Long termers TTC

dreamstar

Tinkerbell 03 wrote:

Thanks dreamstar...sorry for your loss xxx yeah I know men deal with things differently... I know he is in pain too...I do feel so alone...I have tried to be really positive but lately feel deflated...I have no one to talk too...its like a silent grief...thanks for reply though xxx

Oh Tinkerbell I know it's hard. And there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better. I've been there - but in time it gets a little easier.

Is there nobody you can talk to about this? A close fried / relative? When I started opening up to people I couldn't believe how many people had been in similar situations.

TomeeTipee

Tinkerbell 03 wrote: »

Hi all...first time post here...TTC 5 years had 1 miscarriage 2 failed IVF ...don't know what to do... Hubbie can't even talk about it...

Tinkerbell, so sorry to hear what you have been through. We are in a similar situation. Also ttc about 5 years. In the early days of ttc i had a number of miscarriages, but in the last few years our fertility seems to have gone way downhill and we've been through 5 rounds of ivf with no success. Miscarriages are hard enough to deal with and adding in ivf failures just makes it so much worse. Please feel free to talk about if here if you want. My hubbie is the same, he just doesn't want to talk about ivf any more, he feels like we should just give up and accept that we can't have children. So I try to talk to friends or vent on here instead of bringing it up with him all the time. I don't know what we will do next, so I do understand how hard it must be for you as well.

Hollywood, great to see that you started. The nasal spray is the worst!! I hated the taste of it. Always preferred the injections, so hopefully you will fly through that stage.

Stickybean, i've a very irregular cycle at times, so feel your pain. Hopefully AF turns up soon. All the waiting drives me mad!

Hollywood130

So sorry to hear that Tinkerbell. Men do totally deal with things differently than us, they seem to bottle everything up and not want to talk about it at all, while we need to talk about it. Have you had a consult with your clinic to see what happened or what step can you take next? It titally is a silent grief, you should definitely talk to some friends about it, I tell one of mine everything and even though she hasn't been through it she still can offer some helpful advice... Everyone on here is really supportive so at least you have all us to talk too... Hope you are ok x

Tinkerbell 03

Thanks so much for your replies it means so much xxx sorry to hear of your losses too xxx and of the ivf journeys...its tough... I live abroad so don't really have anyone that close that I could confide in...anytime I talk to friends at home they are saying stuff like any sign of the pitter patter of feet...its like a punch in the stomach when I hear it...i dont feel brave enough to say it out loud yet that we are struggling...doctor says to try again...not sure we can do it again emotionally...am glad I found you gals to chat to xxx sending hugs xxx thanks for your kind replies...

dreamstar

Don't worry Tinkerbell. Give yourself time and be good to yourself. Sometimes it helps to actually acknowledge that it is a tough situation and it's understandable that you find it hard. And always come here to vent when you need to! Xxx

stickybean

Aw Tinkerbell, I'm very sorry for you lost angel, hope you are doing okay pet x

I always say it here, why is fertility such a taboo subject? Yet boob jobs are grand... it's a funny old world we live in...

My other half isn't great at talking, one night in a fit of frustration I lost it with him and asked him why doesn't he talk, I accused him of not caring and not really wanting this... after I had a big diva strop about how I was doing everything and he just sat back he very calmly said...

" The reason I don't talk about it, the reason I don't cry, the reason I seem to hold it together is because I need to be there for you when you, when you fall apart I want to be able to pick you up, when you need to talk I will listen. And when you do talk I fall apart inside, and it hurts. You are already doing so much I don't want to give you anything else to deal with, but trust me, I do care, I do want this but more importantly I want you to be happy"

And back in my box I got. Since then, I've been a bit more aware that even though he doesn't say anything, he does in his actions....

stickybean

Thanks Tomee, at this stage I am just going to the loo every hour to see if there is anything! We were due to start 2 weeks ago and I think stressing has caused a bigger delay in AF's arrival...

yellow hen

stickybean wrote: »

" The reason I don't talk about it, the reason I don't cry, the reason I seem to hold it together is because I need to be there for you when you, when you fall apart I want to be able to pick you up, when you need to talk I will listen. And when you do talk I fall apart inside, and it hurts. You are already doing so much I don't want to give you anything else to deal with, but trust me, I do care, I do want this but more importantly I want you to be happy"
.

He's a gem....I'd keep him.

stickybean

yellow hen wrote: »

He's a gem....I'd keep him.

Ah he's definitely not the worst! And the fact he puts up with my PMS, I would kill me....

Hollywood130

Aw Stickybean, that nearly had me crying, omg so so sweet, aw your a lucky girl xx

Tinkerbell 03

Thanks for sharing that stickybean xxx

Tinkerbell 03

We had a blow out last night... well I did so booked a flight to go home for 3 weeks... maybe bit of space apart might do us good... but I really don't know... Flights on Thursday aaarrrggghhh love him so much...

brokensoul

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

angeldelight

brokensoul wrote: »

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

I'm so sorry xx

Neyite

brokensoul wrote: »

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

Gentle hugs to you Broken. I'm so sad to hear that.

stickybean

Aw Brokensoul, I am so very sorry to read your sad news this morning. I hope you and you OH are doing okay xxx Be good to yourself pet x

brokensoul wrote: »

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

stickybean

Tinkerbell 03 wrote: »

We had a blow out last night... well I did so booked a flight to go home for 3 weeks... maybe bit of space apart might do us good... but I really don't know... Flights on Thursday aaarrrggghhh love him so much...

Sometimes a little break can do the word of good. Helps you to refocus xxx

dreamstar

brokensoul wrote: »

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

I'm so so sorry brokensoul. That's what happened to us and it was devastating. Hope you're ok. Be patient and kind to yourself. You will get through this.

dreamstar

Tinkerbell 03 wrote: »

We had a blow out last night... well I did so booked a flight to go home for 3 weeks... maybe bit of space apart might do us good... but I really don't know... Flights on Thursday aaarrrggghhh love him so much...

Are you ok Tinkerbell??? Maybe a break at home is just what you need. I know you have been having a tough time lately.

yellow hen

Brokensoul, I'm truly sorry that this has happened to you. Take care.

Tinkerbell, I hope you're ok. I sometimes find it hard to respond to the comments here as I haven't had the same experiences and my words feel very empty. A piece of my heart goes out to what some of the ladies here have had to deal with. Life is so very cruel.

Hollywood130

Oh my God Broken, I'm so so sorry xxx

Hope your doing ok Tinkerbell, space might be a good thing but maybe don't fly home without talking things through first x

Tinkerbell 03

Thanks sticky bean, yellow hen, dreamstar and Hollywood xxx

Tinkerbell 03

So sorry to hear that brokensoul truly am xxx

Tinkerbell 03

dreamstar wrote: »

Are you ok Tinkerbell??? Maybe a break at home is just what you need. I know you have been having a tough time lately.

Not really but didn't know what else to do...hopefully break will be good...

brokensoul

Tinkerbell 03 wrote: »

So sorry to hear that brokensoul truly am xxx

Thanks girl, sorry to hear about you too.

I know the toll this stuff can take on a relationship. I have found at times that emailing DH helps. Might sound weird to email someone you live with but I am not always the best at expressing what I am feeling and he is not always the best at knowing what to say when I am upset (I think he panics!) so when things have been really hard for me, I have emailed him to explain what is going on for me.

It allows me to actually put down on paper what I feel and process it a bit rather than just spewing out stuff and maybe not making sense and it allows him some time to take in what I am am feeling without feeling pressure to immediately respond to it/fix it/say the right thing.

Just a thought. xx

Tinkerbell 03

brokensoul wrote: »

Thanks girl, sorry to hear about you too.

I know the toll this stuff can take on a relationship. I have found at times that emailing DH helps. Might sound weird to email someone you live with but I am not always the best at expressing what I am feeling and he is not always the best at knowing what to say when I am upset (I think he panics!) so when things have been really hard for me, I have emailed him to explain what is going on for me.

It allows me to actually put down on paper what I feel and process it a bit rather than just spewing out stuff and maybe not making sense and it allows him some time to take in what I am am feeling without feeling pressure to immediately respond to it/fix it/say the right thing.

Just a thought. xx

Thank you xxx l actually wrote him a letter this morning full of kind words and love xxx

Lucyfur

Brokensoul, I'm so sorry

Denise2007

brokensoul wrote: »

8 week scan this morning. No heartbeat detected and no growth since 6 week scan.

Confirmation scan for D&C next week.

Devastated.

I'm very sorry. I experienced this late October last year and was devastating. Things will get easier, look after yourself and husband xxx

brokensoul

Denise2007 wrote: »

I'm very sorry. I experienced this late October last year and was devastating. Things will get easier, look after yourself and husband xxx

Thanks.

Did you have to have a D&C? If so, is it painful?

(obviously, don't answer if you are uncomfortable doing so)

Lucyfur

brokensoul wrote: »

Thanks.

Did you have to have a D&C? If so, is it painful?

(obviously, don't answer if you are uncomfortable doing so)

Ah chicken

Please don't worry about pain. Painkillers are there for a reason.

You can be a little crampy after a D&C, but nothing more than period pain.

My heart goes out to you xx

(sorry I know you didn't ask me specifically but I hate the thoughts of anyone being scared or worried about pain)