaws aren't too keen on babysitting and my family live about an hour and a half away.
I suppose it will just have to be like this for another few years.

Moonbeam

could you do a babysitting swap with a friend?

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Yes, that's a good idea. I sometimes bandit for a friend but as I said my one year old is a bad sleeper and my friend is always exhausted and absolutely loves her sleep so I wouldn't like to ask her.

Moonbeam

it is only for a few hours though so probably would not bother her.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Yes you are right I might ask her soon. Watch this space ....

skit490

Orlando Blue Shellfish wrote: »

Yes you are right I might ask her soon. Watch this space ....

Feel your pain on the not great sleeper issue. I have the same. N v attached to me so always wakes when im back and clingy for next few days. Its hard work.

m r c

Orlando Blue Shellfish wrote: »

Oh just to add, I am 31 and most of our friends do not have kids which probably makes me envious if their social lives.

Ok Orlando Blue Shellfish. I'm thinking you might be my dp lol prob not just saying lol

We have two,3-1 we are both 31. Most of our friends don't have kids. We never go out at all together or separate. Apart from in the last month we have had drinks out separate on two occasions.

Our situation is maybe a tad different. It's not exactly like we can't afford to go(we not super flush like) just more don't really want to leave them at night. Our youngest isn't fantastic at sleeping either she can be hard enough to get off and we'd never settle if we left them tbh.

Ya would miss out but you are more "normal" than you'd think.

How Strange

I think the babysit swapping is the ideal way to get out regularly even if it's just to go to the cinema during the week. We plan to start in jan or feb when friends of ours fund their feet with their new baby. They're in the exact same position and were delighted when I suggested it.

I agree that a babysitter just makes the night too expensive.

I haven't been out in about 5 months since A was born. My husband has been out a few times but breastfeeding has made it harder for me. We've a night out planned for 2 weeks time and my parents are babysitting for the whole night. I can't wait

Oral Slang

Same here. We've an almost 2 year old & I'm due our 2nd in 6.5weeks. We plan a good bit to go out, but usually end up not bothering as we don't have the energy. I'm always at my other half to go out & enjoy himself, as I just don't have the energy, but he doesn't bother usually.

We went out in August for my birthday for a meal & the cinema and it was lovely & had promised ourselves that we'd do it a few times more before the baby arrives, but alas it hasn't happened. Really gonna have to arrange it in the next week or 2. We do have sitters available, siblings & mothers, but its just getting the motivation to organise it.

We're 36 & 40, so a good few years older than you op, so have had our nights out over the years.

sok2005

It's been months and months since myself and my DH have got out! Babysitters are hard to come by. You get used to it, then you get pangs of wanting it so badly, then it subsides then its the old folks home :D

Sleepy

Even with friends we swap babysitting with, we probably only get out once a month or so and usually separately. Justifying the 50/60 euro for a night in the pub is just very difficult to do when you're a single income family.

We've gotten far more into the habit of having people over to ours and it does really limit your social life. I've very close friends I haven't seen for nearly 6 months at this stage and I'm starting to worry about losing those friendships if I can find ways to meet up with them soon.

Sunny Dayz

I have found that since our son got older we actually go out less! We had him young though so when he was a baby we went out a lot of weekends. Also myself and the other half weren't long together at the time so there was still a "date" element in the relationship. (In fairness to us our honeymoon period lasted a few years alright!). But once I hit mid twenties (he's a few years older) people stopped going out. If we were to go out just ourselves, one would have to not drink or pay a fortune for taxi. Nearly a year since we were last in a nightclub.

My parents are 15 mins away and do offer to babysit but they usually go out every weekend so I don't want impose. My sister was a teen when the young lad was small so she would stay in with him but now she's moved away.

We do go away for the odd night away. We used to go out for dinner or cinema but the young fella complains he's being left out! So it's easier (and sometimes nicer) to go out for a meal together or go to a kids movie.

wolfpawnat

I have a 4yo and a 10 week old, and the truth, I have not been out since before I got pregnant with the baby. With my partner or alone. It is sad some days, but what can you do. Tiny income and no family nearby means no time away from the madness.

krankykitty

I don't get out very often in the evenings but I try to meet up with my friends in the daytimes/weekends, bringing baby along

Mink

Have a 14 mth old and we get a night out with friends maybe every couple months. Mil minds him, we're very grateful to have her.

We've been to the cinema twice (although not til after he was a year old) and for that we just make sure baby tucked up in bed and get a local sitter to sit in while we nip off for a bite & a movie. He's generally a good sleeper at this stage so we feel a bit more confident about it now.

Aside from that, I find a good solution for socialising is have the friends come stay over and vice versa.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Thanks for all the replies. I suppose actually the real underlying problem is that my one year old is a bad sleeper. So if I concentrate on that, then I could, as you suggest, have friends over, ask people to babysit or get a babysitter.

Sleepy

Or develop a relationship between the one year old where he/she is okay to be settled back to bed by the friend / family member you'd be getting to babysit?

iguana

We went out once over Christmas when my son was 5 weeks old. Tbh I have absolutely no desire at all to spend time apart from him at the moment. On the plus side just about everyone we know all had babies at the same time, so I've had plenty of baby friendly social events to attend.

Neyite

We've had separate nights out, but only one together that was a proper date night in about 2 years. Almost as rare is the nights we have met friends together - maybe twice. Any other occasion is family get-togethers. We keep saying that we should do a date night more often, but its hard to find the money and the time.

We lost interest in the whole "going out" thing a bit before we became pregnant for the first time. So the impact of having a child did not hit us as hard. Since then we moved more towards throwing a monthly house party for our mates - who have also therefore discovered the joys of "In being the new out".

Coupled with a discovery of a love of cooking I find that house parties have turned into a monthly cook up for me where I basically throw a "dinner party" for anything from 6 to 30 people. Following which it then descends (ascends?) into a more standard house party. People inform me it is their best night "out" in the month and they look forward to it every time.

There are always options I guess - the trick is for each of us to find our own groove. But certainly - for the majority - having children should not be the death knell to any and all forms of social life.

We go out as a couple once a month or so. I go out with my friends and my husband with his once or twice a month.
I think it's important to get couple time away from kids to reconnect beyond being mammy and daddy.

Suucee

We've gone to the cinema once and 2 concerts since our 17 month old was born.
Other than that have had a couple of nights out for friends partys (normally at there house).
Ive gone out id say about 4 times on my own with my ftiends where as OH has probably gone out a bit more. Although im pregnant with no2 so havent the energy or even want to go anywhere or do anything in the evenings.

Jiggers77

Me and the OH have a little boy with ADHD so no one is happy to take him on. It's been about two years since we had a night out together. Both are families aren't nearby for babysitting duty and there's no one else we can leave the little fella with. We both get out seperately once or twice a month with our mates

racso1975

I always find that getting the babysitter is one thing. Getting up at 6.30 hungover is a different ball game!!!! Need to find an all night baby sitter :-)