Your most embarrassing sex story

Timmyctc

What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

I heard a story from a friend (so take it with a massive dose of salt) But basically this lad who is now in oz pulled, to put it eloquently, a junkie, in a bar then later, during sex she suggested to insert a knotted rope into his back passage as it would "make the orgasm f***ing fantastic" in her words.

Anyways as he was about to finish the job she pulled the rope out and he shat everywhere, grabbed his clothes and paniced and started apologising only to see the junkie woman rolling around in his defecate. He promptly exited the premises and returned home before (for some unbeknownst to me reason he told the rest of the lads he lived with this story)

Personally my embarrassing experience would be I think when I was 15 an older girl wanted to have sex with me I think I unraveled a condom before trying to put it on. Needless to say I didn't lose my virginity that day.

Super-Rush

A friend eh?

brevity

"From a friend"

Uh huh.

princess-lala

Yours is fairly sh1te compared to your friends

Karl Stein

I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.

That's an urban legend story OP

Timmyctc

I wish my story was as exciting as yer man. He's not a friend he's just from my town. My friend lived with the fella in oz there recently. My story would have been embarrassing had I not prefixed it with the shít rolling story.

Timmyctc

Charlie Rock wrote: »

I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.

rarnes1 wrote: »

That's an urban legend story OP

Look I said to take it with a dose of salt because it was relayed to me from a different continent :P Just tell me your stories

Doom

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

Rothmans

princess-lala wrote: »

Yours is fairly sh1te compared to your friends

Yes, his ''friend''.

Timmyctc

Doom wrote: »

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

Gowann. Elaborate :pac:

Doc Ruby

This one time I only made a woman orgasm three times in a night, her friend laughed her head off. She would though, she was on number five. I'll tell you lads I had to pack my bags and leave town without even my customary breakfast roll before word got around.

MadsL

Doom wrote: »

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

Yep, I thought she was the one supposed to bleed.

F*ck that **** spurts.

huey1975

Doom wrote: »

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

Dave is that you?

Jarrod

Timmyctc wrote: »

What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

I heard a story from a friend (so take it with a massive dose of salt) But basically this lad who is now in oz pulled, to put it eloquently, a junkie, in a bar then later, during sex she suggested to insert a knotted rope into his back passage as it would "make the orgasm f***ing fantastic" in her words.

Anyways as he was about to finish the job she pulled the rope out and he shat everywhere, grabbed his clothes and paniced and started apologising only to see the junkie woman rolling around in his defecate. He promptly exited the premises and returned home before (for some unbeknownst to me reason he told the rest of the lads he lived with this story)

Personally my embarrassing experience would be I think when I was 15 an older girl wanted to have sex with me I think I unraveled a condom before trying to put it on. Needless to say I didn't lose my virginity that day.

That happened a friend of mine too.

Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

Timmyctc

Jarrod wrote: »

That happened a friend of mine too.

Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

zenno

What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

I met this girl one night and we hit it off, so we ended up back in my place for a few drinks, then things got sexually encouraging. She was getting it going all sexy and stuff, but i was a bit drunk at this stage and was trying to maintain an erection, but i got myself together eventually and as we were starting to get stuck in, she puked all over my mains power socket and all over the pillows.

She said she drank too much vodka and at this time she said she had to go home as she wasn't feeling too good, well that was my night ruined :mad:

Timmyctc

Timmyctc wrote: »

Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

He gave it a rattle

Gummy Panda

I got drunk one night in coppers and ended up in some nurses gaf. Rode her and blacked out. Next morning I woke up I'm a caravan. I said "you never told me you were a traveller"

She replied "I told you I was a sister of the Wards"

Jarrod

Timmyctc wrote: »

Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

The story's an urban legend. Both are. I relayed my one because the same guy told me both in college, I believed the snake one, until I heard it from several other sources too. The guy was a bit of a Jay from the Inbetweeners.

Sunnyisland

Jarrod wrote: »

That happened a friend of mine too.

Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

Timmyctc wrote: »

Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

Was it one of them giant condom snakes...

Menas

Here you go OP, you will find a few stories in here.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056933273

OneArt

Knew a very quiet girl in school. Never had a boyfriend in her six years there. Naturally, we assumed she was into mongeese. The trouble with mongeese is that they're pretty small, one f*ck and they're gone. So she'd have to buy multiple mongeese. We used to joke about it so much that some people started believing she was really into mongeese.

Timmyctc

Jarrod wrote: »

The story's an urban legend. Both are. I relayed my one because the same guy told me both in college, I believed the snake one, until I heard it from several other sources too. The guy was a bit of a Jay from the Inbetweeners.

I was joking. It was a joke. Please don't hurt me again.

mattjack

OneArt wrote: »

Knew a very quiet girl in school. Never had a boyfriend in her six years there. Naturally, we assumed she was into mongeese. The trouble with mongeese is that they're pretty small, one f*ck and they're gone. So she'd have to buy multiple mongeese. We used to joke about it so much that some people started believing she was really into mongeese.

Is there an interpreter available tonight ?

Jarrod

Timmyctc wrote: »

I was joking. It was a joke. Please don't hurt me again.

Oh sh1t, apologies. I wasn't sure and I knew if you were joking then I'd look like an ass. I'm really not a total d1ck.

kryogen

Jarrod wrote: »

That happened a friend of mine too.

Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

So your friend is the woman who got the snake that was going to eat her!?

Jesus I have been hearing about her and her snake for going on 20 years at this stage, glad she made it ok.

MadsL

mattjack wrote: »

Is there an interpreter available tonight ?

Obviously not a literal mongoose. Sheesh, some people.

BillyMitchel

Banjo string tear. It was that sore I'm feel sick now even thinking about it. The healing process was just as bad.

irish bloke

One time while having a threesome with 2 smoking blonds, their girlfriend called to the flat, saw us at it and asked to join. Was only able to go another half hour with all 3. Worst day ever, So embarrassing.....

Fox_In_Socks

They said sex...!:o

markomuscle

after hours isn't the place for virgins, is it?

Timmyctc

markomuscle wrote: »

after hours isn't the place for virgins, is it?

I think its exactly the place for virgins tbh.

Legs.Eleven

Doom wrote: »

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

Not exactly hard to guess, in fairness.





Mine is too embarrassing to share.

All my sex stories are embarrassing, mostly for the other parties.

Boscoirl

This one time.. at band camp...

Timmyctc

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Not exactly hard to guess, in fairness.





Mine is too embarrassing to share.

Arah go on and finish the story there

syklops

This thread disappoints.

syklops

syklops wrote: »

This thread disappoints.

You should see my penis.

Specialun

irish bloke wrote: »

One time while having a threesome with 2 smoking blonds, their girlfriend called to the flat, saw us at it and asked to join. Was only able to go another half hour with all 3. Worst day ever, So embarrassing.....

Hate when that happens

calanus

Deleted User wrote: »

You should see my penis.

This works so well with your boards name too

Timmyctc

calanus wrote: »

This works so well with your boards name too

Based off the last 4 letters of your username i think we could get at least one interesting sex srtory

sea_monkey

i live with this lad from back home, we're cousins actually.

so one night i go into his room, see him lying there.

he's snoring but in a really sexy way, like so so sexy.

im extra vascular and hard with the noise.

anyway, i decide to choke the chicken, spank the monkey, slay the serpent, while listening to his sweet sweet sex snores.

at the point of climax i am envisaging me, him and elton john doing some freaky stuff with play-doh so im not concentrating on my member.

i end up finishing on my own face, he wakes up and i ask him can i borrow a couple of eggs, all the while covered in my discarded offspring.

boy was my face red (had an std)

0ph0rce0

The Short Version. <<<<<<<<<<< (Not Dick Related)

Dick Is Rock Hard, Dick Comes Out Of Jocks.

Dick Touches Her Leg On The Way In.

Boom!!! Blow My Load On Her Leg.


Not My Finest Hour.

It Had Been A While

canadianwoman

There is that one story about me, 2 guys and a raccoon in a tent deep in a wintery Canadian forest but none of you want to hear about that.

The Backwards Man

canadianwoman wrote: »

There is that one story about me, 2 guys and a raccoon in a tent deep in a wintery Canadian forest but none of you want to hear about that.

I do, I love Bert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiVOLvhvsyo

Specialun

sea_monkey wrote: »

i live with this lad from back home, we're cousins actually.

so one night i go into his room, see him lying there.

he's snoring but in a really sexy way, like so so sexy.

im extra vascular and hard with the noise.

anyway, i decide to choke the chicken, spank the monkey, slay the serpent, while listening to his sweet sweet sex snores.

at the point of climax i am envisaging me, him and elton john doing some freaky stuff with play-doh so im not concentrating on my member.

i end up finishing on my own face, he wakes up and i ask him can i borrow a couple of eggs, all the while covered in my discarded offspring.

boy was my face red (had an std)

Your a sick puppy

Timmyctc

Specialun wrote: »

Your a sick puppy

Fight Fight Fight Fight

sea_monkey

Specialun wrote: »

Your a sick puppy

have a story about me and a puppy actually lol, rainy days eh?

Dohnny Jepp

sea_monkey wrote: »

have a story about me and a puppy actually lol, rainy days eh?

I thought it was a paedophile cat who wore a strange hat that broke into houses when the parents were away on rainy days.

PizzamanIRL

Scanned the thread looking for an 'ihatecuddles' response and there's none!

A sex thread isn't a sex thread without her stories.