how many children did you want to have and how many did you have

lukesmom

Never wanted any but I now have three

Xidu

Always wanted 2 kids and one of each. And that's what we have now. We are just so lucky! :-)

Tombo2001

Siblings were very important to me growing up; my folks argued a lot and I think that meant that we relied on each other for company more as a result; particularly in our teenage years.

A second thing for me was the my brother died when I was a young adult. Which amongst other things, taught me that brothers and sisters mightnt necessarily be around when you get older. People can emigrate, or as in our case, they can pass away young.

A third thing for me is that like most new Irish parents, or many of them, we are starting our family quite late.....mid-30s. My grandmother had my mother when she was 22; by the time my grandmother died my mother was herself already an old woman. My point being, that my mother had my grandmother to fall back on for support for most of her life. That wont be the case for my kids as we started our family later. Therefore I am mindful that our kids will have a support network when we are dead and gone.

So those two things for me meant that it did focus my mind on how many kids I wanted, I wanted three kids, quite close in age.

SurferRosa

When I was younger I always wanted 5 kids. There's 9 years between my sister and I, and I always wanted more siblings. Therefore I always said if I ever have one child, I'd have another soon after.
I was eternally single though as a youngster and was giving up hope of ever finding love - never mind starting a family. Then at 24 I met my now husband, and was pregnant just over a year later. It all happened so fast. We had to learn a lot, and I suffered with post natal depression after my son was born. It put a bit of a strain on our relationship, but my husband was great and helped me through my issues before I got too bad.
Despite finding it tough, I asked if we could try for another when my son was 18 months old. I got pregnant straight away, and had another son. This time I knew what I was doing and bonded much better with son number 2.
After a year, I was getting broody again, it's so annoying as it defies logic. We don't have that much money, I'm always stressed, and struggling with anxiety issues, but still I longed for another, my husband wanted to wait ,but when son number two was 14 months, I got pregnant again ( one act of carelessness was all it took!)had a girl, and now I feel we're barely keeping our heads above water. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't change them, but the stress has not helped my anxiety, so I had to start seeing a therapist this year.
After 3 c sections, and breastfeeding over three years in total, I feel worn out, and think we're done now at 3.
That said, I'm relatively young at 31, and I'm afraid ill change my mind. My husband I'm sure wouldn't want another, but he's very laid back, so I'm afraid I might get broody again in the next few years, and he would be easy enough to persuade.In the meantime I'm focusing on my own issues, so that I can be a better mother to the ones I have.

I carried a watermelon

Honestly, if I could afford it, I would have a baby every year. I love being a mother. I have 3 girls aged 7, 3 & 1.5 years. I'm only 31 so who knows what the future holds.

Daisy M

Deleted User wrote: »

The girls and I decided on 4. They want two each. I am 34 and they are 32 and 26. Currently we have one child (3) with one on the way (just past the 14ish week mark now, yay). So I guess I am heading towards old age but the youngest has 8 years on me so not too late for her yet.

I can not imagine having more than 4 though. I think it would be overwhelming. I have no end of respect for those who have 6, 8 or even more and manage to do so without any noticable loss of sanity or health. I fully intend to get anything and everything snipped and/or tied in a not with relation to having no more after 4.

I'm very curious are you in a relationship with two ladies, how is that working?




I always thought four or five, we now have three and will not be having anymore. Financially we would have been very very stretched with anymore.

LegacyUser

I don't have children myself as I was never in a strong relationship to have children in.
I also saw one of my friends have a baby at 21 with a man who had more interest in the pub/drink than in her and the baby.

One of my friends always wanted a family but had problems in getting and staying pregnant.
She had one ivf treatment which worked and now has a 2 year old child who was very much wanted.
Some one I know recently had her 3rd boy and a number of people said to her you must be sorry you did not have a girl. She told me well if I go again I could have another boy and I need to consider the cost of raising the children I already have.

I was chatting to a friend of mine reccently about having children. She said that it has got expensive to raise a family and with the cost of sending them to college you need to consider this before having children.
I would also agree with Digs here that going for a girl/boy because you already have 1 or 2 of the same is dangerous game!
I have seen woman push there husbands/partners into having another child and they have ended relationships due to this.

MurdyWurdy

We both say we want 2 kids, preferably one of each. We have a 4 month old son and don't plan another one until he's about 2/3 but who knows what will happen?!

I have a funny feeling we'll have another boy, now that I have him it's just a feeling I have in my bones - That I'm destined to be the mother of sons! I also have a funny feeling that my husband will want a third when it comes to it he's far broodier than me!

lukesmom

I had my first at 21 and was not prepared. I didn't even have a bag packed for hospital. Then at 29 I got pregnant with my second and I just had another last year so that makes three . Three is the magic number for us and we are leaving it at that. I'm 33 now almost 34 and I've had enough babies invade my womb and live rent free there.

Ms2011

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

We both say we want 2 kids, preferably one of each. We have a 4 month old son and don't plan another one until he's about 2/3 but who knows what will happen?!

I have a funny feeling we'll have another boy, now that I have him it's just a feeling I have in my bones - That I'm destined to be the mother of sons! I also have a funny feeling that my husband will want a third when it comes to it he's far broodier than me!

I'm the exact same, we're gonna start trying for our second next year. All going well there'll be 3 years between our son & our next which I have a feeling will be a boy, I just can't picture myself with a girl.
That will be it then, two's company three's a crowd for us lol!!!

Suucee

Ms2011 wrote: »

I'm the exact same, we're gonna start trying for our second next year. All going well there'll be 3 years between our son & our next which I have a feeling will be a boy, I just can't picture myself with a girl.
That will be it then, two's company three's a crowd for us lol!!!

I got a shock last week when i found out no 2 is a boy was convinced we were having another girl im delighted but god i duno what to do with a boy . I suppose by march ill have got used to it. Boys clothes or sooo cute though. At least now i can look at both.

Moonbeam

I never pictured myself with girls,I have 2 and 1 boy and another on the way who I secretly hope is another boy:)

Sligo1

I wanted my first to be a girl (wouldve been happy either way as long as baby was healthy)... But just reeeeally wanted a girl. However, When I found out in scan I was having a boy I was delighted. Now I can't imagine having anything but boys! Our little fella is such a cute little guy that I'd be happy with a hundred of him! I'm pregnant now with a girl on the way. I'd like to have 4 and initially OH was in agreed... But now hes trying to talk me into just the 3 (if we are fortunate to have more). I'd say that's more because I'm a handful when I'm pregnant! Lol. I hate being pregnant... But I'd go time and time again as the result is so worth it!

MurdyWurdy

Moonbeam wrote: »

I never pictured myself with girls,I have 2 and 1 boy and another on the way who I secretly hope is another boy:)

Congrats

DK man

Two girlies 7 & 4. Would have liked more but my view was not shared by my wife. She is 41.5 so I more or less have given up and now.
Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

Howard Juneau

We wanted 3, started trying & had no luck. Had to go down the ivf route. 6 failed attempts, then on the 7th we had a daughter.
We won't try for another, it's been a long struggle to have one & truth be told, we're more than happy with our little bundle

Daisy M

Daisy M wrote: »

I'm very curious are you in a relationship with two ladies, how is that working?

Quite well. So far. We are around the 10 year mark.

What a second baby will do to the whole situation is anyone's guess. But I am rooting for a son this time. Because right now the ratio is 3:1 against me and I could use some back up!

nikpmup

Howard Juneau wrote: »

We wanted 3, started trying & had no luck. Had to go down the ivf route. 6 failed attempts, then on the 7th we had a daughter.
We won't try for another, it's been a long struggle to have one & truth be told, we're more than happy with our little bundle

Congratulations, IVF is a tough route x

Ms2011

DK man wrote: »

Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

Speaking as a big daddies girl I wouldn't be so sure, I ring my Dad far more than my Mam we've always been v.close & hold the same interests even more than my Dad & my brother.

Digs

Ms2011 wrote: »

Speaking as a big daddies girl I wouldn't be so sure, I ring my Dad far more than my Mam we've always been v.close & hold the same interests even more than my Dad & my brother.

I agree with this! We drifted a bit when I was in my teens and I thought I knew everything but now we are best buds, he rings me a couple of times a week on his lunch and I love those chats.

My Mum and I get on great too but myself and my Dad have a great time ganging up on her (in the nicest way possible ) Major soft spot for my Dad.

Howard Juneau

nikpmup wrote: »

Congratulations, IVF is a tough route x

That it was, took about 6 years to get lucky

lukesmom

DK man wrote: »

Two girlies 7 & 4. Would have liked more but my view was not shared by my wife. She is 41.5 so I more or less have given up and now.
Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

God I don't know about that I'm very close to my dad. Bet you will be close to your girls . Girls love their daddy's .

MurdyWurdy

lukesmom wrote: »

God I don't know about that I'm very close to my dad. Bet you will be close to your girls . Girls love their daddy's .

Agreed, I'm a huge daddy's girl. Always was and still am very close to him. My husband would love a girl for that reason

When we found out we were having a baby we were both convinced we were having a girl but nope! My husband was a big mummy's boy (and lost her at quite a young age) so was worried a son would be like that too. Now, our boy is a bit of a mummy's boy so far but he's getting to the age now where he really knows who his daddy is and loves his time with him. Daddy is more fun than me

DK man

DK man wrote: »

Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

Tosh

You could have 20 male sons and never have anything "in common" with them. You could have 1 girl and have EVERYthing in common with them.

Drop your ideas of sex and just be yourself. Share with them everything that makes you YOU - and just wait and see what you have "in common" with them.

Cause I can tell you as a man with a 3 year old daughter and a kid due in march that when playing "Brick wars" with my girl where we build structures out of brick to attack the other ones she has kicked my ass offensively on how she builds her structures a couple of times now. Ok 2 times out of 80 or 90 so far - but i like how she thinks.

You will always have something in common with your kids until you allow sexual differences to determine otherwise because sure as hell they are not born with those differences in mind.

sadie06

We always wanted and planned for three children. We have two, and are definitely done. That want/need just never kicked in again after baby number two, but it took a long time of decision making by increments, until we could say with certainty that we 100% didn't want another child.

I don't envy those in the position of trying to make that decision, as it is stressful, particularly if you and your partner are leaning in different directions. I can say though, that once the decision is made, it is a huge weight off your shoulders, and you can just get on with accepting and enjoying your family as they are...when they aren't killing each other! :-)

dubstarr

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

We both say we want 2 kids, preferably one of each. We have a 4 month old son and don't plan another one until he's about 2/3 but who knows what will happen?!

I have a funny feeling we'll have another boy, now that I have him it's just a feeling I have in my bones - That I'm destined to be the mother of sons! I also have a funny feeling that my husband will want a third when it comes to it he's far broodier than me!

Im a Mother of 5 sons and i love it.Im an only child as well.I wasnt lonely growing up but when it came to adulthood that was a different matter.
Also we didnt know how many we wanted.I had my first at22 and my second at 23,There was a bit of a gap]12 years].Im 40 now and my sons are 18,17,5 1/2,nearly 4 and 2 and a bit
Too say im busy is an understatement.:D

Scaredy_Cat

Wanted none and now I've 2 :P Ah no I should point out they were planned and much loved (and still are) but at a stage in my mid 20's I decided I didn't want kids but ended up changing my mind Have a girl and a boy so definitely done, had 2 fairly tough pregnancies,with only 15 months between them, that took it's toll on my health so would not be advisable to go back there!

Rosy Posy

We wanted six originally, revised that after the first came along. The OH would probably have been happy to call it a day after the second tbh. Pregnant with the fourth now and we're in agreement that it will be our last. Having no family support in this country was a big factor in changing our minds- I just don't think we could have any more without compromising our standard of care and struggling to provide financially. I'm happy to have my childbearing done before my mid thirties, I'd like to be able to have a career when the children are a little older.

As an only child I think that the parents attitude has a lot to do with whether the child feels left out or not. My parents were not a lot of craic and didn't have siblings or friends with kids that they hung out with. They also liked going on holidays to places of cultural and historical interest. Because of this growing up I really wanted a sibling to play with. As I got older I felt quite intensely pressured to fulfil their ambitions academically and professionally. I know that they are disappointed that I have chosen to be a SAHM although they are superficially supportive and genuinely love their grandchildren. Now I feel sorry for them that they have retired and don't have other children to focus on, and we are so far away. I think that it definitely doesn't have to be that way- I would say to other parents of only children, just make sure you have a life for yourself outside of your work and your child!

wmpdd3

I was told there was no hope naturally, so spent 10 years accepting it as did my other half.

Then got pregnant, went on the pill and got pregnant again.

Delighted, but I didn't really plan my career to include this at all, so now I need a change in career.

Totally finished now....the only time e say wed have more is if we win the lotto

xzanti

I have one little boy who's almost 3..

Getting married in early 2015 and hoping to start on No.2 on the Honeymoon